Training a Beginning Top - Advice Please

[find91]

On ‎2‎/‎27‎/‎2019 at 5:53 PM, ErosWired said:

I find myself in the unusual position of training a 21-year-old guy how to Top. I, of course, am a total bottom, so it's not unlike a horse teaching horseback riding, yet here I am.

The guy is very interested in Topping, but for whatever reason has performance/ED issues when it comes down to the moment. We have established that he has no problems with his actual plumbing, and indeed he has an exceptional young cock, beautifully symmetrical, thick, straight, and yummy. His cum is also absolutely delicious. He approached me on Grindr (yes, I know) yet wonder of wonders, he was real, and appeared, on time, as described. Quite mature, and serious about wanting to Top me... if possible. He wanted to make sure I understood that he might not be able to, and I assured him I had no expectation other than that we would have fun getting to know each other.

He had not tried Viagra before, and after making sure there were no obvious contraindications (happily, he's a student in the medical care field, so was quite knowledgeable himself) so we agreed that he might try a medium dose to see if it assisted him with whatever problem might be affecting his erection.

It assisted.

Cutting to the chase, he fucked me very well indeed, shifting positions twice, finally lasting with a loud groan and collapsing into me in a sweaty, gasping heap. He said, "... After 30 failed attempts..."

1) Kudos to the man for getting back in the saddle again after 30 failures; and
2) Damn, he must really want to Top.

And yet, in the two weeks since, he hasn't tried again with anyone else. He says he wants my ass again tonight after 9pm. He says he hasn't shot in a week and needs to cum. I've told him all along that my ass is his for the taking whenever he wants it (how many 21-year-old guys have a dedicated ass to fuck?) but he hasn't been aggressive about taking advantage of it.

My question for all of you:

What advice would you give to a young man about how to Top? I can only advise him from a bottom's perspective, about what makes me responsive as a bottom, and about what I hope I supply for him in the experience. I can't guide him in how he should think of bottoms, what his approach toward them should be (other than what I hope happens to me), or any of those secrets only Tops know about bottoms and their asses. What would you say to a young man to give him the confidence to come in with a raging-hard cock and fuck like a champ? Because he has the potential.

Advice from Tops is especially sought, but all replies are welcome.

Well from my experience Topping is 10% mechaniques,45% mind set and 45% empathizing and understanding the bottom you are fucking. I'm assuming you probably more than covered the bottom empathy and what a hole likes and needs since you sound like a very capable bottom. Most people approach topping by just sticking a dick in and ass and humping back and forth until you cum. Getting the penis in the orifice is the 10% part if you're erect it will work if your not it won't. The 45% mindset is that a tops ability to fuck comes down to their confidence. You start feeling hesitation and you start to loose your erection and for someone that has had ED issues it can really take a blow to your self-esteem and confidence especially at that age when everyone expects you to have an iron hard erection and fucking holes into anything that breed or moves. unless you're dealing with Dominant bottoms, most bottoms want a top to take control on some level, but some guys are not comfortable taking the lead. In that case they need to feel comfortable with the bottom they are with. I suspect this is the reason he keeps seeing you. He feels comfortable with you. You guys have made a connection, furthermore you accepted him even though he was having wood issues. Since all the pluming is fine most likely he has performance anxiety. A nice way to alleviate that anxiety is by slowing down and doing some foreplay. Get the bottom to do the things that turn him on be that sucking his dick, playing with his nipples, getting rimmed or he even rimming them. Whatever that makes him horny and his dick hard. Most bottoms want to please so they are willing and happy to do what the top wants to get them hard( with in reason). Only when you are rock hard, not 50% or 60% only 90-100% hard then to move to penetrate the bottom.

Furthermore, Not all tops are the same ( exactly like not all bottoms are the same). Some tops work well to Dominate, other are better at sensual play and taking care of their bottoms. He needs to be comfortable with his style and fuck what others say or do. Also he should not be hung up with failed encounters or failures. Take them more as a learning lesson and less as a blow to your ego. Failures help to let you know what doesn't work for you.

[Qban]

31 minutes ago, find91 said:

Furthermore, Not all tops are the same ( exactly like not all bottoms are the same). Some tops work well to Dominate, other are better at sensual play and taking care of their bottoms. He needs to be comfortable with his style and fuck what others say or do. Also he should not be hung up with failed encounters or failures. Take them more as a learning lesson and less as a blow to your ego. Failures help to let you know what doesn't work for you.

I totally agree.  Everybody is good at something and everyone likes different things.  Find out what you like and what works for you.  Enjoy it, own it, and fuck whatever anyone else says.  Don’t beat yourself up if a guy isn’t into you or the kind of things you’re into or get hung up on things that don’t matter.  Just keep looking.  If you’re confident and comfortable in your own skin you’ll attract other guys, find ones you click with and have a hell of a fun time.  

[tallslenderguy]

On 2/27/2019 at 2:53 PM, ErosWired said:

My question for all of you:

What advice would you give to a young man about how to Top? I can only advise him from a bottom's perspective, about what makes me responsive as a bottom, and about what I hope I supply for him in the experience. I can't guide him in how he should think of bottoms, what his approach toward them should be (other than what I hope happens to me), or any of those secrets only Tops know about bottoms and their asses. What would you say to a young man to give him the confidence to come in with a raging-hard cock and fuck like a champ? Because he has the potential.

Advice from Tops is especially sought, but all replies are welcome.

i think you can "...guide him...," and apparently are guiding Him 'successfully' (He "successfully" topped you).  i'm not of a mind that 'bottoms should be seen and not heard' (not suggesting youre implying this), even though i'm sexually receptive. i'm with those who think/feel that He may have some sort of fear or concern about having sex with guys to overcome or get past? But i don't know, i'd ask Him.  i suspect He's thought a great deal about it, thus the problem of ED. 

i was in the role of a top for most of my life (married to a woman 31 years).  i practiced and got very good at giving my wife pleasure. Towards the last several years of our marriage, that would actually frustrate her.  i'd give her all these multiple orgasms but she finally told me that she wished that i would "just take her without any regard to her pleasure."  i doubt she would have been happy about that if that were our sex life exclusively, but it was something she missed and it was something i could not give her because... i'm gay lol.

 Which is kind of the crux of what i am getting at.  i think the kind of Top or bottom many (most?) of us are talking about on this site is the kind that seems naturally inclined, who has a cock and is driven to put it inside someone.  i agree with find91, that there's a "big difference being a top and a competent or good top," i.e., that just like with me, there is a learned or developed skill side to it. But i also think that the lust/desire/need to penetrate, inseminate is a big part of being a top and that it is not trained or acquired. 

[Guest]

Vers guy here - you didn't say if those 30 failed attempts were all raw or condom.  That's definitely a world of difference.  I tried for 15 years occassionally topping with a condom, and I'd lose my hardon 100% of the time...I totally quit trying after a while.  When I finally started topping raw I was so fucking hard, but I'd cum prematurely almost every time early on. Partly physical, partly mental I'm certain.  I definitely considered those as a "fail" since I had zero control (sometimes lasting 30 seconds or less).  Bottom line is PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!!  There's such a difference in bottoms (attitude and holes).  I have top buddies that love a TIGHT hole, I personally prefer a looser slut who's hole practically sucks my cock in like a mouth.  That turns some tops I know off.  He's gotta figure out what he likes once he figures out what he likes (with practice).  It sounds like you're doing the right thing - hopefully he doesn't get to be mentally relying on the viagra since it sounds like he doesn't really need it.  He just needs more "successful" fucks under his belt which you're helping him with - what a good guy

      

[find91]

9 minutes ago, justsexnowatl said:

Vers guy here - you didn't say if those 30 failed attempts were all raw or condom.  That's definitely a world of difference.  I tried for 15 years occassionally topping with a condom, and I'd lose my hardon 100% of the time...I totally quit trying after a while.  When I finally started topping raw I was so fucking hard, but I'd cum prematurely almost every time early on. Partly physical, partly mental I'm certain.  I definitely considered those as a "fail" since I had zero control (sometimes lasting 30 seconds or less).  Bottom line is PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!!  There's such a difference in bottoms (attitude and holes).  I have top buddies that love a TIGHT hole, I personally prefer a looser slut who's hole practically sucks my cock in like a mouth.  That turns some tops I know off.  He's gotta figure out what he likes once he figures out what he likes (with practice).  It sounds like you're doing the right thing - hopefully he doesn't get to be mentally relying on the viagra since it sounds like he doesn't really need it.  He just needs more "successful" fucks under his belt which you're helping him with - what a good guy

      

Great point about the condoms. I never thought about that. I'm with you man love a nice sloppy slut hole. Tight is way to painful for me

[ErosWired]

30 minutes ago, find91 said:

hopefully he doesn't get to be mentally relying on the viagra since it sounds like he doesn't really need it.

Last session he asked for Viagra after a couple of false starts, and I let him have it, but he got hard and got his fuck finished well before the medication would have had any chance to work on him.

The next day, I sent him a note pointing this out, and suggesting he think about what that means between now and our next fuck. My goal is to get him away from relying on anything but his confidence, and as quickly as possible.

 I have to say, there’s something particularly fulfilling about feeling a young man have an intense full-body orgasm while you’re wrapped around him... It makes me remember the kind of cum-blasting O I used to have when I was younger and still discovering my body. I’m kind of lucky in that I videoed myself jacking off back then and can still watch myself enjoying it. In more recent years Doms have induced orgasms in me that have felt more intense by an order of magnitude - truly violent, almost traumatic climaxes - but none have been quite the same as those early earth-shakers. If I can help him find those, I’m fulfilling my purpose.  (:

[find91]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

Last session he asked for Viagra after a couple of false starts, and I let him have it, but he got hard and got his fuck finished well before the medication would have had any chance to work on him.

The next day, I sent him a note pointing this out, and suggesting he think about what that means between now and our next fuck. My goal is to get him away from relying on anything but his confidence, and as quickly as possible.

 I have to say, there’s something particularly fulfilling about feeling a young man have an intense full-body orgasm while you’re wrapped around him... It makes me remember the kind of cum-blasting O I used to have when I was younger and still discovering my body. I’m kind of lucky in that I videoed myself jacking off back then and can still watch myself enjoying it. In more recent years Doms have induced orgasms in me that have felt more intense by an order of magnitude - truly violent, almost traumatic climaxes - but none have been quite the same as those early earth-shakers. If I can help him find those, I’m fulfilling my purpose. ?

He chose very well. Now I see why he keeps coming back

[alwaysready]

if the situation in Canada is like it is in the states, there are a lot more bottoms than tops. so to me you can point out that a top has a wide range of choices. if you have started as a bottom, I think you are well-placed to teach him how to top. after all, you know what it feels like. excellent comments here.