My Confession

[Spermpig]

What I'm about to tell you is 100% true.  I know this is a "fiction" forum, and I have written several stories on here.  But something is driving me to share my real story.  The story how I became positive.  I need to confess my behavior, for posterity, so that at least some people will know what happened.

 

To believe me or not is entirely up to you, but I know I'll feel better getting this down in print.

 

I started off as any good, self-respecting, midwestern gay boy who came of age in the late 80's did.  I was scared shitless by the AIDS epidemic and always used condoms.  Always.  With a couple girls, and then even with the few boyfriends that I had when I finally came out in the mid-90's.  It was just what was done-- unless one was in a long term committed relationship and both parties had been tested.

 

Fast forward to the later 90's and I had a long-term "committed" relationship with a guy who eventually got me to drop the condoms.  And I LOVED it.  He was younger than me, with a big, curved, 8" cock and I really got off on feeling him cum inside me.

 

But then that relationship ended.  I moved away to the Carolinas and he stayed.  It was a good thing, because it turns out that neither of us was particularly faithful in that relationship.

 

During my time In the Carolinas is when I started my descent into barebacking.  Early on I had a few boyfriends... always fucked with condoms with them.  And then suddenly I was single...  perpetually single.  And perpetually horny.

 

It started innocently enough.  I would have hookups and we would "mostly" use condoms.  If the guy was married, I would let it slide because he "was safe".  And fuck how hot is it to let a married guy fuck you bare, right?

 

At first I always asked them to pull out when they came.  Most of the time they did.  But then I just finally stopped asking, and they stopped pulling out.  And I found out that I really loved feeling the throb, the wet heat, of their semen pouring into me.  I began to crave it.

 

So I started letting "partnered" guys fuck me bare.  I figured they were a pretty safe bet too.  And then it was married, partnered, or guys who said they were negative.  Granted there was still condom use here and there, but it was much more sporadic.

 

This was in the era of those home HIV testing kits.  I was far too scared to go to a clinic or my doctor, so I would buy the test kits every 6 months and dutifully stab my finger and mail in my sample.  Waiting for the results was nerve-wracking, but it was always the same.

 

Negative.

 

As the years progressed during my southern tenure, the lure of barebacking got stronger and stronger.  Condoms were a rarity now, and I was starting to let anonymous guys cum in me raw.  And I found I really got off on it!

 

I can still remember the first time a complete stranger came in me at a bookstore in the city near me.  I was in a dark alcove watching a guy taking turns blowing the three guys surrounding him.  I was jerking off and a guy snuck up behind me and started playing with my ass.  And before I knew it he was lubed and pushing into me.  I just let it happen as the other guys stopped getting blown and started to watch me take dick.

 

They all egged the top on, to "breed me".  And he did.  I was simultaneously so turned on and so mortified that as soon as he was done, I dashed out of there.  And then jacked off a huge load later at home!

 

That session sort of flipped a switch in me-- if I was willing to let a complete stranger cum in me, then fuck it.  My inhibitions about taking raw cock were completely gone, and I would take multiple anonymous loads at that same bookstore in my remaining year in the South.

 

I started going to sex parties and letting guys breed me.  I started taking cock at the Y.  And I even went to a leather party where I was roofied and ended up in a sling with guys taking turns and tallying up their loads on my stomach with a sharpie.  I left that party with 18 hash marks-- but only remembered like 4 of the guys.

 

I tested myself again... and still was neg.  Even after all that, I was negative.

 

Then I moved back to the Midwest.  I dated a poz guy for awhile and we fucked bare all the time.  But he refused to cum in me, even when I begged him to.  He had too much guilt and didn't even want to fuck me raw in the first place.  He said he didn't want to be the one to infect me.

 

We eventually broke up.

 

And I resumed my slutty ways-- taking lots of raw cock and loads.  Going to sex parties.  Etc.  A friend involved in the AIDS community discovered I was being reckless and so he dragged me to the clinic to get tested.  I figured I MUST have HIV by now, right?  So much unprotected sex.  

 

Nope.  Still negative.

 

And then I met Steve.

 

I met him online under one of his screen names "BarebackerMn" or "BarebackerMan" or "StevenToTheNuts".  I think this was back in the days of gay.com still.  Anyway, if you are reading this on this forum, you may know him (or of him).  I found out later he was quite the "gifter"-- lots of conversions to his credit.  Lots of videos.

 

But I get ahead of myself.

 

Steve and I chatted online quite a bit.  I mean, his cock pics alone were a big draw for me.  He had several pictures of a big, beautiful 8 inch dick.  Naturally my ass was begging for it.  But Steve was positive.

 

To backtrack a little, yes I was being a slut.  I hooked up with lots of guys and attended sex parties and went to bookstores and such.  But really not very often.  Oh, every so often I would get cum crazed and do the bookstore thing, and then leave with several loads in me, and a huge amount of guilt.  And sex parties were few and far between.

 

And my online hookups were with guys who said they were neg, or were partnered... still.  I didn't actively seek out guys who said "don't know" or "poz" because even though I craved feeling a man cum inside me, I really didn't want it to be poz cum.  Not in the back of my mind I didn't, because I knew it would seriously impact my life.

 

So I tried to be a bit selective-- not letting guys who "looked" poz fuck me bare.  Only letting proclaimed "neg" guys breed me during one on one hookups, etc.  Yeah, I was that naive, but it had worked so far, right?

 

Anyway, back to Steve.

 

Like I said, we chatted a lot, and I was VERY tempted by his cock.  But his profile (and his chats) let me know that he was DEFINITELY positive, and that he ONLY fucked bare, and he NEVER pulled out.  He also warned me that he was charged and that if he fucked me, I'd probably get "knocked up".  Because he'd done it before.

 

All this talk scared me.  And titillated me.  But mostly scared me.  I kept looking at his dick and thinking, "I really wanna feel that inside me.  I wonder if he'd pull out if I asked?"  I probably should have just avoided him... but every time I saw him on, we chatted.  Little did I know I was being inexorably drawn into his web.

 

And then one night, it happened.

 

It was late fall and cold outside.  I was in one of those cock hungry moods and had been online for hours trying to find dick.  All to no avail.  And then Steven logged on.  And we started chatting.  It was late and fuck I was horny and damn I needed some dick and fuck I'd probably already taken poz loads unknowingly and ok I'll drive over what's the address?

 

Before I knew it, I was standing on his porch and knocking on his door, thinking "what the fuck am I doing?"

 

He answered wearing sweats and a t-shirt.  I left my boots by the door and followed him downstairs to the basement, my stomach in knots and my heart threatening to beat out of my chest. (My stomach is actually clenched while typing this).

 

When we got down to the basement, it was.... almost too much.  My apologies to Steve (if he ever reads this) but he and his husband were not excellent housekeepers.  And the basement was, well, the best way to describe it is "seedy".

 

There was fake panelling on the walls, a ratty, plaid 70's couch in front of the TV, and a carpet with stains from god-knows-what.  There were also vodka bottles and full ashtrays and ... you get the picture.  I almost turned around and left.  

 

But I didn't.

 

We sat on the couch, and there was bareback porn playing on the TV.  I'll give him credit, he sensed my nervousness and he didn't pressure me into anything.  He just sat there and put a hand on my thigh.

 

I reached over and touched his cock through his sweat pants.  It felt huge, and he was definitely hard.  He played with my hard cock through my jeans too and we watched porn for a few minutes in silence.

 

"Hey bud, we don't have to do anything you don't want to.  But maybe you could suck me a bit, if you want?" he said.  And then he played his ace.  He stood and slowly shucked his sweats, and that big cock flipped and bounced just inches from my face in all it's glory.

 

He sat back down and started stroking it, and before I knew it I was on all fours in front of him with his big meat in my mouth.  He was very appreciative- because he knew that as soon as he was inside my mouth... my ass was his.

 

I sucked him a bit longer, and then he told me to get undressed.  I did.  I was so horny at this point, nothing was going to stop me from getting that cock in me.  My dick was drooling precum all over that godawful carpet and I didn't care.

 

"Get on all fours in front of the TV," he told me.  And I did.

 

"Take a hit of those poppers," he instructed.  And I did.

 

And then I felt his raw dick slide into my ass.

 

Alarm bells were going off in my head, but my cock was rock hard and I NEEDED to be fucked SO DAMN BAD!!  And damn if his cock didn't feel INCREDIBLE!

 

Just like his screen name, he went in my hole "to the nuts".  And then he started slow fucking me.  He paused with his dick half in, and I saw a flash.  He had pulled out his phone and was taking pics of his raw dick in my ass.  I asked him not to show my leg tattoo if possible.

 

"Don't worry," he said.

 

As he fucked me, he started talking.  Dirty talking.  Filthy stuff.  Stuff that noboby had ever said to me before.  Stuff like "You know you have a poz dick in you, don't you?  And you like it!  You're ass is gripping and loving my big cock!  You're gonna take my poz load and I'm gonna charge you up.  Make you convert, like I've done to dozens of guys.  You're just a fucking pig bug chaser, aren't you?  A dirty fucking whore that's gonna let me put my toxic load up your cunt."

 

A litany of filthy poz talk poured out of his mouth while he fucked me.  I can safely say, at that time I was NOT a fan of this kind of talk.  In fact, it made me nauseous and I wanted to stop.  But the poppers were doing their job and in my haze I let him continue.

 

"Guess what boy?  No going back now-- you're getting my dirty load," he shouted as I felt his cock start throbbing inside of my ass.  He pounded me hard as he came, trying to push his load as deep in me as possible.  And I took it all.

 

As soon as his load was shot, he pulled out and went for a cigarette.  I started getting dressed in silence, not having cum, and not comprehending what I had just done.  He showed me to the front door, and I drove home in a daze.

 

I think I stayed up another hour just thinking about what I had done.  I had just let a VERY poz guy cum inside me.  I felt a bit sick to my stomach and cursed myself for allowing it to happen.

 

Until the next time.

 

The next time Steve and I fucked was about a month later.  This time his partner was there and they both fucked me.  I sucked Steve while his partner fucked my hole first.  And let me just say this, Steve's partner had an even BIGGER cock and it fucking HURT!  But I took him, and his load.

 

There was no filthy talk when Steve's partner was fucking me-- I don't think he liked that scene.  But as soon as he was done, he left to go to their sauna, thus leaving Steve and me alone.  That's when Steve ramped up his poz talk and dumped his nut in me too.  Then we sat in the sauna together.

 

I took Steve several more times after that.  Once again on all fours as he took more pics.  The fourth load was video recorded.  That recording ended up on a bug chasing website (much to my dismay).  I had asked him not to post it.  It had LOTS of poz talk and it was clear that I was neg and he was gonna poz up my ass.

 

We made a few videos at my place too-- one shows him mugging evilly for the camera as he uses a finger to "prime" my hole before he sides in and breed it.  I didn't understand what he was doing until much much later.

 

Later that winter I got sick.  Like really sick.  But it was also the year that the H1N1 or whatever flu was hitting hard, so I didn't think much of it.  But damn if that flu didn't take it out of me.  I found that I was fatigued more and often tired.  It took me a long time to recover, but even then I never felt "good".

 

Steven and I sort of lost touch, and I really didn't see him online much anymore.  I was finding plenty of other dick to keep my ass satisfied, and I was hitting up a local sex party more and more frequently, taking as many loads as I could get.

 

Then about a year later, I got a call from the clinic that summer informed me that I had been exposed to Syphilis and that I needed to come in to be tested.  So I went, and naturally they performed all the testing.

 

And that's when they came in and told me that I had tested positive for HIV.  Subsequent testing would show my viral load was pretty high, so I'd been poz for awhile unknowingly.

 

I know to most people, the initial diagnosis probably comes as a shock (although really, how much of a shock can it be if you are having unprotected sex?)  Upon hearing the news, I didn't get angry or cry or go numb or anything really... I just rationally processed it as a fact.

 

I think I mystified the counsellors with my calmness about it.  I mean, heck.  I'd been having unprotected gay sex for years, was almost exclusively a bottom, and I'd let a known poz guy breed my ass.  Repeatedly.  It really was just a matter of time.

 

And that's it.  That's my story.  I'm on meds and healthy, I'm doing well, and taking more cumloads than ever.  PReP has made it so that EVERYONE barebacks-- it's so fucking hot!  And EASY!

 

And now?  Now I sorta get off on poz talk.  I've had more than one hot session where I pretended to be neg so a poz guy could get his rocks off on "knocking me up".  I think I posted one of those stories here.  And if you read my other "stories" no doubt you'll recognize parts of this one in there.

 

Write what you know, right?

 

Do I regret allowing myself to be careless and become positive?  Sometimes. But it is what it is, and there's no going back now.

[timfreo]

That's so hot! Thanks for sharing

Wish I knew a Steve!

[Jamesslut]

This is the story of my life... At least you kinda know who gave it to you... I have no idea....

[sleazebugga]

Very hot post

[LeanPozPig]

Thanks for your story.  Are you in any of the vids on barebackerman's blog?

[EricX]

Is barebackernan still around?

[bareall77]

Very hot! Thank you for sharing your story. I'm not sure very hot is the response you want...however I can't help it.

What changed that got you from being turned off by poz talk to being into it? I mean I am too! Just wondering.

[lungfucker]

I've been a fan of Steve's for ages.  Loved his barebackerman blog.  I'm so impressed that you got knocked up by him.  If I had been closer, he would have been my ideal gifter for multiple reasons!  I also wonder what has become of him.

[EricX]

He definitely belongs in the Gifter Hall of Fame.

[airbtm]

I'm pretty sure I got this guys load, sadly only once.  I'm a flight attendant and had been talking to barebackerman for a while.  He came to my hotel and fucked me bare, all the while telling me about his poz status and telling me he was going to knock me up.  It was incredibly hot.  Sadly we only got together once but I would take him again in a heartbeat.  Great fuck and the poz talk such a turn on.

[airbtm]

OK in the interest of full disclosure, I had just tested negative before barebackerman fucked me so well.  He told me he had pozzed over a dozen other guys, which of course, just made it hotter.   After I very willingly took his poz seed he asked me not to take anyone else for 6 weeks and then get tested.  I did as he asked and 6 weeks later got tested.  It was poz.  With just one fuck this hot man had knocked me up.  I let him know the results and he was very pleased.  He promised a recharge but I never got back there to make it happen.  I regret that

[BBPig669]

That was fuckin hot, bubba! Where can I get a look at that video? Bet it is hot as hell

[EricX]

On 8/13/2016 at 1:32 AM, airbtm said:

OK in the interest of full disclosure, I had just tested negative before barebackerman fucked me so well.  He told me he had pozzed over a dozen other guys, which of course, just made it hotter.   After I very willingly took his poz seed he asked me not to take anyone else for 6 weeks and then get tested.  I did as he asked and 6 weeks later got tested.  It was poz.  With just one fuck this hot man had knocked me up.  I let him know the results and he was very pleased.  He promised a recharge but I never got back there to make it happen.  I regret that

I guess that makes you and spermpig related somehow. 

[chaser]

Barebackerman signed on to Adam4Adam in February 2017 so he was around then, damn his is HOT!

[FFun2BB]

On 11/08/2016 at 1:37 AM, Spermpig said:

I know to most people, the initial diagnosis probably comes as a shock (although really, how much of a shock can it be if you are having unprotected sex?)  Upon hearing the news, I didn't get angry or cry or go numb or anything really... I just rationally processed it as a fact.

Hello "Spermpig",

 

Thank you for sharing YOUR STORY .. always great to read from others WHAT HAPPENED, HOW IT HAPPENED and WHAT THEY LOVE ... 

but what impressed me most is your statement which I added to my post here ... as I feel exactly the same... WHY are all those bottom-cum-bucket-sluts surprised after intense use when they get the news of their new status? 

WELL DONE in putting it into words and pointing it out!