Rawdawg13

The doc said to do a Sitz bath (google it) everyday. So in my mind if the doc called one for a day..then obviously three a day would be better. (Medically speaking that statement is false, but tell my brain that.) So I did three a day, as hot as you can stand..only I added Epson salt (more than called for) and cocoanut oil. It has many uses, and one of them is a healing agent and an antibacterial. After a week I would use the smallest butt plug I could find made of SAFE GLASS. I'm sure any toy as long as its the smallest and SAFE GLASS. Small because all you are doing is getting that cocoanut oil all the way in without doing more damage SAFE GLASS because its the smoothest stuff ever made. SAFE GLASS is the only anal toy material I use anyway because 1) It feels incredible 2) All the lube in the world and rubber and latex will eventually get stuck and cause drag and hurt...and thats with no anal fissure. I could do a whole piece on SAFE GLASS. After about two weeks of this (pardon the expression, I can't NOT say it!) pain in the ass regimen I had no more blood on the toilet paper or in my stool and no pain. Bear in mind I'm not a physician....but I have fucked a few...so that almost pretty much makes me one, right?? Oh and sorry, but no sex while this is going on AND when you do resume butt sex...lots and lots of lube always and forever. The days of spittin' and stickin' are over!! Good luck..

Its going to be a crazy long Decadance....the leather block party that has been on the first night since the beginning of time is now every night through Labor Day. Thats a lot of hot men in leather!!

What? Cool, let me know...we should at the least introduce ourselves if were both gonna be there. I swear if more people knew exactly what Decadence was like we'd double attendance!

I stand corrected. I don't know if this is new or not, but there is a block party Friday, Saturday, and Sunday...its no longer the one big bash on Friday. So basically when you want to go, just go! They'll be people there. The bar is 24 hours all year long as it is....and you know there is one queen that lays up in there from Friday night thru Tuesday morning... sustaining life off nothing but Bloody Mary garnish, water, and cum!!!

The Phoenix Block Party is the Friday night of Labor Day weekend, it always the big big kick off party of Decadence Weekend. Its more hot guys than you can shake a dick at. My doctor (he is gay) said every year right after labor day his phone blows up with friends calling him begging for antibiotics. He said "You can't spell Southern Decadence with an S, T, or a D!"

The party was canceled the day of. Long story short, I got dosed (I believe the kids call it stealthed now..) the night before with something I can only describe as LSD. It is the only thing I can compare it to. I've never even heard of anyone being dosed with acid before. AND it was shitty acid, THANK GOD, or it might have ended much worse. Thats not mean, thats down right evil considering the very nature of acid. My partner, MayTheForceBNU, was pimping my hole out in one of our rooms. Which was fucking intensely hot by the way. My bf said that one of the last few guys entered the room acting a little strange, but not strange enough to send a red flag. Its a fucking bath house on a Sat night, right? I wouldn't know, I was blind folded. (Did I mention how hot that was...) I remember someone cumming in me then crawling into the bed and trying to curl up next to us...as best he could...and this is when the "trip" kicked in because I remember him doing and saying things that never even happened! I can't really say much beyond that because its hazy. He said at first I seemed normal and because we went our separate way a lot, he didn't suspect anything for a few hours. He said I was talking to invisible people, out of nowhere I knew sign language (I'm betting I wasn't very legible!), and it scared the shit out of him. I almost ended up in the ER he was so scared. He got me back to our hotel where I promptly went to sleep. I woke up the next day an hour after our party should have started. I woke up raring to go completely oblivious to what happened at first. I think I said "We gotta get up, we over slept.." He started crying. I started remembering. It was awful! The party was under my bbrt account so in order to cancel it he had to "jail brake" my iphone! I would have never thought of this in a million years but he ended up using my finger to open my iphone (finger print ID!) and from there took care of business. I just felt kinda "thowed off" for the rest of our stay. Fuck, I sorta still feel "touched"! I insisted that we go back our last night there. I didn't want that to be my last memory of the place plus I wanted him to have one good night with lots of fun...and by lots of fun I mean lots of sex. A lot of it. If Superman possessed any sexual super powers (and just between us I believe he did.) my boyfriend would kick his ass. Then he'd fuck it. Then he'd eat it. Then he'd sit on Superman's cock and ride that D until it snapped off! And then I feel he'd somehow get Batman involved, I'm not sure how...he just would. But thats another story...and one I really should write because that shit is hot as fuck! I literally heard someone say to him, no bull shit, "You're my new hero!" after he took one particular brutal long pounding. Our first night there we were there maybe an hour and he took two loads, got a bj, gave two bjs, and fucked a little latin twink within an inch of his life in which he came two maybe even three times as he wipes the very sweat from his brow. Then there's me... "Wow, well I found the coke machine...and...ah, I know where to go make a PP." No exaggeration. No bull shit. The words new and hero were used. He was definitely on a roll and hot as fuck. I love watching him work. Eventually, I think he felt bad for me...and I don't mean to brag...but if I had to count the number of encounters I had...minus the ones he engineered...on one hand....I'd have enough fingers left over to get a coke outta the machine and hold my dick while I pee. One of those guys only stuck his dick in me three or four times then left the fuck stall weeping. And not like "Oh my god, I've just seen Jesus" weeping. More like hysterical "It rubs the lotion on its skin" type shit. So to answer your question, the party got canceled due to an unforeseen circumstance. But the trip itself....my bf had a ball, I enjoyed watching him have that ball, and somewhere deep in the heart of Texas some poor little pocket sized Latino boy is holding his butthole and crying.

Thanks, and I'm sure he will, we just don't get a chance that often...our bath house shut down, and its hard as it is in a back room bar. He totally pimped me out, twice, last weekend in a bath house in Houston (6 hr drive...) and it was super hot. Also, I want to do it on my own. I don't want to rely on him or anyone for this. I apologize in advance because I know that sounds dumb. It sounds like I'm a teenager talking about driving their first car! But I'm not. I'm just talking about sex. Sometimes I feel like a gay man missing that gay gene. Does that make sense? I also didn't get the decorating gene or the Cher gene, but I'm cool with that! But the sex gene....I dont know. Its a birthright that gay men get to have lots and lots of gay sex. I can prove it. Hit the backpage button and read. Hell, just scroll up and read. Gay men do it every day. If I were someone else reading this...I guess I'd say to stop bitching and start fucking. But just like most advice, it sounds good in theory, but practically its almost always not that easy. Why do I feel like I just went to an AA meeting? Thanks for listening! (BTW, I'm from a small town in north Louisiana, I know Nathitoches very well. For real, thanks for engaging in the discussion.)

Thank you, I don't feel quite so bad now...I've def bottomed more than once....just get out there, you can do it!

I like how you said fortunately or unfortunately because thats the fucking truth...its unfortunate, btw! This is supposed to be fun! Not the anxious and melancholy sap I've become because of all of this. Its not what I wanted to hear but maybe its what I needed to hear. See, I don't even like hugging people. Even people I know. I'll fist bump or I'll just say bye...but I hate hugging...so yeah, what you say makes sense. So why do we have to care while everyone else gets to run around enjoying their sexuality? Why were we cursed with this blight and burden because thats what it feels like...a fucking curse. Fuck, its so aggravating, right? Thanks for taking the time and sharing your experience....it totally sounds familiar, trust me!

@andy- Thanks for making me feel like I'm not the only one. I know its a behavior thing. There is a old George Burns quote "If you can fake confidence, your half way there." I thought I was doing that but I guess I wasn't! I've pushed myself far beyond my comfort zone, which I admit is very small and limited that it feels almost claustrophobic, so I guess I just need to keep pushing. Thanks for your words! @bottomcub- I had some this weekend and it makes me a total fuck monster-- once sex has been initiated. It still doesn't help me get over that first hump (...if there is even going to be some hump!) But I agree, it totally helps with erasing inhibitions...even if its probably bad for you in the long run, I don't even give a shit anymore!! I just want the D!! @dane- I totally agree except I don't even care. My doctor put me on Prep after one syphilis and gono. I'm not a chaser and couldn't care less...I just love the thought of cum and the skin on skin intimacy. I'm 45, I grew up during the 80's...and I've never used condoms...never! It wasn't even a conscious decision, thats just the way I had sex. I think I'm immune or something. Granted I didn't have a lot of sex but come on...it was the 80's!

There. I said it. I needed to get it off my chest. I've come to this sight many times and vented and ranted and it always helped. I'm back. I talk a big game on here and in life about being a nasty slut...but I'm not. In truth, I've always been the "Dorothy Zbornac" not the "Blanche Deveroux" when playing the Golden Girls game...but I wanted to be the "Blanche". Something within me just always stopped me from allowing my freak flag to fly. I'd go to a bath house and spend all night locked in my room because one old creep spooked me. Or I'd have to get so drunk to go that I'd pass out anyway. I can count on two fingers the "hot" encounters I've had over my 45 year lifetime. So, no real hot stories for me. My stories end up, for example, with me puking on my poor trick. Shame on him for feeding me red wine and Goldschlager, but far from sexy none the less. Or one time I went home with a hot trick and he said "I hope you don't mind sleeping on the floor" and I thought it was some dom/sub play (why I don't know!?!) and I was not into it so I left. Later I found out he just didnt have a bed. I don't know if it was coming of age in the eighties when we literally thought at one point that you might die from holding hands or sharing a coke. I don't know if it was from being raised in a fundamentalist christian religion and "gay shame" is the culprit. I don't know. I had a friend tell me a long time ago that "You're just not the slutty kind, you're more like the marrying kind." Fuck you and YUCK!! Fast forward to the present and my partner and I decide that its time open our relationship as we always knew we would. I thought that now I was over my inhibitions. It was time to let the slut out of the bag. But...no dice. I fucking flew to Chicago just to go to a bath house for a CumUnion. How many guys did I sleep with? One and a half...don't ask... My second night there was even more dire. This past weekend my partner and I drove to Texas to fuck and play at a bath house. Now let me say this.. My partner has no problem catching a D. Literally by the time we meet up for the first time he already has 2+ loads, fucked a twink, and started a group party in "the maze". And I'm like "I found the coke machine..." We did share hot, hot moments where he totally pimped my hole out. Very very hot. But thank god, or I'd have nothing hot to remember. And I encouraged him to have fun, thats why we went. His opinion is that I seem awkward and uncomfortable when "cruising"...something he used to suffer from...one day he just got over it. He said he always felt more comfortable in dark room situations and bath houses. I never was. I'm not even comfortable going to an ABS...and I'm a fucking grown ass man! I hate conceited people so I'll just say that I know I"m not heinous to look at. Besides I'm a gay man...I'd know if I were ugly! Even my partner says its not because of my looks. Besides, less attractive people get laid all the time. So I can rule that out. Y'all don't understand...this is really eating me up. Since we opened our relationship, getting dick is all I think about. My grades have fallen. Hell I haven't even registered for next semester yet. What do I do? How do I let all the shit go and let loose? How do I feel comfortable within my own skin sexually? Granted, I've had more than my usual two hot encounters in this past year....but not by much. I feel like its my birthright as a gay man to enjoy my sexual side. Especially now that I don't give a fuck and I'm all about bare backing. I have a wonderful, loving, encouraging partner who is all about it. This past weekend was supposed to be my cuming out or cuming in party! Instead it felt more like a depressing prayer meeting. Has anyone out there been through this. I can't be the only one out there. I'm can't be that original!! Surely Shirley, someone else shares this with me. What worked for you? What did you do? I'm shooting off SOS flares....I need help!

Just that. My partnet and I are going away this weekend and I'm whoring his hole out to people that respond to a party ad I placed. I know people do it all the time but I never have. Any suggestions or tips to make for a better experience to be had by all. I've had a lot of bottoms request invites but that would defeat the purpose of him taking as many as he can handle, so I've already learned that lesson. What else do I need to know? Should I go to Kinko's and have little thank you cards printed that says "I just fucked somebody's BF and all I got is this lousy card!"? Whatever you think I need to know!

OMG...@nlbear, i was just thinking about them this morning. I hate feeling like a nosy busy body but for some reason his story just strikes a chord inside me. I did spend many years not just in highly codependednt relationships, I actively sought them out without realizing it. I guess I just recognize myself in his story. Hey @ bigdick, i hope all is well.....just know that you're never going to wake up to a different person. The person you idealize him to be in your mind is just that, in your mind. That person will never be the man you live with and married, not without professional help. I hope you've made progress...and I'm not kidding about Dan Savage...reading Dan will at least pass the time so you're not dwelling on the whole situation.

glass (pyrex) dildo and plug. you'll never put anything rubber in your ass again....it a different thing all together!

I've been thinking about you and him a lot lately, and why I don't know...I don't know you. Its just so heartbreaking and fucked up and sad. I feel bad for you and on some level him too. Forget love for a second. Store that out of the way on a high self. We all know it takes more then just love to make a happy relationship. Lord knows we've all ended relationships that were't running short on love, but lacked other ingredients. I'm talking about something much more simple...care. When you care about someone, you don't make them feel like you feel. Actually, you try to do the opposite. You do things to inspire good feelings. You don't answer their basic human needs by calling them a pervert AND sending them to a shrink. My partner and I opened our 8 year relationship almost a year ago. I would have laughed in your face when I was younger if you told me I would one day be in an open relationship (and again 'thank you', Dan Savage!!).... and we are sluts, ok! But OUR sex life did not end. We fuck like rabbits now. I didn't realize how boring we were! At one point you said you didn't care if he was sleeping with other people and I thought "Fuck that, we may be open but if mama aint getting it, aint nobody getting it!" This is what I find the most striking...throughout your writings I never once got a sense of anger. If you had not stated in the title that you were angry, I would never had known. I find that very telling and guess what...I'll tell you why. I'll bet you a $10 doughnut that you have a typical type A personality...you are a mover and a shaker and a go getter'. You are also very quick to push things like anger under a run or up on a shelf (and don't set it close the love, it turns it into bad moonshine.) and you shelve it, and you shelve it, and you shelve it. My point is it's not worth fucking mental abuse to one day get crushed by your own badly stored and shitty shelved anger. It sounds like his shelf already fell...only his fell on you both. And god only knows what the fuck that was stored on his shelf!! Just take care of yourself first and stop taking care of him, trust me he's not returning the favor. And go talk to someone, albeit not for sexual addiction...but recovery from this asshole. Its called codependency and its more common than sexual addiction, and just for the record, going a whole fucking year without sex makes you Amish, not a pervert! Take care my friend.

After waffling over how to reply for OVER AN HOUR I'm still at a lost at what to say. I think everything you need to know is in the title of your thread. Yes, this IS the reason you are always angry....as well you should be. And since he has put all blame in your court (ie- you go seek help, you have a problem not me...)...you probably should be more angry. That would be normal. I don't even know yall and my blood pressure went up. You don't care if he is having outside sex, open relationship or not? I think you should. I think you do. Yall aren't dating my friend, you're married. Unless you have a different arrangement, there is a certain level of intimacy thats to be expected. I'm not your therapist, nor did you ask me to be, hell I'm not even A therapist! But your partner sounds like an emotional abuser. He has made you to feel responsible for his happiness. Thats not healthy. Anyone who makes you feel like a 'pervert' for wanting sex for a whole year is not just abusive, they are the one who needs therapy. I'm sorry to have to say that, but I'm right. Let me jump tracks because unless there is a huge piece of the puzzle I'm not aware of--I'm in over my head. Do you know who Dan Savage is? He is an American sex advice columnist, author, and gay rights advocate. I owe my life to this man. When my partner and I started dating I found one of Dan's books on my partner's book shelf. It was "Skipping Towards Gomorrah". I devoured it. I have since read all of his books. My partner and I read his column all the time and play our own game of "What Will Dan Say". After a while you get pretty good at it. He just has this way of viewing the reality of relationships, of sexuality, ney...of being human. (I would love to see what Dan had to say about your post.) He is the reason I'm able to be in a happy, healthy OPEN relationship today. No matter what happens with you and your partner, I highly recommend anything Dan Savage to get you started with you and anything related to your future.

I'm very sorry, the situation seems dire and that alone can be depressing enough even without piling the actual problem on top of it. I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings and hopefully the obvious but something is wrong. Five years is not long enough to fall that far out of sexual relations....fifteen or twenty yes, but five not at all. Granted, five years is probably the time most gay couple start talking about "spicing" things up...bringing in a third, role play, barnyard animals (I don't condone beastiality, I'm just saying everyone is different...whatever!), whatever....but a whole year?? For me and it sounds like to you too, that is asking, or in this case denying too much. There is a reason why your partner is denying you and if he isn't willing enough to find out or even cares enough then this relationship, ney marriage, isn't worth "the price of admission you are willing to pay" to ride this ride. It would be one thing if he said "I know I'm not sexual, I"m sorry it bothers you, help me find out why." But for him to be straight up "I have a headache" for a whole year with no offer of self admission...that bothers me a little and it should bother you and obviously it does bother you or you wouldn't be here now. Few questions...do you know for a fact he is having outside sex? If so, what do you know about it? When you say you've entered therapy, what kind? What are both your ages? I know this seems random but what is his family like and more importantly his parents relationship like. What is the financial situation/dependency in the relationship? And lastly, is he a -holic (ie- alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, food, barnyard animals (again, I don't condone that shit I'm just saying...). I know you mentioned you've been drinking more but whats his story?

I'm very sorry, the situation seems dire and that alone can be depressing enough even without piling the actual problem on top of it. I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings and hopefully the obvious but something is wrong. Five years is not long enough to fall that far out of sexual relations....fifteen or twenty yes, but five not at all. Granted, five years is probably the time most gay couple start talking about "spicing" things up...bringing in a third, role play, barnyard animals (I don't condone beastiality, I'm just saying everyone is different...whatever!), whatever....but a whole year?? For me and it sounds like to you too, that is asking, or in this case denying too much. There is a reason why your partner is denying you and if he isn't willing enough to find out or even cares enough then this relationship, ney marriage, isn't worth "the price of admission you are willing to pay" to ride this ride. It would be one thing if he said "I know I'm not sexual, I"m sorry it bothers you, help me find out why." But for him to be straight up "I have a headache" for a whole year with no offer of self admission...that bothers me a little and it should bother you and obviously it does bother you or you wouldn't be here now. Few questions...do you know for a fact he is having outside sex? If so, what do you know about it? When you say you've entered therapy, what kind? What are both your ages? I know this seems random but what is his family like and more importantly his parents relationship like. What is the financial situation/dependency in the relationship? And lastly, is he a -holic (ie- alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, food, barnyard animals (again, I don't condone that shit I'm just saying...). I know you mentioned you've been drinking more but whats his story?

No....trust me on this...glass anything is the best...if its a plug, or a dildo it doesn't matter, nothing feels quite like it. Its so smooth. You'll never put anything rubber up your butt again. The rubbery material is so sticky and it hurts sometimes..but the glass is like butter! First of all, it shouldn't be real glass..it should be pyrex...the stuff that you cook with. Thats what a glass toy should be made out of, that shit can't break. You can even warm them up in water before and it'll take the back of your head off. I'm telling you...give it a try!!

Thanks for the advice about not working the next day...but I am from New Orleans so dealing with next day party exhaustion is built into my DNA! Fortunately, I don't fly out until Wed night so I plan on just kicking it right there for two whole days. Why get a hotel room or airbnb when I can just stay put and keep it going. I'm crossing my fingers and uncrossing my legs to having a great time.

Do it!! Go, go, go! I am flying to Chicago from New Orleans specifically for the July 10th CU event. The more people go, the more people cum. I should pitch that as their catch phrase!! Or bring a friend and cum!! OK, I'll stop...

Yes, as things stand now, I purchased plane tickets July 10-13 due to arrive at like 11 am. The CumUnion event starts at 8 pm that night, so I'll have plenty of time to get in and settled and a whole day and a half afterwards to keep own party going. I'm familiar enough with Chicago that getting around on public transit in a timely manner should be a snap. Speaking of Amtak I used to work for them and I spent every fifth day in Chi for years, so I can find BoysTown with my eyes and legs open. Have a friend, bring a friend, the more the merrier!!

Well, its official, I bought my tickets to Chicago. Is it crazy that i'm flying that far just to attend a party in a bath house? It feels like something I have to do...its like my own Odyssey (Its also a lot like Homer's!!--Not!) Heres to CumUnion, and to checking it off my bucket list, and even if its not wall to wall cum....it'll still be a great time.

Hey bctop! Please do let me know...I don't know why I'm paranoid...I guess if I'm traveling that far to a specific place, I just want it to go as planned. I need to make up my mind while flights are still cheap...keep in touch!