Accidentally made a guy bleed the other night

[MikeDelRay]

After talking on Grindr, I went into a 40-something Asian bottom's hotel room. There was some real awkward chat at first cause he was older than his pics looked (should have been ready for that, I guess). And also he had the (British) TV on showing a tacky soap. Thats a shitty excuse for atmosphere.

Anyway after less than 120 seconds he assumed the position and I was about to enter his hole and he said he didnt have any lube. Dumbass.

It turns out, I didnt use enough spit, and after about 3 or 4 minutes of pounding, he told me to pull out cause it was "too sore". There was a little bit of blood on my dick (and Im not sure what else, but it wasnt shit)..... when I went into the bathroom to shower off. Then he kinda kept dropping lame "hints" to leave and kept ignoring my chat/conversation. 

I was surprised because my dick is 6½ only. I guess I was going on autopilot without thinking through sex properly with an unprepared hole.

Basically, is it his fault for putting me off with his lack of lube and shitty awkwardness?

[Monorchid]

You really shouldn't beat yourself up about it. We all have bad meets, and some (light) bleeding sometimes is inevitable.

It's more likely if the bottom has haemorrhoids, some other kind of anorectal condition or an infection. You might want to get an std screen if you're worried.

[fskn]

That sounds like a frustrating encounter, @MikeDelRay — and a waste of your time.

I definitely don't think you're at fault. You stopped when he asked you to, after only a few minutes of fucking.

As for whether he's at fault, sometimes people get so horny, so lonely, or both, that they will arrange a meeting even if it goes beyond what they can handle sexually. If he needed lube, he should have it on-hand, or asked you to bring some.

I'm uncut and fuck most guys with just spit. Lately, I've tried to minimize even that, and learn to enjoy the intensity of the pain/pleasure from a high-friction fuck. I don't blame you at all for not thinking it through; dry can be fun.

He should also have posted or sent photos that honestly represented his age.

I ignore Grindr profiles with no age, like the plague. It's such a basic detail.

As for the unerotic atmosphere, that's tolerable if the guy is hot and/or a good fuck, but if he's not, it can be the straw that broke the camel's back. Props to you for being able to get hard and start fucking him in the first place!

[fskn]

5 minutes ago, Monorchid said:

It's more likely if the bottom has haemorrhoids, some other kind of anorectal condition or an infection. You might want to get an std screen if you're worried.

That's an excellent point.

[ErosWired]

57 minutes ago, MikeDelRay said:

Basically, is it his fault for putting me off with his lack of lube and shitty awkwardness?

In a word, yes.

Everything you describe signals inexperience on the bottom’s part, if we’re looking for an excuse for him. Otherwise he was the one in the position to set the stage for a successful encounter - and a Top’s satisfaction - and failed to do so.

It’s conceivable that he had no lube because he had some fantasy if being dry-fucked, but if so he hardly had grounds to complain of soreness.

As to the bleeding, don’t concern yourself that you caused it through something you shouldn’t have done - the rectum is not designed to take objects inserted into it, and some sort of lubrication is essential to prevent at least superficial damage. By having none available, the bottom was practically inviting you to bleed him.

 I am always keenly aware of what someone has playing in the background, whether audio or video, when I engage with him. It speaks volumes about his headspace for the scene. If I show up to service a large black Top and he’s playing interracial porn in which a large black Dominant is destroying a smaller white guy I pretty much know what I’m in for. If he’s playing Marvin Gaye I can expect things to be a bit more mellow. If he’s watching the Home Shopping Network I just sigh and get it over with. A tacky British soap opera would be an instant red flag as far as I’m concerned, and I love British programming.

[MikeDelRay]

Okay thanks for your support guys.

47 minutes ago, fskn said:

 

I ignore Grindr profiles with no age, like the plague. It's such a basic detail.

Yes, a guy who is uncomfortable about his age is generally a bad sign.

I didnt mind too much, a cumdump is a cumdump as long as he doesnt have all those wrinkles or  white hair, lol. I am in my mid 30s and I put that on my profile to prevent from wasting time

47 minutes ago, fskn said:

As for the unerotic atmosphere, that's tolerable if the guy is hot and/or a good fuck, but if he's not, it can be the straw that broke the camel's back. Props to you for being able to get hard and start fucking him in the first place!

Yeah, when a guy presents his butt to me and gets on his hands and knees it gets me hard no matter what. Its his loss, I dont know what kind of guy douches but doesnt have lube. If you want to advertise yourself as a slut you should be ready for horny tops. 

 

I wasnt that bothered about it. I was just sharing this crappy experience. If he hadnt been such a pussy I could have waited for his butt to stop hurting then loaded his hole.

[NWUSHorny]

I've had several guys want me to fuck them recently, that obviously weren't experienced and got scared. One of them backed out before I even touched my dick to his hole, and the others clinched up and made it unenjoyable for both of us. I've also had a few that couldn't find a way to top me. It can be frustrating, but practice makes perfect.

I don't think you harmed him, and you stopped as soon as he asked you to, so you did everything right.

I'm flexible enough that I can find a way to make it work with another willing party top or bottom, but the other party has to be willing to at least try other positions if the 1st one we try doesn't work. It seems like there are a lot of guys that think they can only fuck in one position, and if that position doesn't work they are done.

[BannedWord]

9 hours ago, Monorchid said:

You really shouldn't beat yourself up about it. We all have bad meets, and some (light) bleeding sometimes is inevitable.

It's more likely if the bottom has haemorrhoids, some other kind of anorectal condition or an infection. You might want to get an std screen if you're worried.

Fissures can be really annoying, and painful, without the added friction of being fucked. Sorry you went through that. And as others have said, don't feel responsible for his misrepresentations. Or bad atmosphere. Or just total cluelessness. His lack of honesty isn't your responsibility at all. Some meets just go that way.

And yeah, I had a really awful meet at a hotel/motel. I went through with it, but in the future, I'd simply say that the vibe isn't doing it for you and wish him well. No one needs that.

[hntnhole]

9 hours ago, fskn said:

I definitely don't think you're at fault

Neither do I.  There were apparently a number of things he fell short on, not you.  If he can handle using the apps, he should know the basics about getting fucked too.

[BBArchangel]

Grindr, particularly, is the world’s largest collection of ten-year old photographs. But across-the-board when it comes to sex sites I assume everybody is lying about their age. And almost as frequently, about their weight. Hook-up sites are all a big craps table - you roll the dice and hope for the best.

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, TheSRQDude said:

Fissures can be really annoying, and painful, without the added friction of being fucked.

From my own experience with anal fissure, a fissure would render a man unfuckable. They’re absolutely bring-a-grown-man-to-sobs excruciatingly painful letting something out as gently as you can, never mind forcing something in. Mine required surgery to resolve.

[BannedWord]

2 hours ago, ErosWired said:

From my own experience with anal fissure, a fissure would render a man unfuckable. They’re absolutely bring-a-grown-man-to-sobs excruciatingly painful letting something out as gently as you can, never mind forcing something in. Mine required surgery to resolve.

I'm sorry to hear that experience. I was more fortunate in that mine was treatable and could heal without surgery. But it was somewhat concerning to look and see blood coming out from a bowel evacuation. The proctology practice staff, meanwhile, took the attitude of, "Oh, is that all you have?" Geez would you be happier if I evacuated my bowel and and prolapsed it in the process? (No, maybe they'd have liked being that). 

And I wasn't being fucked at the time or I'd probably have gone through the ceiling.