Wtf, no more orgies!!

[blackrobe]

5 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

You are entitled to tell them "no I don't top" and expect them to respect it, but when you make a loud scene out of it, it kills all the boners not just your own, and pretty much ends the orgy right then and there because everyone feels like they are walking on eggshells afterward. Also keep in mind that some of us do love being at an orgy where guys feel free to back up on any available hard dick and know we can do the same without it becoming an orgy killing scene.

I don't have a solution, but ironically I think the bad behavior is a bigger problem in places where there isn't a lot of casual fucking at orgies and fuck venues. Maybe it isn't a choice, but there is correlation.

You'll note I said I pushed him off or went soft, I didn't say anything out loud for just that reason. 

I'd already said no non-verbally twice to this guy, but don't think for a moment that douchebags like him don't *rely* on that "preserving the vibe" pressure to silence guys like me and get away without consequences. This kind of thing has happened to me before and I've been told I'm the problem for not letting a rapey little goblin do whatever they like to me. It sounded not at all dissimilar to what you said above. I didn't realize it was implicit in an orgy that anyone can do anything to anyone else that they like, even if they say no several times. 

The meta problem here isn't orgy etiquette, it's that gay men collectively suck at understanding and honoring consent.

Edited yesterday at 03:59 AM by blackrobe

[NWUSHorny]

@blackrobe it definitely depends on the orgy/venue. I know of at least one venue that host orgies in LA that has it posted at the entrance to their darkroom that it is expected and you are agreeing to it by entering, which I know has no legal standing. I've also been to a number of venues and orgies outside the PNW where it isn't posted, but they pretty much function that way any way.

It has been my observation right or wrong, that the lack of promiscuous orgy sex in the PNW makes guys do some strange things in desperation, as well as routinely seeing guys that never ever fuck or get fucked doing things that would be interpreted as consent in some venues outside the PNW and would get them practically "raped" if they didn't tell the other parties no. It's also easier to tell someone no without making a huge scene that kills everyone's boner in those places.

I'll even admit it caught me completely off guard the 1st time I encountered it, I had gone to the Mardi Gras blackout party at Midtowne Spa in Denver, and entered their orgy room which was a writhing mass of guys fucking and had 4 guys impale themselves on my hard cock before I could get out of there. It was in 2000 and I wasn't a barebacker at the time, but it only took me 10 or 15 minutes to compose myself and go back in. I didn't personally make any real effort to stop them, I was stunned but definitely enjoyed myself. My only regret is that I didn't take advantage of it and back up on a few dicks since I wasn't a barebacker yet. I later learned that it was a common occurrence at Midtowne anytime they had a large crowd, not just blackouts and parties. Really the only difference in Midtowne and the Denver Swim Club that I was already very familiar with, was DSC wasn't completely dark which gave me time to react and my usually reaction was making them wait until I could put a condom on. However thinking back, I did let a guy impale himself bareback on me in the hallway in front of a gloryhole booth at DSC within 10 minutes of setting foot in a bathhouse the 1st time ever. I fucked him several more times with a condom before relenting and breeding him before I went home that 1st night, and quite a few times before moving to Portland in 2007. PNW bathhouses are a completely different world from my first bathhouse experiences, and may well be for the guys acting out of either stupidity or desperation in Seattle.

I often wonder how PNW guys react when they see that kind of orgy happening in another geographic region of the country. Traveling, I almost always see guys that I've seen frequently at Portland bathhouse but have never seen them fuck or get fucked by anyone, when I go to Palm Springs or LA, and occasionally in Denver and wonder how they cope with the situation. Do they learn quickly to stay out of the group play areas or do they just leave? I'm usually busy having fun and haven't noted whether they are staying for any length of time. The venue that has the sign in LA, is my favorite spot in Southern California but they only host orgies on Thursday evenings and Sunday afternoons and aren't exactly advertised to the public so I've never run into a fellow Portlander there, but I do almost always see one or two at Club 541 in Palm Springs or Slammer in LA which are my second and third favorite spots and it does frequently happen in the darkrooms of both those establishments as well.

As far as being raped, while I've frequently had guys impale themselves on my dick giving me a limited time to react, but have never had a guy try to force a dick up my ass in any venue where I didn't have plenty of time to react, so it may be more of a issue with bottoms than tops.

Edited yesterday at 04:59 AM by NWUSHorny

[blackrobe]

I'm curious...

At these hypothetical orgies, if I suck every cock presented to me, enthusiastically take every dick, lick every ass, and make out with every interested guy at an orgy, including other bottoms, but my dick doesn't get hard, am I still welcome?

[NWUSHorny]

I can't comment on whether other total bottoms will want you sucking their dicks, but there are definitely men there that are not hard and participating enthusiastically.

[Cumfilledbottomboi]

6 hours ago, blackrobe said:

I'm curious...

At these hypothetical orgies, if I suck every cock presented to me, enthusiastically take every dick, lick every ass, and make out with every interested guy at an orgy, including other bottoms, but my dick doesn't get hard, am I still welcome?

I would imagine yes. Because bottoms in chastity wouldn’t get hard, right?

[blackrobe]

7 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

I can't comment on whether other total bottoms will want you sucking their dicks, but there are definitely men there that are not hard and participating enthusiastically.

That sounds like an answer to my question, but isn't.

It's an observation that the men I described are present. It doesn't answer whether they are welcome. Are men like me whose dicks don't get hard welcome at orgies?

That's not the vibe I'm getting right now.

I mentioned playing with other bottoms because I'm not transactional and don't confine my play to men who have something I might want. I don't feel entitled to anyone's dick which is why I just said those dicks "presented to me" and "interested" men.

[blackrobe]

2 hours ago, Cumfilledbottomboi said:

I would imagine yes. Because bottoms in chastity wouldn’t get hard, right?

In my experience, guys wearing chastity gear isn't something most men are into. The guys that are into it, are *really* into it, but they tend to be rare.

I think the question of welcome for guys in chastity is as up in the air as any total bottom's based on this thread. Perhaps more so.

[NWUSHorny]

12 hours ago, blackrobe said:

The meta problem here isn't orgy etiquette, it's that gay men collectively suck at understanding and honoring consent.

I think it is a combination of disclosure and consent, the orgy venue I mentioned in LA, seems to be making an attempt to resolve the issue by posting a sign outside their darkroom (I can provide you a link to their website in private chat if you are going to be in LA and are interested in checking it out, I don't post it publicly but have shared it privately with several guys on BZ that I think would enjoy that kind of orgy), but I have never seen anything like that elsewhere. Should the other venues and events be providing the disclosure? If you know upfront before entering the space is implied consent, I don't personally see it as an issue. I personally actually seek it out, and definitely prefer doing it in a way where everyone doesn't have to feel like their walking on eggshells all the time. Not every event and venue has to be inclusive to every variation on gay sex, and some of really do enjoy orgies that are basically free for alls. The lack of those free for all situations is a primary driver of my complaints about the gay hookup culture in the PNW, a real effort has been made to keep everything inclusive, and some of us are frustrated because that inclusive environment does not allow us to do what we enjoy with other like minded individuals. There are places in the world where what I like and what I think @muscmtl likes is fairly easily found, or at least there has been in the past.

If you prefer orgies that are gangbangs, where there are designated bottoms and everyone else is there to top, go to those events. I have gone a few times as one of the tops, but as a versatile guy it doesn't really meet my needs and desires. There are a lot of them posted on the hookup apps in some cities.

1 hour ago, blackrobe said:

It's an observation that the men I described are present. It doesn't answer whether they are welcome. Are men like me whose dicks don't get hard welcome at orgies?

That's not the vibe I'm getting right now.

I would say that they are welcome if they are willing to go along with the implied rules of engagement, in instances where it isn't a blackout situation most of them appear to be having a good time. I will admit they won't be my favorite fellow participants, but if they're ass up there is a very good chance I will fuck them. As long as they are actively participating I'm certainly not going to make them feel unwelcome.

3 hours ago, Cumfilledbottomboi said:

I would imagine yes. Because bottoms in chastity wouldn’t get hard, right?

Bottoms in chastity are fairly rare at those events and venues in my experience. I did see at least one guy standing around in chastity at Club 541 when I was in Palm Springs a month ago, but he wasn't participating the the sexual melee that was happening at least when I noticed him.

1 hour ago, blackrobe said:

In my experience, guys wearing chastity gear isn't something most men are into. The guys that are into it, are *really* into it, but they tend to be rare.

I think the question of welcome for guys in chastity is as up in the air as any total bottom's based on this thread. Perhaps more so.

I'm still seeing a few of them at bathhouses and events here in Portland, but nothing like a couple of years ago when they were all the rage. They draw a lot of attention, but my observation was that the attention wasn't coming from tops or versatile men, which if they really are trying to get fucked it is probably counter productive.

[Bear4Breeding]

On 3/18/2026 at 2:00 AM, xxbjn2 said:

I knew there was a reason why I always found you to be a fucking hot stud!.  I fucking love your attitude, you're a star.

I have to agree with this!!

What xxbjn2 said to justaholeff

Edited yesterday at 05:13 PM by Bear4Breeding
adding clafifying infor

[hntnhole]

15 hours ago, blackrobe said:

The meta problem here isn't orgy etiquette, it's that gay men collectively suck at understanding and honoring consent.

100%.  Perfectly said.  Thanks !

[hntnhole]

13 hours ago, blackrobe said:

am I still welcome?

That's an interesting issue;  I would say "yes" to that question, even if you're not every other guy's "cup of coffee".  There's no other answer that checks all the boxes of acceptable behavior.  Only if somehow you got cornered into a brou-ha-ha started by some other dissatisfied (for whatever reason) guy.  

If it were a "hosted" event, clearly it would be up to that host to render the decision, but in a public-ish venue, we'd have to rely on the good manners of the concerned parties.  That could be iffy though.  I find that well-mannered guys generally come out on top when dealing with lesser-trained guys.  Just a guess, but I think you'd maintain yourself perfectly, the other guy wouldn't, and you'd be welcomed permanently.  

[lycis]

4 hours ago, blackrobe said:

That sounds like an answer to my question, but isn't.

It's an observation that the men I described are present. It doesn't answer whether they are welcome. Are men like me whose dicks don't get hard welcome at orgies?

That's not the vibe I'm getting right now.

I mentioned playing with other bottoms because I'm not transactional and don't confine my play to men who have something I might want. I don't feel entitled to anyone's dick which is why I just said those dicks "presented to me" and "interested" men.

Maybe my circles and orbits are different from trad gay or even raunch/sleazy gay but dedicated bottoms have been in every orgy I've been in (including paid ones like fuck parties at a venue), and it has never been a problem? Dedicated bottoms are highly appreciated and they are my preference - I'm a switch who has a high preference to have a much more dominant top take control over me, but I love doing the same to any bottom "lower on the pecking order". I do a lot better with clear roles like that than playing with people who are very wishy-washy on roles or "anything goes". It's an act of instinct I love to play a part in, rather than having playtime/sex be about "play" or "connecting". A lot of the people in my orbits are the same too - so it's never been unusual to have someone be a dedicated role like that.

I'm never just going to a random dude's orgy though- theres always some connection to the host, even if's me as a +1 or a +1 of +1. Or its me who is throwing it lol. So I think that filters people who are at least on the same wavelength. Benefits of living in a hella gay place I guess is it's been easy to find my scene.

But even when I'm going to a local cumunion or other similar play party dedicated bottoms are everywhere and its never been a problem.

Edited yesterday at 07:30 PM by lycis