Marked

[Toon]

Moderator's Note: If this is hard to read, there is an unformatted copy in the thread below. Please leave your votes for the Toon on this post. 

Does anyone else think Autumn is a very sexy season? Maybe it's just me. I think it all started when I was a kid, growing up in a small town. Mom was working at a beauty salon close to my school called "Verna's". I walked there after school and sat in the waiting area until she finished. I liked it. I'd do homework and listen to all the ladies chatter away like magpies. Almost all of them smoked, and the smell of hairspray mixed with cigarettes was wonderful. My mom (a non-smoker) sometimes sent me out to get fresh air. I could go as far as the little public library or I could get a Coke from the grocery store. I was a loner, even back then. Being alone gave me time to get lost in fantasy and dream up stories. Fall was damn beautiful in that tree-filled burg. Dead leaves mixed with soft,slow rain left a smell in the air that made me excited for some reason. I'd read all the scary books in the stupid library. It was only a few weeks before Halloween -- my all-time favorite holiday. I sat on the library steps and wrote my own spooky stories in my spiral notebook. Never finished asingle one. I just liked the idea of scary things. It was one gray day that I noticed that this season was giving me messages. But what kind?

 

Fast forward to when I was a freshman in high school. The 80's were here. I no longer wondered why I felt so strange...so different. I was one of those homosexuals inside. Maybe it would go away. Everything was erotic to me. The football players with their letter jackets and strong, grown-up bodies. If a guy had a steady girlfriend, she wore his jacket. All day---even in class. I longed to be one of them. To have one of those sexy guys' jackets and kiss him after lunch. Maybe do other things. Dark, secret things. The hottest guy was Darren Taylor who was from a large family. One of his brothers was in my class. Robbie. He'd had an adult-sized dick since sixth grade. I fought not to stare at it during gym class. Darren had dark, curly hair and was very popular. His girlfriend wasn't all that pretty. She had glasses and moles on her neck. Maybe I just hated her. 

 

I hadn't pass my driver's test yet, so I was always walking. Same routine as when I was nine. During that late September, I started taking longer routes to Verna's. I absorbed the smells and feeling Fall brought with it. The days were getting so short and there was a little chill in the air The last of the leaves slowly fell to their death. There was wet sidewalks and wet streets. I wondered how much sex was going on inside the houses I passed. I imagined Darren and his rat-like girlfriend going at it in a cozy bed. My imagination was unnaturally developed and I could feel the bare skin of his legs and the erect penis. Those dark eyes and heavy brows. Probably all of the football team was fucking some girl on a day like this. I walked along with my brain full of sex. I never told anyone about this, but I guess I'm telling you now. 

 

Once I graduated, I'd already accepted my fate. This wouldn't be going away. My immediate plan was just to ignore the urges as long as possible. Just be normal, That lasted less than 24 hours...and then I was checking out all the young men in my dorm. I masturbated so much in those days. My roommate was a serious student and spent most of his time in class or at the library. Right after Labor Day, Summer seemed to hurry up its demise. Fall took over fast. There I was again. I had to cut through a really nice park to get to my art history class (where I always fell asleep). The first glimpse of color brought back everything. Those feelings. Why is being gay so difficult? Why does pleasure always come with regret and unanswered prayers and wishes never granted? I felt cheated. OK. Enough about my feelings and sad thoughts. This is a sex story.

 

It was raining hard that one Wednesday.. I've never once used an umbrella. I had on a London Fog jacket that my mom had found at some outlet store. I thought it was so boss. It was rain-proof at least. I was soaked. Everybody in class was too. Art history was held. in a big auditorium that was dark and had such nice, comfortable chairs. I always fell asleep while the professor showed slide after slide of dumb old paintings by whoever. The sopping wet students filtered in. A big, jock-looking guy plopped down beside me. I wasn't sure why -- there were so many empty seats in this place.Maybe he was dazed by the weather. Idiot was wearing deck shoes in rainy weather...his feet must feel so yucky  He just kicked off the shoes and opened a soggy notebook.

 

"You got a pen I can borrow?" His voice was so masculine and casual. I fished around in my book bag and found a stray Bic. Here. His huge fingers touched mine for half a second. He had to be a football player or something. If he gave me the pen back, I would keep it as a treasure forever.I had a fever back in those days.I was so horny all the time, and beating off didn't make the real hunger go away. I was so consumed by thoughts of sex, but I had to tamp that down right now. The professor was going on and on about some Spanish painter and what he was trying to convey in his work. Jesus. Symbolism. So much of college was about hidden meanings and theories. I just parroted what the teacher said in my papers --even though I always thought it should be up to the person viewing or reading something to decide what it meant to them. But I was a good student and said I saw what the guy giving grades said. This hot man next to me didn't take many notes...just doodled cubes and assorted shapes. I looked at his heavy hands.

 

Once class was over, we all filed out. The guy was right behind me. 

 

"Hey! You didn't fall asleep today! I usually sit a few rows in back of you and you always konk out after about ten minutes. A few times, you even snored."

 

"Oh God, really? That's embarrassing."

 

"Most of us laughed. It was cute."

 

The rain had stopped, but the air was still damp and musky. We seemed to be walking together. My next class was a lecture class and I could easily skip it. "I'm Evan, by the way." I tried to sound cool.

 

"I'm Mark. Where you headed next?"

 

"Philosophy. They don't take roll there, so I'm thinking of bailing."

 

"OK. Cool. Want to got a beer at Crossroads? You're old enough to drink, right?" I hated looking like a kid. 

 

"Where is it, Mark?"

 

"We have to turn around and go the opposite way. At least the rain stopped." We pivoted and headed up the hill. 

 

"Are you a jock?

 

"No. Why? Do I seem dumb or something?"

 

"No. You just have a great body. I figured you were a football player."

 

"No. I had a partial athletic scholarship last year...for the swim team. I fucked that up. I put on weight and flunked a few drug tests. It's no big deal. I don't miss the practices at all."

 

"Oh. I have a partial academic scholarship for now. I have to make a 3.2 this semester or they'll take it away."

 

"You'll be fine. You're smart. I know things."

 

"Well...thanks. I'm not all that smart, I just know how to get things done."

 

"Can you believe how much it rains here? I'm from Arizona...it's dry as fuck there."

 

"Yeah. The whole campus is built on a hill -- we catch the clouds. I grew up in this state." We finished the climb, and there it was. An actual bar just a few steps away from the student union. I had no idea this place existed. I stayed behind Mark and let him show me into the place. It had weird lighting...like a convenience store -- with maybe a little too many overhead fixtures. Whatever. Mark left me alone at a table and went to get a pitcher. 

 

"It's Bud. They're out of Bud Light which is what I usually get. Well -- what do you think of this place"

 

"It's so weird in here? Can we sit outside? On the patio?"

 

"Absolutely. It's not rainy any more." The front deck was all wood, like the front of a cabin. Most of the patio crowd was composed of older people...some brought their dogs. This school had a legendary hippie past. Underground cartoonists went here and created chaos. Some of them were celebrities in my mind. I smelled pot smoke. I'd never smoked it myself, but I knew that odor well. It was light and wispy...combined with the Autumn air, it was luxurious.

 

"Hey, Mark...Do you like how Fall smells? I sure do. Always have. Just. Just that smell."

 

"OK. All I smell is those sorority girls' clove cigarettes? Are you a poet or something? I look at you and I can see thoughts leaking out of your ears."

 

"No. I write sometimes, but never poetry." He looked at me intensely.

 

"Let's finish the pitcher and I'll admit something to you. I'm a big guy, so it might be TWO pitchers."

 

He just kept refilling my glass and I made an effort to keep up with him. He was a camel. I sometimes pretended to take a sip when lifting the glass to my mouth. A gust of wind blew some wet leaves across us. It was cool, but not quite cold. I looked at his face. He was so All-American and rugged. Light brown hair, blue eyes and a perfect jaw. Total jock. There was something troubling him, but I'd let the beer bring it out. I felt honored just to be seen with him. 

 

"You seem a little uncomfortable...you don't go to bars much, do you?"

 

"Not really,"

 

"There's so many bars in this town. There's even a gay bar... Diamonds. Have you heard of it?"

 

"No."

 

"Would you ever go to a gay bar?"

 

"Probably. Why?"

 

"I guess I should just spill it. I'm gay. I used to go to Diamonds...and met the love of my life there."

 

"Oh. Wow. I would have never guessed. I'm gay too. I've never said that out loud before."

 

"I'm honored.I always kind of thought you were, but didn't know for sure until I sat next to you today. You kept sneaking looks at my legs and bare feet...and you give off a need."

 

"A need?" I was a little red-faced.

 

"A need for touch. I have it too. My one true love died seventh months ago. He was always sort of sick when we first met.He had colds and rashes and aches...but he was a dream. Alex. We fucked all the time. And then he got so sick he couldn't get out of bed. He finally told me he had AIDS -- which I'd already guessed. I spent a lot of time looking after him and getting stoned. I was fixing him some lunch when he shouted 'I can't believe it! Angels!'. And that was it. He died. "

 

"I'm so sorry, Mark."

 

"Thanks. I've almost gotten over it, but that longing, that need hasn't gone away." He stared down into his beer. I wanted to touch is hand. "The night after his funeral, I had a hard-on all night."

 

"don't feel bad. You're young and healthy -- boners come from nowhere."

 

"Not all that healthy, Evan."

 

"You're heart is still beating. You're here, and it's a beautiful day."

 

"You make me feel better. You're my poet." His knee touched mine.

 

"I'm NOT a poet."

 

"Yeah. You've got the heart of one. I've had enough beer. Let's walk."  He was slightly unsteady on his feet, but wasn't talking drunk. The campus is seductive, with it's tall trees and exquisite landscaping. The surrounding town was nice too.. We were walking down a residential street. It wasn't raining, but still mostly cloudy. That Autumn smell was strong and I felt so good. I felt like I was wearing Mark's letter jacket. Would he be my boyfriend now? This man who likely had HIV in his blood? Maybe I liked the idea. Maybe I wanted him to get me pregnant like so many of the girls in my high school. I think I wanted that. The smell in the air was like a drug for me. I was intoxicated with pure lust and Fall. I wanted to kiss him right there in the middle of Ohio Street. 

 

"Well. This is my place." It was a three story red house, divided into apartments. It looked comfortable from the sidewalk. "Let's sit on the porch for a little while.We may as well enjoy the weather before Winter sets in. You've never been through a Winter here, have you?"

 

"No, but I know all about how shitty Winter can be." The porch had a swing and we sat there. I had a pack of Marlboro Lights in my jacket pocket, and really wanted one. "Mind if I smoke?"

 

"No way! You smoke? I can't believe it. Go ahead....and I might ask you for one later." I lit up and just gave him one now. Smoking is bad for you, but inhaling tobacco combined with moist September air is just so nice. It's a nourishment I needed.

 

"This is a nice street, Mark. Peaceful.."

 

"I guess. I feel safe here. The landlord packs a gun and is a republican asshole." He smoked with me as we stared at nothing. And everything. What a great day! Mark stretched out his big legs on the stairs.

 

"Why do you wear shorts and sandals this time of year?"

 

"It's not a fashion statement or anything. I just hate doing laundry. I don't wear underwear...ever."

 

"Oh. Me too. But what are you going to do when it's below zero outside?"

 

"That's too far away. I don't even know what I'll be doing in the next five minutes. Got any suggestions?"

 

Oh God! Really? Was I being seduced? Was something going to happen?  "I think you already have a plan, Mark. Am I right?"

 

"Sort of. Let's go inside." We stood up and brushed our selves off a little.He lived on the first floor. "Well, this is it."

 

It was way bigger than my dorm room, high ceilings and carpet. The interior was a little shoddy with cheap paneling. "Nice. Do you have noisy neighbors?"

 

"We did. There was some long-haired dude next door who practiced his electric guitar at all hours, but we got him kicked out. The girls above me play dippy music sometimes, but I can live with that."

 

Mark had a separate bedroom. That must be nice. He was actually living like a grown-up and I was a little jealous. "This is nice."

 

"Well, just relax. I'm going to get out of these damp clothes."  I sat on the bed and tried not to stare as he got naked. I finally got to see his dick. It looked pretty average. but only because his body was so big.

 

"You're not built like a swimmer, Mark. You have a great build, but it's more like a rugby body."

 

"Just touch me. I need touch and so do you." I stood up and moved to hug him. "No, Take those damp clothes off first. All of them."

 

I uncomfortably undressed in front of him. I had an inconvenient boner which made it even more awkward. Luckily, Mark had gotten a nice fat erection while watching me. We embraced and I just melted into his arms. A big, built god was holding me. I couldn't help but kiss him on the mouth. We stayed like that for a small slice of eternity, lips locked and boners touching. I held his full, firm ass in my hands. We both expressed our desires with moans. Yes! This is what Fall was meant for! There was no chill in the air as I absorbed the incredible heat from his skin. 

 

"This feels so good, Mark."

 

"Yeah. I want it go on forever, but I am really, really ready to go further. Are you?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Any further and there's no going back. You realize that, right?"

 

"I do. I understand."

 

"Make sure you really do. I have no condoms here."

 

"Let's go to bed." He practically threw me on his unmade bed. It smelled like him, like a man. Mark was on me like a starved animal, grunting and gnawing at my neck. His weight sunk me deeper into the mattress. I could barely move -- he was right about there being no going back. His mouth was like a separate wet beast. Kissing and chewing my face.

 

"You ever had a dick in your mouth?" He was practically out of breath. I never had.

 

"Not yet." I'd imagined sucking a penis for many years. I almost knew what it would be like. He shifted a bit and aimed that dick right at my left eye. He had to move one leg a little so I could grasp it. I swear I could feel his pulse in the organ. It was the most natural thing in the world for me to put it between my lips. I tasted man flesh and Fall.

 

"You like that? You like blowing me? Just watch the teeth. Wish we could do it longer, but I'm very close.I'll fertilize your throat if you want...or we can do this right."

 

I pulled my mouth away long enough to tell him he was in charge. I just was not capable of a decision.Orange and brown flashes of light went off in my brain.

 

"OK. At least I have some lube here. Lay back and try to relax a little. It will probably hurt, but it won't last long...I'm about to bust."  The next ten seconds were a swift changing of bodies. There was a wet sound as he squirted a tube of stuff all over his dick Then he fingered my naked anus with it. And then I was staring at the chipped paint on his ceiling with Mark spreading my legs far apart. I was practically doing the splits. I knew where I was and what was happening. A man with a disease was about to fuck me.

 

His dick found an opening and moved in. "NO!!!"

 

"Sshhh. I've got neighbors. It get's better." He just kept going inside, deeper and deeper. Further. My horniness made up for the pain. I was focused on him and his beautiful face. He sped up a little and then a lot. "Ahh. Ahh. I'm breeding you, Mr. Poet. Here's my SEED!"

 

He heaved and seemed to almost fall asleep on top of me. I felt a big part of him become a big part of me. He sighed with relief and fell over next to me. His fingers played with my hair a little and then he was snoozing. Once I heard his breathing get really deep, I reached over and opened the window next to the bed. That smell made sense now. This was always going to happen -- I just had to wait for it. I pulled the comforter over us and dozed off myself. 

 

"Hey! You can sleep if you want to, but I thought you should know it's almost five." Shit! If I'd had my regular art history nap, I wouldn't have slept so soundly. I got up and oriented myself for a few seconds. I needed to go. The dining hall closed at 6:30.

 

"I need to leave, Mark. But, thank you."

 

"Thank YOU! I needed that so badly. You were in my dream."  I put on my mostly-dry clothes and wondered how to say 'good bye'. Would he walk me to the door?

 

"Well. Have a good evening."

 

"Promise me something, Evan. Promise you'll write a poem for me every day."

 

"I'm not a poet, Mark."

 

"Well...try. Or leave a love note. Every single day."

 

"Yeah. OK."

 

"Give it to me or leave it in my mailbox on the porch." He turned over and resumed sleeping. I showed myself out without really thinking about locking the door. The walk back to the dorm was made a little difficult by the pain in my insides. I absorbed the Autumn smells and felt blessed. 

 

I did indeed write a poem or note for Mark every day. I saw him so often that it seemed silly, but it was our thing. By next Fall, he had moved without a word. That didn't stop me from writing him every day for the rest of my life.

[Toon]

Dear moderator(s)

I pasted this from one of my word documents, but it's not the right color. Can you fix it for me? Any tips or advice on how to do it right?  Thanks

 

[evilqueerpig]

Another terrific Toon masterpiece!  You're the Bard of bz!

[lynn1964]

Now you have me smelling Fall in the air. Being a Spring and Summer person, I'm not usually a fan of the other two seasons. However, you made me enjoy your Autum!! Sad Mark had to move and did so without further contact. But, then you gave the gift of forming our own ending. Now, sitting here, hard as a brick, I'm wondering just how Mark is happy knowing he made a Son who loves him so.

Hot!!

[Guest pozpig46]

Reading it made me wonder if the writer was converted or not and if the hottie had the bug and gifted our writer. 

[bjbottom]

Your story reminded me how much I used to love being able to say, "I have never done this before" to a man.   That list has become much shorter over the years, but I loved thinking back about it.  Thank you for your stories as they often trigger so many memories from my own past!    You have a great writing  style Toon, please keep it up!

[drscorpio]

On 9/14/2017 at 6:22 PM, Toon said:

Dear moderator(s)

I pasted this from one of my word documents, but it's not the right color. Can you fix it for me? Any tips or advice on how to do it right?  Thanks

 

When you post from a source like that, you should see a new link pop up at the bottom of the window that says "Remove formatting" or "Post in plain text." Hitting that fixes the problem, but once you submit the post we cannot fix it. 

I will post another copy as a response and put a note at the top. That is the best I know to do. 

[drscorpio]

Moderator's Note: This is a copy of the original post in plain text. 

Does anyone else think Autumn is a very sexy season? Maybe it's just me. I think it all started when I was a kid, growing up in a small town. Mom was working at a beauty salon close to my school called "Verna's". I walked there after school and sat in the waiting area until she finished. I liked it. I'd do homework and listen to all the ladies chatter away like magpies. Almost all of them smoked, and the smell of hairspray mixed with cigarettes was wonderful. My mom (a non-smoker) sometimes sent me out to get fresh air. I could go as far as the little public library or I could get a Coke from the grocery store. I was a loner, even back then. Being alone gave me time to get lost in fantasy and dream up stories. Fall was damn beautiful in that tree-filled burg. Dead leaves mixed with soft,slow rain left a smell in the air that made me excited for some reason. I'd read all the scary books in the stupid library. It was only a few weeks before Halloween -- my all-time favorite holiday. I sat on the library steps and wrote my own spooky stories in my spiral notebook. Never finished asingle one. I just liked the idea of scary things. It was one gray day that I noticed that this season was giving me messages. But what kind?

 

Fast forward to when I was a freshman in high school. The 80's were here. I no longer wondered why I felt so strange...so different. I was one of those homosexuals inside. Maybe it would go away. Everything was erotic to me. The football players with their letter jackets and strong, grown-up bodies. If a guy had a steady girlfriend, she wore his jacket. All day---even in class. I longed to be one of them. To have one of those sexy guys' jackets and kiss him after lunch. Maybe do other things. Dark, secret things. The hottest guy was Darren Taylor who was from a large family. One of his brothers was in my class. Robbie. He'd had an adult-sized dick since sixth grade. I fought not to stare at it during gym class. Darren had dark, curly hair and was very popular. His girlfriend wasn't all that pretty. She had glasses and moles on her neck. Maybe I just hated her. 

 

I hadn't pass my driver's test yet, so I was always walking. Same routine as when I was nine. During that late September, I started taking longer routes to Verna's. I absorbed the smells and feeling Fall brought with it. The days were getting so short and there was a little chill in the air The last of the leaves slowly fell to their death. There was wet sidewalks and wet streets. I wondered how much sex was going on inside the houses I passed. I imagined Darren and his rat-like girlfriend going at it in a cozy bed. My imagination was unnaturally developed and I could feel the bare skin of his legs and the erect penis. Those dark eyes and heavy brows. Probably all of the football team was fucking some girl on a day like this. I walked along with my brain full of sex. I never told anyone about this, but I guess I'm telling you now. 

 

Once I graduated, I'd already accepted my fate. This wouldn't be going away. My immediate plan was just to ignore the urges as long as possible. Just be normal, That lasted less than 24 hours...and then I was checking out all the young men in my dorm. I masturbated so much in those days. My roommate was a serious student and spent most of his time in class or at the library. Right after Labor Day, Summer seemed to hurry up its demise. Fall took over fast. There I was again. I had to cut through a really nice park to get to my art history class (where I always fell asleep). The first glimpse of color brought back everything. Those feelings. Why is being gay so difficult? Why does pleasure always come with regret and unanswered prayers and wishes never granted? I felt cheated. OK. Enough about my feelings and sad thoughts. This is a sex story.

 

It was raining hard that one Wednesday.. I've never once used an umbrella. I had on a London Fog jacket that my mom had found at some outlet store. I thought it was so boss. It was rain-proof at least. I was soaked. Everybody in class was too. Art history was held. in a big auditorium that was dark and had such nice, comfortable chairs. I always fell asleep while the professor showed slide after slide of dumb old paintings by whoever. The sopping wet students filtered in. A big, jock-looking guy plopped down beside me. I wasn't sure why -- there were so many empty seats in this place.Maybe he was dazed by the weather. Idiot was wearing deck shoes in rainy weather...his feet must feel so yucky  He just kicked off the shoes and opened a soggy notebook.

 

"You got a pen I can borrow?" His voice was so masculine and casual. I fished around in my book bag and found a stray Bic. Here. His huge fingers touched mine for half a second. He had to be a football player or something. If he gave me the pen back, I would keep it as a treasure forever.I had a fever back in those days.I was so horny all the time, and beating off didn't make the real hunger go away. I was so consumed by thoughts of sex, but I had to tamp that down right now. The professor was going on and on about some Spanish painter and what he was trying to convey in his work. Jesus. Symbolism. So much of college was about hidden meanings and theories. I just parroted what the teacher said in my papers --even though I always thought it should be up to the person viewing or reading something to decide what it meant to them. But I was a good student and said I saw what the guy giving grades said. This hot man next to me didn't take many notes...just doodled cubes and assorted shapes. I looked at his heavy hands.

 

Once class was over, we all filed out. The guy was right behind me. 

 

"Hey! You didn't fall asleep today! I usually sit a few rows in back of you and you always konk out after about ten minutes. A few times, you even snored."

 

"Oh God, really? That's embarrassing."

 

"Most of us laughed. It was cute."

 

The rain had stopped, but the air was still damp and musky. We seemed to be walking together. My next class was a lecture class and I could easily skip it. "I'm Evan, by the way." I tried to sound cool.

 

"I'm Mark. Where you headed next?"

 

"Philosophy. They don't take roll there, so I'm thinking of bailing."

 

"OK. Cool. Want to got a beer at Crossroads? You're old enough to drink, right?" I hated looking like a kid. 

 

"Where is it, Mark?"

 

"We have to turn around and go the opposite way. At least the rain stopped." We pivoted and headed up the hill. 

 

"Are you a jock?

 

"No. Why? Do I seem dumb or something?"

 

"No. You just have a great body. I figured you were a football player."

 

"No. I had a partial athletic scholarship last year...for the swim team. I fucked that up. I put on weight and flunked a few drug tests. It's no big deal. I don't miss the practices at all."

 

"Oh. I have a partial academic scholarship for now. I have to make a 3.2 this semester or they'll take it away."

 

"You'll be fine. You're smart. I know things."

 

"Well...thanks. I'm not all that smart, I just know how to get things done."

 

"Can you believe how much it rains here? I'm from Arizona...it's dry as fuck there."

 

"Yeah. The whole campus is built on a hill -- we catch the clouds. I grew up in this state." We finished the climb, and there it was. An actual bar just a few steps away from the student union. I had no idea this place existed. I stayed behind Mark and let him show me into the place. It had weird lighting...like a convenience store -- with maybe a little too many overhead fixtures. Whatever. Mark left me alone at a table and went to get a pitcher. 

 

"It's Bud. They're out of Bud Light which is what I usually get. Well -- what do you think of this place"

 

"It's so weird in here? Can we sit outside? On the patio?"

 

"Absolutely. It's not rainy any more." The front deck was all wood, like the front of a cabin. Most of the patio crowd was composed of older people...some brought their dogs. This school had a legendary hippie past. Underground cartoonists went here and created chaos. Some of them were celebrities in my mind. I smelled pot smoke. I'd never smoked it myself, but I knew that odor well. It was light and wispy...combined with the Autumn air, it was luxurious.

 

"Hey, Mark...Do you like how Fall smells? I sure do. Always have. Just. Just that smell."

 

"OK. All I smell is those sorority girls' clove cigarettes? Are you a poet or something? I look at you and I can see thoughts leaking out of your ears."

 

"No. I write sometimes, but never poetry." He looked at me intensely.

 

"Let's finish the pitcher and I'll admit something to you. I'm a big guy, so it might be TWO pitchers."

 

He just kept refilling my glass and I made an effort to keep up with him. He was a camel. I sometimes pretended to take a sip when lifting the glass to my mouth. A gust of wind blew some wet leaves across us. It was cool, but not quite cold. I looked at his face. He was so All-American and rugged. Light brown hair, blue eyes and a perfect jaw. Total jock. There was something troubling him, but I'd let the beer bring it out. I felt honored just to be seen with him. 

 

"You seem a little uncomfortable...you don't go to bars much, do you?"

 

"Not really,"

 

"There's so many bars in this town. There's even a gay bar... Diamonds. Have you heard of it?"

 

"No."

 

"Would you ever go to a gay bar?"

 

"Probably. Why?"

 

"I guess I should just spill it. I'm gay. I used to go to Diamonds...and met the love of my life there."

 

"Oh. Wow. I would have never guessed. I'm gay too. I've never said that out loud before."

 

"I'm honored.I always kind of thought you were, but didn't know for sure until I sat next to you today. You kept sneaking looks at my legs and bare feet...and you give off a need."

 

"A need?" I was a little red-faced.

 

"A need for touch. I have it too. My one true love died seventh months ago. He was always sort of sick when we first met.He had colds and rashes and aches...but he was a dream. Alex. We fucked all the time. And then he got so sick he couldn't get out of bed. He finally told me he had AIDS -- which I'd already guessed. I spent a lot of time looking after him and getting stoned. I was fixing him some lunch when he shouted 'I can't believe it! Angels!'. And that was it. He died. "

 

"I'm so sorry, Mark."

 

"Thanks. I've almost gotten over it, but that longing, that need hasn't gone away." He stared down into his beer. I wanted to touch is hand. "The night after his funeral, I had a hard-on all night."

 

"don't feel bad. You're young and healthy -- boners come from nowhere."

 

"Not all that healthy, Evan."

 

"You're heart is still beating. You're here, and it's a beautiful day."

 

"You make me feel better. You're my poet." His knee touched mine.

 

"I'm NOT a poet."

 

"Yeah. You've got the heart of one. I've had enough beer. Let's walk."  He was slightly unsteady on his feet, but wasn't talking drunk. The campus is seductive, with it's tall trees and exquisite landscaping. The surrounding town was nice too.. We were walking down a residential street. It wasn't raining, but still mostly cloudy. That Autumn smell was strong and I felt so good. I felt like I was wearing Mark's letter jacket. Would he be my boyfriend now? This man who likely had HIV in his blood? Maybe I liked the idea. Maybe I wanted him to get me pregnant like so many of the girls in my high school. I think I wanted that. The smell in the air was like a drug for me. I was intoxicated with pure lust and Fall. I wanted to kiss him right there in the middle of Ohio Street. 

 

"Well. This is my place." It was a three story red house, divided into apartments. It looked comfortable from the sidewalk. "Let's sit on the porch for a little while.We may as well enjoy the weather before Winter sets in. You've never been through a Winter here, have you?"

 

"No, but I know all about how shitty Winter can be." The porch had a swing and we sat there. I had a pack of Marlboro Lights in my jacket pocket, and really wanted one. "Mind if I smoke?"

 

"No way! You smoke? I can't believe it. Go ahead....and I might ask you for one later." I lit up and just gave him one now. Smoking is bad for you, but inhaling tobacco combined with moist September air is just so nice. It's a nourishment I needed.

 

"This is a nice street, Mark. Peaceful.."

 

"I guess. I feel safe here. The landlord packs a gun and is a republican asshole." He smoked with me as we stared at nothing. And everything. What a great day! Mark stretched out his big legs on the stairs.

 

"Why do you wear shorts and sandals this time of year?"

 

"It's not a fashion statement or anything. I just hate doing laundry. I don't wear underwear...ever."

 

"Oh. Me too. But what are you going to do when it's below zero outside?"

 

"That's too far away. I don't even know what I'll be doing in the next five minutes. Got any suggestions?"

 

Oh God! Really? Was I being seduced? Was something going to happen?  "I think you already have a plan, Mark. Am I right?"

 

"Sort of. Let's go inside." We stood up and brushed our selves off a little.He lived on the first floor. "Well, this is it."

 

It was way bigger than my dorm room, high ceilings and carpet. The interior was a little shoddy with cheap paneling. "Nice. Do you have noisy neighbors?"

 

"We did. There was some long-haired dude next door who practiced his electric guitar at all hours, but we got him kicked out. The girls above me play dippy music sometimes, but I can live with that."

 

Mark had a separate bedroom. That must be nice. He was actually living like a grown-up and I was a little jealous. "This is nice."

 

"Well, just relax. I'm going to get out of these damp clothes."  I sat on the bed and tried not to stare as he got naked. I finally got to see his dick. It looked pretty average. but only because his body was so big.

 

"You're not built like a swimmer, Mark. You have a great build, but it's more like a rugby body."

 

"Just touch me. I need touch and so do you." I stood up and moved to hug him. "No, Take those damp clothes off first. All of them."

 

I uncomfortably undressed in front of him. I had an inconvenient boner which made it even more awkward. Luckily, Mark had gotten a nice fat erection while watching me. We embraced and I just melted into his arms. A big, built god was holding me. I couldn't help but kiss him on the mouth. We stayed like that for a small slice of eternity, lips locked and boners touching. I held his full, firm ass in my hands. We both expressed our desires with moans. Yes! This is what Fall was meant for! There was no chill in the air as I absorbed the incredible heat from his skin. 

 

"This feels so good, Mark."

 

"Yeah. I want it go on forever, but I am really, really ready to go further. Are you?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Any further and there's no going back. You realize that, right?"

 

"I do. I understand."

 

"Make sure you really do. I have no condoms here."

 

"Let's go to bed." He practically threw me on his unmade bed. It smelled like him, like a man. Mark was on me like a starved animal, grunting and gnawing at my neck. His weight sunk me deeper into the mattress. I could barely move -- he was right about there being no going back. His mouth was like a separate wet beast. Kissing and chewing my face.

 

"You ever had a dick in your mouth?" He was practically out of breath. I never had.

 

"Not yet." I'd imagined sucking a penis for many years. I almost knew what it would be like. He shifted a bit and aimed that dick right at my left eye. He had to move one leg a little so I could grasp it. I swear I could feel his pulse in the organ. It was the most natural thing in the world for me to put it between my lips. I tasted man flesh and Fall.

 

"You like that? You like blowing me? Just watch the teeth. Wish we could do it longer, but I'm very close.I'll fertilize your throat if you want...or we can do this right."

 

I pulled my mouth away long enough to tell him he was in charge. I just was not capable of a decision.Orange and brown flashes of light went off in my brain.

 

"OK. At least I have some lube here. Lay back and try to relax a little. It will probably hurt, but it won't last long...I'm about to bust."  The next ten seconds were a swift changing of bodies. There was a wet sound as he squirted a tube of stuff all over his dick Then he fingered my naked anus with it. And then I was staring at the chipped paint on his ceiling with Mark spreading my legs far apart. I was practically doing the splits. I knew where I was and what was happening. A man with a disease was about to fuck me.

 

His dick found an opening and moved in. "NO!!!"

 

"Sshhh. I've got neighbors. It get's better." He just kept going inside, deeper and deeper. Further. My horniness made up for the pain. I was focused on him and his beautiful face. He sped up a little and then a lot. "Ahh. Ahh. I'm breeding you, Mr. Poet. Here's my SEED!"

 

He heaved and seemed to almost fall asleep on top of me. I felt a big part of him become a big part of me. He sighed with relief and fell over next to me. His fingers played with my hair a little and then he was snoozing. Once I heard his breathing get really deep, I reached over and opened the window next to the bed. That smell made sense now. This was always going to happen -- I just had to wait for it. I pulled the comforter over us and dozed off myself. 

 

"Hey! You can sleep if you want to, but I thought you should know it's almost five." Shit! If I'd had my regular art history nap, I wouldn't have slept so soundly. I got up and oriented myself for a few seconds. I needed to go. The dining hall closed at 6:30.

 

"I need to leave, Mark. But, thank you."

 

"Thank YOU! I needed that so badly. You were in my dream."  I put on my mostly-dry clothes and wondered how to say 'good bye'. Would he walk me to the door?

 

"Well. Have a good evening."

 

"Promise me something, Evan. Promise you'll write a poem for me every day."

 

"I'm not a poet, Mark."

 

"Well...try. Or leave a love note. Every single day."

 

"Yeah. OK."

 

"Give it to me or leave it in my mailbox on the porch." He turned over and resumed sleeping. I showed myself out without really thinking about locking the door. The walk back to the dorm was made a little difficult by the pain in my insides. I absorbed the Autumn smells and felt blessed. 

 

I did indeed write a poem or note for Mark every day. I saw him so often that it seemed silly, but it was our thing. By next Fall, he had moved without a word. That didn't stop me from writing him every day for the rest of my life.