Physical feeling

[LKMike]

Hi, I am not very experienced and have only had one inexperienced guy fist me. Our first time, him as a top me as bottom, was together. We have used crisco and Jlube. I can not believe how much I have enjoyed the feeling! I can still remember the feeling of total incredulity I had when he told me for the first time his fist was actually in me, and I lifted my head and looked down between my legs and saw his wrist disappearing into me! The question is I have is about a physical feeling and reaction I have. My body obviously feels it is full and needs to evacuate.  My stomach muscles contract, I can't inhale, and I feel a totally involuntary effort to evacuate my bowels. The first couple of times he just let my body push out his fist. We decided that when it happens, he should gently push against it and try and get deeper. So my question is, is this normal? Will my body ever get trained or get used to that feeling of my bowel being bursting and needing to empty? I actually really enjoy the feeling.  I have no control over it, it's almost like dry heaving. 

[kinkysuBB]

I can relate to that first time feeling!

What you’re experiencing re the bowel is normal, to an extent. When your rectum is full (of whatever), your nerves sense the muscles stretching, and send the signal to your brain that it’s time to empty out. I find the same thing can happen if I’ve been getting fucked for a while, or even after douching; sometimes I’m not sure if I’ve douched enough and I pop to the bathroom, but there’s nothing there, it’s just the stretch sensation. This is likely to be more extreme when it comes to fisting.

As for what to do about it, I’m no expert there, but I suspect at least part of the answer is psychological. I’d suggest to maybe inhale some more poppers when it happens. That would relax the anal sphincter muscles as well relaxing the mind a little (due to a drop in blood pressure to brain), and it should (in theory) let you just enjoy the sensation. You’ll get more used to it the more fists you take.

I’m sure other guys might have more to add to that.

[LKMike]

Thanks. I get it with larges toys. I have a spherical butt plug, and when my body says it's coming out, it's coming out! It's actually a pretty enjoyable feeling. 

[find91]

It's normal. The more you play the less this will happen. As subBottomKink said it is partially mental. Fisting is about staying calm so you can relax your rectum. When this happens, take a deep breath in slowly and let it out even slower. Do this a few times. If that doesn't relax you, take more poppers.

[piglooking4pigs]

I would echo much of what @subBottomKink and @find91 have already mentioned.  I've been fisting for roughly 10 years as both a bottom and a top.  As a top, I've played with quite a number of newbies, and also guys who have tried taking a fist from others, but have not been able to do so.  I find that I like being able to pop their cherry and often can.  I have a medium sized hand that collapses well, and I incorporate into topping a fisting bottom a lot of what I have learned as a fisting bottom myself.

The focus of your post was on your sensations.  Be sure to consider the top you're playing with.  Does he have a large or extra large hand?  Or does it not collapse well or is it bony?  As a first timer, you may not be able to accommodate a large fist well. Small (not too common) or medium (more common) may be a better starting place.  So, that's something to keep in mind.  Another consideration is whether he has a fair amount of experience?  His ability to get his hand in you in a way that allows you to accommodate it is as important as your ability to take it.   And make sure he's going in as pointed fingers rather than a fist.  While it's called "fisting", many of us don't take a closed fist as often as we take pointed fingers.

More importantly is you.  I find many new fisting bottoms exhibit what I think of as "anticipatory anxiety".  They often have anxiety about what it's going to feel like when the top's fist does go in.  And many bottoms have a concern about being clean.  All this adds up to a busy mind.   One of the most important things is to relax your mind, so that you can relax your hole.  Anxiety almost always causes you to clench a bit, and not fully relax.  One other anticipatory behavior is asking how many fingers are in so far.  I get this a lot.  "How many fingers is that?"  I try to move bottoms away from this; it's hugely unhelpful to be counting.  This is a clear indication to me that the bottom's mind is preoccupied and it won't result in a relaxed hole, leading to a failed attempt.

But as in your case, as you have taken your first fist, I find what happens is that a sense of panic sets in.  The feeling is that your hole is cramped and that both your body AND your mind are telling you to push it out and push it out quickly.  Yes, there is a significant stretch.  What would be most helpful is to quiet your mind and stop it from racing and reacting.  To do this, take DEEP breaths, and I mean from the belly, not simply the chest.  Slow in and slow, measured out.  If you're able to do this, within a very short time, you'll notice that the initial reaction of your hole feeling full has dissipated because your hole has stretched to accommodate the fist.

Good luck and enjoy!! And be sure to use lots and lots of lube!!!

[LKMike]

Thank you all for your advice.  I do try all the things you suggest. The guy who has fisted me is a small spanish guy with small hands. He did go pointed fingers first and then slowly flexed his hand until he made a fist. He was in to just past his wrist, when we were trying to get him in further. He stretched out his fingers again to a point, I concentrated on my breathing and relaxing and he applied pressure.  There was plenty of lube. He said there was just too much resistance and he wasn't sure which direction to go. Him pulling out slowly was just an overload of the most incredible sensations and had me totally hooked ! lol, now I find I just want to take something larger, so would love to meet an experienced top with larger hands to open me up more.

[Shotsfired]

Good answers so far. Some things to remember is that you are reversing what normally happens down there. So its natural for your muscles to try and push out whatever is up there.  The body is just following training it has followed.  Part of the fisting experience is reinterpreting those muscles,  feelings and sensations differently.  FF bottoms have amazing mastery of their anatomy with experience.

One thing that a lot of bottoms have to overcome is the fight or flight response. The mind lets fear in,  and that triggers shallow breathing,  muscle clenching, and discomfort.  

Here are some things to help overcome fight or flight. 

1. Practice steady and deep breaths. Don't stop breathing.  Believe it or not, many bottoms forget to breath right at that critical point where the fist is going in, which triggers fight or flight.

2. Poppers help, but remember the more artificially relaxed you, the less likely you are to notice any damage happening in your butt. 

3 Train your mind to reinterpret sensations from discomfort or fear to "that's an interesting sensation and allow yourself to explore those sensations instead of react to them. 

4. Avoid rough toy play before a fisting session. And make sure you aren't spending too much time on clean out. Make sure the steam of water coming from your shower shot is gentle and not harsh. Also not too hot. 

If you're too harsh in your clean out, you won't be able to take a fist comfortably, because you already sore down there and that's going to trigger that fight or flight response causing your hole to close up or push out. You won't be able to take your a fist because you already sore down there.

5. Trust between a top and a bottom in is of utmost importance. What helps build that trust is good communication between each other. At the top of your session it's always a good idea to communicate what you need to hear from your top. As a top I will always ask the bottom what they prefer  ... twist motions or straight in and out? What kind of fisting do they want punch fisting or shallow play. It's important to know those things. Also as a top communicate how you're going to work. I always say that if you say "stop" I'm just going to hold my hand still in place instead of pull out. If you want me to pull out, say "pull out."

 Another part of trust building is to communicate to your bottom what you're doing. Remember the bottom can't always see. Even if they can see, the bottom can't tell what you're going to do before you do it. So I like to tell the bottom I'm just going to put one finger in right now or I'm putting four fingers in.  Also give advance notice of big stretches. Whatever the combination you doing at the moment. Ofcourse after you build trust with a partner and have played with them several times you don't have to do that as much.

6. Tops don't necessarily know what you're going through as a bottom. A lot of tops have never bottomed and taken a fist. Bottoms need to know their own hole. You need to be able to communicate whether you need more lubrication used. You need to tell them whether you want more J-Lube or more Crisco. Tell them that their fingernails need to be buffed down more. You also need to communicate whether you have an injury in your hole or not. Is it the first time back to fisting after you healing from an injury.  A top often can work around an injury if it's not severe. Of course it's important to give yourself time to heal and not play when you're injured. 

7. Another thing you can do to relax during  session is to follow meditation type principles. Pick an object in the room to focus on or a mantra to say when you need to re-center.

If you've never fisted before,  I recommend the website asspig.com. The reason I recommend it is that they have certifications lot of times on the profiles that tell you how good of a top or a bottom other people think they are. You get certified by peer review. If someone has no certifications proceed with caution. 

 

Also, also its good to be a little nervous. If you're too relaxed than you might miss out on a full body orgasm that you'll hear peop lo e talk about.

[kinkysuBB]

4 hours ago, Shotsfired said:

5. I always say that if you say "stop" I'm just going to hold my hand still in place instead of pull out. If you want me to pull out, say "pull out."

 Another part of trust building is to communicate to your bottom what you're doing. Remember the bottom can't always see. Even if they can see, the bottom can't tell what you're going to do before you do it. So I like to tell the bottom I'm just going to put one finger in right now or I'm putting four fingers in.  Also give advance notice of big stretches.

6. Tops don't necessarily know what you're going through as a bottom. A lot of tops have never bottomed and taken a fist.

I agree with most of what you say, great answer.

Re: point 5. I must try this. I’m a very vocal bottom, to the point where tops often think they’re hurting me when really I’m just enjoying it. I tell them “Stop means stop, everything else means go harder.” I might amend that to differentiate between “stop” and “pull out”, thanks!

Re: the bit in the middle. I had a row with a top (vers actually) fister about this once. I told him I get off on the lack of control and not having a clue what’s about to be shoved up my hole. He told me he likes to show a bottom what’s going up, and it’s going up whether they like it or not. That was me schooled! (Of course, he would stop if I actually asked him to). I guess my point is that different guys get off in different ways. Some of us like blindfolds, real or figurative. 
 

Re: point 6. Agreed. While I love a total top who just wants to ruin my hole and has no expectation that I’ll return the favour, they sometimes don’t know what they’re doing, because they haven’t experienced it. It’s a tricky balance. There are total tops who are perfect. Other times, you want a vers or vers top. I guess communicate if something really isn’t working for you.

Point of order: I have both a fisting fetish (which is all about trust and respect) and a submissive, humiliation fetish (which is about the opposite, within agreed limits). Guys who are just into fisting have told me how important it is to clean the bottom’s hole afterwards. And I’m like: “What? Why would you do that? You’ve owned me as your slut, now leave me there like the fucking mess I am! Don’t wipe my hole, you’re above that!” So what I think may or may not apply to you.

Edited December 5, 2020 by subBottomKink