Ok, I completely understand and had similar issues when I started enjoying rougher bb sex. Goin to nursing school and some things that have helped me keep my ass healthy and avoid embarresing situations:
1. NEVER USE MINERAL OIL/VINEGAR FOR DOUCHE!! NO ACIDS OR OILS IN THE CLEANING PROCESS! This eats away at the protective mucas lining in the anus and can lead to drying out, tearing, and infections. (Plus what top wants to fuck a dry hole?)
2. Don't over-douche. There are other ways to keep clean that don't harm or wash out necessary linings... Bttms use some baby wipes instead of tp.
3. Exercise your body? Exercise your hole. If you bttm, you will enjoy it more, and have better control for your top. If they like it loose you can be loose, if they like it tight, you can be tight...
4. If there are anal rips, yes you must take a break from sex. Not only that but Slowfuck is right, no chili spicy while injured. No douching, no picking, and no bearing down. (the highest cause of hemmorhoids anyway)
I hope this helps, and I feel for ya. Been there done that, and avoiding it successfully for a few years now.