What's Up With "neg" Guys On Barebackrt.com Seeking "neg Only"?

[jtonic]

Title says it all.

 

I was looking at party ads on BBRT, and some guys who are HIV-neg seem happy to join bareback orgies, yet their profiles say they want to play with "neg only". How does that even work? Are they genuinely scared of poz, or is it because they'd rather not know?

 

What really bothers me is that, sometimes, I will message a guy who's heading to the same party as I am, and after looking at my profile, he'll say I better not approach him because I'm poz. So it looks like he has no problem with "ask me" or "no preference"... but he won't touch an undetectable guy. Sigh.

 

I used to confront people like that and try to convince them I'm no less a danger to him than some random 'neg' who might actually be infected and have no idea what his status is. But I gave up a long time ago. It's like they're not even interested to find out...

 

Anyone find the concept of seeking "neg only" way off the mark on a site like BBRT ?

Edited April 20, 2015 by jtonic

[cheatingjock]

it'd say most of them genuinely want to stay neg and don't want to consider the possible consequences/deal with reality. The dumb thing is how little those guys usually know. Like how unlikely they are to be pozzed by an undetectable guy, or how infections a "neg" guy is who just hasn't tested since becoming poz. Or how they could just get on Prep and enjoy all that hot cock, including the poz ones! really such a waste.

 

If you're going to play bare, you should do research about the risks and reality, and then take realistic steps to stay neg (if that is your choice) or at least be prepared and realistic with the possible consequences. The "i'm neg and only play bare with neg" is a dangerous delusion in my opinion.

[drscorpio]

I am speaking from my own experience. Most of these guys are just coming to terms with the risks and rewards of taking loads. I had to go through the "neg for neg only" phase to work up the courage to take all loads. It was conversations on this board that taught me I was being foolish and self-deluded. Most of them will either go on PrEP and/or accept they are chasers eventually. 

[Bttm2go]

I agree that in the beginning of their sexual exploration they are dealing with their own barebacking issues. We all go through that. But you are usually dealing with it through one on one hook ups. You can attempt to sero sort the guy you want to connect with. However, going to a sex party or bathhouse with that expectation is naive. Even if it is a "neg only" party, how do you make sure every participant is really negative? PrEP is a solution in most cases. You need to take responsibility for yourself and not expect others to take it for you.

[bearbandit]

That's the beauty of PrEP: instead of responsibility for HIV transmission being dumped on us poz guys, PrEP means that neg guys are taking responsibility for themselves, something few have done, always relying on us to tell them our medical histories.

 

BBRT began, as I understood it, to make hooking up with other poz guys easier and I, for one, wish it would stay that way. While I've seen little phobia from the kink community, out in the more general sites, and on the less kinky apps, saying you're poz in your profile guarantees you a major drop in hits.

[Guest ff-whole]

I agree that in the beginning of their sexual exploration they are dealing with their own barebacking issues. We all go through that. But you are usually dealing with it through one on one hook ups. You can attempt to sero sort the guy you want to connect with. However, going to a sex party or bathhouse with that expectation is naive. Even if it is a "neg only" party, how do you make sure every participant is really negative? PrEP is a solution in most cases. You need to take responsibility for yourself and not expect others to take it for you.

 

That's right... we all go through that fase... Now I have barebacked in saunas without knowing who was topping me and I didn't really care... I can't get Prep here and I wish it was available but it is not... so I have to take my chances...

AT this moment there is not much action going on, but if it were, I would by now consider seriously going with tops that are on medicines and say so honestly because I would know I would be safer as with so-called negatives. I recently tested negative and I haven't fucked around so I know I am negative...

I know one poz on meds but he refuses to play with me... to bad.

[bearbandit]

Paradoxically, the safest guy to get fucked by is a guy whose HIV is fully controlled (ie undetectable, usually defined as less than 50 copies of the vrus per millilitre of blood): no-one, but no-one, with a viral load under 200 has ever infected anyone else.

 

Neg/neg serosorting doesn't work: you might think he's neg, and he might think he's neg, but unless you met him at the clinic you don't know what he's been up to. The longer it is since a guy's tested the less you can rely on the words "I'm neg". There's a regular sex party near where I live that nearly stopped happening because the organiser fucked with me and I make no secret of being positive (indeed I was recently in one of the intellectual Sunday newspapers talking about life with HIV, complete with photographs). The guys who usually go to the party all bareback, yet consider testing once a year sufficient. Wrong! Every three months is closer to the mark. and if you're really popular, more frequently than that.

 

Think about it: the only people who can be sure of their HIV status are virgins and those of us who've got it.

[jtonic]

Phew at least there seems to be consensus here.

Neg/neg serosorting doesn't make sense when you're going to a bareback orgy.

I guess the decision is more fear-driven than anything else. I understand their desire to stay neg, but they're so mistaken.

 

I really liked the approach taken by the app Hornet last year, when they added "Negative: on PrEP" and "Positive: undetectable".

I hope more mainstream sites follow suit, like Grindr.

In my opinion, BBRT can keep "Ask me", but they should absolutely get rid of "Do not care" and "Not sure".

[makingwords]

^ Agreed with jtonic. I find it disturbing when guys answer "Do Not Care" under their own status. Like wtf

[FelchingPisser]

Phew at least there seems to be consensus here.

Neg/neg serosorting doesn't make sense when you're going to a bareback orgy.

I guess the decision is more fear-driven than anything else. I understand their desire to stay neg, but they're so mistaken.

 

I really liked the approach taken by the app Hornet last year, when they added "Negative: on PrEP" and "Positive: undetectable".

I hope more mainstream sites follow suit, like Grindr.

In my opinion, BBRT can keep "Ask me", but they should absolutely get rid of "Do not care" and "Not sure".

BBRT has all those options and more...

[jtonic]

BBRT has all those options and more...

 

Yes BBRT has the most options (too many actually).

"Do not care" and "Not sure"... WTF. Whoever runs BBRT, please get rid of it.

If someone truly doesn't care and isn't sure, then he should pick "ask me" (in which case I automatically treat as a red flag, whether it's true or not).

 

About the status, I was referring to mainstream apps like Grindr, Jack'd... especially gay411 where I live.

They ask you to choose between "poz", "neg" and "prefer not to say" and that's really old mentality.

At minimum, undetectable and neg on PrEP need to become options everywhere.

Edited April 22, 2015 by jtonic

[FelchingPisser]

Yes BBRT has the most options (too many actually).

"Do not care" and "Not sure"... WTF. Whoever runs BBRT, please get rid of it.

If someone truly doesn't care and isn't sure, then he should pick "ask me" (in which case I automatically treat as a red flag, whether it's true or not).

 

About the status, I was referring to mainstream apps like Grindr, Jack'd... especially gay411 where I live.

They ask you to choose between "poz", "neg" and "prefer not to say" and that's really old mentality.

At minimum, undetectable and neg on PrEP need to become options everywhere.

 

Interesting--for I avoid the "do not care" and "not sure" people, too.  But I would rather know right up front that they aren't taking care of themselves. 

 

I don't use the other sites you mentioned.  The choices strike me as pretty archaic for 2015.

[bbzh]

I question if BBRT should even have "Negative" as an option. It's not a dating site. It's a hook up site. And if you are willing to bareback with strangers, your negative status doesn't mean a whole lot unless you met the guy in the lobby of the clinic where you both just got negative results - or you are wiling to show a guy your recent test results when they walk through the door. 

 

Like FelchingPisser I too am worried when people say they "Don't Care" or are "Not Sure". Give me a poz guy on meds who is regularly seeing a doctor any day over these guys who are walking around with any and every thing and claiming to be drug and disease free.

 

And I'll go one step further...somebody should develop an app for poz guys on meds. I really hate that poz guys have to be mixed in with guys who clearly don't give a shit about their health. They dirty the pool we play in. How's that for reverse discrimination? LOL.

[FelchingPisser]

I question if BBRT should even have "Negative" as an option. It's not a dating site. It's a hook up site. And if you are willing to bareback with strangers, your negative status doesn't mean a whole lot unless you met the guy in the lobby of the clinic where you both just got negative results - or you are wiling to show a guy your recent test results when they walk through the door. 

 

Like FelchingPisser I too am worried when people say they "Don't Care" or are "Not Sure". Give me a poz guy on meds who is regularly seeing a doctor any day over these guys who are walking around with any and every thing and claiming to be drug and disease free.

 

And I'll go one step further...somebody should develop an app for poz guys on meds. I really hate that poz guys have to be mixed in with guys who clearly don't give a shit about their health. They dirty the pool we play in. How's that for reverse discrimination? LOL.

Well, as are many, many tops, I am still negative.  Guys on meds are my men of choice--guys who are screened for syph and the rest of the STI's in with their regular blood work.  Is it fool proof? Of course not.  But I have been playing this way for a very long time.  It cuts down on STI's and I am fine with the tiny, tiny hiv risk.

[FJLinNYC]

I have to agree with almost everyone so far.  #1 - Neg for Neg people, as the old saying goes, are living in a fool's paradise.  #2 As a neg prep person, guys on meds (poz or prep) are my choice as well, but had to change my status to "ask me" as poz guys wouldn't approach me.  

Edited April 22, 2015 by FJLinNYC