When Does ‘Sex Work’ Stop Being ‘Sex’ and Srart Being ‘Work’?

[ErosWired]

I’m lying here ass-up in a Nashville hotel room somewhere between loads five and six (hopefully; it’s not even 8:30 yet) and reflecting on the men I’ve just serviced and how I’ve serviced them. They had a range of sexual styles and needs, from quick rutting to deep breeding, vocal and silent, relatively passive to quite dominating. For some reason, the thought occurred to me, I suppose this must be similar to what a prostitute experiences.

The main difference, of course, is that I would never accept any sort of compensation for my service. But at s baseline level, if you take the question of compensation out of the equation, is what I do significantly different than the work of a prostitute?  If we ask, ‘when does it become work’? the immediate answer is, ‘when someone gets paid to do it’. But that isn’t the definition of ‘work’. Work is ‘activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.’

When I take cock, I exert myself both physically and mentally in ways that are not always pleasurable, and I do so with a very specific set of goals and objectives in mind, all centered around bringing Tops to a state of sexual gratification. Isn’t that basically as prostitute’s job description? Am I, functionally, an unpaid sex worker - a free prostitute?

I don’t have an answer for this question. My motivation for undertaking the time, expense and effort required to successfully share my body for a night is not rooted in a need for personal sexual release, but in the gratification of successfully performing a task I can do well. It doesn’t feel like a biological drive, though I may be giving short shrift to a need to perform a receptive role in breeding not normally native to males.

It doesn’t really matter; I don’t care if what I do makes me a de facto prostitute. I just think it’s an interesting question.

[Davidc]

I may be completely wrong , but I suspect for most sexworkers it primarily a means to an end ?

[AirmaxUK]

I think anything becomes work when you do something you wouldn't normally do just for pleasure because of the financial reward or fulfilling some longer term strategy.  

[ErosWired]

20 minutes ago, Davidc said:

I may be completely wrong , but I suspect for most sexworkers it primarily a means to an end ?

You are undoubtedly correct, especially in the sense that it’s a means to a necessary end like putting food on the table or paying for an education

But at the same time, all work is, by definition, a means to an end. What I’m doing in this hotel right now is a means to a very specific end - I just sent Top number seven back out into the world with a sense of satisfaction, pleasure and release, his tension and stress reduced, and his life that little bit more tolerable. That is the end I work toward. The means is my cunt. The fact that it isn’t a loathsome task to me doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t work; work doesn’t have to be unpleasant to count as a job. So while there are obvious differences between the work of a compensated sex worker and someone like myself, I still contemplate the similarities.

I think part of what makes me wonder is that I imagined that a prostitute, in my position, my say “Leave the money on the table”. But once that’s done, I wondered how the prostitute’s performance would differ from what I do, and I couldn’t imagine how it greatly would.

Edited September 29, 2023 by ErosWired

[DilfSub]

I'm dating an ex-porn star who swears there's a world of difference between "business" and "love" in bed. For them, meaningful intimacy now trumps collecting paychecks, and they're now all in for that deep connection which never came on the job. 

[OzzieCumdumpster]

It becomes work when you stop enjoying the sex, and are only doing it now for the money,

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, OzzieCumdumpster said:

It becomes work when you stop enjoying the sex, and are only doing it now for the money,

So does that mean that a prostitute who enjoys the work being paid for isn’t a prostitute or isn’t working? There are lots of peole who love their jobs I (mostly) loved my job before I retired, and miss it now. I don’t know that I can quite buy into the idea that work consists only of those things we don’t like doing.

[brnbk]

 

 

Work can mean both Tasks that we do, or a job that we hold which involves an obligation to perform. While this obligation is not absolute– you can quit your job or say you won't do a particular task of your assigned duties because u disagree with it/don't feel you are qualified etc. – monetary compensation requires you to perform what you are paid for. 

8 hours ago, ErosWired said:

When I take cock, I exert myself both physically and mentally in ways that are not always pleasurable, and I do so with a very specific set of goals and objectives in mind, all centered around bringing Tops to a state of sexual gratification. Isn’t that basically as prostitute’s job description? Am I, functionally, an unpaid sex worker - a free prostitute?..........

To me the difference between what your task and that of a prostitute would be the difference between someone hosting a dinner party (or hostess!- lesbians I am told love to host people as well) and and a restaurant and its workers. Both involves food, work to prepare food and people who eat and are happy and whose primary reason for gathering is food. However, it is fundamentally different in that, the restaurant involves payment and obligations, of some sorts, while a dinner host has some kind of "obligation" but not quite. 

 

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, brnbk said:

However, it is fundamentally different in that, the restaurant involves payment and obligations, of some sorts, while a dinner host has some kind of "obligation" but not quite. 

I agree that this obligation to perform in exchange for compensation tendered is a fundamental difference between Job an unpaid work, but then we come to the concept of ‘volunteer work’. Volunteers do work that is unquestionably work in the same way employees do it, and indeed are sometimes tasked with work paid employees would be doing if there were money to pay them. Is someone like me a ‘volunteer prostitute’?

I should add, I think, that if I seem to be trying to find a rationale to label myself a prostitute, I’m really not. But I just took load 13 for the night’s hosting, and given that that’s not all that unusual a number for me, I have to think there’s something to it.

[ellentonboy]

I look at it from this view.  Would I be here, having sex with a particular person, if I was not being paid?  If I say no, then that is sex work.  The guy could be very nice, attractive, but if  cash is  being put into my hand after we got dressed, then I am escorting.

If I put myself in the situation where I have placed an ad, or worked for an agency, and then showed up and received cash in exchange for my time - that's sex work.  I may have a career outside of that, which is my primary source of income.  It doesn't matter if I enjoyed the experience, if we did just a little more than "talk", or if I would see him for "free" in the future, if I am compensated financially for agreeing to meet with him the first time, that is escorting.  

I have to laugh when guys say. "Oh, I wasn't being paid for sex, I was being paid for my time".  Really, $150 or $350 depending on where you live.  Are you a licensed mental health counselor?  Do you accept Medicare of health insurance.  NO YOU DON'T!  You want cash.  Or you want the agency you work for to compensate you the minute you go back to them and ask for your percentage from what the client was charged on his credit card.  

Guys can "spin" this anyway they want.  You can deny the term "sex worker" or "escort" because you feel you are being stigmatized or marginalized.  But in the end buddy, you are still accepting cash in exchange for sexual favors and that is...........  Okay, I think I made my point.

 

[tallslenderguy]

I don't know that this has a definitive or universal answer, but i'll add my own thoughts/feelings.

For me, sex is largely about symbiotic connection of mutual lust/desire.  For me, sex is missing something crucial if that is not there. i need/want to perceive the other persons desire for me, and i need/want them to get that from me as well. i never want it to be one sided.  Of course, i cannot control their perception, but on my part, i only want sex where i can honestly express  sincere desire for that other person. If i don't have that, i'll pass. 

For me, sex would be work for both me and the sex worker if i had to pay for it. The money would get in the way of my need/desire to connect with his need/desire and it would not be the kind of sex i want/need.  In a sense, it would be "work" for both of us. 

[tallslenderguy]

12 hours ago, ErosWired said:

 

When I take cock, I exert myself both physically and mentally in ways that are not always pleasurable, and I do so with a very specific set of goals and objectives in mind, all centered around bringing Tops to a state of sexual gratification. Isn’t that basically as prostitute’s job description? Am I, functionally, an unpaid sex worker - a free prostitute?

I don’t have an answer for this question. My motivation for undertaking the time, expense and effort required to successfully share my body for a night is not rooted in a need for personal sexual release, but in the gratification of successfully performing a task I can do well. It doesn’t feel like a biological drive, though I may be giving short shrift to a need to perform a receptive role in breeding not normally native to males.

It doesn’t really matter; I don’t care if what I do makes me a de facto prostitute. I just think it’s an interesting question.

Upfront, i want to qualify that i do not think this question has a simple, universal answer.  With that said...

i think you answer your question for yourself, at least part: you do it for the "gratification of successfully performing a task I can do well."   While there are likely prostitutes who take pride in doing their task well, i don't think it's a qualifying factor?  I.e., i'm sure there are plenty of prostitutes who just go through the motions and want to get it over with and derive no sense of gratification from a blow job well done, that "gratification" it doesn't even factor in. 

Reversing it, if you ceased to get the sense of gratification... would you still do it? i think a prostitute doing sex solely for money would (and does).

And, while this is a subjective perception on my part, i believe there is a "receptive role" involved as well. There's lots of bottoms who would likely be brought "to a state of sexual gratification" if you fucked them, but i'm guessing that is not a service you offer?  my guess is, most prostitutes will Top or bottom for a fee? Though i'm sure there are exceptions there as well. Again, i don't think this has a simple answer.

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, tallslenderguy said:

i think you answer your question for yourself, at least part: you do it for the "gratification of successfully performing a task I can do well."   While there are likely prostitutes who take pride in doing their task well, i don't think it's a qualifying factor?

Then maybe my question is better framed as ‘Is what I do when I host the same thing a prostitute does when he is doing sex9 work?’ Or even more basically than that, is there a point at which hosting becomes a type of unpaid sex work?

As to whether I would continue if I ceased to get a sense of gratification from it, I’m not sure where you’re going with the comparison. Yes, the prostitute might continue in the absence of the same gratification, but i the prostitute’s case, the gratification isn’t the motivating reward - the cash is, and if the cash stopped, they too would probably cease doing it.

But I don’t always enjoy it, and don’t always get satisfaction from it. Two cases from last night: One Top was ckearly mostly into heavy oral and led with “Do you like to gag?” No, I categorically do not. A while later he hit me up to assfuck me, so I took him in. Sure enough, the first thing he wanted was some head, and proceeded to skullfuck me with a long, rather narrow cock tailor-made for tripping a gag reflex.  But I let him fuck my mouth because that was his pleasure and hhe was enjoying it. As unpleasant as it was for me, it was a means to an end.

The second was a Top with an under 4” cock who I’d serviced last time. It was going to be a challenge at best, but he also let me know he had jacked off already. The chances of him being able to keep an erection to complete a fuck were not good, but he wanted to try anyway. He didn’t make it. Started off okay, but after a bit he went soft and we spent half an hour with him rubbing his flaccid genitals against the outside of my hole before he gave up. It was discouraging. So, sometimes, it’s a lot like work.

[tallslenderguy]

10 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

Then maybe my question is better framed as ‘Is what I do when I host the same thing a prostitute does when he is doing sex9 work?’ Or even more basically than that, is there a point at which hosting becomes a type of unpaid sex work?

As to whether I would continue if I ceased to get a sense of gratification from it, I’m not sure where you’re going with the comparison. Yes, the prostitute might continue in the absence of the same gratification, but i the prostitute’s case, the gratification isn’t the motivating reward - the cash is, and if the cash stopped, they too would probably cease doing it.

 

i was making a possible distinction between what you do and what a prostitute does. They continue to do the work for money, sans gratification.   The question remains though: Would you continue to have the kind of sex you have in the absence of a sense of "gratification of successfully performing a task [you] can do well?"  If the answer is "yes," to me it looks more like unpaid work, if the answer is "no," to me it seems you are generally getting more than a sense of gratification for a job well done from what you do. 

You state it "doesn't feel like a biological drive."  To me, it seems biological may be one of the factors that make up your total effort. idk, i'm speculating. Right or wrong, my sense is you physically enjoy getting fucked and bred, that it's "pleasurable" for you. i think that "pleasure" factors in to why you do it, and that strikes me as biological, both physical  and psychological. If all the guys who contacted you were like the one last night with the long cock that gagged you, would your motivation of "performing a task...well" suffice to motivate you to continue providing "service"?  

Again, i don't think it's a question with a universal answer, i think it's personal. For instance, i think there are prostitutes who would continue to do stuff they don't like for the money, but i think there are also prostitutes who would opt out of particular tasks. 

As to  your reframed question? i can see it going either way, but that's just one guys point of view. To me, what you describe can be a form of barter. You provide a service in exchange for the opportunity to do a job "well."  my take is there is more to it than that, that you derive physical pleasure from getting fucked, emotional pleasure from being desired, but that's speculation on my part.

i do imagine there are paid sex workers who get both physical and emotional pleasure from their work to some degree, even if it's not a primary factor. That there are some who would do it ongoing for money alone? Idk, i think that's a hard one to parse out. Would the same guy have sex with a woman for money? No? Why? Because they are not sexually attracted to women? So now "attraction" becomes a factor in addition to money.  i don't think it's a question with a simple, black or white (or static) answer. 

[NWUSHorny]

For me sex must be a mutual trade of pleasure. For me, if monetary compensation is involved it is no longer for mutual pleasure. 

Maybe I'm not as desperate for sex as my posts indicate, because even here in Portland I have walked away from encounters where I was offered cash to "fuck me with that big dick," even though I would have fucked him for free, as readily as I walk away from encounters that have asked for cash or "generosity" of any sort.