Family Catch You

[blackrobe]

24 minutes ago, PozBearWI said:

Indeed, for a long time I've struggled to understand how sex with an adult would have damaged me.  One of the coaches in high school was a stud I craved, even when I didn't really understand why.  I find it hard to believe that if he had made a first move; or if I had (obviously I wasn't ready, brave enough, or such); that would have somehow damaged me.  Sex at its core is something we discover.  It seems to me by design to be a trial and error, trial and succeed sort of human experience.  [...]

I totally get being strongly drawn to someone and not even being able to articulate why or connect it with sex. That describes me pretty well before I was raped as a kid. The impact of your first sex isn't the kind of thing you can imagine, regardless of who initiates. Lots of factors play into whether it's an ecstatic or traumatic experience. 

[PozBearWI]

2 hours ago, blackrobe said:

I totally get being strongly drawn to someone and not even being able to articulate why or connect it with sex. That describes me pretty well before I was raped as a kid. The impact of your first sex isn't the kind of thing you can imagine, regardless of who initiates. Lots of factors play into whether it's an ecstatic or traumatic experience. 

First, sucks you were raped.  No one deserves that.  Rape though while it involves sex parts typically, isn't what I was suggesting.  Rape is by definition non consensual.  If coach had talked with me and we agreed we were both interested, I don't think that would have been traumatic even if, for example, I was in my earlier teens.  If I had been raped?  Man I don't know.  I am grateful I wasn't.

How are you @blackrobe?

[blackrobe]

2 minutes ago, PozBearWI said:

First, sucks you were raped.  No one deserves that.  Rape though while it involves sex parts typically, isn't what I was suggesting.  Rape is by definition non consensual.  If coach had talked with me and we agreed we were both interested, I don't think that would have been traumatic even if, for example, I was in my earlier teens.  If I had been raped?  Man I don't know.  I am grateful I wasn't.

How are you @blackrobe?

First, I'm fine. Lot's of therapy and personal work under my belt getting around and through what it did to me.

If you are a minor, you can't legally consent so by definition all sex a minor has with an adult (and perhaps peers) is non-consensual in a legal sense. My larger point is that we can't imagine how events will impact us, so trying to do it isn't useful.

[Pozzible]

Out of reactions for today, but @PozBearWI I definitely identify with your post. Especially the coach part. I knew I was gay before I saw him full frontal getting out of shower. But it took a few years before I managed to  lose my virginity at 19 to a new neighbor I met by the pool. 

[PozBearWI]

1 hour ago, blackrobe said:

First, I'm fine. Lot's of therapy and personal work under my belt getting around and through what it did to me.

If you are a minor, you can't legally consent so by definition all sex a minor has with an adult (and perhaps peers) is non-consensual in a legal sense. My larger point is that we can't imagine how events will impact us, so trying to do it isn't useful.

It is of course, those words "in the legal sense"....  And while legally I have no disagreement, we become aware of ourselves as humans at least a decade before we are legally an adult.  If that teen has the ability to say yes or no to start or stop the activity, then legal be damned, they consented.  Your own experience has to show you that...  

[blackrobe]

2 minutes ago, PozBearWI said:

It is of course, those words "in the legal sense"....  And while legally I have no disagreement, we become aware of ourselves as humans at least a decade before we are legally an adult.  If that teen has the ability to say yes or no to start or stop the activity, then legal be damned, they consented.  Your own experience has to show you that...  

Yes, we are exploring from when we become sexually aware and/or hit puberty. The issue is that there's potential for coercion where there's an age or power imbalance, and developmental issues around risk-taking, etc. as well. 

Let's not derail this thread.