Cheating 101

[Guest]

1 minute ago, BootmanLA said:

But don't worry, I have zero interest in DM'ing you for anything whatsoever.

Yay.
We can agree about something.

1 minute ago, BootmanLA said:

You completely imagined that I was heaping blame and guilt on the OP in that thread. I gave him SERIOUS advice that you can't trust people to tell the truth when they say they're negative (as he'd already learned!), that he's better off considering undetectable people rather than trying to sero-sort for negative, and so forth. Just because I didn't coddle him and say "there, there, it'll all be fine" (which is nice, but completely unhelpful as guidance for the future), you want to assume I'm trying to blame him. Plenty of other people were taking the comforting role; I was giving him valuable advice on not getting into that situation again.

If there was any blame in that OP's situation it was on the guy who claimed to be negative but who really had no idea and was un-medicated poz. I'm not blaming the OP for having had sex with him. You just imagined in your fevered brain that's what I was saying.

I question your timing and your lack of tact.

Some other posts in that threat were telling him the chance of having caught HIV are zero which no-one can promise but I hope they're right. And for now that's what that OP needs to hear as well.

You're advice was at least superfluous as the guy was - and I've said this already - was already on PrEP.
Perhaps he has to change his regimen but this is really something he should talk to his prescribing physician about.

[BootmanLA]

On 7/26/2021 at 4:20 PM, BareLover666 said:

Yay.
We can agree about something.

I question your timing and your lack of tact.

Some other posts in that threat were telling him the chance of having caught HIV are zero which no-one can promise but I hope they're right. And for now that's what that OP needs to hear as well.

You're advice was at least superfluous as the guy was - and I've said this already - was already on PrEP.
Perhaps he has to change his regimen but this is really something he should talk to his prescribing physician about.

I've always said that you could take all the tact I possess, shove it into an olive and still have room for the pimiento. Tact is sometimes overrated. I'm not saying it's useless, but if 80% of respondents to a post are giving the tactful, comforting, and completely non-informative type of response (don't worry, it'll all be OK, you're probably fine, relax, blah blah blah) it's not out of place for someone else to ADD to that by saying "going forward, though, to keep yourself out of this kind of stress, here are some tips". You just chose to put a different spin on it because you're butt-hurt I call out cheating for the sleazy behavior it is.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

I've always said that you could take all the tact I possess, shove it into an olive and still have room for the pimiento. Tact is sometimes overrated. I'm not saying it's useless, but if 80% of respondents to a post are giving the tactful, comforting, and completely non-informative type of response (don't worry, it'll all be OK, you're probably fine, relax, blah blah blah) it's not out of place for someone else to ADD to that by saying "going forward, though, to keep yourself out of this kind of stress, here are some tips". You just chose to put a different spin on it because you're butt-hurt I call out cheating for the sleazy behavior it is.

You poor conflicted, little man.

 

Consider a member of this website who started out as a bug chaser when he joined and who succeeded in acquiring the HIV-virus. He originally thought beging POZ would magically transform him so he'd be as sexy as the men he desired.
Of course hat person went down this road because of his feelings of being constantly rejected and having an extremely deep-rooted low self-esteem.
At the same time this person is suffering from a superiority complex as his subconscious coping-mechanism which results in that person's need to put other's down under the guise of his 'honesty' and directness which drives people even further away. Or course that only results in strengthening his isolation, enhancing his sense of being rejected and we've come full circle to where this all started.

 

Now that member - still single and not getting sex as often as he'd like, if he 'gets any' at all - finds that in contrast to when he was younger HIV is no longer 'that big a deal' among a lot of younger men because in the part of the world where he lives treatment options are freely accessible and furthermore there is now a way for others to protect themselves from HIV by using PrEP. For himself this is too late.

Being who he is, this person has a very hard time dealing with the realisation he destroyed his health for nothing. This 'man' can't face his error of judgement because admitting to himself such a mistake would threaten his inflated sense of self.
It's obvious this member of this website is extremely jealous and spiteful of anyone who seems happy, playful and does embraces life because those are exactly the qualities he would like to have possessed himself.
Alas he's also very afraid. He fears not so much failing but succeeding in being happy - just as he is - because in his warped mind this would mean he made an even bigger 'mistake' in the past than getting himself infected with HIV for nothing.

In stead the solution his brain comes up with is the idea that if everyone would only be more or exactly like himself, all would be well. Everyone who does not conform to the strict moral construct of his own invention is perceived as a threat.
It's a pity he doesn't put the same amount of energy in himself as he does in trying to manipulate others to change the outer world in his own image.
He views others only in black-and-white: either friend or foe, good or evil and Poz or Neg.

Being unable to face his own limitations as well as his past and present errors in judgement and lack of self-awareness and that things and human relationships especially are often nuanced and 'grey' he in stead (in a simple difference of opinion about let's say monogamy vs polygamy) chooses to vilify his opponent in the debate. That way he does not have to re-examine his own overly strong moral beliefs or himself. He can also go to bed with the delussion of his own moral superiority.

 

Meeting another person who in contrast to himself openly discusses his doubts, mistakes, fears and own vulnerabilities to examine and re-evaluate his previous choices in order to progress and overcome his anxieties he acts like he wants to help this young man, by pointing out exactly what he did wrong and how extremely dangerous this is.
That way this long-standing member of this website hopes this guy could become more co-depended like himself in stead of the strong and undefended man he is afraid of becoming himself at long last.

He does this in the hope that this desirable sexual and/or romantic mate will not reject him.

Among other things - and presenting himself (truthfully or not) as undetectable - he warns his prey about people lying about their HIV-status and presents POZ & Undetectable sexual mates as one solution to both beging able to have bareback sex and at the same time remain HIV-negative.

I'm just not entirely sure if he does this only to present himself as a desirable sexual/romantic mate to this guy and others or that this is also his flawed attempt to improve his own self-esteem by trying to change his view of himself from infected to 'safe' because U=U.
I think it's the later as that way one lack of judgement he regrets would turn to have been not a mistake after all.

 

This adult member is basically still a very lonely and lost boy who probably treats others as he himself was treated as a child.

[SFSloppyAznBottom]

I was in a similar situation ,that I’m still intensely horny after meeting my bf. 
I told him that I can’t imagine being monogamous ever that I would have to break things off if we can’t be open.
Slowly easing him into that and now our relationship is close to completely open. 
 

Imo the decision of cheating is yours to make, base on how much are you willing to hurt your partner potentially.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, BareLover666 said:

undefended

* independent. 

[BootmanLA]

11 hours ago, BareLover666 said:

You poor conflicted, little man.

 

Consider a member of this website who started out as a bug chaser when he joined and who succeeded in acquiring the HIV-virus. He originally thought beging POZ would magically transform him so he'd be as sexy as the men he desired.

If the person described in the rest of this screed is supposed to be me, it's further proof of how delusional your fevered, incoherent mind is. Virtually nothing in it accurately describes me (or my experiences) at all, starting with this first line and proceeding to the end. Sad that you have to invent entire fantasy worlds in which to place your stick-figure caricatures in order to feel superior to them, instead of engaging the actual person or his posts.

Edited July 28, 2021 by BootmanLA

[BootmanLA]

10 hours ago, SFSloppyAznBottom said:

I was in a similar situation ,that I’m still intensely horny after meeting my bf. 
I told him that I can’t imagine being monogamous ever that I would have to break things off if we can’t be open.
Slowly easing him into that and now our relationship is close to completely open. 
 

Imo the decision of cheating is yours to make, base on how much are you willing to hurt your partner potentially.

Except your situation isn't similar at all, in the most important part. You told him up front (or at least, when you made that decision) that he would either have to have an open relationship or you'd break up.

The asshole cheater, on the other hand, asked for an open relationship, didn't get it, and so is lying in order to keep the relationship going under false pretenses.

YOU were honest with your partner. HE was/is not. THAT is the critical difference.

[BootmanLA]

11 hours ago, BareLover666 said:

You poor conflicted, little man.

 

Consider a member of this website

Also: The only reason I didn't "react" with the "Haha" emoticon (because this is really a ludicrous, silly, inane, laughable take on reality) is that "haha" reactions give the user a reputation point, and I'm not about to let a piece of shit like this drivel enhance anyone's reputation.

[DemonOfLust]

[think before following links] https://es.xhamster.com/videos/cuck-cheat-hypnosis-xhSs2Fv

 

Never found cheating particularly hot.... Until saw this video 😈😈😈 and some BZ Stories.... 

[naughtyboytoy]

On 7/24/2021 at 11:46 PM, Rye656 said:

Currently in a relationship but seemed to be more and more turned on by the thrill of cuckolding and cheating. Have been recently pushing myself further and further (downloading Grindr/Scruff, messing guys, dirty text/phone and pics) all which has made my cock rage. Have approached the subject of threesomes, open relation ship, etc with bf and he’s not down so I know that’s off the table and truthfully it’s the thrill of fooling around that I think I’m drawn to.  Would love some advice and/or encouragement 😈 from others guys esp. those that might be or have been in similar situations. Have you cheated? Did you enjoy it after/ worth it? Still doing it? Would love to know if it’s something I need to keep a fantasy or take the plunge 👅

It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind if you’ve been chatting up guys and fantasizing about it for this long, so I say go for it😤 ! Feels like it should go without saying on a site like this in particular, but I’ll say it anyway: As long as you acknowledge what the possible worst-case scenario could be and are still okay with taking those risks, then do it. 

Personally, I think it’s a shame there’s so little gay cheating and cuckolding porn compared to how popular the hetero versions have become, especially because a lot of gay guys DO cheat or are open to sharing their partners.  

My situation is different than yours since my bf is also turned on by cheating/cuckolding and even though we aren’t officially in an open relationship, the idea definitely floats around when we’re horny. I also think it would be just as hot to find out he was cheating on me as it is to think about cheating on him, so make of that what you will. I’d still think it’s hot even if he wasn’t okay with it. 

I haven’t been fucked by anyone besides my bf in years (looking to change that though! 😈  ), but I did cheat on him in the first couple months we started dating (will add story in another post) 

[BlackDude]

On 7/25/2021 at 7:13 AM, PigBoyDallas said:

I don’t date and never have but get with quite a few guys who are cheating on GFs, BFs, and fiancé’s and I get off on knowing they’re cheating and they seem to be enjoying it to. I think it’s the risk honestly. Maybe subconsciously they want to get caught and get out of a relationship they don’t want. With some of the straight/bi guys I think it’s also a fear of confronting the fact they’re gay. They love talking about how deep their relationship is, yet beg the loudest for me to cum inside them. Monogamy isn’t for me and I really don’t think it is for most guys but they feel the pressure to be in a relationship, but I do get the sense of stability, support, and togetherness it gives. I look at my parents and admit I’d like something like that but not right now. I wanna have fun and play around and I think most guys my age feel that too. Once they’re in a relationship they feel trapped and want to break free. Cheating becomes inevitable.

Saved me a post. Exactly what I would have said word for word. 
 

Either you have the trophy boyfriend, condo on the upper west side and the sexless relationship, or you enjoy all the benefits of gay life. Most can’t have it all. 

[BlackDude]

Oh, and have you ever noticed that most and gay guys who cheat will only cheat with someone who is single? I don’t have the numbers on this but on my experience it’s 75%. Why is that?

[BootmanLA]

1 hour ago, BlackDude said:

Oh, and have you ever noticed that most and gay guys who cheat will only cheat with someone who is single? I don’t have the numbers on this but on my experience it’s 75%. Why is that?

If I had to guess, it's because many (if not most) gay couples in open relationships aren't open about that fact, at least not with everyone. And the people they're closest to, the ones who would know that kind of detail, are probably too close as "friends" for someone to consider them as a side piece option.

So, if A and B are in a closed relationship, and A wants to cheat, for whatever reason, he could ask his friend C, who's in a relationship with D. But C's relationship might be closed, and C would be insulted. C might be interested, sort of, but unwilling to risk his relationship with D. C and D might be open, but then sleeping with C, even if that's OK with D opens the possibility that D might let it slip to B. Or C and D might only be "open" when both are involved, and A is only interested in C, not D.

And if C really does have to cheat to be with A, just like A is cheating to be with C, then you've got two sets of scheduling/availability/location issues to work out. A's only available mornings between 9 and 11, because B goes into work two hours before him, but also arrives home before A. Meanwhile C is available every evening because D works evenings, but A is never available then.

All in all, a single guy is (a) more likely to be available and have a flexible schedule (because no partner to adjust for), (b) is probably free to sleep with whomever without having to get permission, and (c) is possibly not interested in a relationship, which makes him all the safer for a fling.

[tallslenderguy]

i know i am late to the conversation and have not read every reply, but will respond to the OP question for input. But i can speak from the perspective of experience.

my story is all over BZ, i've been here awhile, so please forgive the repetition for those who have already read this stuff. 

 i was a virgin before i married (a woman) at age 21, though i had been masturbating to guy fantasies as soon as i discovered masturbation as a kid, and had been putting things in my ass since age 7 crushing on a neighbor boy who taught me about my ass.  I.e., i knew how i am, i just didn't accept who i am  (i.e. 'gay') because i was conditioned not to (bear with me, this is going someplace). 

i think we are all culturally conditioned to one degree or another. We take a lot of notions for granted or simply as 'reality' and never question them. i may question stuff more than the average person, simply because of my history. For me, questioning became a process for achieving self acceptance. i think the gay community has generally absorbed a lot of heteronormative notions from a lack of questioning and a lot of us enter into relationships that have heteronormative elements, or even underpinning, even when they may be generally 'gay.'

Like many, i grew up in an era and religious culture that conditioned me to believe that who and how i am (i.e., 'gay') is "wrong, sinful, broken, etc., etc.."  As a result, i spent a large part of my life trying not to be gay. i married a woman, had kids, and tried to be straight as i was conditioned to believe i should be.

it didn't work.

 i started cheating about 5 years into my marriage and it was the worst and most destructive thing i could ever have done. my particualar problem was, i still did not accept who i am, so cheating was a form of self medicating for me. It was the only form of self affirmation i had. But i fought cheating tooth and nail. i would literally pray and cry, trying to resist my needs. Hook up to try and assuage my needs. Then regret it immediately after. i literally hated and despised myself for cheating and lying to cover it up. It harmed both my mate and me. The longer i did it, the more it seemed who i really am was being obliterated. i do not see any value in lying, or being a purposeful liar, as a way of life.  In my experience, either way you slice it, it takes away from quality of life for all involved.  Yeah, being honest can be painful, but i see that as reality vs delusion, and i want to live real, not in a fantasy.

To me, when i cheated, i was not only cheating my mate, i was cheating myself. i was being untrue to myself and my mate. For me, a major reason for intimate relationship such as marriage, is to have a deeper or more unique relationship with someone. It's about being connected with someone in a way we are not with just anyone.  With someone who you know everything about and they about you, and there is love and acceptance.

 Intimate relationship is (in part) about not being alone.

Lying

is

lonely.  

From a logical standpoint, if we are lying to an intimate, we have erected a barrier between us. We no longer have that persons acceptance or love for us for who and how we are, because we are now hiding who we are from them in a lie. In a sense, we are no longer fully with that person and our relationship has become fragmented at best.

i think a lot of us enter relationships but then we grow or change (or both) and discover new things. Sometimes our relationships grow and change with us, sometimes they do not and they end. You have discovered you want something more or different than what you have.  Do you want the thrill of the hunt and variety or is your thrill from lying and being untrue to yourself and your mate, essentially, living a lie? 

[PigBoyDallas]

On 8/5/2021 at 6:52 PM, BlackDude said:

Oh, and have you ever noticed that most and gay guys who cheat will only cheat with someone who is single? I don’t have the numbers on this but on my experience it’s 75%. Why is that?

Hah…I’ve noticed that too. I think part of it is they don’t want to break up another couple in the process, but I think it’s more availability. They probably prefer the guy they cheat with to be unencumbered by a GF or BF…it means they’re free to fuck whenever and can host. I can’t host but I’m down for fucking in cars, showers at the gym, outdoors, whatever. But I’ve go a few guys cheating on GFs and BFs who like that they can text me and I’m down to meet up whenever they want. You can’t do that if you’re living with someone and in a relationship.