Mind Fuck - The Mental Side Of Sex

[atlfukbud]

Sub, Sex Addict and sxlhlng - you bring up a great point -- while enjoying the thrill of the chase, I've always preferred to cultivate friends w/ benefits and fuckpals (hence my screen name); while sex with strangers is mentally exciting, it is never as hot as it is with someone I trust, respect and feel connected/attracted too. While I can bottom for a stranger and enjoy the physical sensations, my dick gets rock hard and my body responds completely differently when their's a connection...definitely a mind-fuck! :-)

[Guest]

A psychological connection with my partner is sine qua non during sex. I don't care how hot his body is, how big his dick is or how tight his hole. If we're not on the same wavelength mentally and emotionally as well as physically, I'd just as soon jack off at home.

 

When I'm fucking and breeding a guy, I'm very verbal about poz sex and get off knowing that I'm impregnating him with my AIDS babies. Not just my bug, actually, but the toxic strains of hundreds of poz men whom I've fucked and been fucked by for more than 30 years.

 

If I'm getting fucked, I get off on knowing that another poz man is doing the same to me.

 

Either way, it's a bond with another man who understands and shares my lot in life and lives his days fucking and getting fucked raw with no apologies, fears or regrets.

[subbytch]

Couldn't have said it better. Exactly how I feel. Can be really frustrating. I am envious too.

It's funny. Rationally, I know I'm not. I thought I was the only one. lol.

With my regular FWB, we just sent emails back and forth saying what the other liked that the other did. That was good. Since this has been a slow and ongoing process, I just sent him a list of things I'm open to / want him to do to me. Since I'm on the submissive side to him, he's sending me stuff I should do better and what he's always wanted to do. I turned him on to being a dom top, so he's still feeling his way.

 

I have another friend who I've played around with. We spoke last night. He just moved closer. He mentioned making me a regular cum dump stop for him. He's very into S/M, so he's been asking me a shit load of questions about what I've liked, where I see myself going, and what goals I have. It was a good conversation.

This is part of the mind games, actually. Trust building. I might become a good little bitch yet. 

[SugarWalls]

Yes atlbud, I completely agree--my preference is the same as yours--to cultivate friendships with my sex partners. Sex may bring us together but what keeps us together is our bonds created around our sex! I have a healthy stable of regulars who individually and collectively stimulate and elevate me, educate me to different modes of thinking, and can call me an active participant in their/our lives. Doing so is prrof that our sexual connection lives not just in our bodies but most assuredly in our minds. Isn't it in our minds that our sexual Self lives, grows, thrives, and resides? For sure!

[cam1972]

Yes atlbud, I completely agree--my preference is the same as yours--to cultivate friendships with my sex partners. Sex may bring us together but what keeps us together is our bonds created around our sex! I have a healthy stable of regulars who individually and collectively stimulate and elevate me, educate me to different modes of thinking, and can call me an active participant in their/our lives. Doing so is prrof that our sexual connection lives not just in our bodies but most assuredly in our minds. Isn't it in our minds that our sexual Self lives, grows, thrives, and resides? For sure!

I've felt like something is wrong with me for so long because this is how I feel. I honestly didn't realize there were so many others that felt this way. Maybe it's because it's been so hard for me to find others who really want this as well. It really is nice to know I'm not alone in this. Your last statement is precisely on spot.

[mike258]

My bud likes giving up control, but he also likes that I'm a little rough around the edges His last partner was emotional, sensitive, couldn't throw down like I can.

[tallslenderguy]

Great topic atlfukbud!

 

For me the mental part of fucking is half the excitement... and maybe even more than half depending on how mentally into it the top is.

 

As a bottom, what really gets me hot and in heat for a top is the attitude and desire the top has to 'leave his mark' on me, so to speak. It may be cum or piss or he may be into shaping my hole, gaping it. Maybe leaving my ass a little red from spanking and stroking it. But half the hotness for me is those are all expressions/marks of who he is that he leaves with/on me when he is done.

 

For example, some tops love to reshape my hole.  Some tops will ask if I have toys they can use, but the ones who turn me into a total slut are the ones who bring their own toys.  For me, that is just more expression of their dominance and control. The toys are expressions of their tastes and desires, not mine.  

 

Another example for me is a top who knows how to articulate what he wants (even if its to just say he wants to fuck me). For me it's like foreplay when a top contacts me and goes into great detail about what he wants to do to/with me. The times I have cum from getting fucked usually have started with mind fuck.

[SugarWalls]

cam1972--thank you! That last statement is what I believe in. And it is good to know that we are not alone in the pursuit of having our minds stimulated, our senses/souls/hearts enlightened, and our bodies in notion for pleasure! Most people w ould say that we're "romantics" for wanting to pursue connections with our sex partners. I'll be a "romantic" any day over being anything else. I really cannot help the inherit need within to have a knowing connection, with my partners. Sex is very intimate--we all know this--so how can one break the link of that intimacy and just give up the body without the mind being a part of it? I think it's impossible, really. 

 

tallslenderguy--Ah, wordplay foreplay! C'est si bon, non? One of the driving factors of the bonds that grow with my regular partners is when they tell me (in each of their unique ways) what I am to them, what I mean to them, what I do for/to them, how I belong to them distinctly in our polyamorous couplings, and what he will do to show me how I am his (or to my Black Daddy bottom, how he is mine). Nothing gets me hotter than getting a text or an email or a telephone call from any of them describing our upcoming adult play date...oh and ooh!, when he does those things and more...Yowsah!

 

subbytch--"trust building"--SO important in becoming a "good little bitch", or a Loving God/dess (like me lol)!!

[subbytch]

In helping to build trust and intimacy, to increase and immesh the Mindfuck, with one of my regulars, I shared a list of the Things I Like and the Things I'd Like Him To Do. Not so much as pushy bottom dictating the session. More so that we could better get a sense of what was going on in each others heads. My experience is that it's rare for tops to immediate grok what a bottom is feeling. So to for the other way around. 

This was what I told my friend I liked about what was going on between us. If there's any interest, I'll post what more I'd like him to do. 

 5 Things That I Like That You Do
1. I’m totally gobsmacked by how much you’ve gotten into domination. You were so tentative and afraid…what…almost 2 years ago…and now you aren’t.  We joke that I’ve either made you into something or you just released something always there. Either way it’s great. I think there’s still some hesitation on your part. Am I right about that? Still holding back?

2. The way you now control my head, pushing your cock down my throat. It’s still scary, for me, having someone do that, but it’s awesome gagging on your fucktool. I still wish I didn’t gag so easily. But I’m doing it less. I really love being held in my place when you drive deep. Whether I gag, choke, or spit up, it’s overwhelming. It’s all at your desire. I feel so submissive. So owned. So like a little faggot.

3. I love the way you touch my cock and balls when we start / kiss. It’s hard and soft. Painful and pleasurable. I know you can tell by the sounds I make. By how I spread my legs and push my junk out. I want your hand on it more. Like a leash when a leash isn’t there. A wire from your soul to mine, via your hand on my cock.

4. When you fucked me, you held my head against the bed. It was tentative and incidental. It was also hot. It was almost like when you control my head when you face-fuck me. I briefly felt so used and humbled. I wanted more. 

5. The beast-when-you-fuck-me. It’s like you can’t get enough of my ass, can’t go deep enough, can’t go hard enough. Can’t reposition me fast enough. Can’t come buckets enough. And then can’t wait to do it again. It’s really fucking amazing. It’s like you are trying to find the perfect positions to get yourself off and to make me feel it the most. I know you’ve stumbled over a few of those positions, angles and intensities where you can hear the change in me. I have a feeling there are quite a few more that haven’t been tried yet. Let's go for it.

 

Perhaps this "exercise" might work for someone reading this!

Edited September 15, 2015 by subbytch

[cam1972]

In helping to build trust and intimacy, to increase and immesh the Mindfuck, with one of my regulars, I shared a list of the Things I Like and the Things I'd Like Him To Do. Not so much as pushy bottom dictating the session. More so that we could better get a sense of what was going on in each others heads. My experience is that it's rare for tops to immediate grok what a bottom is feeling. So to for the other way around. 

It's not a cliche: Communication is important. I can imagine that since you've communicated this to him, the sex will only get better. More intense, passionate, sensual..... Guys that have never cultivated something like this don't know what they are missing. I'd much rather have this occasionally than a random fuck every day. Quality over quantity.

Sxlhlng, I am a romantic. As much as I've tried to "overcome" it, it has always been a part of me. I fought it for a while but have come to not only accept it but embrace it. Yeah... There are times when I'm extremely horny that I wish I could be like others, but that passes after I jack off. I've had the hook ups but I'll take sex with someone I know over an anonymous hook up any day. Again: quality over quantity.

[subbytch]

Thanks Cam1972. 

 

I agree it's important to do what you can to increase the Mindfuck. Some people get lucky and find a dom top that just knows what a bottom needs. Or they just Do It and the bottom enthusiastically responds. 

 

My experience is that most dom tops aren't that good. They may fuck well, but they don't know how to use that fuck and everything that goess along with it, to really torture the mental-fuck out of their bottoms. If you aren't a bottom that gets off on random brutality and unthinking sadism, then yes, that's a problem. It's especially so if you have experience with more than one top and find some of them...lacking. 

[atlfukbud]

Good points Cam -- I guess that's why a bit of a connection can be great -- a connection that drives awesome sex takes a willingness to collaborate/commiunicate vs. just the need to unload in a hole. I know for me, when I sense my partner(s) are into it and want it, I work all the harder to please them and in turn, myself

[Guest FinalDL2021]

On ‎8‎/‎31‎/‎2015 at 4:40 PM, BiGeekySlut said:

For me, i like being a bttm compared to a top precisely like the op said from his friend: always in control. Im the most stable, planning, depended on person in my circle of friends, i work hard and im a perfectionist. So letting someone else be in control helps me out. Major turn on. Plus parTying tends to push those yearnings further, which i prefer.

I am the same way, I mostly live a sheltered existence, where I am in control of just about everything, I love turning that control over to someone else, it is such a big part of the turn-on for me.