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Last night was a nightmare . Suffice it to say that half of what happened made me ill -- not to mention very uncomfortable -- and the other half infuriated me. He rode roughshod over my hard limits, and there were a few times I was terrified, but he was between me and the door, and I just froze. I just agreed with whatever he wanted -- I said what I'm sure he wanted to hear -- and I hate myself for it.
Yes, I did it to protect myself, but that doesn't get rid of the feeling of shame, or disgust, or the stinging from scrubbing myself raw in the shower.
I think I'm going to take some time off from bottoming: I can't get some of the images out of my head, or the bile out of my mouth.
It's going to take some time for the bruising to fade, it's going to take even longer to trust 1:1 encounters again; and, to be honest, right now I'm not even sure I want to go to the bathhouses or theatres.
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what happened??
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