Bars, Chats, or Current Profile world

[120DaysofSodom]

43 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

I'd also note: I'm not calling for the (real or virtual) flashers to be arrested or barred from the websites or whatever. I'm saying I'm under no real or imagined obligation to treat that behavior as the equivalent of a friendly "hello" that common decency requires acknowledgement.

I think it would be bizarre to be on facebook or instagram and to get an unsolicited dick pick, but if you willingly download something like grindr, a phone app designed for people to get laid and nothing else, then you should expect to see things. Its like scrolling through XVideos or PornHub. Some things you want to see, others you dont. No way a little bit of unsolicited genitalia over the internet offends the likes of people on par with us on BreedingZone lol

[120DaysofSodom]

51 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

If I were in such a bar, and some guy dropped his shorts and underwear, I'd equate that to public flashing, whereas I wouldn't at Folsom or Dore Alley or other similar street fairs.

I agree with this, but think if you willingly download 18+ gay apps intended only for hooking up that you should expect to see dick picks flashing through your inbox. I get so many unsolicited pictures, and as a bottom that has zero interest in ever topping, nothing turns me off more than an unsolicited picture of somebodys asshole that does absolutely nothing for me. But I just ignore it because its grindr.

[tallslenderguy]

47 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

The difference is that the avatar is a representation intended for general view by anyone and not directed specifically at the individual being approached in an assertive way, as are nude pics that suddenly pop up on a one-on-one instant message. The pics that are sent actively target the recipient and carry with them the implication of obligation: I’ve shown you my intimate parts, so to be fair you should show me yours. This presumption is what makes them rude - the avatar doesn’t do the same thing in that it imparts no sense of expectation that a viewer should respond with an avatar in kind. While there is no actual obligation for the recipient of revealing pics to respond, people tend to seek a kind of equilibrium with others in social interactions because parity makes interaction easier...usually. Except in this case, the recipient is made uncomfortable by a sudden demand for intimate personal information, and this frustrates his instinct to form a connection. The rudeness comes from placing the recipient in this awkward position.

Looked at another way, it’s the difference between a man with no pants on walking down the street minding his own business and another man walking up to you personally and flashing you nude in his trenchcoat - you may find both uncouth, and both are likely to be arrested for indecent exposure, but the one you’re really going to be annoyed at is the guy in the trenchcoat because he got personal.

i think you make some good points.  i see what you mean by the obligatory implication. Sort of akin to sending a "hi" or "wassup," where the writer puts the weight of a conversation on you. i also appreciate BootmanLA's observation of the obviously unread profile.   It pisses me off when someone with no profile or pics asks to see my pics or asks me questions i've already answered in my profile.  

[BootmanLA]

37 minutes ago, TwinkFoot said:

I agree with this, but think if you willingly download 18+ gay apps intended only for hooking up that you should expect to see dick picks flashing through your inbox. I get so many unsolicited pictures, and as a bottom that has zero interest in ever topping, nothing turns me off more than an unsolicited picture of somebodys asshole that does absolutely nothing for me. But I just ignore it because its grindr.

Except that many such apps and sites are not "intended only for hooking up" - many people use Growlr, Scruff, and yes, even Grindr for social interaction in general. Contrast these two publicly posted statements, by the sites, as to their purpose:

GRINDR: Grindr is the world’s #1 FREE mobile social networking app for gay, bi, trans, and queer people to connect. Chat and meet up with interesting people for free, or upgrade to Grindr XTRA for more features, more fun, and more chances to connect.

BarebackRT.com: Meet Real Men Online for Realtime Bareback Sex.

Grindr/Scruff/Growlr/etc. all offer features beyond hooking up for sex - I'm not under the illusion that most people join Grindr looking to find their new best friend or next husband, but it's also a fact that many people who have accounts there frequently go online with no intention of hooking up any time soon. 

And yes, you can ignore what you choose. The problem I see is that things tend to get reduced to the lowest common denominator. And once a site becomes identified as "just a place for people eager to have sex to find it", the bots and spam accounts and such soon follow, because they know those users are more likely to open anything while they're hunting their next orgasm. Some sites - Adam4Adam come to mind - have essentially become useless for that reason. I see no reason to encourage people to treat the sites/apps that still work with the same lack of care.

[120DaysofSodom]

9 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

Except that many such apps and sites are not "intended only for hooking up" - many people use Growlr, Scruff, and yes, even Grindr for social interaction in general. Contrast these two publicly posted statements, by the sites, as to their purpose:

GRINDR: Grindr is the world’s #1 FREE mobile social networking app for gay, bi, trans, and queer people to connect. Chat and meet up with interesting people for free, or upgrade to Grindr XTRA for more features, more fun, and more chances to connect.

BarebackRT.com: Meet Real Men Online for Realtime Bareback Sex.

Grindr/Scruff/Growlr/etc. all offer features beyond hooking up for sex - I'm not under the illusion that most people join Grindr looking to find their new best friend or next husband, but it's also a fact that many people who have accounts there frequently go online with no intention of hooking up any time soon. 

And yes, you can ignore what you choose. The problem I see is that things tend to get reduced to the lowest common denominator. And once a site becomes identified as "just a place for people eager to have sex to find it", the bots and spam accounts and such soon follow, because they know those users are more likely to open anything while they're hunting their next orgasm. Some sites - Adam4Adam come to mind - have essentially become useless for that reason. I see no reason to encourage people to treat the sites/apps that still work with the same lack of care.

Nobody uses grindr for social interaction and if you do you are on it for the wrong reasons

[120DaysofSodom]

This is what annoys me about grindr is people that use it to "talk dirty" and not hookup.

[BootmanLA]

24 minutes ago, TwinkFoot said:

Nobody uses grindr for social interaction and if you do you are on it for the wrong reasons

 

23 minutes ago, TwinkFoot said:

This is what annoys me about grindr is people that use it to "talk dirty" and not hookup.

Thank you so much for telling me what are acceptable and non-acceptable reasons for being on any social media site. </sarcasm filter off>

Seriously: the rules here prevent me from telling you what I think of that bullshit, but suffice it to say, Grindr is not your personal property and you don't have any right to tell anyone the "right" or "wrong" reasons to use it.

The FUCKING SITE ITSELF doesn't describe itself as a hook-up application. That may be how many people use it. It may even be how most people TRY to use it (though I doubt seriously that the majority of the people on there regularly actually get hooked up). Here's how it describes itself on its website:

"Today, Grindr proudly represents a modern LGBTQ lifestyle that’s expanding into new platforms. From social issues to original content, we’re continuing to blaze innovative paths with a meaningful impact for our community. At Grindr, we’ve created a safe space where you can discover, navigate, and get zero feet away from the queer world around you."

Now - if you want to use it just for hooking up, go for it. If you want to be the biggest whore in the world and earn a gold medal for sluttiness, I'm all for you reaching your personal goals, and I'll defend your right to do so as long as the site's rules are upheld. More power to you and all that jazz.

But: DO . NOT . FUCKING . TELL . ME . HOW . TO . LIVE . MY . LIFE . ONLINE.

[120DaysofSodom]

22 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

 

Thank you so much for telling me what are acceptable and non-acceptable reasons for being on any social media site. </sarcasm filter off>

Seriously: the rules here prevent me from telling you what I think of that bullshit, but suffice it to say, Grindr is not your personal property and you don't have any right to tell anyone the "right" or "wrong" reasons to use it.

The FUCKING SITE ITSELF doesn't describe itself as a hook-up application. That may be how many people use it. It may even be how most people TRY to use it (though I doubt seriously that the majority of the people on there regularly actually get hooked up). Here's how it describes itself on its website:

"Today, Grindr proudly represents a modern LGBTQ lifestyle that’s expanding into new platforms. From social issues to original content, we’re continuing to blaze innovative paths with a meaningful impact for our community. At Grindr, we’ve created a safe space where you can discover, navigate, and get zero feet away from the queer world around you."

Now - if you want to use it just for hooking up, go for it. If you want to be the biggest whore in the world and earn a gold medal for sluttiness, I'm all for you reaching your personal goals, and I'll defend your right to do so as long as the site's rules are upheld. More power to you and all that jazz.

But: DO . NOT . FUCKING . TELL . ME . HOW . TO . LIVE . MY . LIFE . ONLINE.

If you asked anybody in a closed relationship if they would be alright finding out their boyfriend was on grindr to "talk and make friends" they would laugh and say yeah right. Grindr IS a social networking website. Newsflash: BreedingZone IS a social networking website. Theyre geared towards one thing and one thing only. Youre the one saying that people sending dick pics through grindr is unacceptable. That is what the site is for. Nobody uses grindr to make friends and to sit there and chat about their day. They use it to find sex. Thats what the app was developed for and thats what people use it for. You would be 1 in 1000 if you used grindr to "talk". 

[120DaysofSodom]

Also, I highly doubt that you go on grindr just to "talk". You can pretend that its what you use it for but nobody is going to believe it, and im sure youre on it trying to strike up conversations with the people you find to be the cutest. 

[BootmanLA]

Just now, TwinkFoot said:

If you asked anybody in a closed relationship if they would be alright finding out their boyfriend was on grindr to "talk and make friends" they would laugh and say yeah right. Grindr IS a social networking website. Newsflash: BreedingZone IS a social networking website. Theyre geared towards one thing and one thing only. Youre the one saying that people sending dick pics through grindr is unacceptable. That is what the site is for. Nobody uses grindr to make friends and to sit there and chat about their day. They use it to find sex. Thats what the app was developed for and thats what people use it for. You would be 1 in 1000 if you used grindr to "talk". 

I did not say that sending dick pics through Grindr is unacceptable. Please stop putting words in my mouth.

I said that sending UNSOLICITED dick pics (or ass pics, for that matter) through Grindr is unacceptable. At least, to me. And since the whole point of this thread was whether every unsolicited contact merited a response, my point - that I don't feel obligated to respond to virtual flashers - is still on point. 

[bihairy]

Recently I had a guy hit me up and said he was looking for a "life partner/husband" on Grdr.  I said "good luck with that."

Guess guys use grdr for all kinds of reasons. 

I use it to hook up and breed.

[BootmanLA]

1 minute ago, TwinkFoot said:

Also, I highly doubt that you go on grindr just to "talk". You can pretend that its what you use it for but nobody is going to believe it, and im sure youre on it trying to strike up conversations with the people you find to be the cutest. 

For starters, I don't have a Grindr account. I'm familiar with the service and I've seen it in action, but again, please stop projecting what YOU do on a site onto me. You seem very, very taken with the idea of coming up with things you think I'm saying and things you think I'm doing and stating them as facts. It's a little creepy, to be honest.

[120DaysofSodom]

2 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

I did not say that sending dick pics through Grindr is unacceptable. Please stop putting words in my mouth.

I said that sending UNSOLICITED dick pics (or ass pics, for that matter) through Grindr is unacceptable. At least, to me. And since the whole point of this thread was whether every unsolicited contact merited a response, my point - that I don't feel obligated to respond to virtual flashers - is still on point. 

That is YOU dictating rules about what people should and should not do on a gay hookup app. I agree with you that people arent obligated to respond to anything, but nothing unacceptable about people that send pictures of their cocks or ass to people on grindr because thats all theyre looking for on a hookup app - a quick random fuck. And most of the people on grindr prefer to just get right to the point than sit there engaging in meaningless dribble when the end goal is the same. 

[120DaysofSodom]

2 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

For starters, I don't have a Grindr account. I'm familiar with the service and I've seen it in action, but again, please stop projecting what YOU do on a site onto me. You seem very, very taken with the idea of coming up with things you think I'm saying and things you think I'm doing and stating them as facts. It's a little creepy, to be honest.

Its not not creepy at all to presume youre a 56 year old man and that you like hot guys... Men are transparent and youre not any different from the rest of us. 

[BootmanLA]

5 minutes ago, TwinkFoot said:

If you asked anybody in a closed relationship if they would be alright finding out their boyfriend was on grindr to "talk and make friends" they would laugh and say yeah right. Grindr IS a social networking website. Newsflash: BreedingZone IS a social networking website. Theyre geared towards one thing and one thing only. Youre the one saying that people sending dick pics through grindr is unacceptable. That is what the site is for. Nobody uses grindr to make friends and to sit there and chat about their day. They use it to find sex. Thats what the app was developed for and thats what people use it for. You would be 1 in 1000 if you used grindr to "talk". 

See, there you go again, changing the terms of the discussion. Nobody said anything about "closed relationships".

You assume there are two kinds of people, apparently: those in closed relationships who shouldn't use gay social media apps, and those who use social media apps strictly for hookups. Why you feel empowered to assign people to one of those two categories is beyond me.

I know monogamous couples who have profiles on Growlr, Scruff, and Grindr. I know people in open relationships who also have them, but who use them primarily for keeping up with friends. None of that's relevant to the original point, which is that unsolicited greetings - whether "sup?" or dick shots, always merits a response. You seem incredibly invested in defending this practice. I'm curious why.