What does "power cuddle" mean?

[EuroMusk76]

6 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

@ErosWired I'm told that any penetration is severely frowned upon at these parties, and possibly grounds for being banned from future parties. Obviously I have not been to one.

I envision them as being something like "Radical Rub Down Tuesday" at the local bathhouse, where I have been informed by multiple patrons in attendance on those nights that people with my sexual proclivities are not welcome. I was not asked by the bathhouse staff to leave, but has been a very sexually frustrating night on, and yes I have messed up and forgotten it was Tuesday in the fog of hornyness, at least a handful of times.

What is allowed on these "Radical Rub Down Tuesdays"?

It sounds as if one gets vigorously towelled dry and afterwards slathered in Ben Gay or Vick's Vapor Rub.

[ErosWired]

2 hours ago, EuroMusk76 said:

If it were 'bottom-cannibalism',  wouldn't dildos plugs or even fists have come into play?

This 'power cuddling' might be a result of the growing trend of 'sides', i.e. men who do not identify as top, bottom or versatile, and do not seek penetrative sex.

[think before following links] [think before following links] https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/meet-the-sides-gay-men-who-dont-like-anal-sex

Now that’s fascinating. So this isn’t a trend so much as a coalescing of a new definition of a gay position/role preference that has always existed but for which, until now, there has been no term. These men are neither Tops nor bottoms nor anything in between along that vertical spectrum - they’re Sides - literally off to the side of the vertical spectrum. This adds a new dimension to the way we define sex role, which is why it’s been so difficult to reconcile with the conventional paradigm - it’s like a person living in a two-dimensional world trying to measure something in three dimensions.

This goes a great way toward explaining the cuddle parties’ strongly exclusionary reaction toward penetrators. A penetrator is a lion attempting to mingle in a herd of antelope.

2 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

But can we dispense with calling it "freakish"?

You’re quite right, that was a very poor choice of expression to mean ‘oddly uncommon’. I retract the phrase, particularly in light of the above.

3 hours ago, EuroMusk76 said:

If it were 'bottom-cannibalism',  wouldn't dildos plugs or even fists have come into play?

Again, given the ‘Sides’ explanation, I may have been off the mark with this speculation; in the case of Sides as defined as men who eschew any kind of anal penetration, clearly there’s a good reason dildo, plugs and fists aren’t employed.

I would, however, not entirely dismiss it as a potential explanation in select cases. Just because two bottoms end up together doesn’t automatically mean one is going to penetrate the other with a cock alternative - that is still a form of Topping, and some total bottoms (like myself) have neither the interest nor the inclination to perform any such act on anyone. Put two of us in a room together naked and it’s highly unlikely anyone is going to get penetrated. When I host I make it absolutely plain that I do not service bottoms in any way.

[garsento]

This discussion interests me. I actually think I have been doing something very much like that with my newest partner, in between our very vigorous fucking. It is not only lying next to each other, but is an active embrace, us gripping each other.

I really enjoy it. It is not fucking and not obviously orgasmic, but we both have found it very energizing and exciting. I can easily imagine this being something some people might want to make into a primary activity.

[garsento]

2 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Now that’s fascinating. So this isn’t a trend so much as a coalescing of a new definition of a gay position/role preference that has always existed but for which, until now, there has been no term. These men are neither Tops nor bottoms nor anything in between along that vertical spectrum - they’re Sides - literally off to the side of the vertical spectrum. This adds a new dimension to the way we define sex role, which is why it’s been so difficult to reconcile with the conventional paradigm - it’s like a person living in a two-dimensional world trying to measure something in three dimensions.

In a way, it is not very different from straight people who cannot imagine that what queer men do together, or queer women do together, et cetera, actually counts as sex. If it is not penis-in-vagina, what is it? And how can you talk about it, whatever it is, if you cannot articulate it?

One thing I quite like about talking about sex is that the very act of talking reveals new possibilities, things that you can do that you might not have been able to imagine without the talking. Getting fucked with a speculum is one of these things for me; so, too, might this sort of side activity.

[hntnhole]

13 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Cuddle parties, now? What freakish trend is this? As @hntnhole notes, strangers do not cuddle, so this sounds uncomfortably in-crowd.

I wonder, though, if it might be an outgrowth (one is tempted to call it an ingrowth like a toenail can be ingrown) of the egregious preponderance of bottoms. Having insufficient Tops available, yet wanting physical contact with another male but neither being versatile enough to want to service the other’s sexual tastes as a bottom, I can see a gruesome sort of compromise settling in whereby both get contact but neither has to exert sexually. Or to put it in other terms, perhaps this is what happens when non-verse bottoms can’t find Tops and resort to bottom-cannibalism.

Or they could just want someone to hold, as you say, but turning to strangers for that is a little bit tragic.

The construct model is, to me, delightfully classic.  

1.  Statement of thesis:  Carefully crafted with only a single negative reference.

2.  Expansion of thesis,  spiced with some lovely, elegant (and politely disparaging) verbiage.

3.  The denouement:  Clear, concise, and unmistakable.  

Whether one agrees or disagrees, the model is consistent, the thought-leading is provocative, and I'd have hired you as editor of one of the publications in an eyeblink. 

 

[NWUSHorny]

6 hours ago, EuroMusk76 said:

If it were 'bottom-cannibalism',  wouldn't dildos plugs or even fists have come into play?

This 'power cuddling' might be a result of the growing trend of 'sides', i.e. men who do not identify as top, bottom or versatile, and do not seek penetrative sex.

[think before following links] [think before following links] https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/meet-the-sides-gay-men-who-dont-like-anal-se

Actually there are different events for dildos, plugs and fisting, as well as guys that place ads and go to the sex clubs for those specific types of activities. Prior to moving here, I had never encountered a fisting bottom that wouldn't jump at the chance of getting fucked by a cock, but there is a majority that are adamant that you not use your cock in them.

"Sides" is just a relatively new term for it, they have long made up a significant percentage of the gay population here. For lack of a better term, I have called them functionally lesbian kin the past. They are very creative at finding ways to have sex in ways that avoid all penile contact.

[NWUSHorny]

5 hours ago, EuroMusk76 said:

What is allowed on these "Radical Rub Down Tuesdays"?

It sounds as if one gets vigorously towelled dry and afterwards slathered in Ben Gay or Vick's Vapor Rub.

The bathhouse doesn't post any specific restrictions, however some of the patrons try to limit the activities to platonic massage.

You are pretty close, they bring in portable massage tables and rub each other. I have never smelled Ben Gay or Vicks, but some of the fancy massage oils they use are pretty close.

It fits very nicely with the relatively recent term of "gay side".

Edited August 14, 2022 by NWUSHorny

[NWUSHorny]

3 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Again, given the ‘Sides’ explanation, I may have been off the mark with this speculation; in the case of Sides as defined as men who eschew any kind of anal penetration, clearly there’s a good reason dildo, plugs and fists aren’t employed.

Actually there are guys looking for those activities as both tops and bottoms, that specially eschew all forms of penile penetration. They definitely fit the definition being pushed by the "sides". It is probably nicer than my calling them functionally lesbian, but not as descriptively accurate.

I really need to move somewhere that isn't at the forefront of these new "trends" of ways to be gay without actually having sex. While I am bi and fully versatile when it comes to gay sex, I'm also completely retrosexual in my desires to have sex in a penile centric manner that includes penetration.

Edited August 14, 2022 by NWUSHorny

[NWUSHorny]

4 hours ago, garsento said:

This discussion interests me. I actually think I have been doing something very much like that with my newest partner, in between our very vigorous fucking. It is not only lying next to each other, but is an active embrace, us gripping each other.

I really enjoy it. It is not fucking and not obviously orgasmic, but we both have found it very energizing and exciting. I can easily imagine this being something some people might want to make into a primary activity.

Your definition fits with the 3rd  definition: power cuddling is everything cuddling is with the addition of hooking up at the same time. I strongly suspect what they are looking for based on the interests listed and described in their profile is the 2nd: intense all night cuddle and I would also guess they are not interested in the vigorous fucking.

[garsento]

1 hour ago, NWUSHorny said:

Your definition fits with the 3rd  definition: power cuddling is everything cuddling is with the addition of hooking up at the same time. I strongly suspect what they are looking for based on the interests listed and described in their profile is the 2nd: intense all night cuddle and I would also guess they are not interested in the vigorous fucking.

Which is fine. The power cuddling is, for me, a perfectly viable activity in its own right, an alternative even. Other people are different.

[hntnhole]

4 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

I have called them functionally lesbian kin the past.

LOL .... I vote for YOUR description !!!!!

[hntnhole]

On 8/13/2022 at 5:57 PM, NWUSHorny said:

go back to our own sides of the bed after a few minutes

I'm with you.  When I had to buy a new box spring/mattress, I bought another queen sized one, but only because all the sheets and blankets are that size, and I'm not about to go buy a ton of smaller sheets.  Besides, occasionally I wake up on "his" side in the morning - which invites a whole 'nother can of worms I'd just as soon not open.

[BlackDude]

I love cuddling, but I depends on the guy. All that’s discussed before hand.

But these “cuddle parties” are bs. They’re basically guys scouting for guys they will hit up later to fuck. As I say, after a certain age,  never believe a guy who says he’s not fucking. He’s just not fucking you. 

[NWUSHorny]

16 hours ago, BlackDude said:

They’re basically guys scouting for guys they will hit up later to fuck.

I might have agreed with you before living here. They are lonely and scouting for guys to meet up with and not have sex later. I've tried meeting back up with these guys, in the belief that they will eventually come around to the idea that they will eventually come around to the idea of having sex, but they never do. They are lonely and crave attention from another human being, but they aren't going to give in and have sex.

[BlackDude]

On 8/17/2022 at 2:21 PM, NWUSHorny said:

I might have agreed with you before living here. They are lonely and scouting for guys to meet up with and not have sex later. I've tried meeting back up with these guys, in the belief that they will eventually come around to the idea that they will eventually come around to the idea of having sex, but they never do. They are lonely and crave attention from another human being, but they aren't going to give in and have sex.

Man I usually agree with you, but I just believe most guys are fucking someone. Even if they are holding out for their unicorn.