Which is hotter: Open relationships/cuckolding or cheating?

[hntnhole]

Maybe not the first time, maybe not the twenty-first time.  But they cheated-on guy always knows at some point. Reactions can be nothing apparent (i.e. completely internalized) to Showdown at the F.U. Corral. I wonder how 'hot' the cheating is then. 

To each his own, I guess.  But at some point, they always, always know. 

 

 

[PozBearWI]

1 hour ago, hntnhole said:

Maybe not the first time, maybe not the twenty-first time.  But they cheated-on guy always knows at some point. Reactions can be nothing apparent (i.e. completely internalized) to Showdown at the F.U. Corral. I wonder how 'hot' the cheating is then. 

To each his own, I guess.  But at some point, they always, always know. 

 

 

True.  I've been the one in a purportedly monogamous relationship who discovered his partners outside dalliances quite by accident.  I tend to agree at least more times than not, the cheating will be found out.  In part because the one cheating needs to be found out; and in part because I think thay want to be discovered.  Part of their thrill.  Or at least in my two "at bats" for this they were.

My current 23 and continuing relationship; we had both experienced that.  And rather than put that artificial constraint on our lifelong relationship; we decided to keep it open.  We have fun when we share our experiences with each other.  To us it has proven better to discover and accept who we are with all our foibles and qualities.  

A good half of my fuck buds are on the DL.  Their relationships, their problem.  I am not forcing them into my dungeon and I am not the keeper of their relationship.  Some of my buds and I discuss their rationale.  In the ones I know of, they love their partners, have asked for openness; and been given a flat no without discussion.  In those circumstances I can understand their "fuck it" approach.  In my couple decades doing this; the majority of those relationships fail; and when the next one emerges for them this stuff is agreed to up front.  

 

[BootmanLA]

2 hours ago, hntnhole said:

To each his own, I guess.  But at some point, they always, always know. 

and

1 hour ago, JimInWisc said:

A good half of my fuck buds are on the DL.  Their relationships, their problem.  I am not forcing them into my dungeon and I am not the keeper of their relationship.  Some of my buds and I discuss their rationale.  In the ones I know of, they love their partners, have asked for openness; and been given a flat no without discussion.  In those circumstances I can understand their "fuck it" approach.

I agree that most of the time, the cheated-on person probably either has a suspicion or concertedly does not want to find out. But I've also known cheaters who were really good at covering their tracks. I will say - as I've gotten older I've found a diminishing number of my friends in purportedly monogamous relationships, sometimes because they've found them hard to maintain, other times because a shrinking pool of men want such relationships in the first place. But be that as it may, I'm talking about the ones who do.

In such cases: I think it depends on what the home situation is. if A and B agree to a monogamous relationship, and B later wants to open it up, his rationale makes a difference. If it's just because B wants a variety of sex partners, he owes it to his partner to break up if A is unwilling to consider openness - they're almost certainly going to break up if B gets caught, and as you noted, they tend to get caught. A signed up for a particular kind of relationship, and B can't unilaterally change that without A's consent.

If the rationale is that A's sex drive is dramatically diminished, on the other hand, then I think the obligation should be on A to voluntarily look the other way if B gets basic needs met elsewhere, given that he's no longer interested in (or capable of) meeting those needs. B signed up for a particular kind of relationship, and while A may or may not be capable of providing that any longer, it's his changed circumstance that should result in some sort of accommodation. (It goes without saying that B should be discreet, careful, and not let outside dalliances interfere with the basic relationship he has with A.)

The same is true if A is unwilling to engage in any reasonable kinks that B may have.

And if A simply takes sex off the table - not interested any longer, but unwilling to go for openness - and B values the relationship with A very much, occasional stress-relieving dalliances outside the relationship may be the least bad option, allowing him to continue to be a good partner to A in all other ways. "Least bad" doesn't mean "ideal" and doesn't mean "first go to option"; it just recognizes that A and B are better off together, and B minimizes any hurt A might feel while taking care of his own needs in a respectful manner.

NONE of that aligns with "cheating is hot". If B is the one thinking it's hot, then the level of disrespect being shown to A - the one who he allegedly loves so much he doesn't want to break up with - isn't any sort of accommodation for a mismatched partnership. And if C, the cheated-with third party, gets off on being the other man, relishing (as I said) the pain he's helping inflict when the cheating is discovered, well, I hope karma gets his ass. 

[hntnhole]

2 hours ago, JimInWisc said:

 

 

 

2 hours ago, JimInWisc said:

I am not the keeper of their relationship

Exactly.  Far more productive in the long run.  While some guys don't want anything like a "long run" relationship, which is entirely their choice, most humans want/need/enjoy a substantive relationship with a life-partner.  

Thanks, JiminWis, for the incisive response.

2 hours ago, JimInWisc said:

I am not the keeper of their relationship

Of course not.  It's up to each individual guy to figure out what he wants out of life, and what he doesn't.  More, whatever he winds up doing (relationship-wise), is his business and no one else's - other than a partner if/when he comes along.  

 

2 hours ago, JimInWisc said:

been given a flat no without discussion

It occurs that this kind of "relationship" is founded on something less than bedrock.  Relationships are living things, and when 50% of that relationship has a fundamental issue with the status quo, it's the responsibility of the other half to at least listen, try to understand his partner's needs, and try to come up with an acceptable solution.  Otherwise, it may not have been much of a sharing relationship in the first place.  A "flat no" is hardly an appropriate response, and I can easily understand the "fuck-it" result.  Every person in a relationship deserves to have his issues heard and addressed. 

It's not like relationships are static, carved-in-stone entities.  They're living, breathing, entities, and they need to be looked after.  At least some do learn before the crash.  Thanks for your addition to the conversation.

[hntnhole]

1 hour ago, BootmanLA said:

If the rationale is that A's sex drive is dramatically diminished, on the other hand, then I think the obligation should be on A to voluntarily look the other way if B gets basic needs met elsewhere, given that he's no longer interested in (or capable of) meeting those needs.

Obviously.  This introduces a new question into the discussion, and you stated the answer perfectly.  If the two men care for each other deeply, and they've been sharing sex together for many years, and one guy simply cannot keep his partner sated due to health (or any other, for that matter) concerns, the obvious solution is to re-negotiate the terms of the relationship.  The "still-able" partner may feel guilty, even with the blessing of his partner, but at least the issue has been honestly addressed.  That is hardly "cheating", it's the direct opposite.

 

1 hour ago, BootmanLA said:

and B values the relationship with A very much, occasional stress-relieving dalliances outside the relationship may be the least bad option

I've been around for a while, and this has happened to friends (2 were fuck-bud couples, 1 wasn't), and recognizing that the other fundamentals of the relationship was on solid ground, I was able to help mediate, because I knew each would be a lesser man without the other.  Two were successful, one not so much.  But the underlying caring each man had for the other (these were long-term relationships) held more power than the alternatives.  While sharing sex together may seem like the glue that was holding the relationship together, it's not the only glue.  The "catch" is that each guy in both those successful cases was the underlying love each held for the other, which turned out to be the strongest glue, not the sharing of sex.  I don't find that solution "the least bad", in that the real foundation was preserved.

 

1 hour ago, BootmanLA said:

respectful

Foundational to the entire issue.  Perfectly put.  

 

1 hour ago, BootmanLA said:

NONE of that aligns with "cheating is hot". If B is the one thinking it's hot, then the level of disrespect being shown to A - the one who he allegedly loves so much he doesn't want to break up with - isn't any sort of accommodation for a mismatched partnership

As always, you hit the nail squarely on the head.  There is/was something missing in the relationship from day (or perhaps more likely night), one.  Cheating - or dishonesty in general - eventually rots the character of the cheater, and the sorrow is that they seldom realize that fact in time to make some corrective changes.  I see the notion of "getting one over on my partner" as symptomatic of a guy who has yet to come to terms with becoming what our Jewish buddies call "a mensch" - a real man.

Thanks for the great response.  

[Guest]

I would love to have a bf that will cheat on me let me catch them in the act maybe join bring me home everything cheating is hot af

[JamesL100]

Each relationship is unique with how it started, the twists n turns, the highs n lows, how the couple have resolved internal and external issues.
Even if being single seems the best option from an outside view (especially with unhappiness on one or both partners) it's likely that there is some financial angle meaning that they cannot afford to separate.
So the cheating continues and the negativity worsens, despite the efforts of the cheater to manage the double-life.
As it is so damned difficult to find a true partner it amazes me the sheer disrespect that cheaters bring to the relationship,
I always wonder how life works out after separation. Anyone with experience of this? Or is it a marriage 'unhappily ever after'?

[BootmanLA]

22 hours ago, JamesL100 said:

Each relationship is unique with how it started, the twists n turns, the highs n lows, how the couple have resolved internal and external issues.
Even if being single seems the best option from an outside view (especially with unhappiness on one or both partners) it's likely that there is some financial angle meaning that they cannot afford to separate.
So the cheating continues and the negativity worsens, despite the efforts of the cheater to manage the double-life.
As it is so damned difficult to find a true partner it amazes me the sheer disrespect that cheaters bring to the relationship,
I always wonder how life works out after separation. Anyone with experience of this? Or is it a marriage 'unhappily ever after'?

Historically speaking, until about 20 years ago, when the first same-sex marriages were recognized in Massachusetts, most gay relationships had few legal constraints, and in my experience, they tended to end one of two ways. Either the guys mutually broke up, with some degree of "oh well" balanced with some amount of "How dare that SOB...". Or they flamed out in some dramatic fashion, either because one was caught cheating, or one found a new partner and made a splashy exit.

Those were the days when same-sex couples were warned, ad nauseum, to put joint leases in writing, to document when one partner loaned the other money, to make sure any property purchases were carefully structured to protect both partners - all in the recognition that when such a relationship ended, recourse to the courts for a property settlement wasn't generally an option.

Of course, that's changed with the advent of same-sex marriage, although significant numbers of my gay friends rejected that option even when it became available. And even those who do don't always plan on what might happen.

I can grasp that financial entanglements may require that you can't completely separate. But seriously: if the only thing keeping you as "a couple" is the fact you own a house together and it's upside down on the mortgage, or whatever, break up, keep going as roommates, and treat each other with respect.

As one of my attorney friends once told me, he divorced his wife when he came out, and that was finalized pretty quickly, but the property settlement dragged on for years (in his defense, he was continuing to support her comfortably; he just had to liquidate real estate assets, over the ensuing years, to create a trust to provide for her indefinitely). If the marriage is over, don't let property issues hold up the divorce. Especially with gay couples, who seldom have children together that might get caught up in the crossfire.

[TwinkChaserSlut]

On 7/3/2023 at 1:26 AM, Bbitchboycocksuckr said:

This is super hot. When I first started being a cumslut, I was in a committed relationship and would cheat every once in a while but when I started getting High with “connects” they would get me so fucken spun I wouldn’t give a shit. It took me a year to break up with him I couldn’t get myself to do it cuz it was so hot and he never found out I was about being promoted as a party slut cum dump sometimes only a few blocks from his apt

That's amazing. Any pics or vid?

[ktopper]

Cheating can be complicated. Sometimes physical needs over ride moral convictions. I love sending married men home to their wives with a load of my cum in their ass. When I first got into gay sex (mid twenties) I was bottoming. I had a girl friend at the time and it was a turn on for me to go home and fuck her with a load of cum in me. A few times she came home from a "night out with her friends" with that unmistakable delicious odor of sex emanating from her. It was hot and we would have great sex. She had once been involved in a lesbian relationship and was open-minded about sex. I liked her and her sexuality was just part of her so I accepted it. But she was an exception, with most of my GFs I did not tolerate them fucking around. I don't hate women, I rather like them, almost too much. I have also fucked married men in front of their wives, and wives in front of their husband, always with mutual consent. That's not cheating. I have never been in a relationship with another man but have fucked guys that were in relationships. Were they cheating? Maybe. But I don't pry into the status of their relationship, maybe it's open, maybe not. I have hooked up with gay couples who want to play together and that is hot. When I was young I got involved once with a friend's wife. I absolutely hated myself for it and vowed to not do that again. I have mostly kept that vow to myself with a couple of exceptions. One was with a lady with whom I have had a casual affair for years. She once married an abusive woman beating asshole that I knew was cheating on her with several other women, as well as beating her. It was therapy for her as much as anything.

I reckon I have different standards for men versus women. If a guy is looking for dick I will happily give it to him. If a gay man is in a relationship he should, in my opinion, have it worked out honestly and openly with his partner. As for me, well it is almost impossible for me to turn down a gay piece of ass. But with women I really try to avoid them if they are in a relationship. After all, I don't really have to fuck them when I can easily pick up a guy and he will probably be a better fuck anyway. Who knows, it may even be her husband or boyfriend LOL!

[mixnzz]

damn....being honest with myself....anon hookups are most exciting for me

[viking8x6]

Open for me. If I respect someone enough to have a real relationship with them, I respect them enough to tell them that I'm not wired for monogamy and I won't promise it to them or anyone. If they're not willing to have a relationship with me on those terms, then they aren't for me no matter how much I may love them. Been there, made that mistake. Dude got jealous even though I wasn't  cheating on him (apparently wandering eyes were too much for him). Pissed me off, though that wasn't actually what ended the relationship (emotional blackmail got there first).

 

[hntnhole]

I'm for honesty across the board. 

It worked perfectly for me and my other half for many years, and I would give anything/everything if he were still here doing it with me.  

[Bokkierob]

Definitely an open relationship. I’m too horny to remain faithful to one man and can’t keep my dick in my pants. 4 years ago I hooked up with Drew, he’s now 23 and I’m 54. I give him financial security and experience and he gives me his youth. I suppose we have a daddy/son relationship. He was inexperienced when I met him but over the last 4 years I’ve trained him to do what I enjoy. He’s also taught me to enjoy his cock up my arse. Over the years we have built up a good number of fuck buddies we play with of all ages from 18 to mid 50s. Drew lives with me so when I wake up horny and hard I just roll on top of Drew and empty my balls up his arse. Sometimes he breeds my hole.  We both have regular anon hookup, sometimes apart and sometimes together but the best sex is with our buddies. Drew loves being fucked by older daddies and I love breeding young men. Getting a group together is easy and Drew loves when I get 4 or 5 of my buddies over to group breed his arse. I love watching him being fucked and enjoy planting my seed up his arse when he’s got 4 or 5 of my buddies’ loads in him. I love it when Drew gets some of his buddies over so I got 3 or 4 horny young lads to play with. I love eating out young guys arses before I fuck them. It just works for us. 

[TwinkChaserSlut]

1 hour ago, Bokkierob said:

Definitely an open relationship. I’m too horny to remain faithful to one man and can’t keep my dick in my pants. 4 years ago I hooked up with Drew, he’s now 23 and I’m 54. I give him financial security and experience and he gives me his youth. I suppose we have a daddy/son relationship. He was inexperienced when I met him but over the last 4 years I’ve trained him to do what I enjoy. He’s also taught me to enjoy his cock up my arse. Over the years we have built up a good number of fuck buddies we play with of all ages from 18 to mid 50s. Drew lives with me so when I wake up horny and hard I just roll on top of Drew and empty my balls up his arse. Sometimes he breeds my hole.  We both have regular anon hookup, sometimes apart and sometimes together but the best sex is with our buddies. Drew loves being fucked by older daddies and I love breeding young men. Getting a group together is easy and Drew loves when I get 4 or 5 of my buddies over to group breed his arse. I love watching him being fucked and enjoy planting my seed up his arse when he’s got 4 or 5 of my buddies’ loads in him. I love it when Drew gets some of his buddies over so I got 3 or 4 horny young lads to play with. I love eating out young guys arses before I fuck them. It just works for us. 

Sounds hot! How do that young pussy taste? Are they preloaded? Any pics or vid?