is it just me or are the gays in this city kind of racist?

[GeorgeGrove]

ive seen hot poc gays getting completely ignored at bathhouses until they fuck a white person and then they get attention

[19boy93]

I mean I feel like this is just the gay community in general the community has always been a bit racist paying attention to only the cis white gays while ignoring POCs even tho we owe all of our right to our trans brothers and sisters of colour. 

[SexPun2Cum]

Someone once mentioned "An average white guy is often preferable to [insert race here]" and I think about that a lot.  

I get a response to maybe 10% of the messages I send out. No response is actually better than some of the actual responses I sometimes get. Also, look at any porn site. It's 90% white guys, the interracial section is solely black/white, and there is a tiny selection of other races. I think it says a lot.

 

[Partyleather]

Believe it or not, things are actually getting a lot better now compared to the 80’s and 90’s.  I came out in 1981 and there was hardly any POC in town and very few people would even consider having sex with someone of different ethnicity back then.  Yes there will always be sexual preferences and there will always be people that don’t want to have anything to do with us. My advice is that don’t get discouraged by this and just be yourself. You will always find someone who sees us as who we are and appreciates us. 

[bbpoznow]

O doubt if you can call it racist   But I find tops here very picky and much prefer  the young twinks  just my thoughts   

[DarkBone]

On 1/15/2024 at 8:20 PM, GeorgeGrove said:

ive seen hot poc gays getting completely ignored at bathhouses until they fuck a white person and then they get attention

This is absolutely true.

[ellentonboy]

I would say as late as the early 2000s, if it was known that you had sex with POC, especially in a public forum like a bathhouse or dare I admit, on web cam, you were ostracized.  I had people, as late as 2007 in San Francisco, warn me NOT to get on a popular web cam program (ICU at the time) and have sex with a black man.

The first thing I did, I went to see a buddy, who happened to be black, and he had THREE ICU programs running at different angles in his apartment and there was no chance you could miss me.  It paid off in dividends, guys who knew me as being someone from that web cam site, actually contacted me on different hook up sites and at least two came to my hotel room to fuck.  No one seemed to care that I had sex with this black guy, but he told me at that time, he could not get a date in San Fran.  Now he was nice looking, a very nice person.  I can't understand what the reason was.  He told me that is was just considered "inappropriate" for white guys to have sex with POC.  I am originally from Philadelphia, the "City of Brotherly Love".  I have no problems with it, but I have been turned down, even today, by guys online who claim to know that I was "Into black dudes".  They actually had a term for it, so excuse me to all the POC, but they called me a "dinge queen", whatever that means.

[norefusal]

On 1/15/2024 at 8:20 PM, GeorgeGrove said:

ive seen hot poc gays getting completely ignored at bathhouses until they fuck a white person and then they get attention

lol you don't have to even name a city and the answer is yes.

i was recently drooling over a hook up who was a very handsome poc and thus my idea of a 10, and said something stupid about him being able to pick and choose at which point he explained that it works both ways. i know this from my own experience where guys either think i'm gorgeous or fugly based on being a type. 

[50latinos]

On 1/15/2024 at 8:20 PM, GeorgeGrove said:

ive seen hot poc gays getting completely ignored at bathhouses 

Not when I am there, they aren't.

Edited May 6 by 50latinos
typo

[hntnhole]

The only thing I can add is, there are plenty of very hot Black guys at Slammer ... The other night I was taking a little "breather" at the main intersection - with my Cock in my pants - just sitting at the main intersection (there's a small triangular area where guys can sit, rest for a bit).  and a hot guy Black guy walking by just reached in and grabbed my Cock, led me to a booth, bent over and shucked down his jeans.  Beautiful bubbleass, his Hole was well-filled by prior Cocks, and it was just a perfect experience.  

I have trouble with pastels too, btw ...... 

[blackrobe]

Firstly, we need to simply listen to the lived experiences of men of color and then re-evaluate our thoughts and actions based on what we learn from them. 

I think there's a few dynamics at play. 

There's certainly racism in the form of both conscious and unconscious bias, and a sense of racial entitlement to the bodies of other races. This is where it worth us spending some time in personal reflection on what part we might play in the experiences that men of color in our community share with us.

There are also forces like sexual selection where humans choose sex partners for traits that are not survival based (hairlessness, male facial hair, penis size, rounded breasts, and pubic hair to name a few). Yes, gay men aren't able to reproduce without a medical intervention, but the evolutionary forces and wiring in our brains is the same, so it's still a force we're affected by.

In Charles Darwin's "The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex" (1871), Darwin theorized that sexual selection was a force that was "race making":

Quote

"Darwin proposed that sexual reproduction was not merely a testing ground of racial character, but was itself a causal force that could create new races. His account of race was distinctly modern – viewing race not in terms of blood but as a collection of population-level characteristics. Recognizing this feature of Darwin's sexual-selection theory allows us to situate Darwin's work not solely within the history of evolutionary science, but also within the structures of racism that became the governing principles of modern nation states." [think before following links] https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/bjhs-themes/article/sexual-selection-as-race-making/5FFC793521F988A4900E5B61F8F9F9DB

We know that humans descend from Africa and, through survival pressure, natural mutation, and sexual selection forces, we've evolved into the different collections of attributes that we think of as racial groups today. Some, but not all, of those sexual selection factors are likely rooted in "in-group and out-group" dynamics (Us vs. Them) and may have metastasized into what we think of today as racism. It's a fascinating and provocative line of thinking. 

We all have our own experiences with and observations of men who are perceived to be in a different racial group to ourselves. I've had men of color tell me how they feel sexually overlooked by some racial groups while at the same time also being fetishized and objectified for racially perceived aspects of their bodies (size, hairlessness, penis size, muscles, skin color, etc.). Where I live, the demographics are White (Non-Hispanic) (62.2%), Asian (Non-Hispanic) (16.2%), Two+ (Non-Hispanic) (6.76%), Black or African American (Non-Hispanic) (6.65%), and White (Hispanic) (2.77%) (Source: US Census 2020). This sets the baseline for who is available.

I was at a bathhouse this weekend and saw what I'm sure are men from all of those demographics. Lots of white guys with other white guys, black guys with black guys, white guys with with Asian guys, Asian guys with brown guys, brown guys with brown guys, brown guys with white guys, etc. These are what I perceived, even though being in a dark bathhouse, our perceptions of race aren't always on point. I didn't see a lot of guys of any specific race getting no interest. I made eye contact with lots of men who looked away choosing not to have eye contact with me - Cruising 101.

It seemed like there were lots of men sitting out the dance until there was someone they were interested in. These are often the men sitting or standing in one position close to where all men had to pass by entering, leaving, or just circulating around the venue. These men, now that I reflect on it, were all men of color (predominantly black and Asian) and sent out a subtle "don't approach me" vibe by avoiding eye contact. I saw a lot of black guys playing and fucking together in public areas, but I didn't see black and white guys playing together in public. Some black FBs have told me that they don't play with other black guys and it doesn't seem polite to press them on their reasons. Some are very into fucking white guys, and some have implied they are avoiding black guys based on some nebulous bad past experience. I did see younger guys getting a lot of interest and older guys less interest. That's what I saw, but other observers would notice things I did not and perhaps interpret things I saw differently.

I got fucked by three white guys (one twice), one Afro-Mexican guy (a long time), two black guys, and a Middle Eastern guy (twice, in public, and a long time), and got sucked by a couple of Asian guys, a black guy, and a white guy (three times). When you're trying to tease out what's happening with who is playing with whom, you really need to look at the demographics above and bear in mind that a lot of the fucking is happening in private rooms (most of my play was). I'm sure there were men of color and white guys fucking behind closed doors, just like I was. 

Something to remember is that hot guys of any race can be intimidating to those of us who don't feel like we are in their league. It may not have been race that was the issue for these hot men of color, but guys seeing them fucking guys who are subjectively less hot than themselves that might encourage or embolden them to approach where before they didn't dare.

The Middle Eastern guy I connected with was the most attractive guy in the place to me that evening, he was so very hot, handsome, furry, muscular etc. that a part of me felt he wouldn't be interested. I didn't listen to that part, and when we passed each other and paused looking at the action around us we said hey and I asked if I could touch him. He said yes and reached out to touch me and in a few minutes he was sucking my nipples and his finger was rubbing around and into my cum lubed hole as I fondled his hard cock and massive furry pecs and nipples. Next thing I knew he was fucking me like an animal in a public area and reaching up from my hips to grab my nipples as he fucked. We drew a crowd and after a rest he came back for another long round. 

If I'd seen what the OP saw with that group of hot men of color, I might have viewed it through the lens of their hotness being intimidating rather than it being an issue of race. That doesn't mean race wasn't an element of what happened, but it does teach me to look at more than one possibility. 

P.s. The OP also scoped their observation to their city but didn't identify it, or their location in their profile. I wonder what the racial demographics of that city are and what context it might add to their observation and question.