Cutedelicategay Posted February 2 Report Posted February 2 New to apps post-widowhood, matched a married guy obsessed with raw breeding but loaded with rules: full DL, no face pics, delete everything, sketchy meet only. Passed—too paranoid. Why do these guys cheat behind wives’ backs instead of discussing needs openly? Common reasons from threads here: - Fear of divorce/judgment — They’d rather risk STIs than risk losing house, kids, image. - Compartmentalization — “It’s not real cheating, just guy stuff, no feelings/pregnancy.” - Assume wife would reject or freak — So they skip the convo to “protect” her (really themselves). - Entitlement/double standard — Their urges are “needs” to satisfy quietly; her stepping out would be unforgivable. - Repressed bi/homophobia — Admitting it to wife feels too exposing; anonymous keeps it “not gay.” Safety angle: These DL hookups are high-risk. Multiple partners, raw sex, spotty status disclosure = elevated STI rates (gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV higher on apps per studies). They bring that home unknowingly to wives who never consented to the risk. That’s not just cheating—it’s reckless. Married/DL guys: Why not at least try talking fantasies/needs with the wife first? Open marriage, counseling, something? Worth the secrecy, guilt, and health danger? Thoughts? Not here for morality discussion but curiosity as I venture out from the constant comfort of my deceased husband. Quote
versamarried Posted February 2 Report Posted February 2 Gay men also cheat on their husbands, just saying. There is no 1 catchall reason/psychology of why a person would cheat. I cheat but I could not tell you a specific reason why I started or why I continue. I just did it and continue to do it. I think you would be surprised that some cheaters have had the conversations with their spouses and the outcome is still to cheat. 1 Quote
Opensesame Posted February 2 Report Posted February 2 I’m sorry for your loss. You may be inadvertently filling the void by thinking a lot about what others are doing, but I would suggest that you focus on yourself and your needs/wants. Stay away from meet ups with people that don’t meet them. You’ll waste a lot of mental energy trying to figure them out and explain their behavior in contrast to what suits you 🤗 1 Quote
Iker80 Posted Saturday at 10:15 PM Report Posted Saturday at 10:15 PM None of my ex gf were even cool about me wanking by myself, so coming out bi would have been a massive deal. A lot of women don't understand male sexuality and a lot of men don't have good words to describe it. So I think most bi guys have low expectations talking about it is going to help and they're probably right. Still, taking risks and things isn't justified by that, but maybe this explains why so many bi guys are not telling anyone about it. Quote
Sfmike64 Posted yesterday at 03:29 AM Report Posted yesterday at 03:29 AM 5 hours ago, Iker80 said: None of my ex gf were even cool about me wanking by myself, so coming out bi would have been a massive deal. A lot of women don't understand male sexuality and a lot of men don't have good words to describe it. So I think most bi guys have low expectations talking about it is going to help and they're probably right. Still, taking risks and things isn't justified by that, but maybe this explains why so many bi guys are not telling anyone about it. I really find it astounding that women think men aren't jacking off ALL THE FUCKING TIME. The ones who think that their boyfriend/husband looking at porn is cheating on them are HILARIOUSLY silly. Girl. Grow up. Get some therapy. Every man looks at porn. The question is are they discreet if their female partner doesn't like it (though why she cares is beyond me). It is important to know that straight porn is made ethically. There's a lot more exploitation/trafficking in straight porn than in gay, I think. I can't understand why a man (I'm not picking on you Iker80) would date (let alone marry or spawn with) a woman who thinks jacking off and looking at porn are "cheating." No single person can be everything to anyone. I've been married for twenty years, trust me. I was with my previous boyfriends both for six years. Done monogamy (didn't like it), done open (works much better for me). But even when I was monogamous, I had a private jack off routine that did not involve my boyfriend. Quote
TaKinGDeePanal Posted 22 hours ago Report Posted 22 hours ago They think that they're Brooke Forrester, and that they're living in some sort of RL alternative to "The Bold and the Beautiful". Quote
versasslover Posted 21 hours ago Report Posted 21 hours ago On 2/2/2026 at 12:48 PM, versamarried said: Gay men also cheat on their husbands, just saying. There is no 1 catchall reason/psychology of why a person would cheat. I cheat but I could not tell you a specific reason why I started or why I continue. I just did it and continue to do it. I think you would be surprised that some cheaters have had the conversations with their spouses and the outcome is still to cheat. 100% this. Cheating is not always about satisfying a need that’s not met by your partner. Quote
Poz50something Posted 4 hours ago Report Posted 4 hours ago Cutedicateguy: I am saddened each time someone new says they’re widowed, as it brings back every experience I had almost 9 years ago. That said, welcome to the wonderful world of widowhood….it is tough. I am assuming that you are relatively new to grief and reintroducing yourself to dating…it’s a tough slog. I think that the people who tend to go on dating apps aren’t really looking for Mr.Right, rather Mr. Right Now. I am not sure how naïve wives are…whether expect the vow to be iron clad…this isn’t 1826. Thing is, I can’t fathom why a gay man would marry a woman…especially now, that same sex marriage is here. A lot of DL men don’t have any good information on same sex, PreP or U=U…but who knows…. Quote
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