Is it hopeless?

[Surferboi]

I'm a  mid 30 gay guy who  works in  a hospital as a  doctor (residency  training). From the  very first day I  had a  guy  stole  my heart. He's not  the super hot typicalguy, but he's what I would say "my type". It's the opposite of "sorry, you're not my type". I came to know him better quite recently.  We  have a common friend, he threw a "party" (5 dudes sitting on  a sofa for a couple of hours. So it was the first time we talked (for more than a high and outside of work) He told me he has diabetes and that he carries some jelly beans with him. I liked his vibe too. He's a straight based on the fact that he has a gf. The day before yesterday, we left  a  seminar. As he was in front of me, walking outside he just collapsed. We brought him to the ER where I'm the one that's trained and I examined him etc. I felt so weird. I was worried, I wanted to hug him and I also got a bit of excited that I saw him shirtless. Thankfully it was  just low sugar because he had took his insulin but had not take a meal. He got really afraid (which okay I understand it) and he hugged me (but his mind wasn't  clear so it doesn't mean anything). From that night however we  message A LOT, almost  non stop and he invited me to his house for dinner. I know it's too hasty, but I'm flying. I don't know what to do. Oh  I'm also  not "out"..

[PozTalkAuthor]

unfortunately when talking of human feelings nothing is absolutely true, and nothing absolutely false; we just can share experiences. I can only suggest you to continue this contact, keep in touch, message non-stop, talk... And see where it goes. But no expectances. 

I can only share my experience - 12 years ago this piece of a man started to work with me; he had a gf, I became a close friend of his... He was the first I shared the news of my HIV status with, after I tested positive. I cried on his shoulder, I shared with him when I got together with my last ex, I went to his wedding to his wife... 

To make a long story short, 12 years have passed thinking one was inaccessible to the other, I had to keep my feelings locked. But one day it happened. Both of us split from mutual unhappy relationship and the end is... I'm currently chilling out on his bed, at his place, with him cuddling me from behind, we are a couple from last 3rd October. 

Not all stories must end like it ended up for me, or end up with a permanent damage. Only thing I can say is that "hopeless" is nothing! Make this relation grow up and see where it goes! Just think he was afraid of AIDS and death and thought I was inaccessible due to my status. Till I made him aware of Undetectable matter. And till he found his wife naked with another guy. So... You might find an open door when you don't expect. Hugs. 

[austin_submale]

Sometimes you got to be patient and sometimes you got to put yourself out there.  The latter is always a risk, but rarely do rewards come without risk.

 

[Kayne]

Real Talk Bro.

From what you said, at the beginning, you were casuals.  -more than acquaintences, less than friends- Then you were there for him at a moment of crisis and provided emergency care.

Now stickers would say that since you have a Health Care Provider relationship with this man, pursuing any further relationship is patiently unethical. I disagree. its not you you're his regular doctor or even an occasional one. I think you should be free to pursue it.

That being said, This guy presents as  Straight. But you only assume that because he has a female partner. He could be bi, he could be closeted, or he could be a straight man who has sex with men but has relationships and romantic connections with women ( personally I think MSM is stupid, but I was born in the 70's )

Trouble is, you can't know what's going on in his head unless you open your mouth and ask.  Is it hopeless? Not necessarily. Is there a risk? only if you value whatever it is you have now and fear fucking that up.

But here is where you gotta put your big boy pants on and decide  what it is that you want from this situation, be the "bravest you've ever been" and "Speak your truth" lay it on the line and tell the man you like him, or that you are gay ( if you are, no assumptions here) tell him so boldly and tell him you are attracted to him. We're entering 2023 in 9 days. Its well past time to Normalize not pining away for someone like an incel with main character syndrome. *

*Remember to Take steps to protect yourself. DO NOT do this if you have even a whiff of an idea that this man may be violent if you make this advance 

Bottom line, this situation is only Hopeless if you allow it to be the *worst* that can happen is you get rejected. 

And we're Adults . we can handle rejection. But if we never risk that potential rejection we'll miss out on something that could be wonderful 

[hntnhole]

17 hours ago, Surferboi said:

and he invited me to his house for dinner

What are you afraid of?  Where's this whiff of danger coming from?  The way I see it, you helped him a helluva lot when he really needed help, and he's making a gesture of thanks.  Maybe he's sniffin you out, maybe not. Maybe he's just thankful for your help when he couldn't help himself.  

Accept the invitation, and pick up a good bottle of wine to bring.  Go to his place for dinner, and don't go with presuppositions in your mind.  Be responsive to whatever he's got to say.  He made your Cock hard, maybe you make his just as hard.  Be receptive to whatever he has to say, unless and until he makes things more clear.  Ya never know until ya know, right?  Even if he's not sexually available, a friend is always worth having.  

[Surferboi]

7 hours ago, Kayne said:

Real Talk Bro.

From what you said, at the beginning, you were casuals.  -more than acquaintences, less than friends- Then you were there for him at a moment of crisis and provided emergency care.

Now stickers would say that since you have a Health Care Provider relationship with this man, pursuing any further relationship is patiently unethical. I disagree. its not you you're his regular doctor or even an occasional one. I think you should be free to pursue it.

That being said, This guy presents as  Straight. But you only assume that because he has a female partner. He could be bi, he could be closeted, or he could be a straight man who has sex with men but has relationships and romantic connections with women ( personally I think MSM is stupid, but I was born in the 70's )

Trouble is, you can't know what's going on in his head unless you open your mouth and ask.  Is it hopeless? Not necessarily. Is there a risk? only if you value whatever it is you have now and fear fucking that up.

But here is where you gotta put your big boy pants on and decide  what it is that you want from this situation, be the "bravest you've ever been" and "Speak your truth" lay it on the line and tell the man you like him, or that you are gay ( if you are, no assumptions here) tell him so boldly and tell him you are attracted to him. We're entering 2023 in 9 days. Its well past time to Normalize not pining away for someone like an incel with main character syndrome. *

*Remember to Take steps to protect yourself. DO NOT do this if you have even a whiff of an idea that this man may be violent if you make this advance 

Bottom line, this situation is only Hopeless if you allow it to be the *worst* that can happen is you get rejected. 

And we're Adults . we can handle rejection. But if we never risk that potential rejection we'll miss out on something that could be wonderful 

Well I get what you mean, but I'm not his health care provider, just someone who helped him when needed. He won't be coming back for any treatment so I don't feel I'm breaking any rules here.

I don't know why should he hide his orientation that much. I mean, why find a woman if he's into guys? This feels like 1940. I'm trying to do some digging and get closer to him, know things about him and maybe he will get comfortable around me. I'm not brave enough to tell him that I like him. A guy told a joke about us (because the guy that i like is quite thin and not very tall) that it's like he walks around with a bodyguard.

 

5 hours ago, hntnhole said:

What are you afraid of?  Where's this whiff of danger coming from?  The way I see it, you helped him a helluva lot when he really needed help, and he's making a gesture of thanks.  Maybe he's sniffin you out, maybe not. Maybe he's just thankful for your help when he couldn't help himself.  

Accept the invitation, and pick up a good bottle of wine to bring.  Go to his place for dinner, and don't go with presuppositions in your mind.  Be responsive to whatever he's got to say.  He made your Cock hard, maybe you make his just as hard.  Be receptive to whatever he has to say, unless and until he makes things more clear.  Ya never know until ya know, right?  Even if he's not sexually available, a friend is always worth having.  

The invitation is for tomorrow. I'm stressed not afraid. I bought him a book as a present for Xmas, hope he likes it. He has put a spell on me (metaphorically).

[hntnhole]

Well, just don't fuck until the roast is OUT of the oven ...... and good luck !!!

[Kayne]

1 hour ago, Surferboi said:

why find a woman if he's into guys? This feels like 1940. 

Because ther are places in this world where being "Out" Can lead to separation from friends, family, and community.  There are places  AwherenyournHome ,Job, and even life can be taken away, and not just by random xitizen, but by the state.

There is real Danger.

 

 But putting that aside, perhaps his sexuality is fluid.  As I said,  He might be Hetero-romantic. while enjoying Sex with men. but in order to find out, you'll need to bite the bullet my friend. 

Go for it and Good Luck!

 

[evilqueerpig]

In this day and age, is it difficult to acknowledge your truth?  Let him know that you're not expecting anything more than friendship, unless it's what he wants, but admit that you're gay and attracted to him.  Even if he turns you down, you'll have found your self respect and maybe some newfound confidence.