Remote Work - Best place for a horny gay guy to live?

[BannedWord]

So I'll throw something out there from personal experience: Philadelphia. 

Yes, it's a city of neighborhoods and places like Fishtown which are now up-and-coming and not far from the main action in Center City (Spruce Street). You can fan out to neighborhoods in the Northeast of the city, or near South Jersey which are commutable without needing a car. There's a fairly vibrant gay scene there. And you can still get some affordable housing unlike in cities like New York or DC, but both are within a weekend trip. And depending on your career aspirations going forward, there are opportunities in the education and healthcare sectors. But...there is a downside.

Philly suffers from total political incompetence, which trickles down to crime, policies that disaffect residents, and their mayor is well-known for blunder headed moves. Plus you get a 'city-wage' tax to contend with (around 5% on top of state and federal taxes) and car insurance is insane. The bottom-line is that you need to be careful about your choice of neighborhoods in terms of not being a victim of crime, shootings, etc. PM me on the topic and I can guide on where to locate and where to...ahem...avoid. Good bet is to try Collingswood across the river, which has become a great gay-friendly community in the past 20+ years.

[ohmalewhore]

1 hour ago, evilcoyote said:

You should also check with your employer as they may be remote but there could be restrictions on where you can live.

This right here! Always check with your employer first before thinking about any sort of move. I work in customer service remotely from home. When I moved from a suburban area to a much more rural area, even within the same state, I still had to check with my employer to be sure that I could still work for them. I love my work. Almost no phone work - it's all email or interactive chatting/live chat. Money could be better, but I also have a lot of flexibility in my hours. I can swap places with others so long as they actually show up without a penalty.

But absolutely try to stick closer to the suburbs or metro areas. I've found a sum total of 5 gay men in my city and they're all bottoms. Even the nearby college has no one it seems. If not for my luck with a trucker, and his subsequent friends, I'd be dry and lonely each night. Instead now I am actually having to ask for some free time just to sleep!

[hntnhole]

Well, BreedingandSeeding ... a lot of excellent advise from a number of perspectives. 

I know Ft. Lauderdale is well-known for it's wanton sex, and the real estate prices here have leveled off, but are still high.  There are, however, smaller burbs in the area, and maybe a 20 minute drive from "Ground Zero" of the gay life here*.  Just south of the airport is Dania Beach, Hollywood, a few others, and while I don't know all that much about them, it might be worth your while to take a sniff.  East So. Florida is a megalopolis now, like your area, in that there is no open land.  You cross a street and you're in another town.  

Broward County is the largest and most "blue" in FL.  Yes, we get these storms called hurricanes occasionally, but the come, do their damage, and go.  Winter comes every year, last for 4 months at least.  But other than that, if you like warm weather and hot sex, it's something you might want to consider.  

One other consideration:  With the Russians on the march, the markets have crashed, the Fed is raising rates as quickly as they can (I expect a couple more this year), inflation, and at some point the real estate market will crater.  Most folks around here are up to their eyeballs in debt**, and that won't be sustainable for much longer.  I don't know how much time you have to choose where to relocate to, but if you do have a little time, take it.  When the shit hits the fan, things will change quickly, and that will be the time to pounce.

Congrats on the new job, and wherever you go, best wishes !!!

*I don't know how much importance you put on the availability of a lot of raw sex, but it you actually wanted it every night, you could get it easily.

**it's very different here - everything is about showing off - big house, lots of expensive phony furnishings,  fast expensive cars - all kinds of Un-Northern characteristics.  If you're culturally inclined, don't move here; there's almost nothing worth the name in that sphere.  

[hntnhole]

One more thing:  there is NO State income tax here.  Oddly, there is also no emissions testing for your car.  

[BootmanLA]

11 hours ago, fskn said:

I'm going to make a contrarian suggestion. Take a gay-friendly metropolitan region like the San Francisco Bay Area, find cities within the region that have effective rent control, and then find a simple but adequate rent controlled apartment.

Conceptually, this is great advice, but in reality, there's a problem in that very, very few places have rent control laws. The last tally I find shows 182 cities which have rent control within all or part of the city (for most, it's all). But 99 of those are in New Jersey alone. 63 are in New York. Only 18 cities in California have it, and otherwise only Washington, DC and Takoma Park, Maryland (a suburb of DC). That's it. Rent control does cover some very large areas, but basically nowhere other than parts of the two coasts.

11 hours ago, fskn said:

I focus on the cumulative impact of reduced access to health care, and of lower-quality care. Gay men who fuck a lot have better health outcomes if they see medical providers who have experience serving lots of GLBT patients. Knowing that you, and the hot young guy you fucked a week ago, can walk in to San Francisco City Clinic for no- or low-cost, shame-free STI testing and treatment, same-day PrEP initiation, PEP in case of a fundamentally risky exposure, and same-day ART if you are newly Poz, is worth a lot.

(There are similar public or non-profit clinics in DC, Los Angeles, New York, Boston, Atlanta, and a few other big US cities, although San Francisco's stands out for providing the most up-to-date medical care. You want a jurisdiction that spends money on public health, and a clinic whose staff also do research work.) 

Access to sexual health care aside, consider carefully what the health insurance landscape looks like in the state you'll be moving to. What will a decent Affordable Care Act plan cost you, after subsidies? Has the state expanded Medicaid, providing a safety net in case your income ever drops? Will you have to travel for general medical care? All of these factors can affect your cost.

A suburban, rural, or small-city environment with low rents might not turn out to be a cheaper place to live.

Also all very important. 

[ErosWired]

41 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

I focus on the cumulative impact of reduced access to health care, and of lower-quality care. Gay men who fuck a lot have better health outcomes if they see medical providers who have experience serving lots of GLBT patients. Knowing that you, and the hot young guy you fucked a week ago, can walk in to San Francisco City Clinic for no- or low-cost, shame-free STI testing and treatment, same-day PrEP initiation, PEP in case of a fundamentally risky exposure, and same-day ART if you are newly Poz, is worth a lot.

(There are similar public or non-profit clinics in DC, Los Angeles, New York, Boston, Atlanta, and a few other big US cities, although San Francisco's stands out for providing the most up-to-date medical care. You want a jurisdiction that spends money on public health, and a clinic whose staff also do research work.) 

What you’re pointing to and suggesting, however, actually sharply limits the potential range of localities, because what you describe is by far the exception in America, not the norm. Instead of doctors who have the spare time in their practice to devote to research, we see an increase in licensed nurse practitioners filling in behind a shortage of fully qualified MDs because the burgeoning population is outstripping the capacity of the medical system. There are (many) places in the American heartland where there simply no longer is no local clinic at all - some places are even losing entire hospitals.

Even in a place like the third-largest city in Kentucky, in what is probably its best-regarded clinic, my GP didn’t have enough experience with HIV to recognize its symptoms until I had progressed to full-blown AIDS right under his nose. Never mind finding a shame-free clinic, try finding one where they even know it when they see it. The best you can hope for is to find reasonably competent care in Louisville or Lexington, and for the majority of the people in this state that means an hour or more drive, one-way, if you can get an appointment. They’re so backlogged with patients that research is out of the question.

I certainly don’t hold godforsaken Kentucky up as any kind of example, but it’s more or less the same story anywhere from rural America all the way up through the mid-range towns and cities. The hard reality is that the farther you choose to separate yourself from the major metropolitan centers, the more high-end options you may expect to sacrifice. There’s a reason the rents get cheaper out there - the standard of living doesn’t merit the price. You should certainly look for the best possible options…but you may have to modulate your expectations.

[ejaculaTe]

6 hours ago, TheSRQDude said:

So I'll throw something out there from personal experience: Philadelphia. 

@TheSRQDude is depressingly right about Philadelphia. The only thing he didn't mention is that the parking regulations occasionally make the US tax code look like a model of plain writing.

I'll offer another locale as a possibility: northern Delaware, more precisely the suburban area of New Castle County, but probably not Wilmington (largest city in the state). Northern New Castle County has the advantage of being within a 30 minute drive of Philadelphia (I-95 and I-495). There's no sales tax; the income tax rates won't cause your eyes to bulge; state and local government are reasonably well-run ; and the state legislature seems pretty reasonable nowadays, far more so than when I lived there. In the America of 2022, there are far more worse places to live....

[Breedingandseeding]

18 hours ago, TheSRQDude said:

So I'll throw something out there from personal experience: Philadelphia. 

Yes, it's a city of neighborhoods and places like Fishtown which are now up-and-coming and not far from the main action in Center City (Spruce Street). You can fan out to neighborhoods in the Northeast of the city, or near South Jersey which are commutable without needing a car. There's a fairly vibrant gay scene there. And you can still get some affordable housing unlike in cities like New York or DC, but both are within a weekend trip. And depending on your career aspirations going forward, there are opportunities in the education and healthcare sectors. But...there is a downside.

Philly suffers from total political incompetence, which trickles down to crime, policies that disaffect residents, and their mayor is well-known for blunder headed moves. Plus you get a 'city-wage' tax to contend with (around 5% on top of state and federal taxes) and car insurance is insane. The bottom-line is that you need to be careful about your choice of neighborhoods in terms of not being a victim of crime, shootings, etc. PM me on the topic and I can guide on where to locate and where to...ahem...avoid. Good bet is to try Collingswood across the river, which has become a great gay-friendly community in the past 20+ years.

Philadelphia is definitely a contender. A large city that’s walkable and relatively affordable. I’ll PM you if I decide to go that route. Right now I’m just considering my options. I wouldn’t be moving for at least another 4 months because I’d like to plan out my move well.

[BannedWord]

12 hours ago, ejaculaTe said:

@TheSRQDude is depressingly right about Philadelphia. The only thing he didn't mention is that the parking regulations occasionally make the US tax code look like a model of plain writing.

If you want to see the adventures of the Philadelphia Parking Authority (PPA), watch the series "Parking Wars". They're worse than ambulance-chasing lawyers to hunt you down and cite you for being 30-seconds over your meter expiration. But like @ejaculaTe mentioned northern Delaware, I would honestly suggest Collingswood since it's a 15 minute commuter-train ride from Spruce Street in Philly, has a Main Street, has become a gay hangout (though not a meat market), and the vibe is very low-key. And there are plenty of charming duplex homes you can rent if you're into that.

If you really want to consider Delaware, why not Rehoboth Beach? The Diamond State's answer to Fire island. 😂

[BannedWord]

18 hours ago, ohmalewhore said:

This right here! Always check with your employer first before thinking about any sort of move. I work in customer service remotely from home. When I moved from a suburban area to a much more rural area, even within the same state, I still had to check with my employer to be sure that I could still work for them. I love my work. Almost no phone work - it's all email or interactive chatting/live chat. Money could be better, but I also have a lot of flexibility in my hours. I can swap places with others so long as they actually show up without a penalty.

But absolutely try to stick closer to the suburbs or metro areas. I've found a sum total of 5 gay men in my city and they're all bottoms. Even the nearby college has no one it seems. If not for my luck with a trucker, and his subsequent friends, I'd be dry and lonely each night. Instead now I am actually having to ask for some free time just to sleep!

When you said all of this, I had to look up where Defiance County actually is. Turns out your nearest major city in Ohio isn't much better. 

Saturday Night in Toledo, Ohio

(Complete with the truckers)I feel for you, @ohmalewhore. I really do. 😀

[BootmanLA]

16 hours ago, ErosWired said:

What you’re pointing to and suggesting, however, actually sharply limits the potential range of localities, because what you describe is by far the exception in America, not the norm. Instead of doctors who have the spare time in their practice to devote to research, we see an increase in licensed nurse practitioners filling in behind a shortage of fully qualified MDs because the burgeoning population is outstripping the capacity of the medical system. There are (many) places in the American heartland where there simply no longer is no local clinic at all - some places are even losing entire hospitals.

Even in a place like the third-largest city in Kentucky, in what is probably its best-regarded clinic, my GP didn’t have enough experience with HIV to recognize its symptoms until I had progressed to full-blown AIDS right under his nose. Never mind finding a shame-free clinic, try finding one where they even know it when they see it. The best you can hope for is to find reasonably competent care in Louisville or Lexington, and for the majority of the people in this state that means an hour or more drive, one-way, if you can get an appointment. They’re so backlogged with patients that research is out of the question.

I certainly don’t hold godforsaken Kentucky up as any kind of example, but it’s more or less the same story anywhere from rural America all the way up through the mid-range towns and cities. The hard reality is that the farther you choose to separate yourself from the major metropolitan centers, the more high-end options you may expect to sacrifice. There’s a reason the rents get cheaper out there - the standard of living doesn’t merit the price. You should certainly look for the best possible options…but you may have to modulate your expectations.

You quoted me, but that wasn't me - that was fskn. Your point is actually a variation of the one I was originally making: aim for a large metro area, not a mid-sized city.

[ErosWired]

14 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

You quoted me, but that wasn't me - that was fskn. Your point is actually a variation of the one I was originally making: aim for a large metro area, not a mid-sized city.

Good grief. That’s the second time recently I’ve accidentally misattributed you. I swear I’m not doing it on purpose, Bootman. Apologies. Again.

[BootmanLA]

2 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Good grief. That’s the second time recently I’ve accidentally misattributed you. I swear I’m not doing it on purpose, Bootman. Apologies. Again.

No need to apologize - I know you're not doing it deliberately (the quoting feature here can be wonky). It's as much "not wanting to take credit for someone else's words" as it is "don't show me saying things I didn't say". (This is a case where I agree about the importance of access to care where the person relocates.)

[ohmalewhore]

7 hours ago, TheSRQDude said:

When you said all of this, I had to look up where Defiance County actually is. Turns out your nearest major city in Ohio isn't much better. 

Saturday Night in Toledo, Ohio

(Complete with the truckers)I feel for you, @ohmalewhore. I really do. 😀

Actually Fort Wayne is closer, but only by a few miles. But I lived in the general Toledo area - less than 10 miles outside of downtown Toledo - for 17 years. Most action I've seen .... my truck stop in Napoleon. It may claim to have once been a great scene for gays east of the Mississippi, but it's a dead zone now.

[ejaculaTe]

2 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

No need to apologize - I know you're not doing it deliberately (the quoting feature here can be wonky). It's as much "not wanting to take credit for someone else's words" as it is "don't show me saying things I didn't say". (This is a case where I agree about the importance of access to care where the person relocates.)

I wouldn't say the quoting feature is wonky, just that the developer didn't envision quotations within quotations. BootmanLA is quoting portions of fskn's post of Feb 23, but when ErosWired hits the Quote button on BootmanLA's post to respond, the software shows BootmanLA as the author of the whole thing. Because the software doesn't know how to attribute the source of a quotation that is within another quotation, one gets the result seen here.