HIV Statuses & Hookup Sites

[rawTOP]

I wanted to get some feedback about HIV statuses within the context of bareback hookup sites. The issue is that guys lie about their statuses because they don't want friends to see, etc. How can we get guys to be more honest? Or put another way, on a bareback hookup site in the era of so many poz guys on ARVs and PrEP available to neg guys, is HIV status even all that important? How would you guys feel about a site where you had to explicitly opt-in to see HIV status of other guys? Or what about the option to only show HIV status to guys of the same status or to guys on your buddy list? Or what about the ability to let guys set filters so they never see guys of a certain status? I'm not sure if that would encourage guys to be honest or discourage honesty…

Basically, I'd love to hear your thoughts on how HIV status should be handled on bareback hookup sites.

Edited December 31, 2013 by rawTOP

[rawTOP]

Those of you who are saying "HIV statuses should be promiently displayed" can you please explain why you feel that way? I'd like to understand the basis of your thinking.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

I'm in the "set up filters" camp. I don't see HIV status as being any more prominently displayed as whether a guy has blue eyes or brown In fact, for hooking up I first want to filter to guys whose sexual interest (top, bottom, sideways) matches mine. After sexual interest, it makes no sense if a guy is looking for "twenty somethings" for them to even see my profile, or for me to see a profile for a guy less than 25. Then I would want to focus on bare or not bare since I would personally only be interested in raw hookups. But I realize others might only be interested in condom sex.

Once we've narrowed down the range of possibilities (and assuming there is anyone left); then the physical attributes (hair, eye color, hiv status) become relevant (or not).

[drscorpio]

Because of the disclosure laws in many parts of the US, I think status should be displayed. I chose the prominent display option because of this. That said, I don't think it should be anymore prominent than the way BBRT and A4A do now.

[rawTOP]

Because of the disclosure laws in many parts of the US, I think status should be displayed. I chose the prominent display option because of this. That said, I don't think it should be anymore prominent than the way BBRT and A4A do now.

Good point. I don't live in a state where disclosure is required, plus I'm not poz, so I forgot about disclosure laws.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

I'm not suggesting it be hidden. Just when you say prominently displayed, that sounds like the first sort field will be HIV status. I don't think that becomes relevant until there is an actual sexual interest. Maybe I need to understand what you mean by "prominently displayed". I don't want to have to dig for it, but....

[YOUNGCUMDUMP]

It should be displayed like bbrt and adam for adam to cover yourself from potential legalities. It shouldn't be the main focal point though as it doesn't mean much. If your going to be regularly involved in bareback sex and your not on prep then you should be considered poz because you eventually will be

[bearbandit]

I'd go with HIV status being visible: it's on all my other profiles and saves me from having to teach HIV-101. I want to fuck, not do elementary sex education, and I feel safer both legally and morally fucking with other poz guys, or at least guys who may or may not be poz, but have got their heads around the issue and understand the risks (which when you're undetectable are pretty minimal anyway). The one place I don't disclose immediately is Grindr (that started out as an experiment) where I get a fair amount of "please fuck me Daddy". I always disclose before any physical meeting and have had precisely one guy who wasn't poz turn up. I'd sooner not be contacted at all that be contacted by someone who loses his nerve through ignorance at the last minute.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

If by visible you mean very much like BBRT, I'm all for that. Nice to see it right there when I'm reading everything else. I might have misinterpreted "prominently displayed" to be on the thumbnail view.

[Bttm2go]

I like it to be a part of the other stats. I think most guys expect it to be there. Perhaps there is a way that publicly a guy could set it up as ask me and then if he unlocks his profile for someone he is interested in, it could change to Poz. This would give you some control over the disclosure. Another option is to have a check box to unlock status just like there is to unlock private photos.

[BabyBobby]

Maybe a text box for status vs a check box. Then you can list your status but also what status you may be looking for. A person can not when last tested if neg and if pos and on meds are they detectable or not. BUT more important is it should not be visible unless both the member and the person looking consent to being told!

[hungry_hole]

I go for displaying HIV status. Other than Negative, Positive, Undetectable I like "Don't Care" because it says nothing about HIV-status.

I've always thought that HIV-status "Negative" should be accompanied by the date of last HIV negative test result. Negative by itself is very incomplete.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Frankly, depending upon individual behavior, even last test may make no difference. Consider the guy who might have taken a poz load on December 1, tested neg on December 10th... Many at this point would consider him "safe". His test was just not even 3 weeks ago. Yet he is 4 weeks since that poz load. He could be peaking with VL right about now - yet someone will consider him "safe". Shoot, even January 28, when it's been only 6 or 7 weeks since his "test", most would conclude "recent test, must be safe"....

That's the fallacy of reporting "neg, last test xx/xx/xx". I would think the only valid settings would be poz unmedicated, poz medicated, prep, unknown.

[rawTOP]

OK, I hear you guys. My plans to sort of deprecate HIV status on BBBH.com are now scrapped simply because some of you live in locations where HIV status is important to disclose. But for the people who lie when they're asked, I'll let people choose to hide their status from certain groups of people. Maybe that'll result in fewer liars.

Edited December 31, 2013 by rawTOP

[TigerMilner]

The more we disclose it, talk about, show it, the less stigma will be attached. We are the ones who can start that change. Disclosure would be less a big deal if the stigma was extinguished. The more we hide it and lie about it the more we fuel the very thing that makes us feel we need to lie. Any one who is not willing to be with a poz guy should not be on the new site, or any hook up site for that matter. Education could be the altruistic part of the bbbh. Poz undetectable guys are the safest sex out there. Funny thing is, no one learns this til they become poz.

Edited December 31, 2013 by rawTOP