rawTOP

This is really what I'm getting at with how I'm handling HIV status. I want poz guys (on meds) to be seen as "safe sex" (in a bareback context). But I need to understand what the timing of things are and what the risks are. It sounds like I should put a note next to where people fill in their HIV status not to choose "poz, on meds" until a doctor has confirmed that their viral load had dropped. So these blips - would you worry if you came in the ass of a neg bottom during one of those blips?

Question for those of you who are poz and on meds… How often are you not undetectable? Are poz guys on meds usually undetectable (or close to it)? I've been thinking about how HIV status will be handled on BBBH.com and I'm thinking I won't offer "undetectable" as an option. Instead, like here, I'll just have "on meds" available. If people want to say more about status they can do it in the text of their profile. But going a step further I'm going to simplify the search options and let guys search by risk level, not by particular HIV statuses. I'm thinking "low risk" would be the neg guys on PrEP plus the poz guys on meds. But if poz guys on meds often aren't undetectable, then being on meds may not make you low risk. So talk to me about viral loads while on meds. Are you undetectable (or close to it) most of the time while on meds?

If you're seeing the mobile version, switch to the desktop version. Then go to Settings in the upper right corner and you can edit everything there. If you want to switch back to the mobile version, the option is in the lower left corner.

You shouldn't be afraid. Ultimately the system worked and you found out you were neg. And you now know that you need two positive results before you believe the diagnosis. Next time don't go on meds until you have the 2nd result back. Oh yeah, almost no one becomes poz through sucking dick. You really have very little to be worried about.

Peäk and some other parties are done by @TheOrgyGuy on Twitter. The JOC party does have a website, and it's kept up to date. East Side Club and West Side Club have websites. The Eagle has a website (Wednesday's Jockstrap Night is pretty sexual). Most other parties do not have websites – they just have mailing lists (get on the mailing lists early). However, there is a site that details the parties for the coming week – Adventures in Group Sex, but a lot of the sites they mention are not bareback parties - they're mostly oral or condom. And there's also Squirt.org – which has great listings for sex venues around the world.

The consent dialog is a problem I'm aware of. For uploading images that should work fine. There was a security hole in the Flash uploader, so that's been disabled. The standard uploader should work on any device.

Don't wonder – get your DNA analyzed and find out for sure. The tests will tell you if you're immune or resistant to HIV. There's a 1% change of immunity for white guys and a 10% chance of being resistant. Plus the DNA test will tell you hundreds of other things about yourself - from your likely eye color to your propensity for certain diseases. I used 23AndMe and I recommend them. They're funded in part by Google and seem to have their act together (except when it comes to filing papers with the government - they've been banned from marketing their services until they get certain clearances).

Please go to the drug store and buy a OraQuick test (or order online). There's no need to deal with other people to find out if you're poz. It's really important for you to know your status.

I went to Oneida a lot back in 1997. I liked it back then. Not sure what it's like now though.

Is your mailbox full?

Not really sure.

MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) is the term I use. Gay, Straight and Bisexual are about the relationships you have – not the sex.

In general the sex scene in NYC isn't nearly as good as it is in other cities. The bathhouses have been really horrible, but I hear talk of guys going these days. So they've gone from being horrible to just "not great". There is a private sex party scene, but very few of the parties are bareback. Most are mixed and most of the action is either just oral or condom. Your best bet is to be in a hotel with minimal security in Hell's Kitchen / Midtown West and organize a gangbang for yourself. Just remember only 1/4 to 1/3rd of the guys who sign up will actually show up. The guy who runs CumUnion in NYC also runs ManMeat. CumUnion is just the name of the ManMeat party once a month. They're usually decent, and there's one the first night you're in town. You might check out the poz party Saturday night (it's for poz guys and guys who like a poz environment). It might be OK, but don't go if it's cold - the apartment it's held in doesn't seem to have adequate heat. Assuming the party schedule hasn't changed by then, you might want to check out the poz party Saturday night, and the Pëak party Tuesday night.

I don't get what your point is.

So if most teens say "Safe Sex Only" do they see barebacking as safe sex? Why do they put Safe Sex Only? I've also had twinks be OK with barebacking, but then want me to pull out, then get all pissy when I don't. (I'm crystal clear up front in my profile that I don't pull out). Of course a couple months later that twink had basically turned into a cumdump.

Just did a few searches on A4A: For 18 & 19 year olds in NYC: "Anything Goes": 208 "Safe Sex Only": 1200+ "No Answer": 833 So if most teens bareback, why don't they identify as barebackers?

May be true, but then why aren't more teens on sites like BBRT?

There aren't many studies about per incident risk. The last one I know about is from 2002(?) and it uses pre-ARV data (there's an old thread on it one level up on this site). It said that basically your risk is about 1:100. But think about HIV/AIDS before ARVs... People had all sorts of viral loads. These days your more likely to encounter undetectable (which is harmless) or recently infected (which is off the charts). Have sex with a recently infected guy and you'll almost certainly become poz. So it's literally Russian Roulette these days. Most of the time the guys are shooting blanks but when they're not, they'll probably infect you. Ask the guys if they're on meds. If they are, then relax. Chances are you're fine. If they aren't that's when you're at real risk – in that case, follow up by asking them their viral levels.

Talk to your doctor about PrEP. Sounds like you're a good candidate for it.

Yeah, I know… I just want to take Truvada out of the equation. The doctor doesn't think it's a side-effect, but since PrEP is elective he's fine with me going off it until we get to the bottom of things.

Thoughts on what?

I usually sleep on my belly and for a long time now (before going on PrEP) my neck will be a little stiff and if I sleep in one direction it sorta strains my neck and hurts a little. A few weeks ago the pain started spreading a bit into my shoulder and eventually down my arm - and not just when I'm sleeping and sometimes the other side as well. I should try a different mattress to see if that'll fix it, but habit keeps me sleeping in my own bed. I started wondering if it was a side effect of the Truvada I'm taking, so I looked up the common side effects and found this listed first… Reading that made me recall that the last few months when I get up from the couch I sometimes get dizzy. I have to steady myself to avoid blacking out. It only lasts for a few seconds, but it matches some of the symptoms above. In the past I just chalked it up to me getting older and having (medicated) hypertension. I called my doctor. He wants me to see a neurologist, but I'm going to try a few things first. I went off Truvada for a couple days and it did seem to get a little better, but then I went back on for a day or two and it got worse. So now I'm going to go off completely. I think it takes a week or so to get Truvada completely out of your system so we'll see how things are at the end of this week. And I should mention that I did a full battery of blood tests earlier this month and everything came back normal - or at least pretty typical for what I'm used to seeing. I was low on Vitamin D, low on platelets, and slightly high on cholesterol. I should also mention that I had what I thought was food poisoning last week – it got better and then sorta came back. None of that is unusual for me - I often get stomach bugs, but the timing is a little suspicious since abdominal stuff is a symptom of lactic acidosis. It's not like I've got all the symptoms of lactic acidosis, but I've got enough symptoms for me to wonder what's going on. Being on PrEP is elective. I don't need to be on it. So it just seems like it would be prudent to not be on it right now if it could be causing the problems I'm seeing. After all, side effects were the primary reason I was opposed to PrEP initially. I've seen enough problems from (other) meds in my life to be wary. I need to remember the lessons I've learned and just be careful in this instance. And careful means not taking PrEP. So I'm going to go off PrEP for a few weeks - maybe a month. If everything clears up I'll probably go back on it, but go off at the first sign of trouble. I'm not quite sure I trust Truvada. I mean it's generally well tolerated, but it is a rather powerful drug.

Between that comment and the "scared shitless" in the title, I'd focus on how you're feeling and coping. There's nothing you can do to prevent infection at this point. Just try to accept it. If your friend converted recently, then there's a high probability that you're poz. Just confront your fears… What about being poz scares you? Why does it scare you? Poz guys live long productive lives, where does your fear come from? Just tell yourself your poz. Let it sink in and deal with the emotions of it all. I think hoping your still neg is counter-productive right now. It just draws out the period of fear. Oh, and definitely go and get one of the high sensitivity tests done.

Go get tested. It's simple enough. If you care for the friend, you don't poz his son just because you were too lazy to go get tested. If you're still neg, dump as many loads in him as possible. If you're poz only fuck him if he begs for it - make it be his decision, not yours. If he's taking loads from strangers and not on PrEP then he's gonna get pozzed eventually. Might as well be someone he has a connection with, but only if he really wants it.

There are times when I'm glad I live in a blue state. New York just came out with their official guidelines on PrEP. It goes into who should go on it, what should be checked before someone goes on, and what should be checked in follow up visits. Here's the link… http://www.hivguidelines.org/clinical-guidelines/pre-exposure-prophylaxis/guidance-for-the-use-of-pre-exposure-prophylaxis-prep-to-prevent-hiv-transmission/ Somehow I just can't see Alabama, Utah, etc. bothering to give guidance to their doctors. If you ever complain about high taxes in states like New York - this is what you're getting for your tax dollars. This and stuff like HIV meds for guys who can't afford them. So if you're doctor isn't quite sure how to handle PrEP show him (or her) that guide. It should be enough that any competent doctor can follow it and you'll get decent care.