A question on etiquette: rejecting someone on Grindr

[Piggyybttmm]

On 8/25/2022 at 6:13 PM, theplayerking said:

Being rejected, however politely and for whatever reason, is never fun. I prefer it when guys simply don’t respond (and I do the same). 

Agreed. Why waste time with small talk..clearly they're not interested, if they were they would've responded 

[HoneyBuns1980]

On 8/25/2022 at 3:13 PM, theplayerking said:

Being rejected, however politely and for whatever reason, is never fun. I prefer it when guys simply don’t respond (and I do the same). 

THIS!!!

I don't understand why it hits so hard for apparently so many guys when there's no response. How hard can it be to just take the hint and simply move on? Why waste your time on someone who doesn't reply? If there's any remote interest, they'll reply eventually. Maybe they're too busy chatting elsewhere and will get to it when they can. I don't take it personally at all at other sites that have the IM feature if a guy doesn't respond. I simply delete the chat window. It's not that difficult. And, I NEVER block just because someone blew me off. That's weak. And, wanting someone who blew you off to block you just because they couldn't be bothered to reply to an IM? That's just fuckin' weird!

[BootmanLA]

41 minutes ago, HoneyBuns1980 said:

And, I NEVER block just because someone blew me off. That's weak. 

I don't block them "just because they blew me off". I block non-responders because they're rude sons-of-bitches and I don't want to ever make the mistake of complimenting them again, ever, because their rudeness trumps any physical appeal they may have had.

What this really boils down to is some people are either so goddamned lazy they can't be bothered to thank someone for a compliment - and I suspect they're also the shitheads who never wrote a thank-you note or even so much as a thank-you email to people who have given them gifts over the years - or else they're so terrified they might have to actually SAY WORDS to let someone down that they'll ignore a warm message just so their precious little fee-fees aren't distressed.

Someone hits you with a rude come-on? By all means, ignore them. Someone has the boldness to pay you a compliment, even if he's not your type? Decent people acknowledge that. Assholes do not.

[HoneyBuns1980]

7 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

I don't block them "just because they blew me off". I block non-responders because they're rude sons-of-bitches and I don't want to ever make the mistake of complimenting them again, ever, because their rudeness trumps any physical appeal they may have had.

What this really boils down to is some people are either so goddamned lazy they can't be bothered to thank someone for a compliment - and I suspect they're also the shitheads who never wrote a thank-you note or even so much as a thank-you email to people who have given them gifts over the years - or else they're so terrified they might have to actually SAY WORDS to let someone down that they'll ignore a warm message just so their precious little fee-fees aren't distressed.

Someone hits you with a rude come-on? By all means, ignore them. Someone has the boldness to pay you a compliment, even if he's not your type? Decent people acknowledge that. Assholes do not.

OR

Maybe YOU'RE just too sensitive when it comes to such things. Seems like it. Not everyone wants to feel obligated to converse with EVERY single person who hits them up with an IM. I don't, whether I have the time to get to it or not. If it fits your narrative to think that people like that are "so goddamned lazy", so be it. But, you're assuming quite a lot with what you said immediately following that. 

And, I could NEVER be so self-centered as to expect a "thank you" when giving a compliment. Never. ESPECIALLY at a hook-up site. 

[Mcv69]

I usually try to be polite, sorry not what I’m looking for but good luck in your search and all the best. Simply blocking someone if they aren’t your type is pretty petty in my opinion. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, HoneyBuns1980 said:

THIS!!!

I don't understand why it hits so hard for apparently so many guys when there's no response. How hard can it be to just take the hint and simply move on? Why waste your time on someone who doesn't reply? If there's any remote interest, they'll reply eventually. Maybe they're too busy chatting elsewhere and will get to it when they can. I don't take it personally at all at other sites that have the IM feature if a guy doesn't respond. I simply delete the chat window. It's not that difficult. And, I NEVER block just because someone blew me off. That's weak. And, wanting someone who blew you off to block you just because they couldn't be bothered to reply to an IM? That's just fuckin' weird!

If someone doesn't want an answer, can't handle rejection or for whatever reason they wouldn't want me/the one they message to reply:
I suggest politely to just not contact me or anyone. 😏

[Guest]

43 minutes ago, HoneyBuns1980 said:

Maybe YOU'RE just too sensitive when it comes to such things.

Is it REALLY necessary to blame someone for wanting normal everyday politeness to be adhered to in the digital world?

I have a problem with the reverse because I notice people apparently loose the ability to talk in real life or over the phone, video calls excepted, because they loose the ability to listen as well; It creates a world where everybody broadcasts whatever they want but nobody listens, reads or cares for that matter.
The imho rude behaviour online/on apps seems to influence how we interact with each other in real life and NOT for the better.

The part of your response I quoted is actually a good example of this inability to communicate on the same parr as "it's not my problem".
I feel that ver-assertiveness is a growing problem.

 

52 minutes ago, HoneyBuns1980 said:

And, I could NEVER be so self-centered as to expect a "thank you" when giving a compliment. Never.

Perhaps you should, some of the times at least.

Might be nice if people start to hand out 'sorry's', 'thank you's' and 'you're welcome's' again. 😉
 

[Piggyybttmm]

1 hour ago, HoneyBuns1980 said:

OR

Maybe YOU'RE just too sensitive when it comes to such things. Seems like it. Not everyone wants to feel obligated to converse with EVERY single person who hits them up with an IM. I don't, whether I have the time to get to it or not. If it fits your narrative to think that people like that are "so goddamned lazy", so be it. But, you're assuming quite a lot with what you said immediately following that. 

And, I could NEVER be so self-centered as to expect a "thank you" when giving a compliment. Never. ESPECIALLY at a hook-up site

Exactly this! Like who has time to respond to every single person anyway? Like you'll be there all night having a meaningless conversation with someone you know you're never gonna meet. 

Not enough hours in the day 

[hntnhole]

This may sound like a dumb question, and maybe it is .....  I know almost every guy uses grindr, and their phones make some little sound when another guy using grindr is nearby.  

Is there a way to turn the "grindr sound" off, but still leave the phone on to receive a regular phone call?  Can a guy just turn grindr off on his phone, so it won't let anyone around him even know he's using grindr?  And then turn grindr on again when he wants to use it?

[Philip]

1 hour ago, hntnhole said:

This may sound like a dumb question, and maybe it is .....  I know almost every guy uses grindr, and their phones make some little sound when another guy using grindr is nearby.  

Is there a way to turn the "grindr sound" off, but still leave the phone on to receive a regular phone call?  Can a guy just turn grindr off on his phone, so it won't let anyone around him even know he's using grindr?  And then turn grindr on again when he wants to use it?

I hope I’m not reading into this as a deeply metaphorical question of some sort lol. 
 

To turn off the Grindr sound, at least on an iPhone, you can turn off the app’s notification in the setting menu. You can also choose to turn off the sound specifically too for the app. 

[polyglutton]

 It depends on:

1. If am I already busy talking to or doing something else, I won't respond in real time. Some people will draw conclusions or even block if they don't get a response within a short period. Their loss. I insist on being a human, not at the beck and call of all notifications on my phone. 
 

2. Since I live in a small town and grindr is also used as the only "community" resource, I try not to reduce every interaction to that of a potential hookup. This means I will sometimes respond to people in a friendly non-sexual way, being clear about it when it comes up. 
 

3. If someone I'm not attracted to contacts me, I might respond and I might not. It depends on my mood (can I handle someone being rude?). I don't think being "nice" is overrated and even hurtful (a lot of what is nice or saving face is actually unnecessarily dishonest and misleading). Kind is better, and in my book, kindness means being honest and direct, but respectful and considerate. 
 

4. I don't owe anyone a response and this doesn't make me a bad person, it just means I have boundaries. 
 

[polyglutton]

8 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

I don't block them "just because they blew me off". I block non-responders because they're rude sons-of-bitches and I don't want to ever make the mistake of complimenting them again, ever, because their rudeness trumps any physical appeal they may have had.

What this really boils down to is some people are either so goddamned lazy they can't be bothered to thank someone for a compliment - and I suspect they're also the shitheads who never wrote a thank-you note or even so much as a thank-you email to people who have given them gifts over the years - or else they're so terrified they might have to actually SAY WORDS to let someone down that they'll ignore a warm message just so their precious little fee-fees aren't distressed.

 

Giving a gift or compliment should be done freely without any expectation of anything in return, otherwise it's an obligation and no longer a gift. If saying thank you were an obligation, then genuine gratitude in the words thank you would have no meaning. 

Making assumptions about why the other person didn't respond is unkind.  You don't know what they're dealing with or anything else. Ultimately it's creepy to project expectations.

Our  personal experience and values are not universal, we do well to always keep that in mind with every person we encounter, both in person or online. 

Edited August 29, 2022 by polyglutton

[polyglutton]

9 hours ago, HoneyBuns1980 said:

. And, I NEVER block just because someone blew me off. That's weak. And, wanting someone who blew you off to block you just because they couldn't be bothered to reply to an IM? That's just fuckin' weird!

For me there is a distinction between a preemptive or post conversation block vs. a real-time block. 

To me a real-time block i.e. mid contact/chat is inhumane.

However a block before, or some time after contact, is really doing both people a favour. It opens up the grid for both users to have better chances of finding compatibility with someone better suited. 

But I agree that blocking someone because they did not respond right away is weak and short-sided. The other person could be up to anything, and to make their lack of immediate response about you is juvenile. I like to give people a few days before I decide they aren't going to respond. And that still isn't a reason to block if I'm interested in them. 

[Njn0mc]

I hate when there is nothing on their profile!! Like to see full stats. Pics can be later when the conversation is going. I understand some guys are on the DL. But i hate spending time getting something going to find out he is a total bottom and I'm looking for a top!

BLOCKED at that point

Edited August 29, 2022 by Njn0mc

[hntnhole]

50 minutes ago, Philip said:

I hope I’m not reading into this as a deeply metaphorical question of some sort lol

LOL .... no, you were reading (and replying, thank you) to a question from a guy who hasn't used any of these apps for at least 15 years.  Who also desperately needs to get his ass out to some store and buy a new damn phone (the current one is about to give up the ghost).  I've never cared how all these things work, and so I never learned either.  It seems that every ambulatory guy within 100 miles of here uses Grinder, so I was curious about it.  When cruising, etc comes up in chats with neighbors (and everyone always wants to know who's fucking who in the 'hood), and I mention that I don't use the apps, they look at me like I were a Martian, freshly landed on Earth.  Last evening walking the dog it happened again.

At least no one on BZ can actually laugh to my face - only to my fingers ..... and thanks for the response.