jtonic

Based on the last few weeks, at times, you may feel like something is physically 'wrong' with you. That feeling gets strong especially before and after an appointment (with lots of questions on your mind). For a week, I had this overwhelming thought that "I have a disease". It kept me up at night. But eventually, you will realize that you're surrounded with proper medical care, and HIV in 2014 is no longer what it was a decade ago (or even 2012 for that matter). My other advice is to get knowledgeable on HIV, but don't get lost in a sea of information either. I read somewhere in this forum that you should stick to the most recent documentation (discard anything written before 2012) - and I think they're right. There is a lot of outdated info on the internet. If you need to find out more, stick to "current", or ask your health professionals directly. Ultimately, your doctor is the one you should trust most, especially if he's good. Finally, if I could offer another piece of advice: don't think too ahead of yourself, like I did (for example, prematurely worrying about relationships, disclosure, perception, family news, etc). All of this is toxic for now. You just focus on yourself first -your health, your appointments. Realize that, right here right now, nothing has changed yet. And tomorrow, you'll still be fine.

The only thing I can say is, don't panic. You're still in good shape, right? Nothing has changed that overnight. You're still you; just gotta take care of it, go to your appointments and follow their recommendations. Personally, I've acted crazy yesterday, I went through the same 'shaky hands' and regretful phase for about a week. Take it one day at a time. You have another appointment to confirm your test results. Until then, keep doing what you're supposed to do every day (work, activities, going out etc). Continue to eat well and sleep. If you don't feel well (depressed, no sleep, etc) go see a family doctor in the meantime. You'll be fine.

Hi, the ban was a huge wake up call for me. I had turned to this forum to connect with poz guys. Losing this connection for even a day made me realize a few things. Mainly, support is there around you if you look and accept it, and no amount of distress can excuse erratic behavior. So, after lots of crying, a night of sleep, and a coffee this morning (decaf for me), I will only say this for now: - rawTOP, thanks for reinstating my account. - I appreciate everyone's support, even though I didn't necessarily deserve it. - I've gone back to some of my posts, and I totally see how disruptive I was. I apologize for that. - I was indeed having panick attacks yesterday. I stopped listening (and reading), wasn't being rational anymore, didn't have a shoulder to cry on, and that made it worse. - I just needed to chill out. I'm ok now. Still worried of course, but most questions have been answered. - I followed some of your recommendations and got in touch with a social worker, also made an appointment for a psychologist. - Finally, I have a doctor appointment coming up next Wednesday to find out my viral load (they took blood samples 2 weeks ago). - seaguy: I can explain the 'month-old' FB account. I created it the same day I got my diagnosis, mainly because I'm not 100% out and thought it would be a discreet way to connect with other guys. - hungry_hole: I will reply to you privately; thanks for reaching out. - Poz1956: thanks for adding on Skype and giving me all the documentation and facts. - As rawTOP said, most answers are already out there. I was just too frazzled to pay attention (to my own detriment). - Everyone who sent me private messages since yesterday: thank you. Really, the biggest 'cold shower' moment - the comment that snapped me out of my fear - was a private message from fillmyholeftl. He said "You are letting HIV take control over you". It was also the last thing I saw before I got banned. That really knocked me in place. I won't lose control again. It wasn't worth it. Regards.

thanks for messaging me if anyone has info about which meds are the newest,,please share your replies help me more than you can imagine

what are the chances that a doctor recommends a treatment that ultimately doesn't work as well or doesnt increase cd4 ? im scared of medical errors. i got diagnosed last month.

no one wants to talk to me?? please reach me on Skype jtonic00

Hi. I recently got a diagnosis HIV+. Need to connect, talk or meet with guys in the area. ANYTHING to get me out of my isolation. Please

I regret not finding out about Prep.... its too late for me now med visits, blood tests, pills, stigma, rejection.. im so depressed

You're lucky to have guys interested in you, period. I'm not as lucky.

i could use the income i can do photoshop / illustrator / corel

i might have to start meds soon and im scared too i'm mid 20s, 5'4 105 - under-weight but havent had any major health problems so far im really scared about side effects.. even more anxious that it may not work as well to get viral load to undetectable

this is my situation right now. any update? i wanna go undetectable as soon as possible. i feel physically ill what is the latest/newest med on the market, Atripla??

im trying to talk to other poz guys so far a couple guys on this site have sent me terrible messages.. 'celebrating' my arrival.. its fucking disgusting knowing how sincere i am about needing actual help

what are the chances that a doctor recommends a treatment that ultimately doesn't work as well or doesnt increase cd4 ? im scared of medical errors. i got diagnosed last month.

I hate that its happening to me.

I need to add that i WILL do everything it takes to go undetectable. i have this strong envy of anyone who is neg right n ow. fuck this life.

im so sad about that. i NEVER went to a bathhouse. and the thought of having to cut myself off and only seek poz guys is making me depressed. so NO ONE who is Neg has a chance to being happy with me??> its so hopeless.

if anyone has some time to chat.. im desperate on Skype: jtonic00

i recently found out im poz will the feeling of guilt and absolute dread ever go away? i havent slept for days

Im really confused about whether or not i should disclose my status right away i got diagnosed a month ago, still awaiting a decision on when/if i start treatment so i'm poz but not undetectable yet (but fully intend to be.. crossing fingers it works for me) does it mean i can't have sex, even safe, unless i disclose it?? nobody would want to meet me please i need advice

I know i will survive if the treatment works well but i still can't help but feel undesirable and basically stigmatized for the rest of my life i wasnt exactly hot hookup material before... being asian and kinda boyish.. now it's even worse.

this post made me cry. i got diagnosed recently. i never did anything wrong. always protected myself. obviously i overlooked something or chose to meet the wrong person i didnt think about all these repercussions until now. i havent started treatment yet. finding out next week (viral load) my life is fucking over

I have an appointment next week to find out my viral load and test results that should tell me whether I have any resistance to meds. I heard that CD4 levels can vary depending on when the tests were being done. Can I trust the clinic that they'll recommend the right treatment / timing ? Should I get a second opinion from another doctor? I need advice.

im in Canada (Quebec)