What constitutes flaking out???

[Dirtysouth]

Been talking to a sub bottom. We made plans for me to come over after work and he would pop me a beer and I would drink it down while he sucked my cock, worshiped my feet and ass, and then swallowed my cum and piss. Thing is I show up a little late to the address and (this is New Orleans mind you) the place is sketchy as hell, not a great neighborhood, cats all over, right on the cusp of the hood. So I turned tail and left.

How much of an asshole am I? 1) I felt like I wanted to get down in a safe environment, and 2) I guess the idea of laying back and getting serviced by a guy who lives in a better area was more "romantic" a notion than a seedy area.

But what the fuck should I expect, right? Meet a guy on CL and I'm surprised it was slightly seedy? I guess I need to buck up.

[Leather69]

I visited New Orleans a few years ago.. stayed in the french quarter and at times felt very uncomfortable being out and about at night.. even the locals were very careful as the street lighting wasn't fals then. In short it's better to be cautious than winding up in a hospital or worse still dead!

Ian

[youngslut]

that probably constitutes flaking, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. if you don't want to go through with it, that's that.

what really bothers me is guys online who get upset with you for "flaking" if you break off contact after they send some creepy message that makes them look mentally unstable. sorry but getting an enthusiastic message from me and then not hearing from me again after you send me 20 messages at 5am that read like you were on crack or meth or something is not flaking. i'm a slut and i love sex but that doesn't mean i don't choose my partners the way i want to. unless a meet has been set already you have nothing to be upset about, you're not entitled to fucking someone just because they told you your pic looks nice.

[Guest pozpig46]

I would not call this flaking. In this day and time you have to be cautious because is too precious to blow it on a one night fuck or a NSA blowjob. I personally think you did the right thing

[einathens]

there are parts of the quarter i wouldn't go into alone at night, and i lived in midcity.

that said, don't stay if the environment doesn't feel safe. i've left because of bad vibes before. i try to apologize right away and suggest meeting at another place, if the original place was the problem. if the bad vibe was from the guy, i won't schedule a redo.

[Guest]

Yeah, that's flaking, but as the other's have said safety first. However out of respect for the other guy you could have contacted him to explain asap after it happened. Flaking is not showing whenever you have promised, but sometimes life gets in the way. what pisses me off is when i go out of my way to rearrange my schedule to meet, and then the guy doesn't show up. He's not showing me any respect as a person or for my time. All it would take is a courtesy call before to cancel, or one after to explain. When i try to do that some guys have already blocked me. If i've tried to hook up with a guy and he flakes twice in a row, then i decline further contacts.

[barefootbob]

as others have said, by technical definition, yeah you flaked BUTT you have to go with your gut instinct which was get out of the seedy area, if you didn't feel comfortable then you wouldn't be able to relax. I've done it before, prolly missed a good fuck but my gut feeling said don't stop and I didn't

[thick]

U dont flake (in my opinion) if you text or email the person and say "man, sorry, but I dont feel safe for me or my car in this area of town, so I decided to leave before we met, sorry guy" or something like that. I cancel fuck dates, and they cancel on me. Now if you just disappear and dont say why? youre either dead or a flake.

I made plans to hook up with this guy in weho and he lived on a street with very limited parking and it was street cleaning day on one side. So I drove around and drove around and couldnt find anywhere to park. I gave up. when I got home I emailed him and said....."couldnt find parking, sorry"

[topblkmale]

Didn't you check out his house or apartment and neighborhood on Google Earth and Google Maps (Street View) ahead of time? I always do this before meeting to make sure I will feel comfortable in a strange neighborhood.

[drscorpio]

The point at which I consider it flaking out is when I don't hear from the guy. Any excuse is fine so that I know I can stop being on hold and go back to my day or back to finding the next cock for my hole. It would also be nice to hear if you are going to be more than a half hour late. When you get there two hours late and I have been waiting with no notice, I probably am not in the mood anymore.

[Deaner]

For whatever reason, some (maybe lots) of hookups just don't go through. In your case, you were uncomfortable or felt unsafe. For others it can be held late at work, illness, car troubles, etc. Sometimes you even show up at the door and find that the guy doesn't match his pics or lied about stats or whatever. That is not flaking BUT ONLY if you communicate the problem within a reasonable amount of time.

If he never heard back from you, he has no idea that you are real and actually made the attempt, or if you're some troll who never intended to follow through to begin with.

The good part for him is that, if he knows why you canceled, he can address the issue in the future, or you two can try again somewhere that works better for both of you. The bad part for you is, if he never heard back and assumes you're a flake, he might see other posts from you and flag them, or worse talk to friends and give you a bad rep.

Shit happens. None of us expect every hookup to go perfectly every time. But as long as you at least try to accommodate the little stuff, and make it clear when the situation is too janky to go through with... it's just a missed opportunity. When you disappear and are never heard from again, that's flaking.

[HungLatinDom]

That was a complete and total flake. If you did not call him to warn him, you were a real jerk.

[barefootbob]

on a second reflection, it could/would make the dude ashamed, embarassed or whatever to be told he lives in a ghetto or area someone feels unsafe in to come fuck him. so would it be better to told this or just leave it alone as a flake out?

[slowfuck]

I had a guy hitting on me online numerous times via Squirt. I have my pics there including face pic, and up front about the sex "as safe as you want it". Eventually I had the opportunity and said I could go over. He gave me the address and phone number. I gave him my number and said I was on my way. Takes 45 mins to get there.

Eventually found the place but was on time. Windows open, lights on. Rang door bell. No reply, tried again no response. Checked the address. Fine. Tried to call him but the phone was switched off. Rang the bell agin, no reply.

Went back on Squirt, sent him a message saying I was outside the address. He responds "what? i don't live there". I replied "well where are you then?" He just says "go away" then "leave me alone" then "pls".

Guess you call that a reverse flake!

[Bear4Breeding]

I don't see where everyone is getting the "Safe" thing from. He didn't mention anything about being not feeling safe in the neighborhood.

He got there range the door bell, tried to call and got no answer in any way. When he got back home messaged the guy and said he was there and then was told that the guy didn't live at the address he was given. Then proceded to tell slowfuck to go away and leave him alone.

I would consitute that as a flake. Any time someone agrees to hook up and then either doesn't show or doesn't answer the door, without any previous notice that things are not going to work out. That is a flake in my mind.