Dom/sub

[tallslenderguy]

i've had a great deal of discussion about Dom/sub (D/s) relationship with a member of this site, he's become a great friend and we share and discuss pretty much anything we can think of on the topic. But we're both "sub," and our discussion is our perspective, would really like to read others. Of course, there is discussion on this topic all over the place on this site, but i don't recall seeing a dedicated thread?  Either way, i wanted to share some of my thoughts and would enjoy reading other's perspectives.

My perspective:

First off, i don't think their is an absolutely specific one size fits all definition of Dom or sub. i think part of the conflict that arises when the topic is discussed is some are certain that their notions and ideas are simply the way it is. E.g.: "if you are going to call your self sub, you must____________."  Or, vice versa: "if You are Dom you are___________."   i think to some degree, that we can all agree on general terms to fill in those blanks, but the more specific and defined we get, the more guys on either side start to drop off the 'qualifying' list. 

i've only met a few guys who call themselves "Dom" who i recognized as such.  That's not to say they are not, just that they didn't strike me as such. And i am pretty confident that there are Dom guys who'd shake their head and say: "nah, you're not sub."  The good news is, the guys i have recognized as Dom have also recognized me as sub.  my point being that, for connection to happen, the gears have to synch.  It seems to me that given the nature of D/s, there is often an expectation (on both sides) if a guy identifies as sub, he should make it fit.  i think some things are intrinsic to who we are, so the expectation by the Dom or sub that they can change their color (so to speak), is unrealistic.  Carrying the analogy, i've seen subs paint their self (so to speak) a different color because that is what their Dom demands, but it's just an outer coat, roleplaying, it's not their 'true color.'  I guess that qualifies as submission of sorts, but it seems like submitting to the demand to pretend to be something you're not. 

on the other hand, i have experienced connection with a Dom where there was compatibility of desire, so the submission was natural and real. So, i know there is such a thing, i've known it with more than one Dom.  i've come to think it's a waste of time to try and fit a square peg into a round hole. It can be forced into place, but it's not a fit, there are always gaps.

 

[Guest bbbearlover1]

It took me years to sort out my approach to the dominance I've always possessed. And I am quite pleased with where I am as a Dom right now. I had the benefit of a good friend who embraced his dominance earlier than I did. He recognized my dominance back when we were in college, and he told me that he guessed that I would eventually cross paths with him. He was right, and through our conversations, and my own experimentation, I found my rhythm. My friend is a Master who is (still) seeking a slave. I was able to see those interactions up close, and I realized that that was not the nature of my dominance. I also read a great deal, and I have to thank the old Handjobs Magazines for introducing me to the Daddy/son world. THAT dynamic made sense to me, and I realized that I was looking for a son. Over time, that expanded to include a manwife. I've found a sub who is a good fit for me (he knows who he is), but he's overseas, and there are...complications. But, I love the Dom that I've become. I am a Dom Daddy for white males. They're the most natural fit, but all Doms have the potential to evolve in terms of their taste in subs. 

And it's not an exact science, but Doms and subs who click have physical reactions. I have no hesitation in saying that tallslenderguy makes my dick thicken when we chat. I am sure that his pussy twitches, when we chat. That's been a consistent thing for me for years now. And when I've met guys in person, I've let my dick be an arbiter, and I've sniffed out pretenders every time (I usually get confessions that they aren't really subs, but just love Black tops, or some such). And I have no problem noting that my time was wasted in those situations. But when those times come, and I cross paths with a sub...damn. I know that I will be making full use of him (and he knows it too). It's a beautiful relationship, and there is reciprocal respect. I respect the gift that subs offer to me, and I do what I can to earn their respect by dominating them as they deserve to be dominated. 

[CigarBear68]

3 hours ago, bbbearlover1 said:

It took me years to sort out my approach to the dominance I've always possessed. And I am quite pleased with where I am as a Dom right now. I had the benefit of a good friend who embraced his dominance earlier than I did. He recognized my dominance back when we were in college, and he told me that he guessed that I would eventually cross paths with him. He was right, and through our conversations, and my own experimentation, I found my rhythm. My friend is a Master who is (still) seeking a slave. I was able to see those interactions up close, and I realized that that was not the nature of my dominance. I also read a great deal, and I have to thank the old Handjobs Magazines for introducing me to the Daddy/son world. THAT dynamic made sense to me, and I realized that I was looking for a son. Over time, that expanded to include a manwife. I've found a sub who is a good fit for me (he knows who he is), but he's overseas, and there are...complications. But, I love the Dom that I've become. I am a Dom Daddy for white males. They're the most natural fit, but all Doms have the potential to evolve in terms of their taste in subs. 

And it's not an exact science, but Doms and subs who click have physical reactions. I have no hesitation in saying that tallslenderguy makes my dick thicken when we chat. I am sure that his pussy twitches, when we chat. That's been a consistent thing for me for years now. And when I've met guys in person, I've let my dick be an arbiter, and I've sniffed out pretenders every time (I usually get confessions that they aren't really subs, but just love Black tops, or some such). And I have no problem noting that my time was wasted in those situations. But when those times come, and I cross paths with a sub...damn. I know that I will be making full use of him (and he knows it too). It's a beautiful relationship, and there is reciprocal respect. I respect the gift that subs offer to me, and I do what I can to earn their respect by dominating them as they deserve to be dominated. 

Ahhh..your response is like sexy poetry. No wonder you have a fan base, handsome guy. 

[tallslenderguy]

5 hours ago, bbbearlover1 said:

And it's not an exact science, but Doms and subs who click have physical reactions. I have no hesitation in saying that tallslenderguy makes my dick thicken when we chat. I am sure that his pussy twitches, when we chat. That's been a consistent thing for me for years now. And when I've met guys in person, I've let my dick be an arbiter, and I've sniffed out pretenders every time (I usually get confessions that they aren't really subs, but just love Black tops, or some such). And I have no problem noting that my time was wasted in those situations. But when those times come, and I cross paths with a sub...damn. I know that I will be making full use of him (and he knows it too). It's a beautiful relationship, and there is reciprocal respect. I respect the gift that subs offer to me, and I do what I can to earn their respect by dominating them as they deserve to be dominated. 

This is so true. bbbearlover1 made my pussy twitch from the first time i read something He wrote, totally love Him. Not something i say lightly either. There are just certain Dom's who evoke that response to me, it's like i can't help myself (nor do i want to). It's pretty awesome really, it's a fantastically, intense feeling. i'm happy to have feelings like that.  It's like a part of me gets absorbed into Him , or vice versa? But there is that mental fuck and insemmination that leaves something there.....

Edited March 16, 2018 by tallslenderguy

[wildmax]

Thank you for putting this out there tallslenderguy.  I agree that a lot of people enjoy the "fetish" that they see in porn (including me), but don't understand that it doesn't all look that way.  That makes it hard for those of us truly needing that community in a confusing spot.

My journey as a sub started at an inappropriately young age so understanding what it meant for me to be a sub was the part that was a process.  And as I embraced my role, I found it so confusing that people had so many absolutes like you described.  For example, I have met Doms who like to make eye contact while I worship their cock and others who want me to keep my eyes closed.  My personal default is to focus all attention, including my eyes on the Cock itself.  But if a Dom tells me to look in His eyes the whole time then I am totally going to do it. Obviously if you serve the same Dom more than once or are owned by Him, then you better start anticipating, but hopefully a good Dom knows he might need to tell me what He wants (or just take it).  

Therefore, my final words of wisdom, the one thing that I see that is universal in Dom/sub relationships is that both parties have one goal: His pleasure (or more specifically the pleasure of His cock) and both of you should do whatever is needed to provide that pleasure.  

[holesforYouSir]

Really interesting discussion. Thanks for getting it going. Hearing about folks who seem to have some confusion around their identities/roles  makes me realize i need to be more appreciative of being one of those people who just knows -- and has for quite some time -- that he is most fulfilled and satisfied when a Black Dom takes control and uses me for His pleasure and entertainment, simply because it is His right.

[hotguy02]

On 3/15/2018 at 6:19 PM, bbbearlover1 said:

It took me years to sort out my approach to the dominance I've always possessed. And I am quite pleased with where I am as a Dom right now. I had the benefit of a good friend who embraced his dominance earlier than I did. He recognized my dominance back when we were in college, and he told me that he guessed that I would eventually cross paths with him. He was right, and through our conversations, and my own experimentation, I found my rhythm. My friend is a Master who is (still) seeking a slave. I was able to see those interactions up close, and I realized that that was not the nature of my dominance. I also read a great deal, and I have to thank the old Handjobs Magazines for introducing me to the Daddy/son world. THAT dynamic made sense to me, and I realized that I was looking for a son. Over time, that expanded to include a manwife. I've found a sub who is a good fit for me (he knows who he is), but he's overseas, and there are...complications. But, I love the Dom that I've become. I am a Dom Daddy for white males. They're the most natural fit, but all Doms have the potential to evolve in terms of their taste in subs. 

And it's not an exact science, but Doms and subs who click have physical reactions. I have no hesitation in saying that tallslenderguy makes my dick thicken when we chat. I am sure that his pussy twitches, when we chat. That's been a consistent thing for me for years now. And when I've met guys in person, I've let my dick be an arbiter, and I've sniffed out pretenders every time (I usually get confessions that they aren't really subs, but just love Black tops, or some such). And I have no problem noting that my time was wasted in those situations. But when those times come, and I cross paths with a sub...damn. I know that I will be making full use of him (and he knows it too). It's a beautiful relationship, and there is reciprocal respect. I respect the gift that subs offer to me, and I do what I can to earn their respect by dominating them as they deserve to be dominated. 

Very true.  Us subs ache for a Dom daddy like u.    My wet cunt also twitches when we message.    

[hotguy02]

On 3/16/2018 at 12:10 AM, tallslenderguy said:

This is so true. bbbearlover1 made my pussy twitch from the first time i read something He wrote, totally love Him. Not something i say lightly either. There are just certain Dom's who evoke that response to me, it's like i can't help myself (nor do i want to). It's pretty awesome really, it's a fantastically, intense feeling. i'm happy to have feelings like that.  It's like a part of me gets absorbed into Him , or vice versa? But there is that mental fuck and insemmination that leaves something there.....

Totally agree

[Guest FinalDL2021]

Nothing has really been discussed or decided, yet a guy that I am now calling a distant fuck-buddy, I am pretty, sure, has successfully hypnotized me, and has me in his control. I will know for sure, when we meet again this summer. He claims that he has implanted a trigger word in my last hypnosis session, when we saw each other last. 

he plans on using it, when he wants me show up and meet for sex again.     My question is, can this be considered a dom/sub relationship even though we have not discussed roles?

[ErosWired]

@PozTemptation - As one who has been called a good hypnotic subject and who has been deeply hypnotized by some men with predatorial motives, I would say that you should not necessarily confuse suggestibility with a desire for submission.

There is a lot of myth about what a hypnotist can do to a person, but in general, hypnosis calls upon the subconscious to influence behavior, thought it cannot make you do something you would otherwise not do. A ‘tist (as they’re called in hypnosis circles) may be able to trance you into braying like a mule, but he can’t hypnotize you to death.

The most skilled ‘tist who ever tranced me had me spreadeagled on a bed completely immobilized in wrist and leg shackles that weren’t there, shaking me with orgasms literally an order of magnitude stronger than I was used to, and making me shoot over my shoulder without ever touching my cock. But the moment he tried to introduce images of him physically beating me, my mind rejected the trance and returned to full control. Something of that nature could happen to one degree or another to a man regardless of his sub or Dom tendencies.