being versatile

[pulszer]

I'm versatile and I enjoy fucking and rimming hole just as much as I enjoy taking a load and sucking a cock. Some times I'll go through phases of being more bottom (like last year) other times I'm only really interested in arse (like at the moment) its just down to what I fancy. It really bugs me though, when bottoms turn me down because they want a 'proper' top. Like the fact that I sometimes take it up the arse means Im not manly enough for them, or suggests that I only top if I cant get to bottom.

Does any one else find this?

[cum2me]

hey pulszer,

i figure it is their loss...

and unless i really just want to 'unload' which is seldom, i would rather 'play'....

but if that is their attitude, i figure they didn't have the imagination i want anyway.

[JustProwling]

I'm versatile and I enjoy fucking and rimming hole just as much as I enjoy taking a load and sucking a cock. Some times I'll go through phases of being more bottom (like last year) other times I'm only really interested in arse (like at the moment) its just down to what I fancy. It really bugs me though, when bottoms turn me down because they want a 'proper' top. Like the fact that I sometimes take it up the arse means Im not manly enough for them, or suggests that I only top if I cant get to bottom.

Does any one else find this?

Honestly, I would be one of those bottoms that turns down vers guys, more often than not. I think, in many cases, it really just boils down to the semantics in the mental game we play with ourselves. It's got nothing to do with whether or not you're "manly enough"; but it's got everything to do with our own mentality as bottoms. Personally, I aim high and then lower my sights, if I don't get proper results. That simply means, my PRIORITY is finding a FULL-TIME top...obviously that's the difference between a part-time top.

I want a guy who IS a top, not just someone who CAN top. So my priority is to find a 100% Top, then work my way down to vers/top, then vers, etc...but when I start having to work my way down the list, it turns more into NOT how I can take care of a top's dick, but simply how I can use the "lesser-in-priority" guys for my own purposes only. it's a dynamic of I prefer bottom, so I wouldn't go out of my way trying to get with another dude who prefers to take it as much as I do. That defeats the purpose of being a bottom.

If you change the analogy, it's almost synonymous to "generally" perceived gender roles of straight coupling...the role of the male being the stud for his female...he gives it to her and she takes it. NOT the other way around. In other words, we all know there are plenty of males being dominated by their females, cuckolded, penetrated, etc., but those scenarios tend to be the exception and not the rule. Did that make sense?

Don't wanna be long-winded, but I'm NOT calling a bottom a female, I'm just trying to convey that many bottoms have a particular mindset or preferred role programmed as part of their psyche (for whatever reason). Therefore, it can be difficult or just flat out undesirable to alter that dynamic. To me, it's VERY mentally-unappealing to know that the dude who's breeding me wants to bottom as much as I do. I'm not interested in flip-flopping, so if I have the choice between a 100% top and a 100% vers, then I'm gonna go after that 100% top every time...and then the sliding scale comes into play with tops as the priority and moving down the line from there.

It also depends on the exact scenario as well. If I'm looking for a REAL date/boyfriend/whatever, then I'm not going to look to a dude who prefers bottom to fill that relationship role; the same as if I were a Top, then I wouldn't make other tops my hookup-priority. If I'm JUST looking for a fuck only, then yeah, I'm more easy-going and open. I hope I didn't JUST ramble incoherently, but that's my personal take...the bottom line is that I DO tend to overlook vers guys, because they just don't fulfill my psychological preferences and needs, so to speak. I realize I miss out on lots of guys, because of that. I'm slowly expanding myself beyond all that clutter, to be open to more options, but that's just my personal explanation to why I bypass vers guys. All a mental game and about the personal psyche...for various reasons...

[PhoenixGeoff]

Very strange. I was going to reply to the original post by saying that I don't think I've ever run into a bottom that would turn me down just because I'm versatile (probably mostly a numbers thing...bottoms tend to outnumber tops out there). But then, lo and behold, JustProwling turns up.

I can kinda sorta get where he's coming from. Frankly, for some time, I had problems with my own sense of masculinity, both because I'm gay and because I really do love to bottom just as much as top. Often, that's led me into doing a lot of things just to "prove" my masculinity to myself and to others. Enlisting in the Army is a good case in point. And I've never had a thing for more effeminate men. Top or bottom, I like my guys to be guys.

But I guess my main response to someone like JustProwling would be that I've found (through extensive experience ) that versatile guys usually make MUCH better sexual partners than total tops or total bottoms. I think that's because you can learn an awful lot about how to be a good bottom by fucking one, and vice versa. Whereas total tops never experience just what it is they're doing to their bottoms, not directly at least, so they're less apt to pick up on all those great techniques and tricks that another really good top might teach them.

To me, it's VERY mentally-unappealing to know that the dude who's breeding me wants to bottom as much as I do.

As far as this goes, I will say that, no matter whether I'm on top or bottom, whenever I'm in the middle of sex, I'm usually focused like a laser on the present moment. It's kind of hard to explain, but when my cock is buried in a hot ass, I am mentally a total and complete top, with absolutely no reservations whatsoever. Ditto for when I'm getting fucked. It's actually pretty rare for me to want to flip in the middle of sex with a guy; when it has happened, he's usually initiated it.

My guess is that guys who flip probably prefer one position or the other and view their less favored position as the "price of admission" to get with a guy they like, but they'll revert to their preferred position as quickly as they can. In other words, the kind of tops JustProwling is talking about really want to be bottoms, but for some reason feel like they have to top to get into having sex at all, if that makes any sense.

[bearbandit]

I'm versatile and I enjoy fucking and rimming hole just as much as I enjoy taking a load and sucking a cock. Some times I'll go through phases of being more bottom (like last year) other times I'm only really interested in arse (like at the moment) its just down to what I fancy. It really bugs me though, when bottoms turn me down because they want a 'proper' top. Like the fact that I sometimes take it up the arse means Im not manly enough for them, or suggests that I only top if I cant get to bottom.

Does any one else find this?

On another hookup site, "versatile" means "top". In a year of membership I've had precisely two hookups who've realised that "versatile" can go either way. One hasn't happened yet, but in the sex talk leading up to us meeting, there are definite points where he wants to be on top. Fine by me. He got it and I'm looking forward to getting and giving it. He's got some delightfully nasty ideas (and I've got worse)... The other presumed is that "versatile" meant "slave". I can do and thoroughly enjoy total bottom, but I can't do a 24/7 scene - once he's out the door I'm back to me. Might be different if we lived together, but that's something we'll ever know.

Other guys - I take one look and make the instant decision that the only bit of his body that gets near my arse is his tongue. I don't fret about what people think of me: if desires co-incide, then brilliant. If some guys think I'm not a proper top because I sometimes like to take it up the arse, well, that's their idea. If some guys think Im not a proper bottom because I can't wait to get into that hole, their problem. If some guys just think that well, that's what bearbandit likes... we'll get along fine. I honestly don't believe that there is someone totally right for anyone else one this planet. It's simply a matter of how far you compromise and how happy you are with your choices.

Right now? Any horny guys in north mid Wales, I could sure use a load or three... (and I'm not saying which way wihout more communication from you)

[bearbandit]

Whereas total tops never experience just what it is they're doing to their bottoms, not directly at least, so they're less apt to pick up on all those great techniques and tricks that another really good top might teach them.

A strong argument for my belief that bottom to top is a progression, learning all the way and that even when confirmed (fuck it sounds like church!) in role, it's often good for a pair of bottoms or a pair of tops to have a sneaky fuck while no-one's watching....

[pisspig]

Alwayy have thought of myself as a versatile top I love fuckin ass and because of some surgery a long time ago the biggest thing up my ass has been a tongue But i am a Top who fuckin loves to suck cock(really tired of Tops who pretend they dont like COCK be honest man you've got some pig in a sling fuckin the shit out of him because he is a man with a COCK.or you have your ass parked in some studs face its there because he is a man and you like the feel of a MANS face in your ass that said I eat as much fuckhole as I can.

Way into Piss play and as fuckin nuts to tap some hot cock and fill my gut damn near as much as I like the way my cock feels fillin some studs gut with my hot piss. dont think none of this makes me a "bottom" its all about your attitude man when I.m plowin some fuckers ass I'm doin it because he is a man not because he is a bottom.

so guess this makes me "versatile"

[thick]

(really tired of Tops who pretend they dont like COCK be honest man

I love to suck dick. I like eatin ass better but I never turn down a bottom man who wants some fellatio.

As for this thread? I consistently prowl for "bottom" on the hookup sites. I never look at versatile men. I actually turn down versatile men. I want a bottom.

So versatiles dont interest me. I think its because I like men who are slightly to overly effeminate. Or they can be masculine only if they are submissive in nature.

[pulszer]

It's actually pretty rare for me to want to flip in the middle of sex with a guy; when it has happened, he's usually initiated it.

I wouldnt have a problem with flipping either though. I went to a small orgy once where every one was vers and really enjoyed it, it just made it seem all the more decadent, no ones dick or arse escaped sodomy. Its a pity we didnt get a daisy chain going.

[calrockxxx]

I think of myself as vers, but it's complicated. I used to have one of my profiles set as versatile/top, since I was in a fucking mood, so I got tons of hits from total bottoms, which was great. If I wanted to get fucked, that vers/top profile was keeping guys away. Changed it to vers and hello! the vers/top and top guys who ignored my profile before were all about wanting to fuck me.

So I think it's a marketing thing. If a guy has a pic of his dick and you're looking for a bottom, you'll skip that profile. Goes the other way too. I dont want to look at a top's ass, I want his cock.

I rarely flip when I'm playing 1 on 1, but give me two or more and I'll want all my holes filled and I'll want to fuck and piss and get fisted. And I get what I want

[mixed_breed]

i'm a heavy-switch vers....i can take what i can dish out, the harder the better

i love being a cumdump for this older guy who loves raping my little brown ass,

and there is this hot white cyclist i know that will go face down anytime i want

to mount and fill his beautiful ass.

i must say that nothing rocks my boat more than finding another guy that i can

swap fucks with all night long

[Inception]

If you wanted to fuck me and you were vers I would not turn you down.

On hook-up sites I usually prefer to check out profiles of tops and vers-tops only. I usually am listed as vers-bottom, mainly because I love eating ass though I know I would probably disappoint a total bottom. At tubs though I get hit on by bottoms all the time cause I'm a big masc guy and I will not deny that I occassionally top them. My preference is for young, masculine top guys; but an effeminite bottom moaning as you eat them out is very, very, very nice. I do feel a lot of performance anxiety topping though. If I took viagra I probably would have no problem.

Probably instead of topping myself I prefer doing three-ways where I eat out another bottom, especially a smaller guy, and get him wet and open for a top; I also like to suck/ deep-throat the top and let him take turns between the bottom's ass and my mouth/throat. My last bf had a thing for fucking older bears, while I prefer twinks, so this sort of situation never worked out for us as we could never agree on the right bottom to team up on as neither of us were into guys too similar to ourselves.

[JustProwling]

Quote~"But I guess my main response to someone like JustProwling would be that I've found (through extensive experience ) that versatile guys usually make MUCH better sexual partners than total tops or total bottoms. I think that's because you can learn an awful lot about how to be a good bottom by fucking one, and vice versa. Whereas total tops never experience just what it is they're doing to their bottoms, not directly at least, so they're less apt to pick up on all those great techniques and tricks that another really good top might teach them."

I can see that, BUT I'd have to say that's also another preferential thing. I definitely agree that it adds much more variety and more options for different things, and that's never a bad thing. But that said, I still make a clear distinction between a "top" who HAS bottomed, versus a perpetual flip-flopper who regularly DESIRES to bottom.

Quote~"My guess is that guys who flip probably prefer one position or the other and view their less favored position as the "price of admission" to get with a guy they like, but they'll revert to their preferred position as quickly as they can. In other words, the kind of tops JustProwling is talking about really want to be bottoms, but for some reason feel like they have to top to get into having sex at all, if that makes any sense."

MascMountainMan, that's EXACTLY what it is! For example, lots of guys labeled "vers/bottom" offer to get into my hole, but to me, that's just a fluke and not their NATURAL disposition, so to speak. And that's the thing, I'm just not satisfied with a fluke or an exception and I don't want to feel like I'm settling. I'd prefer to have a dude ALWAYS be focused on HIS dick and MY ass...with various activities in between, of course, but that's gotta be the CONSISTENT and NATURAL basis or focus. Another example is when I see profiles of guys stating to be fully vers, YET the first thing in their profiles are ass shots and how they're looking for tops too. It's like, dude...if you're vers, but primarily looking for a top, then say you're a vers/BOTTOM and cut out the pretense...cause you're clearly just another bottom if you truly had your way. It's not about the labels, but it IS about your TRUE desire. I want you to be in my hole, because it's your nature to be in my hole, not just because you temporarily strayed from your "normal" role. Don't present one thing and try to sell me another.

For the record, I used to be vers, but something inside JUST didn't sit right. Stimulation of my dick PHYSICALLY feels good, of course, but my personal nature just isn't as a top, psychologically. I still top on rare occasions, but as I said earlier, I do it JUST to use a hole and get physically stimulated and other acts of depravity. I get no "deeper" satisfaction from the act of topping, whereas I get MAXIMUM satisfaction from spreading my hole open for a "real" top to breed.

Sorry, I don't know how to quote the snippets...so I just copied and pasted.

Edited February 28, 2012 by JustProwling

[evilqueerpig]

My first man taught me the joys of being versatile.....in both roles, I'm ALL MAN....if anyone turns me down because they se me as less masculine, it's their loss and rtruth be told, I wouldn't want to play with such assholes.

[bearbandit]

cut all the politics out and what it boils down to is that it takes a man to fuck another man's hole, whether it's mouth or arse. Similarly it takes a man to suck another man's dick, or take that dick up his own arse. No justification or emphasis needed...