As a bottom, some issues I've faced; looking for advice/related experience

[PointZeroRed]

First and foremost, this is my first post here. I have been lurking most of the last year and made an account a few months ago to view The Backroom Forums. To many of your guys, Thank your for being a resourceful bunch, I've learned a few things just from stories and other experience related posts and it has in a few ways helped me better learn about myself.

Anyways, I have been taking dick RAW since I was 17 (I was legal a the time as age of consent in Texas is 17 ) In the past I've taken some rather large latin, black, and white dicks and never had an issue; however into being around 19 & 20, I started having issues and had to cancel a number of hookups because I didn't want to either be an embarrassment or leave a bad impression with a messy hole. I had learned to douche/use an enema from a great top who taught me some good tips I didn't know at a young age; what caused me to cancel was finding some small traces of blood at times. I didn't want to exacerbate the issue.

One day, when I was 21, my boyfriend at the time started to fuck me and I felt this sharp pain and then what felt like a rip right on my sphincter; bowel movements made it worse, and water or anything seemed to burn like Hadies. I know it wasn't an issue using lube as we always had enough and went through bottles all the time. At the time i didn't know what to do so I did my best to manage. After a month of no anal sex, things seemed go back to normal, but as the months started to pass I found out that I had a small tag of skin that grew to the size of a lima bean.

About 10 mths, after that "tearing" moment, I was doing some research and found that I probably should see a colo-rectal doctor. I scheduled an appointment, and the nice lady doctor took a small camera and took a look up the old chute. I found out that the skin tag was growth to repair an internal hemmroid that was right on the inside of my sphincter and it had slightly prolapsed at some point. I also found out at the time I had anal HPV on some of the internal hemmroids. I was scheduled for surgery about 3 weeks later where the skin tag was removed and sutured up and the internal issues where "burned off" with a laser. I was celibate about a 6 months because I didn't want to risk something happening again.

Since that time, I've hooked up a total of 5 times and that is over the last 2.5 yrs; the reason being mainly because, I was afraid of having another little accident. Recently, I bought a few sex toys to just "get used" to having some fun again without providing a disappointing experience for a top. I started small, with a small anal plug that is only 4" long and maybe at its thickest 1.25" across. The first day or two I was ok for about 15 minutes each just sitting/lying out, but on the third day, I got that feeling when applying lube that something wasn't right. Using just two fingers I felt like there was a tear/open wonder. Some playful tricks with a mirror and I saw a tear on the sphincter as I pushed out; I am going back to see the colo-rectal doctor in a few days to see what is up this time.

My conundrum is, sadly, I am sexually frustrated, I used to be able to satisfy my sexual needs every few days/weeks with a good hookup, but in the last 4 years I've held up or had mediocre/poor experiences because of these little pain in ass issues. (slight pun intended) I know I am not Adonis, but I know I have a few looks to attract possible suitors, but I can't have some fun in the wild because I can't even self-satisfy myself and I just don't know what to do.

Have any of you guys faced a similar issue or had any experience that can relate? At this point, I just need a place to vent and wish that these in the rear issues would go away so I could maybe get a decent fuck and not feel so up-tight.

[jb2000]

avoid chilli/spicy food...

[slowfuck]

Poor you. Vent away, it helps others as you found. I have had internal haemorroids but sounds like yours was in that awkward place that makes it difficult to heal. Mine have healed up and not recurred but probably further in. Some say frequent douching can cause problems with the rectal lining especially if it isn't just water. For me it was probably pushing too hard when taking a dump with hard 'stools' that caused the tear. I do wonder if the HPV did get fully cleared and may have come back. I guess you don't fancy being versatile and topping some cute guys while the back door heals? Hope you get good news from your colo-rectal doctor, and plenty of ideas and tips from the guys here to help you get back out there having fun!

[rawTOP]

"A tear down there" is one of the reasons why I'm a top today. I used to be versatile. It hurt like hell when I'd get fucked and I'd often bleed. Then I started getting into topping and found it suited me. If I still wanted to bottom I'd have surgery and fix things...

[PointZeroRed]

  slowfuck said:

I guess you don't fancy being versatile and topping some cute guys while the back door heals?

I wish it was that easy.... using my hand or a fleshjack is fun, but I never get hard getting a BJ and aside from the first two times I was a "top" when I have tried to fuck a guy my dick feels more pain than pleasure. Its like the tip and foreskin (i'm uncut and I don't want to go through circumcision) is being ripped or yanked in a way that is like an instant kill to my erection; I guess mother nature just didn't build me right for that skill set. :/

  rawTOP said:

"A tear down there" is one of the reasons why I'm a top today...If I still wanted to bottom I'd have surgery and fix things...

That's the thing: trying to fuck is not a pleasurable experience what so ever to me. In high school I thought my girlfriends who didn't know what they were doing as I never seems to have quite the same experience some of my other friends had. Once I started to hook up with guys, it was no different. A BJ was good for the first few minutes and then it didn't feel good anymore. Fucking an ass made me shudder with pain more than feel good. It almost felt like at times like I was going to rip something so I had to stop.

I almost feel like I am double screwed, and am destined to masturbate for the rest of my life. But I keep trying - with the help of modern science. If it weren't for a few of the doctors I'd met over the years, I probably would have given up trying to be sexually active. I guess I am hopeful that ONE DAY some of these smart folks well help me fix all these little quirks so I can enjoy some of these activities I used to find pleasurable.

Edited September 19, 2011 by Hotload84

[Snarkybitch]

  PointZeroRed said:

I wish it was that easy.... using my hand or a fleshjack is fun, but i never get hard getting a BJ and aside from the first two times I was a "top" when I have tried to fuck a guy my dick feels more pain than pleasure. Its like the tip and foreskin (i'm uncut and I don't want to go through circumcision) is being ripped or yanked in a way that is like an instant kill to my erection; I guess mother nature just didn't build me right for that skill set. :/

Perhaps a trip to a urologist is in order? It sounds like your foreskin may be too tight, but there may be options besides a complete circumcision.

[bacchi1486]

Ok, I completely understand and had similar issues when I started enjoying rougher bb sex. Goin to nursing school and some things that have helped me keep my ass healthy and avoid embarresing situations:

1. NEVER USE MINERAL OIL/VINEGAR FOR DOUCHE!! NO ACIDS OR OILS IN THE CLEANING PROCESS! This eats away at the protective mucas lining in the anus and can lead to drying out, tearing, and infections. (Plus what top wants to fuck a dry hole?)

2. Don't over-douche. There are other ways to keep clean that don't harm or wash out necessary linings... Bttms use some baby wipes instead of tp.

3. Exercise your body? Exercise your hole. If you bttm, you will enjoy it more, and have better control for your top. If they like it loose you can be loose, if they like it tight, you can be tight...

4. If there are anal rips, yes you must take a break from sex. Not only that but Slowfuck is right, no chili spicy while injured. No douching, no picking, and no bearing down. (the highest cause of hemmorhoids anyway)

I hope this helps, and I feel for ya. Been there done that, and avoiding it successfully for a few years now.

[PhoenixGeoff]

  PointZeroRed said:

I wish it was that easy.... using my hand or a fleshjack is fun, but I never get hard getting a BJ and aside from the first two times I was a "top" when I have tried to fuck a guy my dick feels more pain than pleasure. Its like the tip and foreskin (i'm uncut and I don't want to go through circumcision) is being ripped or yanked in a way that is like an instant kill to my erection; I guess mother nature just didn't build me right for that skill set. :/

I'm uncut as well and know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to that sense of pain. But I top all the time (just got back from a trip to California where I lost count of how many guys I buried my cock in). Basically, the trick is the initial part of getting your cock all the way inside the guy's ass. Once the sphincter's gripping your shaft and not your head and foreskin, you should be fine.

Tight asses are NOT your friend. Lots of bottoms assume that that's what tops want. But, especially if you're uncut, shoving your cock inside a tight hole often pulls the foreskin farther back than it's meant to go, which hurts like crazy.

You want two things: a nice open hole and plenty of lubricant.

Lube should be liberally applied all along the bottom's chute, right to the point where it opens up inside him. And it should be all over both the exterior of your cock and under the skin and all over your head, to help make sure that the foreskin slides back easily. What you're looking to avoid here is dry skin, which causes friction and makes things "seize up" as you're going in. Stay away from water based lubes, which dry out pretty quickly. You want something pretty hardcore that will last. Look at lubes used for fisting, like elbow grease. (I'm into fisting as well as fucking and a traditionalist, so I like Crisco, but that's got a whole other set of issues and is also kinda likely to scare people away)

As for the open hole, there are a number of ways to handle that. If it's a long one-on-one session, I'd suggest a lot of gentle and sensitive foreplay. Use your fingers to open him up very slowly and carefully (make sure your nails are trimmed and smoothed with an emery board...pain of any type will make him close up). Try toys if he's into them. Both of those can also be used to lube him up as well. Learn the fine art of rimming, which, once you master it, is very effective in getting a bottom to relax his ass. And make sure he's in a comfortable position when you go to fuck him. The more relaxed his body is, the more he'll be able to relax his hole.

Alternatively, find yourself a good gang-bang bottom. If you follow another top, especially one who fucks hard and rough and who's decently hung, you'll find your cock slides in much more easily, especially if the guy's got a few loads in his ass already.

Go for bottoms who have a lot of experience getting fucked bareback. You need a good slut who'll know how to open up for you and can help get your cock right where it needs to be. Let him know what your problems are and what you want from him. Once you have more experience yourself, you'll know how to handle the more inexperienced bottoms if you want to go back to them (I've found that I really don't..."Virgin with a tight ass" is the quickest way to turn me off)

As for being a bottom, my suggestion to you is that you need to give that a break right now for a good long time. Keep the play away from your ass. No cocks, fingers, toys or anything else. By all means, see the doctor again and make sure they understand your sexual interests (it will help them make a better recommendation for how to proceed). If you don't have a doctor you can talk to about that kind of thing, drop the one you have and find one.

And always keep in mind that there are TONS of sexual activities out there that have nothing to do with your ass. Try approaching some of the kinks out there with a bit of an open mind (my own general rule is that I'll try just about anything twice). There are BDSM scenes, water sports, fisting and toys (if you want to play with another guy's ass...IMO, fisting is the most intimate sex there is bar none), not to mention the good old standbys like kissing, cocksucking and jacking off. Maybe this is a sign that you need to expand your horizons a bit more.

[AlwaysOpen]

Mountain man- you are right on the money- as a lifelong bottomand a fist bottom, I can control my hole to what the top needs- but too often the guy never communicates what it is he needs- esp in the sex clubs. Not looking for a diner menu of do's and don'ts from him, but just letting me know to dial my hole open or shut a bit more helps. Too often the guy will mount me, fuck for a few minutes and then pull and walk without cumming. I never know if he is just edging ( it is a sex club generally) or if the hole wasn't the right friction level for him. Just bark- open it bitch or squeeze down your cunt would make his ride so much more enjoyable- and yeah, I can ask him as the scene goes along, but sometimes my mouth is full <g>

[PointZeroRed]

  Snarkybitch said:

Perhaps a trip to a urologist is in order? It sounds like your foreskin may be too tight, but there may be options besides a complete circumcision.

I was a little perplexed at the reason you'd say a Urologist; so I did a little searching around and found something that seems to be fitting. Being uncut I still have a quite a Frenulum and found that sometimes they can be quite short and then found a discussion on the topic here: Frenulum Breve and also Other Discussion.

I am definitely going to set up an appointment with a Urologist to check into this. I'm no doctor but a few pictures from online and the descriptions that I read related to me in many ways. I kinda have to masturbate in a certain way so my head doesn't feel like its being "pulled" the wrong way; perhaps a urologist can help me better understand what I've read.

  MascMountainMan said:

.... And always keep in mind that there are TONS of sexual activities out there that have nothing to do with your ass. Try approaching some of the kinks out there with a bit of an open mind (my own general rule is that I'll try just about anything twice). There are BDSM scenes, water sports, fisting and toys (if you want to play with another guy's ass...IMO, fisting is the most intimate sex there is bar none), not to mention the good old standbys like kissing, cocksucking and jacking off. Maybe this is a sign that you need to expand your horizons a bit more.

MascMountainMan, thanks for the many tips/details for topping; I have some experience with women [i know, nothing like a tight hole ] and a few attempts with men. In reading some of the material I linked above, Perhaps another doc can help me better understand why I get this negative/painful feeling when my foreskin is being pulled in different directions. I have a feeling that the "banjo string" I have that causes this pain/discomfort even when fully inserted and during intercourse might be a small part of the puzzle.

The classics are always fun... while I may not have had a good shag in the last 2.5 yrs I've at least gotten my deepthroating skills honed in; After i had my tonsils and Uvula taken out in 2007, my world has been turned upside down for sucking cock Also, and ex of mine also helped introduce me to using toys (both on myself at the time and with/on him.)

As for expanding into "kink", I have only said no to one scene that a guy proposed involving "scat," There is some CBT, NP, edging and bondage I've had some experience with; still working on "growing" in those scenes as I've only recently discovered them both through reading on this forum, and some past men I've hooked up with since moving to Dallas.

  bacchi1486 said:

....some things that have helped me keep my ass healthy and avoid embarresing situations...

2. Don't over-douche. There are other ways to keep clean that don't harm or wash out necessary linings...

Thanks for tips I am proud to say that I am not one to use anything crazy to douche or to do it too often. A few quick squirts with a ball enema to clean things out with luke warm water sometimes with a touch of salt is what I was taught. And aside from the few hook ups I've had, I don't douche outside of that.