Poz Guys: How Has HIV Changed Your Life? (aside from sex)

[ericnl]

Being poz for a few months now, nothing has changed that much, only downside is that I have this cold that doesn't seem to go away. I'm not on meds at this point but when I need to start taking them I'm lucky that the health plan in my country will cover everything. What I find somewhat disturbing is that friends and relatives treat me differently!

[fuckmebb]

I'm not speaking from first-hand experience because I am HIV negative...but...my ex boyfriend tested positive in 2008 less than 6 months after our break-up. We repeatedly cheated on each other. After the initial shittyness of the break-up wore off and we started talking again as friends, we realized we had been whoring around with alot of the same men. Yet he is + and I am -.

I can tell you about what he's gone through in the last 2 years.

- He's lost 30lbs

- His viral loads are all over the place

- He's constantly changing medications

- He has a chronic cough

- He can't hold a stable job due to illness and deperession

- He can't fart without shitting his pants

That is HIS experience...and those are only the things he's told me.

[hungry_hole]

fuckmebb, thanks for the info. It reminds me that I like getting my hole creamed but I have no interest in pozzing.

[fuckmebb]

@ hungry_hole:

Yes...just when I think I want "the gift" I talk to him and remember how much I love being negative. I also love having my hole creamed...but I also love my health too.

[obsidian]

Ive known i was poz for about three years now. When I found out it was a bit of a shock because I wasnt into bareback or particulaly sleazy before. I generaly have a positive outlook on life and i tend to be quite rational so i knew that io wasnt going to drop dead any time soon. I made the effort of carrying on as normal, went to work the day after i found out. I was put on treatment more or less immediately and havent looked back since. So far i havent had any adverse side effects and I would say I live a normal life, apart from the pills. Being poz has changed my outlook slightly, it has made me more determined to succed in life and get what I want. I now also eat healther and go to the gym regualy which is something i had always planned to do, but being poz inspired me to take action.

Ive decided to never tell my family, it would worry them too much. But most of my gay friends (and one of my str8 girlfriends) know as well. My positive test result encouraged my best friend to get tested and he found out he was poz as well.

[jack4jack]

Interesting editorial. I've met quite a few sero-converts but they live normal and productive lives though the meds do have side affects, but totally manageable it seems. Good luck with pushing the Big 50 hope you continue to live life to the fullest and enjoy your sexuality.

[AlwaysOpen]

I've been poz since at LEAST 1987- an affair with a banana put me into anaphalactic shock and the ER- after they got me sort of stable and not on the verge of crashing ( my BP was 70/40 in the ambulance) the ER doc ordered a bunch of tests- including the then standard HIV test. Later that nighthe cancelled the order, but the nurse didn't get the message and at 5 am was in pulling blood for it. A week later the doc called me at home and flat line announced I had AIDS and should make an appointment with his office for a Western Blot test to be sure. I went, I was positive- and I never went back to the asshole again. My partner stuck with me, but our sex life died quickly afterwards. The relationship hung on, but it too ended about 10 years later. So , for more than 10 years I have been single, and get laid somewhat often- but it is always anon or nothing more than an occasional fuck buddy type of thing. When my lover and I parted, I moved to a new city, and since moving in myhouse 10 years ago, I have had a total of 3 men sleep over-none none more than 2 or 3 times-- many more have dropped by for a no commitment fuck- they either have partners or are just playing the field for a fresh hole. Is it the HIV that makes dating so hard, being over 50, or the prevalence of quick connect ads on hundreds of web sites that make sex so easy and spurn getting to really know someone before hopping through the Crisco can??

Health wise- as much wild and kink as I do- I am undetectable, never have experienced any of the opportunistic infections, and generally have not shown any outward signs of having HIV- I can pin aging to more of the changes in my physique rather than the virus.

I DO see my doc regularly ( every 4 months for labs) and whenever I get a cold lasting more than 3 days. I eat well, balanced meals, and I don't smoke or PNP. Meds are a daily event- and I make sure NEVER to miss them- when switching docs a few years ago, my current doc took me off what I was on so I could get a viral load to detect my resistance--it came up quickly, and I saw just how important it is to be faithful to the medical regimen

[Guest]

I have been lucky, knock wood. Poz 23 years now, found out on Valentines Day which was 2 weeks before my 21st birthday, I was told I had 6-9 months at most. I have buried a partner as well as most of my friends from Chicago (to the point that I left the city and moved to CA because I hardly knew anybody) Besides the fact that I lost so many people the thing that has impacted me the most is what PozBear touched on. The financial strain. I stay in jobs I hate to keep insurance, I pay about 300 a month in meds and I am healthy. I have had some weird illnesses that I would most likely not have gotten had I not had a weakened immune system. I have a happy and great life, but I have spent a fortune on treatment and meds.

[tattooedbottomguy]

I got tested back in aug 09 when i found out my bf was cheating on me and i sent him back down to his momma after i had moved him to be with me. my tests all came back neg and i was estatic, i had found a new relationship with a dom top. I was his bottom and he was my top. last winter i got sick alot more than usual, at the end of april i went and got tested for everything just because i knew something wasnt right. 4 days before i got my test results my partner dumped me cause i was too submissive but thats another story. I got the call from my doctors office 8am on a friday saying i had to come in. i knew something was wrong. I went and he told me my results and i completely broke down. i ended up in bed crying for 3 days. in aug i started my meds and was off work for 3 weeks because of the side effects. ive been on meds for awhile now and life still hasnt gotten easyier. im alone, i have no one i can talk to about this, im on a stronger anti depressant just to get through each day. i think of killing myself everyday but i wont cause i dont want anyone to have to clean up the mess i make. i had manhunt and a4a profiles but i deleted them because there isnt anyone out there for me. im just going to go on through life like i have the last 7 months all alone. the only good thing that has happened to me was i did qualify for a program that pays for my meds and its a good thing cause they run 2,800 dollars a month.

i thought through careful selection and monogomous relationships id be safe but turns out i was wrong

[rawTOP]

...I went and he told me my results and i completely broke down. i ended up in bed crying for 3 days. in aug i started my meds and was off work for 3 weeks because of the side effects. ive been on meds for awhile now and life still hasnt gotten easyier. im alone, i have no one i can talk to about this, im on a stronger anti depressant just to get through each day. i think of killing myself everyday but i wont cause i dont want anyone to have to clean up the mess i make. i had manhunt and a4a profiles but i deleted them because there isnt anyone out there for me. im just going to go on through life like i have the last 7 months all alone. the only good thing that has happened to me was i did qualify for a program that pays for my meds and its a good thing cause they run 2,800 dollars a month.

Wow. Thanks for sharing that... I guess my question is what's at the root of your depression? I know so many poz guys who are living productive, purposeful lives - just being poz doesn't mean everything has to fall apart. Do you feel like you're worth less or life isn't worth living because you're poz? I see a fair number of poz guys who can't seem to stay in relationships and wonder if stuff like that isn't at the root of it - that they don't feel like they deserve happiness. But then I know poz guys who don't let it get to them or define who they are and they have great long-term relationships. (And then there are poz guys who have no interest in relationships and are completely happy that way - but it doesn't seem you're wired that way).

Just as gay men used to (and some degree still do) have to come out of the closet and take pride in being gay. It seems to me it would help if you were able to accept being poz and take pride in who you are as a person. It seems you'd really benefit by seeing yourself as a wonderful, valuable person who deserves a fair measure of good things in his life. Being poz didn't change who you are. It's an obstacle - nothing more. You're still the same person you always were. Learn to love yourself.

-----

To everyone else... Stories like Tatttooed Bottom Guy's are the reason why I say understand and accept the risks of barebacking before you bareback. If you understand and accept the risks your less likely to fall apart when you test poz. It's also the reason why I'm rather angry at mainstream culture and medical professionals. Being poz is so horribly stigmatized that people genuinely feel life isn't worth living after testing poz when that's totally not true. It's very similar to the homophobia that drives gay teens to have really high rates of suicide. Both are based on attitudes which are just false and they're literally killing us.

[tattooedbottomguy]

pretty much what caused my depression was the ex before my last ex, the one who cheated on me multiple times and ended up pozzing me. i felt so used and betrayed that the person i gave myself and my heart betrayed me in such a way not only did he emotionally hurt me he also made me sick. my last ex i was at least greatful that i didnt poz him but when you get tossed to the curb and 4 days later find out youre sick its almost too much to bear. I live in a state thats far from my family, there isnt anything here for me but i have to stay cause my job has heath insurance (that i really need now) and the program that pays for my meds has a massive waiting list in my home state so i couldnt move back. Ive had a few complications with my health to the point i had an infection in a tooth that spread and ened up having all my teeth pulled. my health has gotten better after that but i still have another sugery to get before i can get my new teeth so my weight dropped dramatically. I keep trying to remain positive but when i get to make a step forward i end up getting thrown back. I'd love to be able to come out as a poz guy but i work with the public and risk losing my job cause i live in a small town. so its a case of fucked if i do kinda thing

[ironix]

I must say that I am surprised that the state does not pay for HIV medication in the US. After all, it is in the public interest to keep viral load levels undetectable to reduce the chance of transmission.

In British Columbia, Canada, HIV medication is free. In most other provinces it is also free or has a nominal dispensing fee.

[rawTOP]

I must say that I am surprised that the state does not pay for HIV medication in the US.

It depends on which state (or city) you live in. Here in NYC meds are covered even for illegal immigrants.

[pulszer]

ironix is really cute

hmm this thread hs put me off bug chasing though, I'm thinking of cancelling saturday.

[ironix]

ironix is really cute

hmm this thread hs put me off bug chasing though, I'm thinking of cancelling saturday.

Even if I magically didn't have HIV, I somehow doubt I'd stop barebacking, so I suppose it would be inevitable in any case.

Oh, and thanks. =D