If you really get turned on by it that much, its probably destiny for you to bareback. For me, it was very parallel to the emotional roller coaster of coming out. For years I knew it was secretly what I wanted, but it took some deep thought about what I really want out of life, and whether the potential of becoming a poz bareback bottom scared me. It has risks, man, and there's no secret placebo or safe, non-risky way of going about it.
My advice, if you are clean (I assume you are), ask a married guy (on craigslist or w/e) or a fuck friend to unload in your ass (they will usually take your word, in my experience, about being clean). Decide if it was pleasant or just a pleasant idea -- some guys won't like it or it won't be a turn on. If thats you, you can stop.
These are just some of my thoughts. Regardless, my advice to you is that this decision is a serious one - really there's no going back. So experiment in a safe-as-possible environment, and decide. I wasted years being on the fence, thats my only regret.