Anonymous hookups who end up wanting to date you

[AriesBB7]

Sometimes I just want to fuck.  Anonymous, raw, primal no strings attached plowings.  Anonymous doesn't always stay Anonymous.  After sex, while you're introducing yourself (sometimes I don't learn a guy's name until after....trashy, I know right?) guys always ask for your number so that they can hook up and fuck again and even if I just want it to be a one time thing, I still have to give them my number, it's not the 90s anymore when you could give out bunk numbers.  Nowadays guys immediately text you on your phone and so you have to show them that you received their text....so they get my number, and they inevitably text me sweet shit the next day, and I respond back, sometimes I hook up again, sometimes, I just chat with them....but every time without fail it seems like all of these guys quickly transition over to the wanting to date me mode and they start having feelings immediately that they have to start expressing.  And it's not like I'm picking up a certain type through a certain venue or social media source, this is everything from bbrt to bars.  Do you guys have this problem where your hookups start making things weird with wanting to date you?  I wouldn't be opposed to dating but I'm also not looking for it nor do I try to give out signals of wanting that.  How do you guys keep things anonymous or otherwise detached?

[Monster5-8gPA]

You have a sexy ass so I can see why they want to date you!?

[ErosWired]

I do not generally have this problem, but the way I go about finding cock doesn’t tend to leave the impression that I’m there for anything but fucking. I tend to couch my offering in terms of “service” and express plainly that I am prepared to service more than one Top. As you may only be looking for a single encounter within specific parameters, however, such an approach may not be applicable to you.

Every time two humans fuck, some degree of bonding occurs at a biological level - chemicals are naturally released into the body that affect mental states to promote closer connection of the two individuals. This is believed to be an adaptation to ensure a more stable parental environment for the survival of offspring. The fact that no offspring are possible in this case is immaterial; you’re still going through the sexy motions and your bodies don’t know the difference. So, some degree of post-coital interest is not unusual, especially if your style of sex is more akin to lovemaking than plain buggery.

10 hours ago, aries7 said:

sometimes I don't learn a guy's name until after....trashy, I know right?

Trashy? That’s a value judgment. It’s entirely possible that you consider me and men like me “trashy” because we do not discriminate in our couplings, and accept them both anonymously and numerously - in short, because you might consider us promiscuous. I am not a “professional” in any sense that might be applied here, but I do take my service seriously. I am scrupulously clean, rigorously tested, provide trained, skilled service, and in the course of my efforts, educate individuals on a number of topics related to sexual health.

That said, more often than not, I do not learn the name of a man I serve before or after he enjoys my body, if indeed I ever see him at all. It isn’t necessary for the service I provide, and if I were to give my name and contact info, it could be misconstrued as an invitation to a relationship I do not desire, nor am prepared to pursue.

You might reflect on each of your encounters that has resulted in unwanted attention, and try to identify any common factors in your approach that might have tended to give a false impression that you were open to a relationship. Try to modify or eliminate that behavior next time you just want a fuck, and see if the problem resolves.

It could, for instance, be as simple as not asking him his name before he leaves. After all, if he’s just a fuck, why would you need to know his name - unless you were signalling that you wanted to get to know him better. And if that’s the same as suggesting that you let yourself be a little more “trashy”, so be it.

Edited November 17, 2018 by ErosWired

[Pozlover1]

I have had sex with a LOT of guys and I love them all. 

I don’t need to know their names to remember them.

[BerlinGuy]

Me says the ladies do protest too much 

Edited November 17, 2018 by BerlinGuy

[AriesBB7]

I did not mean any disrespect or insult in my comment about not knowing names being trashy and I have a lot of anonymous sex in that fashion so I'm grouped in with all of that too.  I tend to be a little self deprecating at times and didn't mean to pull everyone into an unintentional global insult. 

[ErosWired]

No worries - I wasn’t insulted, I was just hoping to lend context to my suggestion that exchanging names could contribute to the problem you’re asking about. If concern that you might be percieved that way after an anonymous hookup causes you to offer up your name, it could be one reason the problem keeps occurring. But of course, I’m only speculating.

[AriesBB7]

iI think you may be onto something when you said my style may be similar to lovemaking than plain beggary....Reflecting on it, it probably does come across as pretty passionate/aggressive lovemaking.  I never really analyzed it that way....but mine although pretty intense and aggressive definitely draws more heavily from the realm of sexy, seductive passion than from grindy physical servicing.  Wonder how I picked up that style...maybe that does give more mixed signals.

[evilqueerpig]

My stock statement for making things clear from the start.."I don't date...I trick!"

[Guest BBBoyfromTN]

So much of it is situational. A lot of times with truly anon hookups I never get a name or switch contact info. I know some guys are on the DL and have to remain truly anon. If a hookup was really hot though and I do want to get with them again I'll say that and offer to swap digits. Some guys will and some won't. I have a burner phone for that kind of thing and don't give out my actual number. I have had regular fucks and anon fucks who pushed the issue of wanting a more regular thing and even dating and I'm upfront and honest that I'm just not the dating type and I'd disappoint. That said there are some guys I've wanted to date and been disappointed they didn't want to, so it does cut both ways. I try not to get too needy or clingy and I'm pretty honest if guys start doing that to me. I've had some guys throw themselves at me, including one guy who I did actually start dating and regretted it almost immediately. He's a really sweet guy but it was a rebound thing and I didn't want to get sucked into helping him through it. I know I sound like an asshole but I gotta be me.

[Guest Tallpike13]

3 out of 5 bottoms get attached or want to date. I'm in a relationship so that's out of the picture. Guys that get attached tend to want to be my boyfriend on the side or try to ruin my relationship. I find it sad. Makes just want to masturbate.

[Guest Cumlaut]

Haha, I was almost gonna make a thread like this the other day I didnt notice this

I've had a few guys while i was out cruising who seemed really impressed and said how cute I was.... and seemed like they wanted to take me home to mom, lol

Ive only had one ask for my squirt username one time and another couple of guys asked for my phone number... there was this one reallly, really nice guy in a purple jacket in London. He said he lived in South London... ohhh, if only I could have just shacked up with him just like that he clearly liked me a lot. 

[Guest arseontap]

This was quite numerous from my standpoint. I have never had this problem - actually the opposite. I don't rise to the stock of being good looking enough for consideration. Hence a hood and arse to breed. I have heard the message loud and clear and I now know my place. Face down (covered) and arse up. That will never change to the day I die so I just roll with it. For those lucky enough to get the attention, at best take it as a compliment.

[flacogedor]

I know what you mean, sometimes the chemistry between two guys can be so strong that a simple fuck turns into something more like love-making (which I like from time to time as well). Just by looking at your profile picture I can tell that you're subtle and seductive, so you DEFINITELY must be giving romantic (as in "expressions of love") signals, BUT we are all adults looking for sex so if a guy gets confused and insists on it, he just didn't get it. It's his problem, not yours. And don't feel pressured to give your phone number, you shouldn't if you don't want to. Just try to find ways to say no (explicitly). No one can fight honesty.

[Guest arseontap]

4 hours ago, arseontap said:

This was quite numerous from my standpoint. I have never had this problem - actually the opposite. I don't rise to the stock of being good looking enough for consideration. Hence a hood and arse to breed. I have heard the message loud and clear and I now know my place. Face down (covered) and arse up. That will never change to the day I die so I just roll with it. For those lucky enough to get the attention, at best take it as a compliment.

Meant to say "quite HUMEROUS" from my standpoint lol.