If you knew then what you know now, what would you have done differently?

[rawTOP]

When it comes to your sex life… If you knew then what you know now, what would you have done differently? I'll start with a few examples from my own life…

#1 - I would have come out sooner.

It wasn't until my last (5th) year of college that I came out. If I knew... I would have come out and started having sex as soon as I moved to Austin (2nd year of college).

#2 - I would have been more sexually active in college.

I experimented with going to parks for anonymous hookups, etc. If I knew... I have done WAY more of it.

#3 - I would have gotten my fissure fixed faster.

I waited 20 years to get my fissure fixed. If I knew... I would have been aggressive about it and gotten it fixed right when it happened. Of course, then I wouldn't have been rawTOP - would have been more like RawVersGuy or something.

#4 - I would have continued to escort.

I was escorting in grad school - started a few months after moving to NYC. It was easy money and I had sort of the perfect scenario for escorting - a hustler bar that catered to high end guys and johns, and then later a madam (a guy) at a high end escort agency who liked me and believed in me. In hindsight I should have continued escorting.

#5 - I would have gotten into porn.

I did do a PlayGuy shoot when I was in grad school, but I turned down doing videos when it was offered to me. If I knew I'd wind up in porn I would have done it just for the fun of it - and to help my escorting (see above).

#6 - I would have hunted for sleazy sex after coming to NYC.

There was a lot of raunchy sex in NYC back in the day. It all around me - there were sex clubs, and parties, etc. I did do some of it - I loved the darkroom at Limelight - I'd leave there covered in a mix of sweat and cum. But if I knew… I would have done a lot more - especially the raunchier side of things. I should have sought out GMSMA sooner. Should have gone to bathhouses sooner, etc.

#7 - I would have refused to be in monogamous relationships.

Monogamy really slowed me down. If I knew I wasn't cut out for monogamy I would have ditched the idea far sooner than I did.

#8 - I would have gone completely bareback in 1996.

While I was topping raw in bathhouses in 1997, if I knew… I would have become a versatile bareback slut in '96 as soon as protease inhibitors were available. I was pretty hot back then and there weren't a lot of cumdumps available. More guys were comfortable being bareback tops than bareback bottoms. I bet I could have gotten a lot of loads if I had just let myself be a cumdump. I mean I was going to bathhouses 2 or 3 times a week. Imagine if I had just laid ass up and taken loads...

#9 - I would have started a chat line in the early '90s.

Chat lines made TONS of money back in the day. People paid crazy money to be on them. Given that I don't really like to talk on phones I never liked them, but I could have made a lot of money if I started one at the right time.

#10 - I would have gotten into running porn sites in 2002 (if not sooner).

I was seriously under-employed most of 2002. It was the heyday of making money in porn. If I had gotten into it back then I could have made a lot of money and had a lot of fun.

Of course, if I had done all (or even many) of those things I'd be a different person today - and be in a different position today. Of course if I went back and did it over there are non-sexual things I would do differently as well - like buying real estate earlier after moving to NYC. (If I had escorted more I would have had the money to buy real estate).

But the bottom line is if I did all those things I'd be a poz, versatile slut and possibly a fairly well known porn star. It would be a very different life. Too bad you can't go back and try things. I wonder what it would have been like to do all those things…

And to be clear - while I'm curious how things could have been different I don't look back at my life in regret. I've had a good life (with some seriously difficult times). I really can't complain.

That's my list... What would you have done differently?

[bearbandit]

#8 Personally speaking, in those photos you have the look of "he'll be fucking hot when he grow up"...

[emb]

Wow that's always an interesting question. I guess for me the critical piece of the answer is that its the sum of your experiences that makes you who you are. I've certainly had regrets, mostly involving missed opportunities. For example I had the chance to patent a fast field splint in 2003 that the military later bought for use in Iraq and Afghanistan, I had the change to work for a congressman at one point that I turned down. Other things as well but at the end of the day those opportunities could of been my downfall, I'll never know. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm pretty satisfied with how things have turned out

[uclatinosj]

I was actually a lot sleazier up until i turned 22 or so. miss those days

[LBRaw]

From your list, I'd go with #7. Two long-term relationships which were NOT what they appeared to be. My fault for being willingly blind and what a waste (of years) of time they turned out to be.

My "knew then, know now" addition would be to have learned to drop the hang-ups a lot sooner. Being self-conscience was such a self defeating exercise. Now, dropped the inhibitions, relax and enjoy the ride.

[TigerMilner]

Even though sometimes I wish I hadn't wasted nearly 10 years of my life married to a woman, I don't regret it since I wouldn't have three amazing (adopted) kids who make my life have meaning. I try to remember that whenever I have those feelings of regret. If it weren't for my kids, I'd probably have died of a drug overdose by now. I've had an amazing life and lots of rich experiences and I can't complain. Funny the only times I do feel that regret is when I go to parties at the million dollar homes of some of my friends who have been partnered for years. Two men with good professions can rack up a fortune if they are smart. I wonder where i'd be if I had a doctor or a lawyer for a husband all these years. Then I realize I'd rather have my kids than their three italian greyhounds and their vacation memories. Plus, like RT said, I'm sure that monogamy would not have worked for me. Plus, I have a damn nice house, even if it is more artist studio than designer photo spread.

I recently heard from a guy who I used to see when I was 22 years old and he was 21. I actually had a partner at the time who was 30. I was cheating on him with the 21 year old. We became very close. We parted when he told me he was in love with me and wanted me to leave my partner to be with him. Being a selfish cunt, I said no because i was in college and my partner was past that and had a great job and a nice condo. My life was easier with him. I was actually in love with him, but when it came right down to it, the money made my mind up for me. When he called me after all these years, I couldn't help but wonder what life might have been like with him. I still can't believe he called me after so long. But again, no regrets.

[Guest slobbvers]

hmmm...studies for the ASVAB and get a better score.

[nastybottom]

I would've gotten started fucking men and barebacking a lot sooner. Fear of getting outed and HIV/AIDS is why I put it off.

[neg4poz]

I would have started bottoming a lot sooner - I didnt start bottoming until I was 40...

I would have became a "kept" boy very young and let some Daddy pay for my college education - they were very hard times - I didnt make it to college until I was 27 and could only afford community college...

I would have moved out of the mid atlantic a lot lot sooner than I did and into a larger gay community/city in a warm climate - I didnt do that until 2000

I had the opportunity to go meet Dr Andy the co-owner of Drummer magazine to interview as his "boy" - I opted not to go - I wish I would have for many reasons...

[einathens]

i would've progressed earlier from barebacking on the sly whenever the opportunity presented itself to exclusively raw. i became sexually active at a precocious age, and by the time the condom era started, my habits were already set. it pissed me off to have to wrap up.

i can remember being out at clubs in the late '80s and early '90s. a hot guy would go by and the whispers would start. "he doesn't play safe."

my cock would get hard at the thought.

my life might be different now if i had listened to the voice in my ear telling me that safe, sanitary, sterile sex with condoms was not for me.

i sacrificed 20 years of pleasure for myself and my partners for political correctness.

another thing is that i wish i hadn't turned down the foundation fellowship. that bought me 20 years of student loan debt.

and i wish i'd had better haircuts.

[Guest GoodExercise]

I would have began massively slutting around in high school.

[Guest]

i would have stayed in that hotel room with the married guy when i was in high school ..

[FatFuckPigMA]

I was getting fucked standing over a desk by this bear I was insanely in love with. It was 1990 and I ill hadn't come out as a bareback pig bottom...tat would take another year or two...so this bear was using a rubber. At a point I looked down and say that it had slipped off and he was fucking me bear. I didn't say a thing!

The problem is, this guy took a long time to cum and I wasn't that experienced yet, so I began to get sore and my back was hurting. So I stuck it out as long as I could, but eventually asked for a break. The bear withdrew, noticed the rubber on the floor, freaked out and that ended the fucking portion of the play.

A few years later I was at the Lone Star in SF and ran into a mutual friend. He mentioned to me that the beautiful bear was now poz and was probably poz backing when we were seeing each other. I so regret not sticking it out and taking that load.

[btm4raw]

If anything, I would be a little more selfish.. but live and learn. Sometimes it is not a good thing to be so giving. but the previous experiences that I've had have made me who I am today and I am pretty happy with who I see in the mirror!

[evilqueerpig]

I've always lived my life without apologies or regrets. The only thing I would've done differently is get out of the "open relationship" I was in 2 years sooner, when the sex came to a halt as I was getting the kink and intimacy I needed from others.