Flakes and worse

[BB4fking]

Urban Dictionary describes a ‘flake’ essentially as someone who promises to hang out with you and then cancels at the last minute. We’ve all experienced that on the apps and it can be infuriating especially if you’ve invested effort in preparation, forgone other opportunities and are really looking forward to it. However, ‘flake’ doesn’t quite do justice to some of the bad behaviour sometimes encountered and I wondered if there is a better word to describe these guys.

First of all, many don’t cancel they agree to hook up and then merely block you. I guess that is ghosting although since they’ve agreed to meet up that label is insufficient too. Last night I was a 5 minute walk from a bottom who‘d agreed to be fucked, he gave me the street address but blocked me 2 minutes away. I think he was just nervous and I shrugged and headed home but it has happened before. Once when a guy in an apartment block was watching from somewhere to decide if he liked my look in person. Another time it was some kind of prank and I was sent to someone else’s address (I realised when the elevator was locked and the person sending detailed and real time instructions had no advice then blocked).

It seems too generous to call some of these guys ‘flakes’, which is a term better applied to an unreliable friend who remains a friend notwithstanding the unreliability, but they seem to fall into a more callous or even cruel category.

[phillygwm]

I differentiate between the two.  Sometimes, especially if a guy isn't openly gay or is inexperienced, nerves come into play and he'll flake.  I recently spoke with a guy online who was new to the country, had a gf back home, but was ready to meet me...but out of nowhere he decided to cancel.  It's frustrating but that was me (a looong time ago) so I try to be understanding and give him one pass, in case he reconsiders.  If it happens again, I'll block him.

Then there are the guys who are simply playing games.  If I sense that's happening I'll ask to meet somewhere neutral and it usually falls apart at that point.  It's sad that they don't have something productive to do with their time but I just move on.  What else can you do?

[PozTalkAuthor]

When dealing with sex, it can happen. Even if, let me say, I really don't understand the reason why they block! If you're nervous just let it go, maybe uninstall the app, deactivate notifications, and go!

I'm one who believes in communication between both parties but often when it deals with occasional sex, it's frequent to treat others just as a penis and an anus, not as a person who expects (or must give) some kind of loyalty. 

That's why I don't like those apps and this idea of finding sex, I'm a person with my beliefs and prefer communication in any case. Never propose to meet in-person when I don't seriously want to.

[onlyraw]

I think “flake” is good for the guy who gets cold feet at the last moment- also fo the guy who may be just online getting off reading profiles and checking out photos and gets sucked into chatting- and tge chatting gets a bit too serious and they freak out a block you- instead of saying- sorry- im just window shopping

but I agree with you that for some “flake” is not a strong enough word….”jerk” might be better in some cases  and “mean” might not even be strong enough to describe the guy who thought it was funny to “play games” with you and send you to a random building.

Which is why I really miss the old days of going to the bars - where you never had to worry about how old a photo might be…. You knew if you had the right chemistry… etc.

but - we don’t live there anymore.. we live in the online world… and we just have to learn to live with it.

but at least the online world has brought us communities like this one … so that is at least one upside