A question on etiquette: rejecting someone on Grindr

[Versholefun]

Not this topic…but I was hacked on Grindr,  started getting texts from several different numbers with all my facebook contacts,  my Grindr profile and pictures, pictures people had sent me and  complete treads of last twenty or so conversations.  Guy called said I own you, unless you send me $2,000.00  I will send Your entire Grindr contents to more than 500 Facebook contacts. This is a real thing, be careful!

[HoneyBuns1980]

1 hour ago, Versholefun said:

Not this topic…but I was hacked on Grindr,  started getting texts from several different numbers with all my facebook contacts,  my Grindr profile and pictures, pictures people had sent me and  complete treads of last twenty or so conversations.  Guy called said I own you, unless you send me $2,000.00  I will send Your entire Grindr contents to more than 500 Facebook contacts. This is a real thing, be careful!

I had someone threaten to send my "faggot pictures" to my contacts a few months ago on my Google Voice number. I told 'em "go ahead. just be sure to use the good ones".

[Piggyybttmm]

21 hours ago, Philip said:

Hello,

Was wondering what the socially accepted etiquette is for rejecting someone on Grindr (or other platform) if someone sends you a message and you are not interested in that person? 

I have usually ignored messages, but I sometimes receive compliments on my profile or photo and I feel bad for not replying, but I am unsure what to say in response in relation to rejecting them. Any advice? 

If it's a reg hey message I just ignore it. If they compliment me I'll reply and at least say thank you. That's the polite thing to do, if they respond in a way that I like maybe I'll return the favor by sucking them off. 

[Piggyybttmm]

12 hours ago, FunCheerSlut said:

Isn't the "etiquette" in this scenario what we refer to as the "Golden Rule"?

The "Golden Rule" is the principle of treating others as one wants to be treated.

I don't think this works because what some person may prefer another may find totally rude. 

Like if I hit someone up and they don't respond I take it as they're busy or not interested. Either way no sweat off my back, plenty of other tops online..

But most people find that to be rude

 

 

[ErosWired]

I think the question isn’t well stated, because it asks what to do in terms of rejecting the messager, which implicates a certain approach to etiquette because of the way human beings react to rejection. But a message of “Hey” doesn’t necessarily constitute sufficient personal engagement such that the sender could be said to be rejected any more than accepted by a response. It’s more a question of whether or not we acknowledge the messenger.

I’m not sure these options that express a level of interest are on the mark. If I receive a random message of “Hey” on Grindr, I will almost certainly know nothing about the sender on which to base a decision whether to reply without making the effort to investigate his profile or (if I were shallow) at least judge him by his profile pic. If someone sends me a communication with no more information about his interest or intentions than “Hey”, he is placing the entire burden of the communication on me, and I feel under no obligation to take up the burden that he himself is unwilling to. In order to know if I have any interest in the person - or more to the point, to know if the person is genuinely looking to fuck me - I need to know two things: What does he want, and has he read my profile to see if I can offer it. I can only get that information if he supplies it.

Therefore, my reply to “Hey”, if I reply at all, is “Hey.” It acknowledges receipt of the message and presents an opportunity to provide more information. At this point, however, senders of “Hey” usually fail to take advantage of the opportunity and instead respond with some form of “What’s up?” Again, burden thrown back onto me.

At this point I still have zero information about this person on which to base a rejection without acceding to his implicit demand that I check out his profile. So I have the choice of either being blunt as an anvil and telling him that what’s up is that I’m taking cock if he’s interested; or replying “Not much, how about you” which usually leads to either “I’m horny” or “I’m bored”. In the first case, tiresome negotiations ensue which only occasionally result in fucking, because a man who can’t muster more effort than to write “Hey” isn’t likely to get off his ass to come to my room. In the second case, he never hears from me again; if a dude is incapable of stimulating his own mind, I’m not going to bother trying to stimulate his body.

But over the time that I’ve used Grindr, I’ve gradually found that the great preponderance of “Hey” messages end up being wastes of time by lazy or inconsiderate people with little or no genuine interest. More than that, very frequently if I receive a message of “Hey” and I reply, I will then receive no answer at all, leaving me to wonder why the idiot bothered me in the first place.

So, what is my obligation to respond to such messages? I have no obligation. Were the message a directed communication with considered and composed content, it would be another matter, and etiquette would dictate a reply.

But if you want to talk to me, generally you’re going to have to do better than “Hey”.

And “Sup” gets ignored 100%.

[Guest]

On 8/24/2022 at 1:19 PM, Philip said:

Hello,

Was wondering what the socially accepted etiquette is for rejecting someone on Grindr (or other platform) if someone sends you a message and you are not interested in that person? 

I have usually ignored messages, but I sometimes receive compliments on my profile or photo and I feel bad for not replying, but I am unsure what to say in response in relation to rejecting them. Any advice? 

“Thanks but unfortunately you’re not my type/we don’t share the same kinks/we are sexually not compatible” if the compliment came along with a proposition.

Otherwise a heartfelt “Thanks man” will suffice. The why can follow if they say they want to date. 
Giving details about why someone isn’t my type etc. never went down well for some reason. Will only if they persevere and I stopped caring about their feelings being hurt because they ignored mine; Any psychological trauma as a result is in their own head then. 😈
 

 

[Guest]

33 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

I think the question isn’t well stated, because it asks what to do in terms of rejecting the messager, which implicates a certain approach to etiquette because of the way human beings react to rejection. But a message of “Hey” doesn’t necessarily constitute sufficient personal engagement such that the sender could be said to be rejected any more than accepted by a response. It’s more a question of whether or not we acknowledge the messenger.

I’m not sure these options that express a level of interest are on the mark. If I receive a random message of “Hey” on Grindr, I will almost certainly know nothing about the sender on which to base a decision whether to reply without making the effort to investigate his profile or (if I were shallow) at least judge him by his profile pic. If someone sends me a communication with no more information about his interest or intentions than “Hey”, he is placing the entire burden of the communication on me, and I feel under no obligation to take up the burden that he himself is unwilling to. In order to know if I have any interest in the person - or more to the point, to know if the person is genuinely looking to fuck me - I need to know two things: What does he want, and has he read my profile to see if I can offer it. I can only get that information if he supplies it.

Therefore, my reply to “Hey”, if I reply at all, is “Hey.” It acknowledges receipt of the message and presents an opportunity to provide more information. At this point, however, senders of “Hey” usually fail to take advantage of the opportunity and instead respond with some form of “What’s up?” Again, burden thrown back onto me.

At this point I still have zero information about this person on which to base a rejection without acceding to his implicit demand that I check out his profile. So I have the choice of either being blunt as an anvil and telling him that what’s up is that I’m taking cock if he’s interested; or replying “Not much, how about you” which usually leads to either “I’m horny” or “I’m bored”. In the first case, tiresome negotiations ensue which only occasionally result in fucking, because a man who can’t muster more effort than to write “Hey” isn’t likely to get off his ass to come to my room. In the second case, he never hears from me again; if a dude is incapable of stimulating his own mind, I’m not going to bother trying to stimulate his body.

But over the time that I’ve used Grindr, I’ve gradually found that the great preponderance of “Hey” messages end up being wastes of time by lazy or inconsiderate people with little or no genuine interest. More than that, very frequently if I receive a message of “Hey” and I reply, I will then receive no answer at all, leaving me to wonder why the idiot bothered me in the first place.

So, what is my obligation to respond to such messages? I have no obligation. Were the message a directed communication with considered and composed content, it would be another matter, and etiquette would dictate a reply.

But if you want to talk to me, generally you’re going to have to do better than “Hey”.

And “Sup” gets ignored 100%.

Hey. Sup? 😉

[phukhole]

I'm always polite.  They took their time to reach out to me.  THey obviously liked something about my profile. so they get my best behavior.  The only time I'm ever gruff or blunt is when they're profile is nothing but SAFE, SAFE, SAFE, no BB, no cumdumps, etc  and they still message me.  To those, I point out their hypocrisy and usually block them.  I'm not your walk on the wild side, sister.  Move along.

[theplayerking]

Being rejected, however politely and for whatever reason, is never fun. I prefer it when guys simply don’t respond (and I do the same). 

[phukhole]

1 minute ago, theplayerking said:

Being rejected, however politely and for whatever reason, is never fun. I prefer it when guys simply don’t respond (and I do the same). 

That's interesting.  I feel that being totally ignored is more offensive than a polite, "no thanks".  Is that just me?

[VersatileBreeder]

Usually if a guy messaged me with just “hey” or “sup,” that’s my first clue that they’re probably not serious about hooking up. At least I have found that in my experience when I would answer those messages. So in those cases, I generally don’t respond.

If a guy does message me an actual sentence, I’ll usually respond and chat him up to get a feel for him. Then it goes either way.

Where it gets tricky is when a guy who is not at all my type messages me. I could engage him in conversation, but it will just be to end up telling him that I’m not interested. Which he may feel was a waste of his time. And honestly, I think responding to the first message with something like “sorry not interested” can come across as passive aggressive to some guys. That’s why I say my best policy is to just not respond. If I were in their shoes, that’s exactly how I’d prefer it. 

[fuckyouraw777]

I'll generally say something like, "I'm not sure if we're a match" unless they're asking stupid questions which are already answered in my profile in which case I can be icily rude.

[topblkmale]

Swipe left. Tap delete. 🤣

[WeBearBears]

My stock answer is: "Thanks guy, but I'm afraid we are not a match... I like to let guys know, so you do not waste your grueling (insert app name here) time on me when it can be utilized with someone else more suited for your needs.... Good luck..."

I actually had a variation of this phrase sent to me when I started chatting with someone online a few years ago... It made sense to me, so I added it to my saved phrases and have used it on other apps...  Last time I used it was 2 days ago, a 19 yr old messaged me with just the unlocking of his photos, no greeting, etc... I wasn't interested, so I sent my response... He replied with "Thanks, Man" and then "Much Appreciated"... I said "You're welcome... I understand exactly what it's like, so why be a dick about it..." He said: "I wish there were more like you"... We then chatted for another 20 min before I needed to leave for the gym... Turns out, there could be some interest on my part after all... Now, had it gone a different way, I would have just blocked him...

[BlkBttm4fun]

I have pics on my Grindr profile. If a guy  has ZERO pics on his profile and ask me to send pics or ask for MORE pics I quickly block him. The audacity to ask me for pics when I clearly have pics on my profile