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Once upon a time, a person's life could be ruined by gaining a reputation as a "whore" or even just a "slut". In some circles, slut-shaming is still a thing (ask Hester Prynne). Even in places where religious and moral judgments aren't brought to bear, there's still a kind of market economy equation that dictates that scarcity = value; if a thing is easy to get, it must not be worth much, if it's worth having at all. Here at BZ, we find men who fly their Slut and Whore Flags proudly. The terms are even integrated into the site hierarchy. But when it comes down to fantasy versus actual fucks counted, braggadocio versus balls unloaded into asses, is there still any stigma attached to those of us who will actually ass-up for anyone, anytime? Does advertising ourselves as the opposite of hard-to-get make us less desirable? Does it suggest that we lack self-esteem or self-respect or that there's some reason we're not top-shelf ass that almost nobody gets to fuck and therefore everybody wants to? A man took me and trained me for five years to be a cumdump bottom. No shit. I'm not making this up, this actually happens. Maybe I was always headed for this, maybe not, I don't know, but all I can say is that now I know for a fact that the purpose for my sexual life is for as many men as possible to fuck me. It's a purpose that drives me. I want this. I need it to happen for me to feel that I have fulfilled a part of my reason for being. I have to assume that there are some guys who would hear that and think, "That's fucked up, man." I'm not a psychiatrist, but it doesn't feel fucked-up to me. It feels natural and liberating. I also have to assume there are those who hear that and say,"Yeah, right, trained to be a sex toy. Nice story, bro." I already realize how it sounds, but what can I say, it actually happened to me. For the rest, I assume there are some who will read it and think: "That's hottt" and others who would simply think: "Easy ass" and both would wonder, "How far away is he and is he looking right now?" But is there some percentage of those who read it and think: "Ew. I don't want to fuck someone everybody's fucked. He must be a loose/skanky/sketchy/dirty/low/gutter/messed-up/drugged-out/non-self-respecting slutty whore." Of course, for some here, that would all be taken as high praise, but stick with me. In all honesty, when I come out in total honesty and advertise my holes as open to all cummers, does that turn some of you away? Do we eager sluts do ourselves a disservice by being too eager? Do we actually turn away more than we attract? I don't know the answer to this, and I would really like to, because I don't know any other way to be than completely honest about myself. If I'm offering something nobody wants, I'd rather be told than sit here with my ass hanging out (literally). Your candid views are always appreciated, and may I say what a pleasure it is to have a place like this where I can even ask such a question. -
I understand people have every right to say or do whatever with their own bodies. On this website i was amazed to read posts from other users about their experiences and other content which is posted on here. Though everyone has a right to speak what they want. But there should be a fine line between whats right and what is wrong. HIV should not be taken lightly and after all it is still a disease which can be deadly. Your health is a gift to you and it is up to us to take care of it. I don’t care if you do not care about your personal health. But it is morally not correct to stealth someone with HIV or whatever it is you have, drugs etc. Reading the posts on here from other users has surprised me and makes me scared to go out with anyone at this point. HIV was not a gay disease but it has become one with all these views on bug chasing. Though in this day and age a person can live longer than expected but it is still a inconvenience and takes a huge toll on your wallet and health. Why cant we all as community try to eliminate it rather promoting it. I understand barebacked sex is a personal choice but bareback sex can be enjoyed without the spread of HIV. I have read so many posts on here and it is pretty awful to chase after HIV in my opinion. Think about the long term, not about just one night stand which will change your life forever. Own your own health! Other users promoting the idea of “bug chasing” is just morally incorrect. Everyone should be warned about the consequences of it. i am pretty sure not everyone will agree with me, so it is my opinion on this subject and i feel like everyone should have a say in this matter.
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- hiv negative
- its a shame
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I hit the baths Monday night and things were really dead. I counted a mere eight cars in the lot. I had the good fortune to find an old compadre lying in the Sling. He's POZ. In fact, he has full blown AIDS. What with the cost of Meds and the precariousness of his health, he only ventures out maybe once a month when he feels at his peak. He's extremely wasted and effeminate—a real mincing queen, but very gentle. I once observed him comfort a drunken boy who'd just been dumped by his Boyfriend. I watched as they embraced and he wiped his tears away. At that time I still didn't know his name, for all the years I'd seen him around. I guess that's true of many of my casual acquaintances. Most of the guys avoided him like the plague. They bitched and moaned about him almost to his face. Yet I never heard him rebuke any of those Screaming Queens. I know I wouldn't have been so kind. He climbed in the Sling—his Cock and lumpy Ass on display and up for grabs. I pictured myself kneeling down to lick his Hole, my Dick sliding in his Cunt. Yeah, I had a secret passion for the guy. How gladly would I have drunk his piss and eaten his shit to fuck his bony Ass. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. But not just yet. I didn't want an audience in case the guys freaked out (as I was pretty sure they would) and ostracized me as well a him. It was cowardice on my part, simply put. How I despised my wimpishness. I was drowning in my own timidity. Reluctantly acknowledging there was no white knight in shining armor cuming to ride his haggard Ass, he knotted his ragged towel about his meager waist and smiled at me and everyone as he pranced past. I decide to fraternize with the boys and listen to them bitch and moan about the dude. Cowed by my cravenness, I didn't say a word in his defense . Still I was beguiled by his she-male thing, the AIDS thing, the hole ball of wax. It made him seem so vulnerable and impotent—though impotent was hardly the proper term. But the character assassination never ceased, and it was not my part to remonstrate. Before checking out, I searched the Maze for him. He was lying on a leather bench. I wasn't sure if he were asleep or waiting for his paladin. I couldn't deny I admired the man. It took guts to cum here and put up with all the crap. I stopped and listened. I could hear the sibilant sing-song of his wizened nasal passages. Otherwise, it was deathly silent in the Maze. We were alone. What could it hurt? Why not? Despite the harangue, we were still two human beings in need. Before I knew it I was beside him on the bench. I ran my hand over his thin body, down his scrawny back, over his bony Ass, and onto his emaciated thighs and twiggy legs. His skin felt more infantile than masculine. In the darkened room. He squinted, "Hi." "I'm John." "I know. I'm James. I was getting vibes from you before." "Good or bad?" "The best." He drew up to kiss me. I pinned him down and frenched his teeth and gums—a warm, deep-throated, passionate exchange presaging things to cum. Our souls bared, our raw pent-up emotions boiled over. I went on auto pilot, as my years as a Top ensured. No, I was not ashamed I craved his disease-ridden, effeminate Gay Ass. We kissed. I tweaked his Nips. I sucked his spongy Dick till it grew tall and proud. I licked his hairy Balls, savoring even the random, cloying strays I extracted off my tongue. My hormones raged. I nudged him over so I could rim his Ass. I smelled the remnants of a recent bout of diarrhea and plunged on in. The Queer began to whimper which only served to whet my appetite. I rimmed him deeper, straining to please and compensate for all the undeserved ill-will. "I'd love to fuck you." "I'm full blown POZ." "I think I know what POZ is all about." It was then or never. "Might be better in my room. More privacy" I squeezed his knobby hand and pulled him to his feet. Fleetingly we kissed again before I led him up the stairs and down the hall, past the TV Room where the guys were prone to congregate. But, like I say, it was a quiet Monday night, and the TV set was off. No witness saw us traverse the halls, which was just as well—for I wasn't yet prepared to deal with the ostracism about to come my way. The vicious catcalls already reverberated in my ears. You that hard up? You have to fuck that Sicko Queen? I never once released his hand. It was like I was emboldened by his unassuming feminine mystique. I felt the certitude of one who's finally met his match, the paramour who was destined to become my live-in mate for the few years we had left. -
BBC DOCUMENTARY REQUEST: Looking to speak with HIV+ guys from the UK who like to have unprotected sex with negative men 100% confidential and just for research, not for TV at this stage. Also interested in stories of bug chasing / Poz Parties - Do they really exist? Personal experiences of these? Have you faced stigma / discrimination because of your HIV+ diagnosis? Please email bbc3research@bbc.co.uk or call 0161 335 7537
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So after reading about PrEP on this website a lot, and thinking about whether I wanted to wait to get HIV before starting the Truvada—and the quarterly doctor's visits and lab tests—or start the Truvada before I got infected, I decided to start the PrEP now. I've been taking raw cock almost exclusively for the last five years, so I just sort of assumed I'd eventually convert, get undetectable, and then get back to taking raw cock. But I know there can be health complications with HIV, and it's permanent at least until they find a cure, so I guess the PrEP is the right thing to do, even if it's not all that different from taking HIV medication anyway. Well the thing is, when I had my appointment last week to get the PrEP, I didn't tell them that the reason I wanted to start PrEP was because I love taking raw cock from random guys I just met online, and that I never plan on using another condom again, ever. I met with a nurse, a doctor, an HIV coordinator, and a pharmacist, all women, all very nice—very nice. And even though they said I could tell them anything, that what I said stayed there, etc., there was just no way I could tell these four nice ladies, one after the other, that the reason I wanted Kaiser to pay for this medication was because I just "don't really like condoms." So I told them I had new boyfriend who had HIV, and that I just wanted to be safe in case the condom broke. They were all very happy for me having a new boyfriend and for me being responsible about my health, which just made me feel worse for making it all up. But when the pharmacist pointed out that "Oral sex without a condom is still unprotected sex," and that she was going to recommend condoms every three months when I saw her, I knew they'd really freak out if I told them the truth. So I guess I lied to avoid the judgement, the stigma, the embarrassment, the look of disappointment and worry on their faces if they found out I liked barebacking, and the safe-sex lectures. And the lie worked, because I got the prescription with just a gentle reminder that "Blowjobs are sex, too." But now I feel awful for lying to four such nice ladies, and for lying to a health care provider. I know everyone lies to their doctor once in a while, but this is a lie I'll be repeating every three months for who knows how long. So what do most guys do? Do they tell their doctors the truth, that they want the PrEP because they refuse to wear condoms? Or do they make up some story that they think their doctor wants to hear, like I did? Honestly I'd rather stop taking the PrEP altogether than tell those four nice ladies the truth about my sex life—which sounds silly, I know, considering it's a life-saving drug that most people outside the US can't even get yet, but it's true.
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So this weekend I shared in confidence with a couple friends that I plan on starting PrEP and one of them (who's also promiscuous) had the strangest reaction and basically called me a slut for even considering it. The other stayed quiet but share with me before that he thought it was a good idea. Has anyone else tried having this conversation with very close friends or do you keep this private?
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There's a great article in POZ this month - I urge all of you to read it (the reader is a bit irritating, but it's worth the effort)... http://issuu.com/smartandstrong/docs/poz_hiv_aids_0188/32 Basically the author goes through all the different ways we're divided as a community. Neg guys think less of poz guys because they should have been more careful, etc. Poz guys think neg guys are holier-than-thou assholes. Neg and poz guys think guys who've recently gotten pozzed were foolish and irresponsible. Some poz and neg guys think barebackers are evil - spreading death and disease. Others think guys on PrEP are sluts who are cheating the system somehow. Very few respect our elders who often still suffer from serious HIV-related conditions. And so on... So do you agree with him? Is stigma as big of a problem as he says? I live in a bit of a bubble. I'm in NYC, have lots of poz friends, I'm part of the bareback community, etc. The majority of people around me are pretty accepting. And in general I think barebackers are some of the most accepting people you'll find. But HIV still scares my boyfriend. My best friend (who's poz) can't stand the thought that HIV is running around his body - he feels unclean and dirty (in his case he's a victim of his own stigma). And at the porn conference a few months ago he heard neg bareback porn stars talking negatively about the poz size of bareback porn. So stigma exists even in the "good places" - I'm sure it gets worse when you get outside of the big cities. What's your experience been with stigma? And by that I'm talking about the way gay guys stigmatize each other - not so much about how the straight world stigmatizes us - that's another discussion completely. [And if you're wondering why this is under the Sexual Health Section - it's because I wanted to put it in a place where it wouldn't get lost and it would classify as a mental health issue...]