What turns tops off on Grindr?

[Guest Xtraglazedonuthole]

Just wondering what are some things on grindr or other hookup apps that deter tops from a btm?

[Close2MyBro]

When they  have a completely blank profile and their first message is "looking?".  Looking for what????

[leatherpunk16]

When their vocab seems to be limited to "hi" or "sup"

Or just the random "Do you know where I can score some T?"

[Guest]

blank profiles.

and pushy bottoms who just expect they can lay there and have me do all the work. so lazy....  at least offer to suck me off and better yet: learn to fuck too. versa's have more fun.

[ErosWired]

7 hours ago, BareLover666 said:

blank profiles.

and pushy bottoms who just expect they can lay there and have me do all the work. so lazy....  at least offer to suck me off and better yet: learn to fuck too. versa's have more fun.

Blank profiles can also be a clue to someone who’s going to be lazy in bed. If he can’t spend the time to fill out a basic profile he’s probably not going to spend the time to figure out how to make the sex good. I stopped thinking of blank profiles as real people after one too many faceless faces asked demanded to see a face pic.

[Guest]

14 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

Blank profiles can also be a clue to someone who’s going to be lazy in bed. If he can’t spend the time to fill out a basic profile he’s probably not going to spend the time to figure out how to make the sex good. I stopped thinking of blank profiles as real people after one too many faceless faces asked demanded to see a face pic.

High five.

I sooo agree.

[LetsPOZBreed]

My top side doesn't come out often, but when it does:

Completely agree on the unfilled profiles.  I'm not expecting one's life story, but at least make an effort in describing what you're after.

Telling me you have X number of horny guys over and that you're "looking for more".  If you have that many there and aren't doing anything; I have to wonder what you are really up to (which I know is likely drugs).

Also, I don't like guys who don't show a genuine interest in me - i.e. treating and speaking to me as if I'm just any random cock and load that you are looking to add to your collection.

[Guest]

1 minute ago, LetsPOZBreed said:

My top side doesn't come out often, but when it does:

Completely agree on the unfilled profiles.  I'm not expecting one's life story, but at least make an effort in describing what you're after.

Telling me you have X number of horny guys over and that you're "looking for more".  If you have that many there and aren't doing anything; I have to wonder what you are really up to (which I know is likely drugs).

Also, I don't like guys who don't show a genuine interest in me - i.e. treating and speaking to me as if I'm just any random cock and load that you are looking to add to your collection.

And a picture of some kind never hurt either....

[ErosWired]

2 hours ago, LetsPOZBreed said:

Telling me you have X number of horny guys over and that you're "looking for more". 

Oh - pft. So much this. I know damn well how hard it is to get an actual legit group scene going, and if you’ve succeeded to any degree you’re going to be too busy trolling the apps unless you a) are really looking for drugs or b) only managed to round up a bunch of other bottoms.

[fskn]

I get turned off when I see several of these factors at once:

• "Clean" (This usually means the person considers Poz people "dirty", which may signal a sex-negative attitude, misconceptions about sexual risk, or plain bias.)

• "Safe only" (I take Truvada for PrEP daily, get HIV and STI tests monthly, and have had all available STI vaccines, so I'm safer than someone who relies solely on condoms.)

• No public face picture (Sending it privately usually signals that something's being hidden.)

• No age

• No distance (In a large urban area, it's also really helpful to write one's city or neighborhood in profile text.)

• No HIV status (Poz undetectable people are my favorite partners, then fellow PrEP users. Neg people not on PrEP come last, and whereas "don't know" is hot on BBRTS, it's suspicious on Grindr.)

• No last test date, or one that's not recent (People who pretend, or imagine, they're on PrEP are the worst offenders. In the US, if you haven't received HIV and STI tests within 3 months, you are decidedly not following a CDC-recommended PrEP regimen.)

• Unrealistic descriptions (For example, I love playing with big and very big people, but be forthright! "Stocky" ends somewhere below 250 pounds.)

• Redundant descriptions or bragging (For example, why write "muscular" in profile text? The pictures should suffice.)

• Looking for "hung" (This usually means that, no matter the size of your penis, it is not big enough. I hope, for the sake of this type of Grindr user, that there are lots of tops with 14-inch, beercan-thick dicks, 100 feet away, eager to meet.)

• "Ass-up, face-down" (When I want mechanical sex, I go to a sex club or an adult arcade, where there's lots of choice for both parties, if things don't click between me and a particular bottom.)

• "Don't waste my time" (My time is just as valuable. We are both investing time to find out about each other.)

[BergenGuy]

6 minutes ago, fskn said:

• No distance (In a large urban area, it's also really helpful to write one's city or neighborhood in profile text.)

When the profile of an incoming message has no distance and it doesn't appear in the local grid, that's a sign of a potential catfisher.

I'd like to add:

       [fill in the blank] to the front of the line.

Really?  There's queue for your bedroom?

Finally, and this is more of a Scruff thing than a Grindr issue, guys who claim to be on both PrEP and Treatment as a Prevention in their profiles.  I steer clear of them as I assume that they're on neither or that they have so little regard for their health that they can't take the time to understand the difference.

 

[fskn]

Agreed on all points, @BergenGuy.

15 minutes ago, BergenGuy said:

I'd like to add:

       [fill in the blank] to the front of the line.

Really?  There's queue for your bedroom?

To quote the songwriter Janis Ian, "Why the line? / Where's the race?"

The Scruff ambiguity stems from an ambiguity in the profile prompt: Are we talking about what the user does to protect themselves, or about the protection strategies they look for in partners? The "Tribes" prompt in Grindr suffers from the same ambiguity: is it about the user or about the user's preferred partners? It would be so easy for Grindr and Scruff to write clear and useful profile prompts. Like the social media giants that claim to root out misinformation but in fact turn a blind eye, any click is a good click — the more clicks, the more advertising revenue!

As you say, the average Scruff user who selects both PrEP and TasP doesn't understand, let alone use, either one.

[BootmanLA]

10 hours ago, BergenGuy said:

Finally, and this is more of a Scruff thing than a Grindr issue, guys who claim to be on both PrEP and Treatment as a Prevention in their profiles.  I steer clear of them as I assume that they're on neither or that they have so little regard for their health that they can't take the time to understand the difference.

Here's what I think that boils down to. Imagine, for a moment, you're talking about someone who lists "uses condoms" as sexual health strategy. If he's a top, we know that means he wears one to fuck others. But if its a bottom? It means he expects HIS PARTNER to wear one - the strategy is the same, but the one actively using that strategy during sex shifted.

In other words, a sexual health strategy for one person can involve the actions of another.

Likewise with medication: if the bottom is negative and on PrEP, he may still expect any poz partners to use treatment as prevention. Or, conversely, a poz bottom on treatment may want any negative tops to be using PrEP, as a means of protecting themselves from possible infection from him.

Because again, a sexual health strategy can involve both parties.

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

I'm a bottom, but wanted to throw in this after running into it AGAIN this past weekend:

If a guy says and lists he is all top (not vers-top, just a standard top), and he converses in online chat with you that he is all top, could he please during the meet-and-fuck do not ask the bottom to fuck him? Hell, I like mutual oral and 69 in particular, and will mention that during the "getting to know you" phase, but if the guy I am talking to does not want to suck me, I accept it and don't bring it up during the actual meet-and-fuck.

I am continually amazed at how many bottoms list themselves as a top to lure in someone, and bank on that person being horny enough in the heat of the moment to say the hell with it and fuck them. I'm there looking for a fun time, and starting out with that level of deceit shuts me down fast and I am out the door. I respect the profile and the conversation, and many guys do as well, but sometimes people's horniness can make them say or post things they may not normally do in an effort to get laid. These sour experiences can make people hesitant and not as trusting when dealing with others afterward, and can have a cascading negative effect on future meetups.

[raw773]

17 hours ago, fskn said:

The "Tribes" prompt in Grindr suffers from the same ambiguity: is it about the user or about the user's preferred partners?

Nothing makes me hotter than seeing someone in the "Poz tribe" but declaring their status to be "Negative." Tap that ass.