Stigma, Meet Slut-Shaming

[T-Girl-Cumdumpster]

On 7/8/2023 at 7:25 AM, ErosWired said:

So I’m lying on the hotel bed, naked (not ‘nude’, the hotel’s only 3-star with a 6.2 rating and there a leak in the ceiling), ass hoisted with two loads navigating their way past the S-bend into my descending colon, watching one of those ersatz cumdump ‘hypno’ vids to remind myself just how perfectly suited I am to being a service cunt for Men, and once again appreciate the way the Universe sometimes puts us in exactly the role we’re meant to fulfil.

Suddenly: BooDOOP! A message on Grindr. It has been an unusually dead Friday night for Indy, so I hope for good things. I’ve changed my Grindr profile name to ‘TwoLoadsIn’ to head off the ‘how many loads’ inquiries, and have announced that I’m hotel hosting Tops, no one refused. As I always do, I add ‘+/U’ at the end.

The message I receive reads:

Gee, I wonder how you got HIV.

He slut-shamed me with generous helping of HIV stigma, and threw in a ‘Gee’ as the cherry on top.

My first reply was an opening salvo toward education, but his response made it clear that changing that heart and mind would be like clearing all the shit out of the Augean stables, and I wasn’t wearing my Hercules suit. Or a lion skin. Or, indeed, anything at all except a ball weight and a pair of white athletic socks.

Anyone who’s tolerated my ranting about the Enemy Virus on this forum knows that I don’t miss many opportunities to tell people about some of the hard truths of living with this plague in our midst…but this time I was just tired. His arrogant, smug ignorance made it clear he was going to fight education tooth and nail.

I told him I wasn’t going to waste any more time arguing with a moron, and blocked him.

What made me madder than anything was that he took my mind completely out of cumdump subspace.

And then the Top flaked.

And then suddenly I find myself wondering  if I’m really cut out for this.

 

guys like that are usually just bitter because they are too unattractive or uptight to have the kinda hot dirty sex they really want. I find when fags get the most bitter is when they are jealous little bitches. fuck him. better yet, dont fuck him. he doesn’t deserve you ass or your seed or even your attention. xo

[LetsPOZBreed]

Definitely uncalled for.  Even if he felt a certain kind of way, keep it to yourself, dude.  

Long before I got pozzed, my older best friend (who has been poz since the 80's) would constantly tell me horror stories of the kinds of private messages he'd get from guys on gay dot com back in the day.  He would say the same thing about educating one's self on how trasmission truly worked and whatnot, but at some point in the argument, it's just a lost cause.

 

[jd13]

On 7/8/2023 at 12:25 PM, ErosWired said:

Gee, I wonder how you got HIV.

Block. Instant block. I wouldn't even stop to think, or doubt, or seek to educate, or anything else, including allowing someone else's malice to seep into your mind and make a home there.

Block, and do not compromise with assholes**

Also I know your post was a while ago, but sending love. Any top would be lucky to have you. Of this i am certain x

 

** Advice which, in these days of rising global fascism, must be regularly utilised.

Edited March 5 by jd13

[NastyRigPig]

The most irksome part of the equation is that it took the poster out of his headspace. Being a cumdump slut isn’t for everyone, and erosWired wasn’t trying to convince anyone to be one.  He was just a slut looking to have a good time and connect with men.  

[Justaholeff]

Man I don't understand who "sex shame!" We are men! Sex is good, sex is fun! What may work for may be different for someone else! If you don't like something then don't do it! If doesn't meet your OWN morals then don't shame another man cause he has different thoughts, sexual needs, and morals! Above all don't shame HIV, the Men who are HIV positive, and the history of HIV pandemic! It's insulting and shouldn't be used to put others down...be a man, mind your own business, and be better!

[Cckskr69]

On 7/9/2023 at 12:35 PM, viking8x6 said:

"...respond with a very pointed comeback turning the insult around (I'm thinking along the lines of "the same way you're going to - by getting fucked by the wrong guy at the wrong time")" 

 

Pointed conebacks are great.  Waay back in the Craigslist time I had posted to m4m.  Included preference for bareback.  Someone decided to reply about how dangerous it is to go BB.  My reply was, "If I wanted a lecture I would've signed up for a class at the nearby university."  He came back and apologized for his rude behavior.   Felt good. Felt all right. Saturday night.

[jd13]

9 hours ago, Justaholeff said:

If doesn't meet your OWN morals then don't shame another man...

This is totally true and I 100% agree, but the problem with morals, in general, is that they are public, as in: morals present themselves as universal, natural, normal, god-given - even enfolded into the very fabric of the universe itself! - when of course they are nothing of the sort, not even a bit, changing over time, place, culture and between individuals, among many other things. Often wildly different in the same person in different contexts.

That poz-stigmatizing slut-shamer probably thought of himself as a thoughtful, compassionate sort of person in many contexts, but here, let me send you this nasty barb to make you feel terrible, because morals.

This is why I prefer ethics. With ethics, you've got to actually think 😜

[BBBxCumDumpster]

17 hours ago, Cckskr69 said:

Pointed conebacks are great.  Waay back in the Craigslist time I had posted to m4m.  Included preference for bareback.  Someone decided to reply about how dangerous it is to go BB.  My reply was, "If I wanted a lecture I would've signed up for a class at the nearby university."  He came back and apologized for his rude behavior.   Felt good. Felt all right. Saturday night.

I usually respond with  "Dump a load. Don't be one." 

[phillygwm]

It's a noble goal to educate people who are misinformed but, 40 years in, I'd dare say that most people on Grindr know the basics around how HIV gets transmitted.   Then there are the trolls, which abound in an anonymous venue like a sex app.  You're not going to convince them of anything, you just choose to feed them or not.

I try to be respectful of others' opinions, even if I disagree.  But someone who's just trying to get a reaction out of me doesn't deserve respect, they deserve an immediate block.

[Christopher]

Someone judgemental like that is either religious, repressed, jealous or just miserable about his life. People like that don't deserve even one second of your time. That guy needs to get a life , instead of commenting on everyone else's.