Am I The Only One?

[jcklvrga]

I have been on PREP in the past and in fact I have a bottle and half in my medicine cabinet that I cannot seem to make myself use. But when I was on PREP I felt depressed and did not want sex at all. But when I stop PREP, the lust returns. I like the risk of raw unprotected BB fucking with the very real possibility of getting POZ. I think PREP takes all the fun away. Is there any other guys that feel like me, or am I truly insane?

[chubbybear]

. . . I like the risk of raw unprotected BB fucking with the very real possibility of getting POZ. I think PREP takes all the fun away. Is there any other guys that feel like me, or am I truly insane?

 

Same here. Taking the risk away ruins the fun of bareback sex. Might as well be getting fucked with a condom. That's way I skipped PrEP altogether when I took the plunge into the world of chasing and taking raw poz cock and loads. Are we insane? That all depends on your definition of insane. I don't consider myself insane, just comfortable in the knowledge that I'm a slutty cumdump who gets off on the thrill of high risk taboo sex.

[drscorpio]

Taking loads on PrEP is just as hot to me as taking them without was. It sounds to me like you are having a drug interaction issue. Maybe Truvada is reacting with something else you take.

[ensign]

When I started PrEP it was same for me. Before taking the pill I was going crazy by the thought of bb sex. And when I took it, the desire somehow disappeared.

Even the desire for sex at all.

 

But I kept on taking the pill because I knew the desire was there somewhere deep inside of me.

And now I more and more take a dick raw. But I still hesitate on relying on the pill completely. The one reported case of the guy who converted on PrEP was a boost for my fears.

But when the situation feels right I am ok with skipping the condom - even though I still feel bad after the sex. I know, human mind keen be stupid.

So for me taking the PrEP wasn't a game changer in terms of black and white, it is more like a slow process. So maybe it takes just some time to adjust to this new field of sexuality.

 

 

Some more personal thoughts if you think you might be a chaser:

I would highly recommand you to take the pill. My bf got testet positive when he was applying for the PrEP. And it really isn't fun to deal with it. I also had fantasies about the great liberation of a POZ test result, but in real life it means waiting at the doctor, discussing viral levels and side effects of medications, it means thoughts about your family and coworkers and who should know it. It means rejection of others and sometimes self segregation. It is tough. If you can avoid getting POZ  you should. But these are only my thoughts of this topic - with a loved one being positive.

[bootmandc]

I think a related issue is that EVERYONE is doing bb now because PREP is out there, at least in the US.  And HIV isn't the killer it was, thankfully.  Seems to be more bb fucking than past 30 years, and everyone it talking about it and DOING it.  Trust me - I've been here the whole time, and now travel a lot and hear what guys are talking and doing.  So now, taking loads on PREP is just like the bottom next door at the bathhouse - he's doing the same things.  

 

Yeah, its great that we have it, and its fucking awesome taking dick and loads.  But some of us live on the edge, all about being different, or something like that.  Our festish is doing what most guys won't do.  When you take PREP you are preventing the very thing that is so desirable in your head.  So if you have eroticized bb fucking to the point of thinking poz as a fetish, doing it on PREP is safe, and that's not what your brain wants.  

 

Find a good friend that you can talk to about all of it a good deal, and think long and hard about it.  Reality bites.

[cman54]

For myself I`m starting out my gay life rather late in life. I did give Prep a lot of thought and I have decided not to take it. The thought of getting pozzed is very arousing for sure. Some may not think it is worth it but it is not the death sentence it once was for sure. Am I really chasing, most likely no. Will I get poz someday? Most likely yes. I`ll deal with it when the time comes. So you are not the only one and your not insane. Like many guys say just be informed and have fun going all bareback and no pulling out!!! that's how I feel about it anyway.

[bc8]

I concur with above, sounds like Truvada side affects, which will go away after your body gets used to the medication. I suffer hugely with depressive side affects to my PrEP, but I have halved the pills and am

slowly building up to taking a whole pill every day, over the course of a month. So far it seems to be working.

[arseboy]

Talk to your docs, it might be an interaction but also talk to a counsellor it might be something inside you that's reacting to it.

 

As someone who's diagnosed in 2008/9 I had a five year spell of changing meds, changing doctors, side effects causing me to nearly collapse randomally.  Take your pill.  Think of it nuking any HIV viruses that make it into your system.  I've had a fair number of complications subsequently and one doctor described my health after infection as being "chronic".  And I went on meds early and have maintained a CD of 1000 for over a year.  My health has just been shite since my diagnosis.  If I had my choice again, I'd take PREP.  I wish it had been available to me.