Sexual Depression - Do you manage ok?

[DarkroomTaker]

Hey guys, just wanted to put it out there with regard to yhe past couple of years of Covid, saunas closed, local restrooms, cottages closing down for good, just sex drying up. Still get some dick.

But feel  that I get depressed quite easily with the lack of sex or anonymous sex that can form a depression  which has affected my sex drive and motivation and if I can be arsed or not anymore, sometimes the desire has depleted.

On speaking with a health collegue he feels I am sexually depressed or switched off, even down to masturbating, although I do, some stories and pics do get me off at times. 

Just wondered how you guys manage or I wonder if its my age.

Thankx guys, just asking how you do? 

[ErosWired]

Clinically speaking, there is no recognized condition of “sexual depression”, but a reduction in libido is a characteristic symptom of most forms of depression, whether clinical or circumstantial (with the possible exception of manic states of bipolar depression, in which hypersexual behavior can become problematic). In other words, it’s more likely that you’re feeling less sexy because you’re depressed, not that you’re depressed because you’ve been less sexy lately. Depression has the tendency to reduce the ability to take pleasure in many things once enjoyed, and at a clinical level this is referred to as anhedonia.

That’s not to say that not being able to get laid doesn’t suck, or doesn’t leave a guy grumpy and out-of-sorts. A well-known line I’ve often heard is:

Sex is a misdemeanor - the more I miss, the meaner I get.

And, sex is obviously known for its ability to elevate mood when you’ve had it. It’s all about the chemistry.

You might take a broader look at your life circumstances right now and ask yourself if there might be other factors contributing to a drag on your mood and causing you to feel more down in general. This could result in you having less of a general interest in sex day-to-day, and that general reduction in interest may be resulting in a corresponding reduction in play, which you interpret as being the cause of the problem.

The last couple of years have been really hard on everyone. Everyone’s life has been disrupted to some degree, and heightened stress is rampant. Right now, my local regular Top, who normally ruts me every week or so and loads me three times per visit, hasn’t fucked me in over a month. He messaged me to apologize and tell me that stress has gotten to him so badly that his blood pressure has shot up and the medication he has to take for it gives him erectile dysfunction. (Which illustrates how much it sucks to be me - possibly the best Top who’s ever used me now can’t get it up even when he wants to.) The point being, there may be other factors affecting your mood and sex drive, and if you can identify them, you might be able to address them.

In the meantime, most professionals in the mental health care field would ask if you’re getting any exercise - that can go a long way to helping in this situation.

Edited March 10, 2022 by ErosWired

[hntnhole]

16 hours ago, DarkroomTaker said:

Just wondered how you guys manage or I wonder if its my age.

No, it's not your age.  Covid has fucked many areas of human existence these past few years, and it's easy to feel isolated.  I stopped hitting the fuckjoints for a while until all the vaxxes were up to date.  In the meantime, managed to keep the beast at bay by meeting up with a fb who was in the same boat once or twice a week.  It's hardly the same as hitting the darkrooms, but - for both of us, it was at least something.  We're certainly not "lovers" - we're merely compatible sexually, and we like and trust each other in a more general way. Two Pigs in a seriously limited Pen, I guess.  

I did, however, resume my regular schedule of hitting the fuckjoints last month though.  My right hand began a bit of a revolt earlier in the year, and I promised him I'd give him a rest. So far, so good.

I hope you can manage to figure out some way to maintain your sexual as well as mental balance - it shouldn't be all that much longer now.   

Cheers !!

[valldelxeno]

I feel like for me, regularly hooking up was a coping mechanism - some would argue an unhealthy one, although I would say out of the ones I have available to me it's probably the healthiest - for the mental health problems I already had. When at the start of 2020 (shortly before the pandemic hit us here in Spain) I had something bad enough happen to make me lose my sex drive, it led to me spiralling down: 

Loss of sex drive = loss of sex life = loss of coping mechanism = further mental deterioration, including an even more inhibited sex drive. 

On top of that singular vicious cycle, I also gained weight, and so in the brief periods where I have felt better and wanted to have sex, I have felt unable to as my body image is considerably worse than it was (because my body in itself is worse) and like I know there are plenty of guys who are into bigger guys, but...I would just feel much more comfortable having sex if my body was how it was before - which was nothing special at all, just better than what I've got at the moment. 

While I don't think my use of hookups as a coping mechanism is necessarily unhealthy, my dependence on it as my only functional coping mechanism definitely was. It's best to diversify these things, so maybe you could take this opportunity to reflect upon if maybe what you are finding is that you don't have the desire to do stuff or interest in doing things, other than sex, and since you can't fill all your time with sex, you're running into issues. So like, try and maintain a healthy sex life, but at the same time, try and maintain a healthy non-sex life as well

[DarkroomTaker]

Seriously, thanks so much guys, you really have given me a lot to think about and improve on, especially my lifestyle circumstances and my weight gain. But you are also right in regard to my thought process sincerly thank you.

[hntnhole]

19 hours ago, valldelxeno said:

I have felt unable to as my body image is considerably worse than it was

One thing to remember:  There's something special about every body.  Each physical body possesses at least some qualities of specialness, whether it's self-apparent or not.  Even when going through a "low period", know that you are attractive in some ways to other men, even if you can't see it yourself.  None of us are perfect - all our bodies have some kind of self-perceived "fault", but that's more a mental block than an actuality.  For example, I'm (polite cough) "slight-of-build" - always have been.  To me, it's inconceivable that any guy would ever want to fuck me.  However, that has happened occasionally, and not because he wanted a porn-perfect ass - it's been when I've "connected" with him to the point that he wants to share - experience - enjoy some part of me that attracts him.  Not the ass, the consciousness.  I'll happily share that "connection" with any guy, since it's a rare event.  

Sure, there are guys out there that have nothing but themselves to be concerned about, and think that only the prettiest, hottest, most visually appealing bit of flesh is worthy of them. Just let those guys wallow in their shallowness, and open your mind to everything else that's potential far more rewarding.  

[BBBxCumDumpster]

18 hours ago, DarkroomTaker said:

Seriously, thanks so much guys, you really have given me a lot to think about and improve on, especially my lifestyle circumstances and my weight gain. But you are also right in regard to my thought process sincerly thank you.

I too have had some dark bouts of depression since the pandemic.  I put on 40lbs.  (At least 5 friends have put on much more.) It hasn't at all affected me getting laid and loaded as I was averaging about 3 -4 guys per week during pandemic. I have two guys now calling and texting, banging my y back door.  The aesthetic where I live is different- guys love huge asses in The Bronx.  Some of my fbs have asked me to stop losing weight. (I've lost 22lbs so far.)  

I've had a nice round ass, broad shoulders and a tiny waist for over 3 decades,.  I used to be one of those wretched people who are whatever and didn't gain weight.  I now think the challenge is to love myself as is and to  recognize what other people see in me besides a good body. I also need to understand why I'm making demands on myself that others don't make. That question will need to be answered long after the other 18lbs come off.

[alwaysready]

like depression from any other source/reason, get up and out. do some things(s) you like to do. stay busy. do not sulk or feel sorry for yourself. try to figure out why you get depressed and see if you can come up with a trigger to let you know this is happening, so you can avoid it. if this is a chronic problem, you really need to see your m.d. or seek out a counselor. it may be that an anti-depression med will help. i have been on wellbutrin for 15 years. it works and i do not notice any adverse side effects. beware though, that this med, or other such meds, may not work. and you may have to try several. meanwhile, if you can find a client-centered counselor, you can begin the process of determining why you get drepressed, and ways to avoid it. however: depression is a chronic disease that in most people gets worse with age. it needs to be dealt with ASAP. hugz

[Guest]

No sex in 3 years!  Really?