rawTOP

Is your mailbox full?

Not really sure.

MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) is the term I use. Gay, Straight and Bisexual are about the relationships you have – not the sex.

In general the sex scene in NYC isn't nearly as good as it is in other cities. The bathhouses have been really horrible, but I hear talk of guys going these days. So they've gone from being horrible to just "not great". There is a private sex party scene, but very few of the parties are bareback. Most are mixed and most of the action is either just oral or condom. Your best bet is to be in a hotel with minimal security in Hell's Kitchen / Midtown West and organize a gangbang for yourself. Just remember only 1/4 to 1/3rd of the guys who sign up will actually show up. The guy who runs CumUnion in NYC also runs ManMeat. CumUnion is just the name of the ManMeat party once a month. They're usually decent, and there's one the first night you're in town. You might check out the poz party Saturday night (it's for poz guys and guys who like a poz environment). It might be OK, but don't go if it's cold - the apartment it's held in doesn't seem to have adequate heat. Assuming the party schedule hasn't changed by then, you might want to check out the poz party Saturday night, and the Pëak party Tuesday night.

I don't get what your point is.

So if most teens say "Safe Sex Only" do they see barebacking as safe sex? Why do they put Safe Sex Only? I've also had twinks be OK with barebacking, but then want me to pull out, then get all pissy when I don't. (I'm crystal clear up front in my profile that I don't pull out). Of course a couple months later that twink had basically turned into a cumdump.

Just did a few searches on A4A: For 18 & 19 year olds in NYC: "Anything Goes": 208 "Safe Sex Only": 1200+ "No Answer": 833 So if most teens bareback, why don't they identify as barebackers?

May be true, but then why aren't more teens on sites like BBRT?

There aren't many studies about per incident risk. The last one I know about is from 2002(?) and it uses pre-ARV data (there's an old thread on it one level up on this site). It said that basically your risk is about 1:100. But think about HIV/AIDS before ARVs... People had all sorts of viral loads. These days your more likely to encounter undetectable (which is harmless) or recently infected (which is off the charts). Have sex with a recently infected guy and you'll almost certainly become poz. So it's literally Russian Roulette these days. Most of the time the guys are shooting blanks but when they're not, they'll probably infect you. Ask the guys if they're on meds. If they are, then relax. Chances are you're fine. If they aren't that's when you're at real risk – in that case, follow up by asking them their viral levels.

Talk to your doctor about PrEP. Sounds like you're a good candidate for it.

Yeah, I know… I just want to take Truvada out of the equation. The doctor doesn't think it's a side-effect, but since PrEP is elective he's fine with me going off it until we get to the bottom of things.

Thoughts on what?

I usually sleep on my belly and for a long time now (before going on PrEP) my neck will be a little stiff and if I sleep in one direction it sorta strains my neck and hurts a little. A few weeks ago the pain started spreading a bit into my shoulder and eventually down my arm - and not just when I'm sleeping and sometimes the other side as well. I should try a different mattress to see if that'll fix it, but habit keeps me sleeping in my own bed. I started wondering if it was a side effect of the Truvada I'm taking, so I looked up the common side effects and found this listed first… Reading that made me recall that the last few months when I get up from the couch I sometimes get dizzy. I have to steady myself to avoid blacking out. It only lasts for a few seconds, but it matches some of the symptoms above. In the past I just chalked it up to me getting older and having (medicated) hypertension. I called my doctor. He wants me to see a neurologist, but I'm going to try a few things first. I went off Truvada for a couple days and it did seem to get a little better, but then I went back on for a day or two and it got worse. So now I'm going to go off completely. I think it takes a week or so to get Truvada completely out of your system so we'll see how things are at the end of this week. And I should mention that I did a full battery of blood tests earlier this month and everything came back normal - or at least pretty typical for what I'm used to seeing. I was low on Vitamin D, low on platelets, and slightly high on cholesterol. I should also mention that I had what I thought was food poisoning last week – it got better and then sorta came back. None of that is unusual for me - I often get stomach bugs, but the timing is a little suspicious since abdominal stuff is a symptom of lactic acidosis. It's not like I've got all the symptoms of lactic acidosis, but I've got enough symptoms for me to wonder what's going on. Being on PrEP is elective. I don't need to be on it. So it just seems like it would be prudent to not be on it right now if it could be causing the problems I'm seeing. After all, side effects were the primary reason I was opposed to PrEP initially. I've seen enough problems from (other) meds in my life to be wary. I need to remember the lessons I've learned and just be careful in this instance. And careful means not taking PrEP. So I'm going to go off PrEP for a few weeks - maybe a month. If everything clears up I'll probably go back on it, but go off at the first sign of trouble. I'm not quite sure I trust Truvada. I mean it's generally well tolerated, but it is a rather powerful drug.

Between that comment and the "scared shitless" in the title, I'd focus on how you're feeling and coping. There's nothing you can do to prevent infection at this point. Just try to accept it. If your friend converted recently, then there's a high probability that you're poz. Just confront your fears… What about being poz scares you? Why does it scare you? Poz guys live long productive lives, where does your fear come from? Just tell yourself your poz. Let it sink in and deal with the emotions of it all. I think hoping your still neg is counter-productive right now. It just draws out the period of fear. Oh, and definitely go and get one of the high sensitivity tests done.

Go get tested. It's simple enough. If you care for the friend, you don't poz his son just because you were too lazy to go get tested. If you're still neg, dump as many loads in him as possible. If you're poz only fuck him if he begs for it - make it be his decision, not yours. If he's taking loads from strangers and not on PrEP then he's gonna get pozzed eventually. Might as well be someone he has a connection with, but only if he really wants it.

There are times when I'm glad I live in a blue state. New York just came out with their official guidelines on PrEP. It goes into who should go on it, what should be checked before someone goes on, and what should be checked in follow up visits. Here's the link… http://www.hivguidelines.org/clinical-guidelines/pre-exposure-prophylaxis/guidance-for-the-use-of-pre-exposure-prophylaxis-prep-to-prevent-hiv-transmission/ Somehow I just can't see Alabama, Utah, etc. bothering to give guidance to their doctors. If you ever complain about high taxes in states like New York - this is what you're getting for your tax dollars. This and stuff like HIV meds for guys who can't afford them. So if you're doctor isn't quite sure how to handle PrEP show him (or her) that guide. It should be enough that any competent doctor can follow it and you'll get decent care.

Once the piercing is established it actually stays pretty open. I can take mine out for months and it will only have gone down a size (e.g. 2ga instead of 0ga). I got mine January 5th, 1996 on the one year anniversary of my lover's death (not sure why I commemorated in that way, but I did). I was in a rebound relationship at the time and Valentines Day came and I wanted to fuck the guy I was seeing (the guy who got me addicted to bareback sex). So I took out the piercing to fuck and then couldn't get it back in after we were done. I left it out for a year or so and then noticed a small drop of piss where the piercing used to be. I went to the piercing shop and they gave me tapers that I used religiously to reopen the hole. So even when you think a PA has closed, it may still be open - even if just slightly. But to answer your question, yes, the PA can be rough on the guy who wears it. I usually take it out to fuck. Even when I have it hang out of my jockstrap on jockstrap night at the Eagle it can get sore from all the guys playing with it. So treat it with respect and be sensitive to it's limits. As far as cleaning, piss is sterile to your own body so every time you piss you're cleaning your PA. But I noticed that when I got up to 0ga crusties (from precum) could form on the ring and irritate the piercing. So it's important to keep the ring clean and smooth.

@BustANutInYourGut - A few comments… My understanding is that the difference between starting immediately and starting before <300-350 is that HIV may not get established in the weird little places that it likes to hide out in your body. So when people talk about possible cures for HIV that actually get rid of HIV completely, they always say it will be easiest on people who started immediately. So then the question becomes how much damage does HIV hiding out in obscure places really do to your body? I'm a little skeptical of your claim that the immune system can basically get tired and may not respond after a while. That's sorta the opposite of what I've heard previously. One study basically found that poz guys who took poz loads (and hence had repeated exposure to other strains of HIV) had lower viral loads because the new strains of HIV exercised their immune system and created a stronger immune response which in turn lowered their viral load from their own strain of HIV. Age is also a factor. If someone is mid-40s. The difference between something that will keep you alive for 40 years vs something that will keep you alive for 60 years is rather academic since it's unlikely you'll live for 60 years anyway. Even though I'm on PrEP, I'm actually quite skeptical of the pharma industry. There is so much outright lying by the pharma industry. Studies that contradict their message never get released, etc. Just today I called my doctor asking if some pain I was having could possibly be a side effect of Truvada. I'm actually thinking of going off PrEP for a week or two to see if my symptoms go away. I'm extremely conservative when it comes to taking meds. So I think the possible side effects could outweigh the benefits of early treatment. Mind you, that argument is becoming less of an issue as ARVs get safer, but still I'd hesitate to tell someone to go on something that powerful when their immune system isn't all that compromised. And lastly, I personally think it's valuable to see how your particular body responds to HIV. Some people are "HIV controllers" and honestly won't need meds for years, etc.

That is simply not true. I'm tempted to give you an infraction. Those are not the only two choices. Going on meds "when needed" (before t-cells <300) is the other widely accepted option that many people have done well with.

Your immune system won't start falling apart. There are decades of data on this and as long as you go on ARVs before you drop below 300 t-cells, then you'll be fine. Typically that point doesn't come for at least 2 years. From what I hear that's the standard treatment plan in Europe - to wait a while before going on meds. It's the Americans who hit hard early and there's some evidence that helps, but the advantage of starting early vs starting around 300-350 is relatively small. Both groups typically live a long time, etc. As soon as you find an HIV doc and get a prescription, contact the manufacturer before you fill the script. They'll cover your co-pays. I'm not sure about your deductible - you'll need to ask about that.

Read the error message. Read this thread.

Must be something on your end. The average page load time has been pretty steady for over a year now…

Someone (even you) have to use the "rate this thread" feature. The problem with rate this thread is that people don't bother to vote unless they're giving 4 or 5 stars. So all the stories with stars have nearly the full compliment of stars. I'd like to change it into a likes system that shows the number of likes. Seems like that would be more meaningful.

Definitely take a deep breath. Things WILL work out OK for you. If you're poz (and it's still an if), you're catching it early. When caught early, life expectancy is completely normal and possibly higher than if you stayed neg (because poz guys do a better job of taking care of themselves). You don't have to go on meds right away, but I'm guessing you'll be like my best friend and hate the concept that HIV is in your body and want to battle it from day one - but if you can't afford it and you wait a year or two to go on meds chances are that won't be a problem. You just need to make sure you go on meds before your t-cells drop below 300 or 350. The worst case scenario is that you move across the river into New York City where coverage for HIV-related issues is really good. That's not a horrible prospect. So again - take a deep breath - it'll all work out and you'll be fine.

In a 1-on-1 situation see if you can find a way to continue servicing the top after he's cum. Immediately after orgasm a light touching with the tips of your fingers will feel incredible to the top - the skin is super sensitive at that point and it increases the sensation of the orgasm. Of course you can't do that if you're on your belly, but if you're on your back with your legs in the air just slowly caress his back and arms with the tips of your fingers (while thanking him for the load). Once he's pulled out and after you've cleaned off his cock, see if you can get him to lay back and let you service him. You could do a foot massage, or even a full massage. Just get him to relax and enjoy himself. If he doesn't respond to what you're doing, change things up or even just stop completely. You don't want to be a pushy bottom. Though if you just can't read him, you could always ask "Does that feel good, SIR?" Basically, just find ways to serve the top. If the opportunity presents itself (like he goes into the bathroom to clean up) - do something like make his bed for him.