Philip
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Everything posted by Philip
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I am usually worried whenever the person that I am dating ask what type of relationship that I want (e.g., open, monogamy, etc. ) because more often than not, they want monogamy, and I would always tell myself that I’ll give it another go to see if this arrangement will work out. And it does for a little while, until I start to miss the freedom of having sex with other men. Sometimes, when things get more serious with us, I would randomly get angry at my partner because I feel like my freedom (to have sex with other people) is taken away, which is very silly because I have placed myself in this situation in the first place. Maybe I am angry at myself. I think the above information is enough to deduce that monogamy is probably not for me. I want to tell myself that I am ‘ready to settle down’ with one person, to keep my options open (i.e., include monogamy as well as open relationship in the cards) but it doesn’t seem fair to my partner when I don’t hold up to my end of the agreement in a monogamy relationship. Anyway, I was taking to a guy on Grindr today. He asked what type of relationship I wanted to be in, and after a moment of hesitation, I told him I prefer open but be romantically attached to one person (but physically to others), and he was cool with that, thankfully. But couldn’t the opposite happen? Meaning that the other person really wants a monogamy relationship but wants to try an open relationship with me, and not be true to themselves? Somewhere along the line, they would be unhappy that I am sleeping around too much and things will go downhill?
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I seem to be a magnet for both gonorrhoea and chlamydia every time. Thankfully, they are both easily treatable.
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What Makes a Top a Top, And a Bottom a Bottom?
Philip replied to Philip's topic in General Discussion
Very great advice, thanks for sharing! I will give that a go. (Also thank you for your replies on my other posts. I can only post three times a day now, so I sadly can’t reply to all of them at the present moment :(() -
When you are dating someone for the first time, is it by default exclusive? (meaning that you can’t have sex with anybody else except each other) Or is the default non-exclusive until you both have the talk about it? When I date, I assume the default is non-exclusive, to keep my options open, so I can date and have fun with other people until I am sure that this person might be the one. Then at some point down the dating path, we both agree for exclusivity. I don’t tell people this at the start and when the men I am dating find out that I have been dating/having fun with other people, they think I am cheating and things go downhill pretty quickly, even though we are seeing each other and not even official. I don’t want to have the ‘exclusivity’ talk too early because it means I am lock into the relationship without options, but not telling them at all risk them thinking that I am a cheat. What would you do if you were in this situation?
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Has anyone had any success in dating or having a relationship when both partners are both Tops, or both of you are Bottoms? I am a Top Vers, and have had the most success dating men who have identified themselves as Bottom. When I date Tops, I have no trouble being the bottom in the bedroom. But I find that we tend to disagree more on just about everything. It’s like none of us wants to lose an argument. Is this a ‘Top/Alpha’ trait? Bottoms tends to go with the flow more, carefree, so we don’t end up disagreeing as much, it’s just so much easier. I know I am generalizing here, please be nice.
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When I am in a relationship, I usually like to be the one fucking, and occasionally bottom when the mood is right, so I put on my profile that I am Top Vers. However, when I hook-up, I love to bottom exclusively. The reason is that I can only get hard and maintain an erection when certain criteria are met (e.g., I’m attracted to them, compatible kissing and cuddling, good at sucking . . . ) so it’s just much easier to say that I am a bottom in this case. I love taking anon loads at bathhouses. Am I still a Top if I love to bottom just as much? Or is it more accurate to say that I am a Vers? How do you know that you are a Top? Does it have to do more with how you treat your partner outside the bedroom (e.g., the way you hold him, how protective you are, etc.) that defines you as a ‘Top’? Some responses might say that I shouldn’t worry about labels, but I find labels helpful in communicating to others what you like and what you want.
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What Does Gay Community Think of Cumsluts?
Philip replied to TwinkSlut24's topic in General Discussion
Oh, I have came to the aforementioned conclusion sometime in the past, but I am still pretty much a whore in the present hehe. In a way, I really like keeping two ‘identities’: one being the ‘good boy’ that everyone knows of me in life and the other one being ‘slutty’ when no one is looking. It is quite thrilling that way. It’s like having a secret identity that no one knows about, like Spider-man. It also satisfy that tiny bit of rebel inside me. I am that kid that puts up a smile when adults are around, only to knock down a vase when they have their backs turned. -
Does anyone have any tips on making friends when you are over thirty? I was listening to a podcast and someone said, “It is a universal truth that it becomes more difficult to make friends as you get older,” and I agreed. When I was in my twenties, I made friends through school/uni, 21th birthday parties, and through work. Nowadays, I am familiar with everyone from my workplace, friends have their own families and babies to worry about, and birthdays are close friend invites only. More specifically, I want to make new friends roughly my own age (early thirty) with the possibility of finding someone to date (best case scenario). So far, I have joined clubs that reflect my interest/hobbies on facebook but people are too scattered across the country to meet up, been too afraid to go to clubs/bar scene and approaching someone there to talk to (maybe I should go with a friend), done +1 invitations to house parties but most people are busy so it ends up being just my usual group of friends, downloaded ‘Meetup’ app, but haven’t actually meet-up with any group yet because I’m such an introvert. I meet some cool people at bathhouses, so I think I’ll give that a go some more. I thought people go there for sex only, but there are some who likes to chat.
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Thanks for the reply everyone! It’s pretty hot here in Australia so I can see why overheating can be a problem sometimes. I’m going to grab a fan and leave it on so I can stay under the covers with him longer hehe. This would indeed be the best case scenario and I have meet a couple of guys where we would cuddle for hours—it’s the best! Physical touch, especially hugging and cuddling, is so important to me so if I can find someone who is similar, that would be awesome.
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What Does Gay Community Think of Cumsluts?
Philip replied to TwinkSlut24's topic in General Discussion
Hey @TwinkSlut24, I’ve been there and done that hehe. In relation to your question, when I tell my gay friends that I have taken a dozen cocks (anonymously and bareback) the previous night, I can’t help but shake the feeling that they are shocked. I wouldn’t say that they are disgusted by my behaviour, but more along the line of being worried for me, because of catching STDs (which always happen anyway) or my getting hurt in some way. I definitely wouldn’t tell any of my straight friends about my slutiness, as they will be disgusted for sure. Oh well. In my personal view, after being in the shoes of a slut, I have come to the conclusion that we go and have sex for fun, but we are still people at the end of the day. We have our lives, ambitions, hobbies, families to return to. Perhaps the top might see as a piece of meat who purpose is for his enjoyment, and us bottom might see ourselves as a hole to be used, and for a brief amount of time, the world exist in that space only. But after everyone cums, the curtain is drawn, and we return to our lives again. So I wouldn’t worry about what people might think about your behaviour. They might call you this or that, but you are much more than just this one thing (being a slut) that you do in your life. It doesn’t define who you are. I think in terms of being addicted to being a whore, it depends on your personality. I’m a risk taker so I am drawn to activities like these, but I know a lot of other bottoms who are more risk-adverse, so they would probably think about doing this in their fantasy, but not in real life.- 88 replies
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I met a few guys that say they enjoy cuddling, but when we cuddle for about two minutes, they move away from me, pull off the blanket, and say that they are overheating because I’m producing too much heat. Is our cuddling incompatible and they are trying to escape from me? For those that do overheat, what does overheating feel like? What do you do when you are prone to overheating but your partner wants to keep cuddling?
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Are you someone who reads people’s bio on Grindr (or any other app) or do you skip it entirely and go straight to sending them a message? I’ve noticed that a lot of people don’t read the bios. Why is that? I find it frustrating sometimes when guys ask me questions that I have clearly written on my bio. To me, it shows a lack of care and attention to detail. I like to read other people’s bio (when there is one) because, A, the way they write gives you clues about their personality, and B, provides starting conversational topics.
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This was very wholesome to read 😇 Thank you for sharing. Love for another person is such a strong emotion that I do wish it upon everyone in this lifetime. When I do meet someone who have not fallen in love, I would be lying if I say that I don’t feel a pang of sadness for them, that somehow they are missing out on something special that life has to offer.
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A man comes over to my house. We have dinner, play some board games, cuddle, then have anal sex. He tells me that this feels too much like a hook-up rather than a date. I am confused. Another man comes over (on a different day). We play some Nintendo Switch, cuddle, talk about our lives, then have anal sex. He also tells me this is starting to feel more like a hook-up then a date. I am befuddled. Am I doing something wrong? I thought a hook-up is when someone comes over, sex without as much as a grunt and a moan, slaps an ass, leaves. What is the difference between a date and a hook-up? If you have sex with someone and you both cuddle and talk for an hour or two afterwards intimately, would that still be considered a hook-up?
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Why do want a partner/boyfriend? A man once told me that he doesn’t know why he wants a partner if he is self-sufficient already. He can look after himself and I had no doubt that he could. He said that he can find happiness within himself, and that he knows how to love himself, so why, he asked me on a summer evening, does he need a partner? His friends and family can keep him company. His work keeps him busy. He can have casual sex whenever he wants to. He simply doesn’t see the need in having a partner. I was stunned. Today, he is 23 and I am 31. Perhaps he hasn’t been in enough relationships to know the importance of having one. I told him that I want a partner because friends come and go, and your partner will be there with you no matter what. Sex with strangers is great, but you reach a deeper level of intimacy with a long-term partner. If life is a stew, then a partner is the salt that enhances the flavour in every possible way. What is everyone’s thought on this? Are you someone who would like a partner or are you fine on your own?
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I understood you right away. When one of you are inside the other, you bring the intimacy to a higher state of being. Without the sex, I don’t know if you could reach this ‘higher state.’ Certainly. From pure observation and trying to figure out why certain men say that sex is not important, I have noticed that these men tend to either, A, have a small penis, or B, self-conscious of their appearance, or C, afraid to catch STD. I reason that the man with the small penis says that ‘sex is not really important’ because he is worried that he might not be able to pleasure others, so he forgo sex altogether in case his partner is disappointed when they do have sex. The man that is self-conscious with his weight might be worried about what his partner thinks about his physical appearance, so may say that ‘sex is not really important’ as a cover up for his low-esteem. And the man who is afraid of catching STD might say that ‘sex is not really important’ just so he doesn’t have to expose himself to catching potential STD altogether. These are examples of three different men I have dated who do not like to have sex and my theories as to why it is the case. But I am uncertain if my conclusion is correct. Any ideas?
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Wise words from a wise man. I thought about this quote for a long while today. I dated a man where he said that he doesn’t like to have too much sex, but our intimacy was very strong, and for a long time, I thought that perhaps I could compromise a relationship with infrequent sex to be with him. Who needs to have sex when intimacy was as strong as ours? I thought to myself. But then intimacy declined and so did the relationship. Intimacy is the mortar that binds the bricks together to form the house we call relationship. I love this. I often think to myself that the reason I chose to be gay (if it wasn’t genetics—we won’t go there today) is for the sex. Gay sex is awesome and my favourite part of being gay. Couldn’t agree with you more on this. If I begin to feel strong emotions towards another man, the sex usually follows which plunges me into a deeper emotion state, like a drug.
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STD test screening for my PREP is also every three month, so I had the same strategy of going to the bathhouse a week or so before my test, so that the test will pick up any STD that I caught. I don’t think I can wait to go to the bathhouse once every three months though, so now I go to the bathhouse once a month and get tested-treated a few days after that. This is so true! I’ve dated people who are terrified of catching STDs and consequently, are less than satisfactory in bed, although I never made the correlation as to why until now. This was so wholesome to read 😇 Thank you posting this. I went for a STD check-up yesterday and I was very confident and comfortable telling the doctor about my sexual history without feeling guilty of shameful. Don’t think I could have done that if I didn’t read your post beforehand. 😇
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I have been dating a few men who says that sex is not everything in a relationship. One man had said that if a cake’s key ingredients are eggs, flour, and milk, then sex is not one of these key ingredients, that it is a topping like chocolate chips or icing. Personally, I think that sex is a key ingredient in a relationship. It is the egg in the cake and without it, the cake will not be a cake. In your opinion, do you think that sex plays a critical role in a healthy relationship, especially gay relationship? I find that men who says that sex is not important either has a small penis, self-conscious of their appearance (e.g., overweight), afraid of STDs, or a combination of all. Is it appropriate for me to have come to this conclusion, or are there legit reasons why men don’t think that sex is everything?
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I should try this. I have always finger bottoms to see if they are sloppy before topping them, but this is genius. When I bottom, I do not like being fingered, mainly because guys can get really rough, or they don’t cut their fingernails, and I just know that I’m internally bleeding somewhere.
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There are a post or two about the joy of having anon sex in the dark room at the bathhouse but not many about catching STD’s there. Do you always catch some sort of STD when visiting a bathhouse? I usually do. I find it embarrassing to keep going to the Melbourne Sexual Health Clinic every fortnight to get tested, then eventually treated for it, so I try and limit myself to the bathhouse about once a month now so I don’t have to get treated as often, but that means I have less anon fun too.
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@fskn this is such a well written sentence and it is so true on so many levels. I have been on many dates where things go really well up until the sex part, and it begins to fall apart from there. I realize that meeting someone at a bathhouse means that you know how they perform in the bedroom, their size and positioning (top/bottom). I talked to a few guys after our sex and I get to know what they sound like, their personality, and it is much more efficient than chatting with someone on a dating app, only to be disappointed when you meet them up in real life. @hntnhole thank you for the wholesome story. You have really inspired me that it is possible to meet your partner in the most unlikely of places. Yes! This has happened to me and I was very surprised that some guys stop to chat!
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Been swallowing for over seven years now. The first couple of times was difficult: I would spit it out disgusted at myself and at the taste, but just forced myself one day and have been loving it ever since. Makes cleaning up after a jerk session so much easier and I assess my general health by the taste of the cum too.
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Wet on Wellington bathhouse usually has water-based lube in each of the cubicles and major rooms there already. For the first fuck, I usually use a bit of silicon lube in case the first top doesn’t use any lube and once he loads me up, I don’t usually require any lube for the whole night.
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Has anyone ever spoken to a man at a bathhouse after having a good time with him, taken down his number, go on a date, and have a romantic relationship with him? Does these things ever happen or am I imagining a fantasy world here?
