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Great post! I am mostly bottom and absolutely admire PA and those who have them. Yes, has chickened out several times. Luv to hear more!

If asked, and if poz detectable, you should be honest. If not asked, and if at a bathhouse and darkroom, there should be no obligation to volunteer. If I were poz, and in a 1-on-1 situation, I’d most likely tell my partner.

Truly? Is your day to day life out of control? Or do you enjoy an enviable supply of dick and the other parts of your life are working out OK?

Commedians: David Nihill Chad Daniels Mark Normand Sam Morril

Yes, what you think and feel about many of my views has been evident to me. i do not think i'm being obtuse because i do not agree with your view on some things. Here's how i read your above comment: You see and understand clearly, and you've tried repeatedly to educate me, but alas, have failed to get through to me. You state: "...being a tyrant and being a fascist are two wholly different things." Why and how do you mean? Is that one statement supposed to finally get through and i repent? i see trump as a tyrannical fascist. i see him as both. Not just based on my sole feelings or opinion. I'm not alone in seeing him as such. Do i think i can't be wrong? No. But so far, you have not convinced me otherwise. Here's a separate (from you or me) take on fascism from Britannica: "...Although fascist parties and movements differed significantly from one another, they had many characteristics in common, including extreme militaristic nationalism, contempt for electoral democracy and political and cultural liberalism, a belief in natural social hierarchy and the rule of elites, and the desire to create a Volksgemeinschaft (German: “people’s community”), in which individual interests would be subordinated to the good of the nation." This reads an awful lot like trump and his regime to me. He has used the military to take over Venezuela. He threatened to use the military to take over Greenland. He wants to take over Canada. He has used the military to 'police' Americans who protest against him. trump asked former defense secretary Mark Esper: “Can’t you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs or something?” trump threw himself a military parade for his birthday. He 'hired' Elon Musk to change/dismantle large pieces of government agencies and programs. As i see it, the list is very long and fitting. i think the label "tyrannical fascist" fits. To me, trump is the very essence of "excessive." Hitler grabbed Austria and Czechoslovakia cause he needed them for ____________. After WW2, Stalin grabbed half of Germany, all of Poland and Czechoslovakia, and more. Two great examples of fascist and communist tyrants. trump has grabbed Venezuela, then quickly tried for Greenland, and has made no secret of his 'needing' Canada too. They all seem like birds of a feather to me. The fact that trumps style is fascism vs communism doesn't really matter to me, both systems are "extreme" in my book. Yes, of course "extremism happens on both ends of the continuum." As does tyranny. Stalin, Xi Jinping and Kim Jong Un come to mind as examples of tyrannical extremists "collectivists--communists, socialists, etc.." And yes, of course, we do not want to swing 'extremely' in the opposite direction of trump and just get another tyrant of the opposite color. i disagree with at least some of your "thesis." i think tyrants from two extremes are holding the power of several countries that, i think, are a threat to the whole world. i think trump is one of them. i do think we might agree that a silver lining to the dark cloud of trump is he has inadvertently gotten a lot of countries and Americans engaged and looking to take more responsibility, countries and people who were not before. Where i think i disagree mostly with you is i see more people in the center territory than you do. i think what throws us who and what we include in our "center." Though it reads otherwise to me, i'm going to give you more credit than you seem to give me and take your question at face value as a question vs a thinly veiled assertion. i think the question is a good and proper one we should all continually ask ourselves. Yes, i really do want to understand people who think and feel differently than me. Which is not to say i will agree with them or stop arguing what appears a better way to me. my questions are sincere and i genuinely do try to listen and hear others. i realize i do not always succeed, that it has to be an ongoing endeavor. my purpose when i phrased those questions was an attempt to find common ground, to parse out the smaller, more individual details that bring us closer together vs only focusing on what divides us.

I don't think me always saying "you know I'm poz right?" makes any good sense. Especially being poz and on meds. TasP was proof enough that we do not pose the risk in the raw sex time, at least regarding HIV. Before I started meds; yes that made some sense to tell them they're taking a risk. But I question anymore whether we really have an obligation to say that. If we care enough about it we should bring it up. If we don't care; it isn't like infection is likely. When we kiss, do we make sure we say "you know it is flu season right?". I understand why back in the 80's that made sense to put an onus on the poz guys to inform. There wasn't a good "poz and on meds" going on back then. But HIV manifests in society now in massively different ways than then. And certainly the onus should no longer be on the poz guy.

I got my PA now about 15 years ago. Pretty much reflects my own experience although back then they just would not start me at a 6; so that's pretty cool to just start out there. But indeed a lot more damage in the bigger hole; so it makes sense you bled for a couple of days; obviously less over time. Starting at a 12, the bleeding was very little and just for a couple of hours. Upsizing of course takes time. I probably pushed that envelope a bit too aggressively, and don't recommend anyone else do that. Jewelry though didn't start to get comfortable until I got into 8g. Over time I got to 0, and then eventually settled on 6 as comfortable all the time. Each cock will find it's most comfortable size.

I think we need a new thread for 2026! im at 65 loads in the ass, 8 in the mouth. But it’s only this good because of my 80+12 load Gran Canaria trip 😹💦🐽

I'm looking for a poz toxic load asap

Great post. I have always like them but thought it was only cosmetic as I’m a bottom too. I am seriously considering getting one. I have my nipples pierced and started with a zero gauge. It was painful but in retrospect I’m glad I did it. I have seen mixed reviews about starting with a zero for a pa. recently I was bred by a guy with one and I almost had to tap out. He wasn’t huge maybe 8? But the pa really intensified things. I have been bred by guys with them in the past but this one seemed different. I am considered a sloppy bottom but he was able to get me to almost ask him to stop. lol.

I'm down I'm near sf

These days all the tops who bareback me just fuck without asking about my status or if I prefer condoms, I don’t think I am lying or stealthing. If asked I will tell them. I don’t ask about their status or anything else because I choose not to ask. I don’t consider them trying to stealth me either.

Sorry it took so long to continue this story. Hopefully it will not take this long for the next chapter, but I will probably need some time to figure out how this will continue. Open for ideas. Since Erik was on PrEP (I know, Erik was supposed to be me in the story, but I'm not on PrEP) up until he was sent to Berlin Dark, I think he will still be neg, so I think I'll keep him neg for at least one more chapter, then we'll see. So what role will Miguel have as the story moves on? And Gabriel?

Warning! This story is fantasy and must be read as such. No real people have been harmed. Chapter 2 – Part 2: Barcelona Having to go see the family doctor the first thing after my trip to Berlin was the most embarrassing thing I’d ever done. Being raped by so many strangers is certainly nothing I would expect from my first solo trip. But I was good at lying, so I didn’t tell my doctor the whole story, just that I met a nice guy, not sure if I can still call Gabriel that, and that one thing led to another. Talk about being naïve. But my doctor gave me a PEP booster, and told me to get on PrEP. All things I was not familiar about a few months ago. Luckily my parents don’t know what happened. What happens in Berlin, stays in Berlin, right? I’m happy that I made up with Martin when I came home, though. We’re not back together, but we’re friends again. However, I still haven’t told him about my embarrassing moments in Berlin either, just about my sightseeing on the first day and the places that I saw. I did not mention Gabriel, and nothing about being exposed to HIV positive strangers. I didn’t even tell him about my doctor’s visit, and that I’m now on PrEP. I should have told him about PrEP and get him on it as well, but it was still too embarrassing for me to talk about. And now we were going together to Barcelona. It should be a great trip. Martin had made a friend in Barcelona, Miguel. Met him online, he said. A really cute guy according to the photos he’d shown me. Miguel had suggested an apartment for us, through Airbnb, he said, and Miguel knew the owner personally. It’s right in the city center, close to all the bars and clubs. Miguel himself couldn’t come to meet us at the airport, but he had sent the owner of the apartment, so it turned out perfect, and we settled in fast. The house owner even made us some tapas. As soon as we had eaten, Miguel called Martin, so he went outside for a moment for some privacy and to talk with him. A few moments later he came back in and said he was going to meet him. Before I had time to ask where he was going to meet him, and when he would be back, Martin had already changed clothes and was gone. Chapter 2 – Part 3: Barcelona – Martin visiting Miguel Martin: I couldn’t wait to see Miguel. I guess I was so eager that I forgot to tell Erik that he shouldn’t wait up for me. Hell, I even forgot to say “bye!” Miguel lived across the city, so he had ordered an Uber to pick me up, as he said he didn’t have a car or driver’s license. The drive took about half an hour. I was wondering why Miguel didn’t suggest a place closer to his place for us to stay. Miguel met me outside his building. He said he followed the car in the Uber app, so he knew when I was coming. We sat down in the front yard, and he offered me a drink. It must have been very strong, because soon my head started spinning. What I didn’t know until later was that the drink was spiked. I heard Miguel say, maybe we should go inside. He led me through a hallway. An older half naked guy was sitting on a chair in the hallway. Well, he looked old anyway, as I was only 19, so anyone over 30 was ancient to me. He looked ill, and had a symbol that I’ve seen in hospitals tattooed on his stomach. “Don’t mind him,” said Miguel. “That’s Juan, he’s poz, but he wouldn’t hurt a fly.” I didn’t know what he meant by poz, and I didn’t ask. We entered Miguel’s apartment, and he gave me a glass of coke. Through my dizziness, which even got worse as I drank the coke, I noticed that the apartment was a mess, and I was starting to have second thoughts about being here. I didn’t feel comfortable, and grabbed my phone to send Erik a message, but Miguel quickly grabbed it and tossed it on the coach. “You don’t need this now,” he whispered in my ear, and then he kissed me. He led me to his bed room. I could sense a bad smell, like it hasn’t been cleaned for a long time. He pushed me onto the bed, and pushed my head down. The mattress was moist, and it reeked of piss and sperm. I started to fight him. I was not okay with this, but before I could do anything I realized that he had cuffed me to the bed posts. I hadn’t noticed that he had pulled my jeans down. Then he undressed himself, and he was standing in front of me completely naked. I was unable to fight him when he started rubbing his cock up and down my ass crack. He had the same symbol as Juan above his cock. I started crying, and begged him, “Please, put on a condom.” “Don’t worry, Martin. I’m clean.” Then two other guys came into the room. One of them had a small plastic bag filled with some white powder. ”Good, prepare some for me. This one’s not high enough yet, and he’s whining and fighting it,” Miguel said. “Where do you want it?” the guy with the bag asked. “Right up his ass. He’s not gonna feel what’s gonna hit him. He’s gonna be toxic as fuck when he leaves this place.” Miguel was grinning, and so were the other two. I had no idea what they were talking about, but it didn’t sound good. The last thing I heard Miguel say before I passed out was “I’m sorry Martin, but I’m a notorious liar. I’m highly toxic, and I want to share my DNA with you.” Then he pushed the white powder, whatever it was inside my ass with his big cock, and I even felt that he was pissing inside me. Chapter 2 – Part 4: Barcelona - Erik It was now two o’clock in the morning. I haven’t heard anything from Martin. No replies to my ten or so messages I’ve sent him. I was starting to get worried. Should I call the police? They probably won’t help, as he hasn’t been missing more than a few hours. I wonder if the landlord is awake. He probably knows where Miguel lives. Just to be checking I sent him a message first, not to wake him up with a call. Ah, he did reply. He said he would be over. He walked in about twenty minutes later. I tried to explain to him, but it wasn’t easy, as he didn’t speak much English, but eventually he seemed to understand that I wanted to go to Miguel’s place. The landlord gave me a coke while we were driving. I started to notice that we were driving the same streets over and over again, but the coke made my mind go dull, I felt I was about to pass out. Just when I was about lose my consciousness, the landlord seemed to stop the car. I noticed a sign that said Berlin Dark. Chapter 2 – Part 5: The Landlord I understand English very well, but I had my own plans for Erik. Didn’t want him to find Martin yet. So I drugged him and dropped him off at the Berlin Dark, a fetish club that was hosting a poz bareback party tonight. My friends will keep him busy there for the night. In the meantime I drove back to the boys’ apartment. Gabriel in Berlin told me that Erik’s on PrEP. Ah, there they are. I counted the exact number of pills before I flushed them down the toilet, and replaced them with placebo pills with no effect. Hmm, what else is there? Paracetamol? Maybe I should replace them with ecstacy? He’ll probably have a headache tomorrow. He’ll probably be easier to handle on drugs. Especially after what I did to him. Chapter 2 – Part 6: Erik at the Berlin Dark How did I get here? Oh no, this is like Berlin all over again. I’m chained to a sling and people are waiting in line to fuck me. One just pulled his dick out. Another took his place. A tall black guy, maybe in his 50s. Oh shit, he was big. Mmmphm… He pushed it in as far as it would go. I could see the movements of his dick inside me from the outside of my stomach. In, out, in, out… Slow movements. One guy right next to me whispered in my ear “How old are you kid?” I moaned “19” as the big guy said “Take my toxic load, kid!” with a final push inside me. Toxic? At least I’m on PrEP now, but still the thought of taking poz loads give me chills down my spine, mostly scared but also some tickles in my stomach. “You’re very popular, kid!” the guy who asked my age said. “You’ve taken 18 toxic loads so far, and you’re far from done.” I guess that’s what those marker lines on my stomach were. Counting the loads I was taking. The big black guy just made one more line with the black marker. Then I remembered. “Martin!” I said it so some of the guys standing around me, waiting for their turns, heard me. “He’s ready for another booty bump,” one of them said. Another cock entered my ass, while the guy who had asked my age forced his cock inside my mouth, forcing me to suck him, as I started to drift away again. Chapter 2 – Part 7: The pozzing of Martin “He’s coming to,” someone said. I didn’t know who. There were so many people there now. Seemed like the whole neighbourhood. Several people were filming me being fucked. Miguel was using my phone. He smiled at me. “You do what we tell you, otherwise we’ll send the film to your dad.” “No!” I replied. ”Don’t!” “Or we could poz your sister next. We know someone in Norway who would do it!” “No, please don’t!” I still didn’t know what poz meant, but the way Miguel was saying it, it didn’t sound good. And how did he know that I had a sister? I’ve never mentioned her. A trans girl was standing over me, hitting my prostate with her cock, pumping her load into me, and moaned “Keep my AIDS inside you! It’s sacred.” AIDS? What have I gotten myself into? “I don’t want to die!” I said. I was getting really scared now. The ill looking Juan entered between my legs and put his cock inside my hole. His body was full of scars and spots. He didn’t look like he was gonna survive the night. I was way past being scared by now. I had taken so many loads already. What was it he had called them? Poz loads? Toxic loads? I was sure I was gonna die, and had given up already. On the table right next to me appeared a tray with lines of some white powder, already cut and there were three guys on the sofa who took turns in taking hits of it. Juan kept pounding me. Heavy thrusts. I wanted him to stop and was about to tell him to stop, “no mas,” but to no avail. He moaned. He came inside me in big thrusts. Then his body fell on top of mine. He didn’t move. Miguel said, “Hurry up, give Martin some T. Keep the party going. He’ll think it was all a dream.” Two guys lifted Juan’s body off mine. I looked hazily around and one of the guys who sat at the table came over to me and tied a tourniquet around my arm and then injected me with something, then lifted my arm and I started coughing. I felt dizzy. Two guys lifted Juan off my body. I thought I heard someone say “At least he died happy,” but wasn’t sure I heard it right through my drugged mind. I had no idea how many people were in the room, but there were naked people coming in or leaving all the time. How many have shot their loads inside my ass? I had no idea, but I noticed the big pink spot on the sheet between my legs. The last thing I remembered before I started drifting off again, was this tall African guy with a Kenya football shirt slamming his huge cock inside me. Chapter 2 – Part 8: Erik the Cumdump I woke up, sore all over my body, especially my ass. I had the taste of cum and piss in my mouth. There were cum stains all over my body as well. I counted the marker lines on my stomach. Thirtynine. 39 guys have fucked me and left their toxic cum inside me. I was a real cumdump. Glad I’m on PrEP. I felt a draft when someone opened the door to the cabin. A light came on. “Don’t mind me,” a voice said, and started cleaning around me. It felt cold in my ass and down my legs. Oh, I’m still soaked down there. How long had I been here? I got up from the sling. Ooh, I have a headache. “I assume these are yours,” the guy cleaning said to me, handing me some clothes that looked familiar right away. He smiled at me. “You were the most popular bottom through the whole night,” he continued. “Did you watch?” I asked, embarrassed from the thought. Not that he was an ugly guy. He looked pretty hot, actually. “I did more than that,” he replied. “One of those marker lines are mine.” He grinned. I felt even more embarrassed. I dressed quickly. I smelled really bad, a combination of sweat, piss and cum, but that was not what mattered the most now. I had to get back to the apartment. I hope Martin’s back. When I walked out, the cleaning guy said “I hope to see you here again soon. We like young guys with a tight ass. It’s good for business.” He paused. “But I don’t think that ass will be tight for long. I don’t mind ruin your hole myself.” I hesitated for a moment. I felt disgusted, but my dick was hard. Was I about to enjoy it? It turned out that this club, the Berlin Dark, was not very far from the apartment. I locked myself in, just to find out that Martin wasn’t there yet. I had to call the police, I thought. But first I needed to take something for my headache, found some pills in my bag. Soon I felt drugged again. What’s this, I thought. This was not paracetamol… I laid down for a moment to clear my mind. Then I opened my eyes, just to see the landlord standing over me through the fog, naked with a big hard cock. He was grinning. I was no match for him. Chapter 2 – Part 9: Martin wakes up When I woke up in bed in a room I’d never seen before, I had no idea how long I’d been out. I felt sick, and my mouth was dry. I noticed some needle marks on my arms. What have they done to me? My ass was sore, and the bed sheet under me was wet with pink stains. I must have been bleeding. Why did they keep fucking me when I was bleeding? They must have noticed. And how many fucked me? I had no way of knowing. At least I was still alive. I tried to get up? Where were my clothes? Where was my phone? I remember Miguel was filming me, and he threatened to send it to my dad if I didn’t do what they were telling me. I needed to find it and delete the videos. Then I remembered there was no use, because so many others had been recording as well. I tried to stand up. It took me a couple of attempts to get out of bed. And my legs were jelly, but finally I was being able to stand up. But I had to lean on the wall to be able to get out of the room and towards the toilet. When I finally made it there I looked at myself in the mirror. I noticed some bruises on my ass. What’s this? I took a closer look and noticed some black lines, kinda like a tattoo on my ass. I bent over in front of the mirror to get a closer look. Then pulled the ass cheeks apart to see what it was. Oh, shit! It was a large tattoo, the same symbol that Juan, Miguel and a lot of the others at the party had. But mine was huge, surrounding my ass hole and the insides of my ass cheeks. I could see it clearly now when my cheeks were spread aside. My first thought was that I could never take a shower or swim naked with my friends anymore. “Do you like it?” I heard a voice behind me say. It was Miguel. I turned around and looked at him. He wasn’t the same guy I had fallen in love with. He looked like he was high on something. “One of the guys who fucked you last night, was a tattoo artist. He did it for free, so you don’t owe him anything.” He paused for a moment, then continued. “He thought you were such a good fuck, so I guess that was payment enough.” “I want to leave,” I said. “Where are my clothes? And where’s my phone?” “Don’t worry, it’s all here.” Then he walked out of the bathroom and returned few seconds later. “Don’t try to delete the video on your phone. I’ve made a copy.” He paused again, like he was trying to find the right words. “You might get the flu in a couple of weeks. Don’t go to the doctor, just stay in bed and sweat it out. Tell your family and friends it’s just a flu.” Again he paused. “It’s the fuck flu, but nobody needs to know that.” “What’s the fuck flu?” I asked. “Just google it. But don’t let anyone else know. Then I’ll have to send the video to your dad.” Again I begged him not to. “Then don’t tell,” Miguel continued. “And don’t go to the doctor. You’re my brother now. I shared my DNA with you. I’m looking forward to seeing you again…” “No, I…” I started, but Miguel put a finger over my mouth, and said “Ssshhh, I will see you again. Remember, video, your dad. Or I could have somebody poz your sister.” I shut up, took my clothes and phone and got dressed. “Don’t tell Erik, either.” he said. How do I make it back to the apartment,” I asked. “Oh, that’s the least I can do. I order you an Uber right away. What are brothers for, right?” Miguel said with a grin. I couldn’t smile back. Less than ten minutes later I was on my way back to the apartment. I found Erik lying in bed, apparently sleeping. But when I accidentally kicked one of his shoes on the floor, he woke up and said my name. “Where have you been?” he asked. “With Miguel,” I replied. “But you’ve been gone for more than three days. Why haven’t I heard from you? Why didn’t you send me a message?” “I’m sorry, I forgot. The time just flew.” “Are you seeing Miguel again?” “Yes, I think so. So, what have you been doing?” “Me? Not much. Mostly worrying about you,” Erik replied. “But I’m back now,” I said, and we both smiled.

My then tops now owners don't believe in condoms unless it's one of those cruel condoms.

I only tell when someone asks. I used to make a point of it but most guys are ok with it now. This is 2026 so if you are not educated on what and how you can get it, there is a problem with you. Most guys know me as a Poz bottom anyway. When you are getting a train pulled on you I don’t think anyone cares about status. lol.

I’ve been trying to figure out those two for a while. I actually do know what they mean now and I will write up a response once I’m back to my computer… Essentially it started as code words which enabled people in oppressed countries where being gay was not OK or looking at porn pornography was not OK to be able to search for and find porn gay or sexual content.

To be clear @norefusal - I don’t stealth and refuse any type scenario. And perhaps among others, I’m giving my most current and relevant information. But it is not my job to elucidate an entire medical chart or its implications to another person every time I fuck. i do my best to convey my status and frequently say things like “you know I’m poz, right?” - Also, I don’t think we can play both sides of the fence here… Either HIV is a chronic disease that we have learned to treat via medication OR we are giving people a death sentence by possibly giving them HIV where we know the transmission rates are low. I don’t think it can be both. Lastly, I am very upset by what you said equating me having HIV and having unprotected sex with somebody when I’ve been forthright is equivalent to somebody being raped. You’ve seen my words for sure on the matter of rape writ large. equating somebody having unprotected sex with somebody choosing an outfit is just damn right foolish and you should really reconsider those words.

I haven’t ever kept track but I guess it’s easy at this point. Sort of sad comparatively…. 11. I am cruising today so I hope to get at least one more to add.