sabercumreaver

Congrats! There's such a rush to it, almost like losing your virginity all over again!

Thanks for the support and concern everyone. I think it mainly comes down to informing the other person and having proof that you informed that person and that they're fully willing. If that ever came up there would definitely be proof that they were willing and informed without a doubt since it's definitely a slippery slope. But for right now it's just been me and my boyfriend and it's been great!

Definitely the best advice as everyone has mentioned is to practice with a toy. Start with a small or average one and size up from there if you want. You're in complete control, you can get your body used to it, and you can practice certain things such as your breathing. And you'll feel much more confident and relaxed going into your next experience. My first time was very similar to yours, the guy was 9 inches and didn't know I was a virgin and absolutely wrecked me. Just don't let one painful or bad experience ruin something that feels amazing with some getting used to

My point was more aimed toward the fact that the person you're in love with should mean more than just the sex (not saying it's not important, it obviously is extremely important). If it's approached in the right way and talked about and expressed as something that is needed then there's usually a common ground or some compromises can be worked out rather than just saying "no, absolutely not." And who knows maybe in this situation there isn't. But I never would have thought that I'd be in a relationship where I was excited to have that pass-around cumdump slutty group sex with my partner. I'm naturally a very jealous person, yet here I am in the best relationship I've ever been in.

I'm in a relationship right now where it was getting to the point of what you're dealing with. But our roles were switched. I had been recently been cheated on and didn't want an open relationship because I was scared, however my boyfriend loves group, anon, and slutty sex. So he talked to me about how he wants to add people and have slutty hot sex again and while at first the idea made me extremely uncomfortable. I turned the idea over in my mind a million times because I love him enough and want him to be happy so I decided that it would be fine considering I love that kind of sex as well but had never had it while in a relationship. Our one rule is that we don't play separately, we always include each other. We haven't gotten around to adding anyone or going to any parties or anything like that quite yet, but just the fact that he was willing to bring up that issue and I was willing to put myself out of my usual relationship comfort zone and try something new (that I'm actually really looking forward to now, can't wait to be topped by a group of guys and know he's one of them) changed everything for the better because it showed how much we care about each other and it brought us closer together! And if you want my honest opinion I'd say if your guy doesn't love you enough to try something out of his comfort zone or even give it some thought then either he's scared and it needs to be presented in a different way, or you deserve someone who loves you more that isn't going to just put his foot down and say no to something that you clearly need to feel satisfied and happy.

Thanks everyone! I'll definitely keep you all posted

So, this is a little delayed but I figured I'd keep this thread updated and reply to a few comments. Sorry it took so long to reply, a lot has been going on, the most recent being the fact that I tested poz yesterday. I want to first explain the concept of the freedom of it that was mentioned earlier, but in a less aggressive and more thought out way. I'm more than prepared for rejection and judgment, in fact I completely welcome it. Anyone who wants to reject having sex with me because of the fact that I'm positive has every right to do so. They have no obligation to me and I won't judge them for that. It's their health, their life, and their decision. The reason this also benefits me is because typically someone who is that concerned over it isn't going to be willing to have the care free, slutty, unprotected sex that I've grown to love. And typically the people who share that interest have either already tested poz, are on prep, or simply don't care. And that's the freedom of it, there's no worries, no concerns, just great sex like my boyfriend and I had last night after I tested poz because there was nothing at all to worry about at that point. I'm well aware that there are plenty of negative sides to testing positive. Bills, it's lifelong, being treated differently, the possibility of an unexpected break up someday, etc. Believe me I've thought about it in extreme detail and I'll respectfully ask everyone to not knock my capability of thinking something through just because of my age. However, focusing on the negatives will do me no favors and I refuse to be that bitter victim that feels like life is now a giant prison because my promiscuous habits caught up to me. I wanted this and I wanted it because I knew the day my boyfriend tested positive that I most likely would too. So I started looking to the bright side of it and viewing it in a new light and in doing so it completely changed my view of it. And you're more than welcome to judge me and call me crazy for that. I obviously wasn't shocked to test positive, I wasn't sad, I wasn't emotional, I embraced it. And what better outlook can you have on it? HIV isn't a death sentence. In fact it's made me start living a healthier life than I was living before. I've been eating healthier, not skipping meals, drinking more water and less sweets, started taking vitamins and looking into gyms. All things I slacked on before that now I can't. And life is never guaranteed. I could walk into a cross walk and get hit by a driver not paying attention or get in a car accident or get jumped walking home. And there are SO many worse things to be diagnosed with that have no bright side what-so-ever. I'm going to live a happy life being poz, and when it boils down to it life is what you make of it and it eventually comes to an end for everyone. I'm not going to live mine being scared at every turn.

Thank you everyone for your advice and support. It's very refreshing having people understand both options and offer their insight and opinions on them both. drscorpio, I know that going on PrEP doesn't necessarily express my lack of willingness. However, it does add that awkward dynamic during sex where my boyfriend has to worry about the small chance of converting me when I'm taking precautions against that. And not only does that make it uncomfortable but if I were to become poz after taking precautions that puts a lot of guilt on him no matter how much I say it's ok. All in all it just adds so much strain on our relationship and what we enjoy all for something he already has and something I'm not at all worried about getting. And if in the future for some reason we go our separate ways (I don't see that happening, but life is unpredictable) I understand that I made the conscious decision and I'm fully okay with that.

Just created this account tonight, my boyfriend tested HIV positive on September 10th. I tested negative on September 11th, however I did get sick that night and have been ever since with symptoms of seroconverting so I'm still unsure of my status. It's not something I'm at all worried about or afraid of. In fact I want him to convert me for multiple reasons. I'm not at all bothered by the possibility of becoming poz, I know that it's something I'll have the rest of my life but I know I'll be fine regardless of how my body reacts. I also don't want sex to become awkward or uncomfortable or something either of us are scared of in the relationship since both of us are very sexual people and we haven't used protection once, so I know I already have a very high chance of being poz. I understand there are other options such as Prep if I'm not converting after all, but I don't really want that because the risk is still there and that's where the awkwardness comes in if I'm not fully willing, which I am. The last thing I want is for us to be living as if we're scared of something neither one of us are scared of (if that makes sense). I also really enjoy the idea of knowing I would be the first person he converted.