"Side" Status on Profiles

[Iker80]

I also am finding guys online now who ask me to hug with them. That's everything they want they say. Being tall and big I think they like me for that. I'm curious what they're about. Are they gay or bi? I mean they're on an app for men so probably somewhere in that place, but just hugging isn't a type of sex. And I know guys can hug as friends, I have some experience of that. It was sleeping/hugging fully clothed and didn't cross any weird boundaries. I'm sure he's fully straight.

[TownTravellerMan]

1 hour ago, Iker80 said:

I also am finding guys online now who ask me to hug with them. That's everything they want they say. Being tall and big I think they like me for that. I'm curious what they're about. Are they gay or bi? I mean they're on an app for men so probably somewhere in that place, but just hugging isn't a type of sex. And I know guys can hug as friends, I have some experience of that. It was sleeping/hugging fully clothed and didn't cross any weird boundaries. I'm sure he's fully straight.

The younger thing you mentioned before makes sense. And yeah anal can take prep work and time but I don't mind the prep because the payoff is worth it. 

That's actually kinda wild. Do they message you and be like "let's hug". I have not come across that. You are right that's not sexual. I don't really have preference for tall or short but maybe some guys like tall guys. 

Do their profiles say if they are straight or gay or etc. Some have the option for cis now which is kinda crazy. I assume that means straight? Lol

[FelchingPisser]

1 hour ago, TownTravellerMan said:

...Some have the option for cis now which is kinda crazy. I assume that means straight? Lol

Cis is being born the sex you say are as opposed to what you have transitioned to.

[Lilyjameson]

I always thought the guys who call themselves sides in these apps have a problem figuring out their sexuality so I just ignore and block them.

[Iker80]

1 hour ago, TownTravellerMan said:

The younger thing you mentioned before makes sense. And yeah anal can take prep work and time but I don't mind the prep because the payoff is worth it. 

That's actually kinda wild. Do they message you and be like "let's hug". I have not come across that. You are right that's not sexual. I don't really have preference for tall or short but maybe some guys like tall guys. 

Do their profiles say if they are straight or gay or etc. Some have the option for cis now which is kinda crazy. I assume that means straight? Lol

It's like that, they ask to hug without asking for other things. It's a recent thing for me. I haven't taken a guy up on the idea, I'm not sure what to think about it. But I do think wanting to be hugged can make bigger guys seem better because they fit easier around you. Some I see are gay or bi, others unknown. My only hugging with a known straight guy is my stepbrother. It happened first when we were at the cabin and it was very cold and he was ill. We had clothes on because it was cold, even with the blankets, and we wouldn't hug naked anyway. Sometimes when we're out there and it's cold we still do. He likes it, it just is something that sometimes happens. I know it's nice to feel safe and that's all for him, and that's all I want it to be. I don't think that feeling would happen with a random guy though, but also I think maybe to feel safe is what the guys online want? However, the difference is we know each other properly and I always look after him. So it's different when I hug him vs. a guy you don't know from online. But of course people will have to accept what they can get when they have needs.

Cis is the opposite of trans, it means you're born the gender you are. It actually has no connection with sexuality. I'm a cis man and bi.

[YVRbugchaser]

I'm not sexually compatible with 'sides' so I avoid them and usually block them.  

[drscorpio]

The hookup apps (and the dating ones too) are all about finding someone who wants to do the things you enjoy doing. I don't mind guys who don't do anal having a term to make it clear where they stand. I would rather the sides find one another; that sounds like less frustration for them and for those of us who think fucking is the most important part. 

[NWUSHorny]

I can't disagree with that, and I do either avoid them on the apps or try to let them down politely and quickly with in person situations. My issue is with guys at a bathhouse or orgy will approach guys obviously trying to get fucked or and try to convince them to do something that doesn't involve penetration. If a guy is laying in a sling at a bathhouse or orgy, they aren't looking for an invitation to come home and cuddle all night with them, it happens frequently even at CumUnion Parties here. The bathhouses themselves hold events that are specifically targeted to sides, as there being a multitude of events they can attend where fucking is not encouraged and even some where genital contact is expressly forbidden in the published rules of the event. In a city full of self identified sides why can't they find someone more amiable to their preferred activity than someone who obviously actively looking for penetrative sexual acts at an event that was advertised as a gay orgy?

9 hours ago, Iker80 said:

Anyway, I think for younger guys who are not consistent with condoms or prep, maybe less going to sex health clinics and aren't comfortable with catching anything, sex without anal is a good choice. I've noticed a lot of sides online are under 30 years guys. Same for guys who live in countries where access to healthcare for men who have sex with men is limited too, so they've not got prep, not had vaccines, etc. Or a bi guy with a gf or wife and he finds it is difficult to access these things discreetly too. It's very fair to weigh the choice differently.

I don't have an issue with the younger guys or bi guys who are just starting to experiment, I was there at one time myself. It was 6 months between my 1st time experimenting with a guy and the 1st time I topped and a year and a half before I bottomed.

 

8 hours ago, Iker80 said:

I also am finding guys online now who ask me to hug with them. That's everything they want they say. Being tall and big I think they like me for that. I'm curious what they're about. Are they gay or bi? I mean they're on an app for men so probably somewhere in that place, but just hugging isn't a type of sex. And I know guys can hug as friends, I have some experience of that. It was sleeping/hugging fully clothed and didn't cross any weird boundaries. I'm sure he's fully straight.

They have cuddling clubs and events here for that express purpose. I haven't attended one, but most of the expressly state that genital contact is not allowed as well as the amount of clothing you are required to keep on. Some fully clothed, almost all of them require keeping your pants on. I have no idea whether other guys have been going to these events and trying to turn them into something else, but I have not and never will.

Edited 1 hour ago by NWUSHorny

[PozBearWI]

I tend to interpret "side" as "not necessarily top or bottom".  How one sets those parameters in a profile does not, for me, replace a conversation.  They are a rough guide to discuss what we might do.

[KindaBasic]

On 8/22/2025 at 1:00 AM, NWUSHorny said:

It is a relatively new term, for an old problem. What it means to the sides themselves seems to vary as well, some guys using the label claim they do everything but anal, others interpret it as no anal or oral penetration.

Everybody wants to be special and have their own unique label these days. Which I guess is okay, but I wish they would agree on a description. The thing I find annoying is when a “side” hits me up after reading my profile, where I make it clear what I’m looking for is to get fucked, just to tell me they are not into penetration. 

Edited 49 minutes ago by KindaBasic
Missed words

[KindaBasic]

5 hours ago, Iker80 said:

Cis is the opposite of trans, it means you're born the gender you are. It actually has no connection with sexuality. I'm a cis man and bi.

This. One day maybe it will be common knowledge that sex, sexuality and gender are not the same thing. 

[NWUSHorny]

3 minutes ago, KindaBasic said:

Everybody wants to be special and have their own unique label these days. Which I guess is okay, but I wish they would agree on a description. The thing I find annoying is when a “side” hits me up after reading my profile, where I make it clear what I’m looking to get fucked, just to tell me they are not into penetration. 

My point exactly, and it is even more annoying for in person cruising and or orgies, where they waste my time trying to convince me that I will like their preferred activity even better than penetration if I try it. I have tried most of them, they are foreplay and increase my craving for penetration, it's frustrating.

[drscorpio]

I don't think there is an solution to the problem we all have with hookup apps/sites. We have a profile that says we like A and we are looking for people to do A, and then we get tons of messages from guys who hate A and want us to try B. 

[KindaBasic]

3 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

My point exactly, and it is even more annoying for in person cruising and or orgies, where they waste my time trying to convince me that I will like their preferred activity even better than penetration if I try it. I have tried most of them, they are foreplay and increase my craving for penetration, it's frustrating.

Living out in the hinterlands of the Long Island burbs, I get hit on online by a lot of nervous and repressed cis-het married guys looking for physical contact who, I guess, think that I am Burger King. They probably think I’m one of them, because they are usually surprised when they can’t get it their way.