Dilemmas for submissive bottoms

[kinkysuBB]

This has struck me after posting in another thread. I’ve a question for all the submissive bottoms on here (and I mean properly submissive, not “likes a bit of vaguely enthusiastic thrusting”).

So the ideal scenario for us is to not be in control of our sexual encounters (I’m leaving limits aside for the purpose of this discussion). This works fantastically well with a totally dominant top. But what do we do when we find our top is less dom than we are sub, and wants us to take the lead, or is going far too gently on us? This all too common a situation for me. Even at group sex parties, I tend to be by far the most into the dom/sub thing.

For me I usually end up power bottoming in this situation, showing the top exactly how capable I am and how much I want him to use me. But this isn’t really being submissive: it’s being dominant with a cock up your hole. Yet if I don’t do it, and the top doesn’t exert his dominance, the sex is crap (although he is controlling me by deciding the sex will be crap, if you get me).

Maybe I need to find a bigger city and seek out specific kink scenes? Or should I accept this as a sort of edging while being fucked? Is not being allowed fully realise my sub nature all the time actually part of being a true sub?

[Guest]

I can't really advise here.  As a true submissive bottom, I have never had a less than dominant top.  I haven't had to do more than mild coaxing.

[kinkysuBB]

Hmm. Interesting. Makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong.

I will say most guys from my country have a reputation amongst international visitors for being a bit more inhibited than average when it comes to sex. And I’ve never had a lack of dominance issue with any foreigners who’ve fucked me, now I think about it.

[Guest]

in my entire sex life, i have to admit i have had only one true dominant male who fucked me. sure here and there i have had some who have spanked me tied me up and where a bit aggressive and it was fun and pleasurable.

But true dominance was my first and only one who would be forceful with me, and when i refused to be fucked just because i did not feel like it. he would be forceful. i remember the time when I was naked ready for him to enjoy me but i really did not want him to penetrate me and fuck me. so i was squeezing my ass not to allow his cock inside or at least make it more difficult. well that did not work for him, he told me a few times to open up, but I sort of ignored him, then he puts his hand under me and grabs me by the balls and tells me now bitch spread them and let me in. i felt he had me so i started to not prevent him from fucking me, but he started to squeeze my balls and i had no choice but to spread wide and open. to which he penetrated me and fucked me deep and hard so much that i was screaming with each thrust of his cock inside of me. to which he said to me that is it whore that is why you were born to spread them and let men fuck you, that is your only purpose in life to spread your legs and give men pleasure with your hot piece of ass.

i have to admit it was painful and he was hurting me with every stroke of his cock. but i can honestly say it was he best sex i have ever had. not to mention he told me also that i had a better piece of ass then his girlfriend whom he fucked also. I was able to give him more pleasure.

i have to admit i wish i could have a man who would treat, be aggressive and abusive with me like that all the time. i have to admit he trained and turned me into a real whore and i love giving men pleasure with my ass.

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

During my time on this site I've come to realize my user name isn't correct. After months of reading posts and people's takes on matters, I have to say I'm more of a power bottom. I've only rarely had the pleasure of being with a somewhat dominant top. I've been with guys who said they were dominant tops during discussions, but they seemed to lose any notion of exerting control once the clothes come off. I more than make up for it by letting my inner-slut take over and take control, because once my clothes come off I lose all inhibitions. At least once I start sucking then sit on his cock and start bouncing, it typically gets him fired up to where he wants to fuck me in his favorite position. Then he starts making some decisions. I'm not going to complain, cock is cock and cum is awesome, but I do fantasize about one day being in the middle of a room with a true group of horny Dom tops looking to truly take control over me.

[BBSMKR]

Reading this I’m not sure I’ve ever had a true dominant fuck, sure I’ve had some great fucks, but it does tend to be me encouraging the top to fuck me harder, which usually works.

[LetsPOZBreed]

On 8/5/2020 at 8:42 PM, subBottomKink said:

Hmm. Interesting. Makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong.

I will say most guys from my country have a reputation amongst international visitors for being a bit more inhibited than average when it comes to sex. And I’ve never had a lack of dominance issue with any foreigners who’ve fucked me, now I think about it.

You're not doing anything wrong;  I know from where you come (no pun intended).

It varies...I find some "tops" are naturally more dominant, or can get to a point where they lose inhibitions with a bottom that they trust.  I want it to feel like I'm not doing any work at all; just lay there and take what my dom can dish out.  If I can sense that my top is holding back or inexperienced, I try and find a way to make him feel comfortable and coax it out of them.   

Then there are the lost-causes; the ones that say they're "dom", yet I feel like I'm expected to do all the effort.  Some guys have a misconception that being a top automatically makes one dominant, whch is categorically false; being a top is physical - being dominant is emotional; it's a mindset.

[ErosWired]

On 8/5/2020 at 2:42 PM, subBottomKink said:

Hmm. Interesting. Makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong.

You can’t judge your experience by comparison to @DannyBoyCMH’s experience. His situation is highly unusual; very, very few submissives have access to Dominant Tops the way he has. Your experience as you describe it is far more typical of the general Top population. Zoo

The fact of the matter is that the kind of Dominance that submissives like you and I find so motivating and satisfying is not a common trait among men. A genuine desire for, and pleasure in, control over another man’s body, for the ability to violate his intimate space, and for a feeling of satisfaction from his discomfort, pain or humiliation are all traits that distinguish the Dominant from the common Top. These are essentially antisocial characteristics; at the farther end of the scale they may venture into the realm of psychopathy.

If a man looks at me and thinks to himself, genuinely, “He’s a faggot. He was born for men like me to fuck, and I have a right to his ass”, that puts him outside of mainstream thinking. The fact that I might happen to agree with him doesn’t change that, it only puts me in alignment with his aggressive pattern of thought.

To my mind, this somewhat underscores my sense that I have a definite role to play as a sexual submissive - because I accept and perform the role that such men would place on me, I act as a receptacle for those relatively antisocial expressions of male sexuality that might otherwise be inflicted on persons in the mainstream. If an aggressive Dominant fucks me in a particularly brutal and dehumanizing way, little harm is done because I am trained to take it, am accustomed to it, and see it as part of my purpose, and someone else is spared that treatment who might have been traumatized by it.

But because the mindset found in such Dominants is atypical, we can’t expect to find it readily in the mainstream, and I don’t believe it’s a mindset that can be brought into being in a mind in which it doesn’t already exist. You can’t, therefore, fo anything to make those non-Dominant Tops become the kinds of  controlling brutes you hope for - it isn’t in them. The best you can do is try to find the genuine article and focus your effort there.

If it’s any consolation, I sympathize - my experience is the same as yours. I would be perfectly happy if every man treated me like a whore - but most of them are just regular, decent guys.

[Pozguyinchi]

On 8/3/2020 at 4:41 PM, subBottomKink said:

This has struck me after posting in another thread. I’ve a question for all the submissive bottoms on here (and I mean properly submissive, not “likes a bit of vaguely enthusiastic thrusting”).

So the ideal scenario for us is to not be in control of our sexual encounters (I’m leaving limits aside for the purpose of this discussion). This works fantastically well with a totally dominant top. But what do we do when we find our top is less dom than we are sub, and wants us to take the lead, or is going far too gently on us? This all too common a situation for me. Even at group sex parties, I tend to be by far the most into the dom/sub thing.

For me I usually end up power bottoming in this situation, showing the top exactly how capable I am and how much I want him to use me. But this isn’t really being submissive: it’s being dominant with a cock up your hole. Yet if I don’t do it, and the top doesn’t exert his dominance, the sex is crap (although he is controlling me by deciding the sex will be crap, if you get me).

Maybe I need to find a bigger city and seek out specific kink scenes? Or should I accept this as a sort of edging while being fucked? Is not being allowed fully realise my sub nature all the time actually part of being a true sub?

I think it is rare to find a dominant top when most of your hook ups are random. I think in most situations men try to feel out their bottom for limits and you really can’t do that within minutes of meeting. About one out of 10(and that is generous) come to the table so to speak with the dom skill set to make it work. It’s much easier with regulars that set the expectations of what is going to happen. Nothing is more of a turn off than when a dom asks if he can come in me. Sometimes they are perfect up to that point. Another annoying turn off is during him breeding he asks if I am on prep. My advise is to find regulars. Ransoms usually don’t work out.

[BB10]

If you have to show a “dom” how to use you then you don’t have a dom top inside you. 
 

A true dominant top doesn’t need help or direction. He’ll tell you to, “shut up,” “stop playing with your dick,” and “open up your cunt.” 

[Guest]

Unfortunately most “Dom Tops” that I have interacted with are the opposite of Dom. I found over the last several years most men are only Dom on the keyboard but when it comes to action they are quiet and shy.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been built up by a guy claiming to be a Dom Master only to be let down by a pathetic man trying to live a lifestyle that he is unprepared to live.

I have had to suggest and coach guys on what to do. Sometimes I find myself becoming the aggressor and other times I just lay there hoping that he nuts quickly so I can get out of there.
It’s very frustrating because I’m a true submissive bottom who craves and needs a Master to take total control of me.
I’m just not wired to be Dom and find zero satisfaction when I have to lead. 
 

I’ve gotten a little better in weeding out some of the imposters by asking to meet publicly for a drink or even coffee before we hook up. 
I can tell right away if the guy is a True Dom or not by how he controls the situation. If I find myself doing most of the talking I know I’m with the wrong guy and I excuse myself and move on. 
 

 

[hungryfaggotcunt]

2 hours ago, BB10 said:

If you have to show a “dom” how to use you then you don’t have a dom top inside you. 
 

A true dominant top doesn’t need help or direction. He’ll tell you to, “shut up,” “stop playing with your dick,” and “open up your cunt.” 

yes sir..ill open my cunt for u.. would u be down to use it right now.. im in heat and need a actual dom top to take control and fucking use and wreck my hole.. like badly

[ErosWired]

9 hours ago, hungryfaggotcunt said:

yes sir..ill open my cunt for u.. would u be down to use it right now.. im in heat and need a actual dom top to take control and fucking use and wreck my hole.. like badly

If you’re actually hoping to attract an authentically Dominant Top to fuck you, I would suggest you try a different strategy. In my very consistent experience, a genuine Dominant Top has no interest whatsoever in what a bottom “needs”, or even wants. He is interested only in his own appetites, and will assess the potential of a bottom only on the basis of the bottom’s usefulness to him. He is only interested in your orgasm to the degree that making you have it is a demonstration of his control. If he’s in a good mood, he might indulge your need, but only if it amuses him to do so, or if doing so in some perverse fashion satisfies some darker impulse within him.  There may be Dominants who respond to bottoms who talk about their “need” because they see it as a signal that the bottom is particularly debased, but I have found, rather, that such Dominants tend to view those kinds of entreaties as a sign that the bottom is self-interested and is likely be a tiresome fuck, and move on to more promising targets.

[parvenu]

On 7/21/2021 at 4:20 AM, ErosWired said:

If you’re actually hoping to attract an authentically Dominant Top to fuck you, I would suggest you try a different strategy. In my very consistent experience, a genuine Dominant Top has no interest whatsoever in what a bottom “needs”, or even wants. He is interested only in his own appetites, and will assess the potential of a bottom only on the basis of the bottom’s usefulness to him. He is only interested in your orgasm to the degree that making you have it is a demonstration of his control. If he’s in a good mood, he might indulge your need, but only if it amuses him to do so, or if doing so in some perverse fashion satisfies some darker impulse within him.  There may be Dominants who respond to bottoms who talk about their “need” because they see it as a signal that the bottom is particularly debased, but I have found, rather, that such Dominants tend to view those kinds of entreaties as a sign that the bottom is self-interested and is likely be a tiresome fuck, and move on to more promising targets.

yeah thats precisely it. I keep him from cumming into im finished and if i like him it will be with a rushed handjob that i pretend is a game of making him 'hold back' which i know he wont be able to. Then he cums and I can enjoy the movie lol. Him cumming is very much secondary unless im in the mood for cum. Otherwise I'm well aware he must be kept from cumming to let me abuse his mouth and ass in ways he would balk at after he came and became a man again

[ErosWired]

4 hours ago, parvenu said:

after he came and became a man again

That’s an interesting notion - that a male having lost his masculine status could suddenly regain it by cumming. I suspect it isn’t as easy as that. A man may look back with chagrin at the things he has done - or allowed to be done to him - while in the throes of his sexual impulse, but you can’t unfuck him. Once that bell has rung, it stays rung. A cunting is irreversible.