Losing interest after sex

[Cutedelicategay]

Off late I have a regular fucker who is a college jock with a nice thick cock. He claims to be a gay but doesn't have a BF or any other stable relation. He claims that he would rather have a couple of bubble butts to fuck and unload and concentrate on his studies as he has talked about his plans. However, until he is making out and then fucking me, he is so involved in sex but the moment he has finished unloading, he is so quick in getting dressed and leaving even without say a bye or anything. He would then not engage with me for a few days before texting me for a fuck. I can imagine straight guys, cheating guys having kind of shame after what they have done and that internalized feeling gets displayed once that load is out. But for someone who is a gay, open about it and seen prominently at Prides etc to have such an internalized shame or guilt. I had a stable relation during university days and he would just turn around and sleep and got annoyed if I cuddled with him after sex in the night.

Have you guys experienced this behaviour?

[Nclchub]

It's not necessarily shame as such. Some guys are only interested in a purely physical relationship, hence why he's so passionate in the moment but disinterested as soon as sex is over/not on the table. I know back in uni I had a relationship like this with a guy where we had completely different friend groups and only hung out to have sex. Both of us were openly gay, we just didn't have anything in common outside of loving bareback and being swamped with coursework/exams. 

As for not liking/being annoyed by cuddles, that could be any number of things. While it could be shame, the fact he's openly gay makes this less likely. Some guys just don't like cuddling. Maybe he's aromantic (i.e. Enjoys sex but has no interest/desire for romance). Ultimately I'm not the one dating the guy so without talking to him I can't say what his deal is. 

Way I see it you have two options:

-Accept that this relationship is purely physical and enjoy it for what it is

-Have a conversation about why he's not into cuddling/romance and whether you could incorporate that in future. If he tells you he's not interested and just wants to keep using you purely for sex, ask yourself whether you're okay with that. 

 

Good luck. 

[Guest]

It's not an unusual response and I've had it loads of times through my life. Straight and hiding from a girlfriend, gay and hiding it from a partner or keeping to agreed rules (no kissing, no connecton etc). Might have a feeling that some sex is just sex and some sex needs a connection and he may not be able to pursue that connection with you. Numerous guys (and girls I'm sure) have a degree of shame about sex, or OCD or a thing about cleanliness. The guys who I know who jump straight out after sex to hit the shower, rub the cum off and are a bit turned off by the idea of cuddling with all the fluids all over is high. That's obviously completely their decision.

I think it's fine if you want to continue as you are and it suits you both. But if you're feeling lke it's a bit cold and not your thing, it's accepting he's not going to change really and what you do about that. In my early sex life I seemed to acquire straight married partners who wanted sex but nothing else, and if you start developing a connection with one of them, there's emotional pain to deal with. Not saying that's the case here, but perhaps a parallel, it's you should be putting yourself at the centre of the situation and taking responsibility, not him. He might be oblivious and thinking you're fine with everything.

[austin_submale]

20 hours ago, Cutedelicategay said:

Off late I have a regular fucker who is a college jock with a nice thick cock. He claims to be a gay but doesn't have a BF or any other stable relation. He claims that he would rather have a couple of bubble butts to fuck and unload and concentrate on his studies as he has talked about his plans. However, until he is making out and then fucking me, he is so involved in sex but the moment he has finished unloading, he is so quick in getting dressed and leaving even without say a bye or anything. He would then not engage with me for a few days before texting me for a fuck. I can imagine straight guys, cheating guys having kind of shame after what they have done and that internalized feeling gets displayed once that load is out. But for someone who is a gay, open about it and seen prominently at Prides etc to have such an internalized shame or guilt. I had a stable relation during university days and he would just turn around and sleep and got annoyed if I cuddled with him after sex in the night.

Have you guys experienced this behaviour?

A lot of women have complained about similar behavior for centuries.  It's just how a lot of guys are wired, straight, bi, gay doesn't matter.  Once they've cum they're done.  I dunno, I guess it is what it is.

[tallslenderguy]

i think the refractory period is a factor that no one has mentioned. Not suggesting it is 'the' reason for His behavior, but i believe it factors in to all of our response post orgasm.

"What Is the Refractory Period?

The refractory period refers to a span of time in the sexual response cycle that occurs after orgasm or ejaculation, during which a person won’t respond (physiologically or psychologically) to sexual stimulation and is incapable of orgasming. During this time, blood pressure and heart rate decrease, the brain releases hormones, like prolactin or oxytocin, and dopamine levels lower to promote rest and recovery. All people, regardless of gender, experience a refractory period, lasting from a few seconds up to 24 hours."

[think before following links] https://www.masterclass.com/articles/refractory-period-explained

Personally, i want a dynamic where the Top is in charge of my orgasm. Ideally, i like the idea of a shared orgasm, i.e. His orgasm becomes mine when He fucks and releases into my body (lol, it's complicated). A big part of this for me is i do not like the "refractory period" where i do not have that intense drive, desire, need for a Mans drive, desire, need.  For me, sex is mostly about the connection i feel and have with a Man through sex.

Though i don't think a lot of bottoms, especially total bottoms, may articulate it as i do, i think there's similar elements bottoms experience.  A bottom who is having sex without an orgasm is not going to have the refractory period that a Top has after orgasm.   Whether stated as such, cuddling for many is a sort of foreplay, which a Top might not be inclined towards right after orgasm (depending on the length of His refractory period?), whereas a bottom who has not had and orgasm may want/need more (enter the "cum dump" lol).

[topblkmale]

Could be that he is just not that into you (other than during the actual sex act).

I have experienced this many times. 

 

I also show this same behavior towards guys that I am NOT into romantically outside of intercourse. As is my general rule, kissing on the lips indicates I am crossing that sex/romantic boundary with a guy.

[TallHungNYC]

I'm like this - even if I'm really into the dude.  It's not a freakout omg what have I done feeling.  Just more of a reset - I lose interest in sex immediately and all the things I probably should have been doing (that assignment I need to finish, those errands I was putting off, etc.) flood back into my head. 

It's like in the Wizard of Oz when everything changes from black and white to color -- except the reverse.  

[bareback-flipflop]

First of all it would be important to clarify what you expect from this relationship. Sometimes one (even me) wants only sex. However, it happens rather one-time hookups. Except for rare occasions I prefer some chitchat after sex but it’s different than sleeping together. 
Besides the things guys mentioned above, another option can be that the guy hates himself. I had a guy, maybe I felt in love with him. We had amazing sex but immediately after he ejaculated he became closed. Even if I was still horny or didn’t cum yet. Although he jerked me off, he was visibly enforced. He confessed to me that he lost his mood after his orgasm. He was a deeply religious person and it was obviously confusing that after he was singing psalms he was laying on his back, spreading his legs and begging to me to fuck and breed him. With the same mouth. So, this weird behaviour can have many reasons. If this guy is more important to you than a regular fuckbuddy, you should discuss it with him. There is no such a good sex, after which someone earns to suffer (except the sub/maso sex).