What are the signals?

[Guest]

I have read a lot on here aboùt cruising in public. 

If you are not in a known cruising spot, what are the signals that the guy over there wants to play? He may or may not have been checking you out!!. 

Also I have a good idea I guy I work with occasionally may be interested but am not keen to take the first step if I am wrong...I am very straight acting!!

I know about the foot tap in public toilets...that is where I got my first blow job from a guy!!

Are there any other overt signals people use and are well known? 

[fskn]

Very basic things like a smile or a wink, if the guy is bold.

If the guy is shy, repeated, sustained eye contact. Practice keeping his eyes in your peripheral vision, because as soon as he sees you looking, his eyes will dart away.

You might be able to spot VPL, visible penis line, i.e., the outline of his erection. This depends of course on whether he gets aroused, on his body type, and on the clothes he's wearing. Sometimes, even if nothing is apparent, a guy will fidget, put his hands in his pocket, or put a newspaper, book or jacket in front, out of self-consciousness.

Be careful with people you work with, especially in today's climate. This is not meant to discourage cruising in general. It can be a lot of fun. The uncertainty and the spontaneity can be a tremendous rush, and can lead to sexual experiences that just aren't possible with a regular, known partner.

[PozBearWI]

As is often the case @fskn is spot on.  And I agree workplaces seem to be hypersensitive so use extra care there.  

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

Great advice @fskn

I'm a chronic introvert, shy.. pick one or something like it. It took a bit for me to get used to what little I do understand in terms of signals. One thing I can say is that if you have a best feature that you can exploit (for lack of a better word) and can do so legally, lol, do it! Guys are more bold if you have something they want and will come to you or at least be much more apparent in their interest. I run and lift weights and have an ass that generates interest. I like not having to always guess if a guy is interested, because I'm probably in the top five of worse people to pick up on signals.

Good luck, and if you come up with a tip that can help the rest of us out, please post it!

Edited May 25, 2022 by YourNoLimitsBottom

[fskn]

I like your point about running, lifting weights, and (if you will permit me the word) flaunting your ass, @YourNoLimitsBottom!

Clothing accessories can be a great way to spot other queer people, and for us to be spotted.

A t-shirt, backpack or hat emblazoned with rainbows is too easy. I'm thinking of subtle items, such as pronoun pins, flag pins (especially less common flags, like the bisexual flag, the polyamory flag, or one of the trans flags, which will people aren't likely to recognize but will still be curious about), or perhaps a small bracelet.

If you have an Apple Watch, the 2020 Pride Edition Nike Sport Band (rainbow colors around the holes) or the 2021 Pride Edition Braided Solo Loop (wide range of interwoven colors, not in the usual rainbow pattern), are subtle giveaways. Other Pride bands are more obvious.

[Guest]

There needs to be a Poz pin.

[PozBearWI]

Adding to @fskn; speak up.  There is no harm in saying hello.  Conversations can evolve from fairly ordinary to fairly sexual in just a humorous side comment the other can either grab onto or pass as something funny.

[PozBearWI]

2 minutes ago, WestPhillyGuy said:

There needs to be a Poz pin.

There are:

[think before following links] https://www.redbubble.com/i/pin/HIV-Awareness-Speak-Out-Against-HIV-Stigma-by-HMMIndiana/34533546.NP9QY

[YourNoLimitsBottom]

Too bad there wasn't an app that could be installed on your phone that you could put your profile in and what you are looking for. Then you can set it to alert you if a compatible guy is within a certain range (they would have theirs turned on a well). You get an alert, check your phone, maybe get a pic if they set one, you could message back and forth to flirt a bit, etc.

Gives new meaning to "pairing", lol. But as they say, I imagine "there's an app for that" already.

[hntnhole]

All of the above may be helpful (assuming a lot of guys even know what some of those flags / pins mean), but the best way to attract the notice of other gay men is how you project your "presence".  Look a prospect in the eye, hold his gaze a moment, and give him a hint of a smile.  Not a big fat smile, just a hint.  Break the gaze and do something else, and glance at him again while you're doing whatever - pinching tomato's at the grocery store, pretending to search for a product of some kind on the shelves, whatever.  If the guy nods back, or even smiles back, walk up to him with a confident step, and talk to him.  Don't be overbearing (at least not at first).  Project that which you would respond to in someone else.

All the doo-dads are ok, I guess, but nothing will be more productive than self-confidence.  Make sure it's a friendly face, with a bit of a smile he sees.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as the old saying goes. 

Good luck, bud !!

[JamesL100]

As well as the traditional(?) red ribbon
[think before following links] https://www.redbubble.com/i/pin/Red-ribbon-Solidarity-with-HIV-positive-by-EspritMortemart/40071884.NP9QY

[hntnhole]

It may be that the looped red ribbon has become over-used through the years ... let's come up with something a bit more <<<polite cough>>> blunt 😈

[NWUSHorny]

I'm curious about this as well. I do okay with overt signals at a known cruising area, but not subtle signals anywhere else. Maybe I'm missing a ton of opportunities.

 

[BootmanLA]

I hate to be a wet blanket, but it's probably worth a reminder: while same-sex sex has been legalized in a big chunk of the world, that's not the case everywhere, and even where it's perfectly legal, it's not always (in fact, rarely is) legal in a public setting.

Not to suggest that watching for signals from potential sex partners inevitably means public sex, but it sometimes does; and in places where it does, that also puts you at risk for undercover vice cops baiting gay men into propositioning them, steering the conversation towards playing somewhere like in the bushes of a park, and then arresting them for attempted public nudity. Or claiming that the person offered them money for sex. Or asked for money for sex. (The police are notoriously non-eager to charge actual customers of actual prostitutes, but they're frequently happy to make an exception to lock up a gay man by pretending he was offering to pay. Even if the charges won't stick, the point for the cops is the humiliation of the person arrested.)

So be forewarned: public cruising, to be safe, really needs to be explicitly directed towards taking it somewhere private. I get the appeal of public play as much as anyone, and I'm not saying never ever do it; I'm saying be careful about what you agree to do, with whom.

[PigBoyDallas]

Most of it is non-verbal, like extended eye contact, a raised eyebrow, winks, smirks or smiles. Sometimes a guy says "hi" or something else. If I'm cruising I have my shirt off if outdoors or at the gym. Sometimes I freeball, rub my stomach, or fondle a nipple to see if it attracts attention. If I'm walking the trail and pass a hot guy I'll make eye contact and smile at him and ALWAYS turn around to see if he's doing them same. If he does then I know he's interested.

I have a gay bud who's about my age who taught me a lot of this stuff. He's super hot and a nice buff body and he's really bold when he sees a hot guy...will giggle his junk suggestively, do a loud whistle, all kinds of crazy stuff to get attention. Oddly it works. He's got that confident cocky borderline arrogant attitude that guys love and go for. He's not at all shy and very forward. Needless to say he gets with a lot of guys out on the trail near me and at parks, the gym, and so on.