bigdick4you Posted March 21, 2013 Report Posted March 21, 2013 Have been in open long distance relationship for almost a year now... It has had it's ups and downs to say the least....lately he insists on wanting to know exactly when I sleep with someone.... I told him I found this somewhat strange and that I would never lie to him about it but I found it unnecessary to tell him whenever I slept with someone.... Anyway I went on my own on vacation as he was busy recently.... I stayed at this gay resort.... He asked me if I had sex with anyone at the resort and I told him the truth:that I hadn't had sex with anyone at the resort but that I had met few guys outside the resort.... He told me straight away that I had lied to him and that it was over for him as I would always lie to him by hiding the truth and we had been over this already.... What do u guys think.... Am I being deceitful here or is he just too much.... Please give me ur opinion....
spike-the-cat Posted March 21, 2013 Report Posted March 21, 2013 Neither one of you is unreasonable. You and he just aren't cut out for one another. He needs to find someone who wants to be controlled. You need to find someone who is happy with an autonomous partner.
fillmyholeftl Posted March 21, 2013 Report Posted March 21, 2013 In my experience, having been in a LTR for 20+ years, open for at least 10 of those...spending a good deal of time apart from eachother, due to work or "vacations"... If someone has a reason to doubt the truth, the chances are, he's not being truthful. Once that trust issue is gone...do yourself a favor & move on & have some fun WITHOUT the strings! thats what I am doing & not looking BACK.
Topper Posted March 21, 2013 Report Posted March 21, 2013 If you are in a true open relationship both of you should be able to have sex without others. Whether you choose to tell each other is up to the two of you. Sounds like you are with a control freak.
OwnMyFuckHole Posted March 22, 2013 Report Posted March 22, 2013 You and your long-distance partner need to go your separate ways. I was in a long-distance relationship for a period of time and the terms/rules of an "open" relationship need to be discussed up front. It sounds like you and your long-distance "love" did not do that because it definitely seems like you two did not have a meeting of the minds. Additionally, it sounds like your partner is not able to deal with your arrangement. Without knowing your partner, it seems like he may have control issues, jealously issues, and self-esteem issues; any combination of these if not all of them. An open relationship is not for everyone. Just because the partners in a relationship are separated by distance/geography doesn't automatically mean your relationship has to be open. I suspect, though that your partner's problem is not because miles separate the two of you. It's likely he's not the open relationship type, even if you both lived under the same roof. If you are feeling that you have to "report in" to your partner every time you have sex with others, it's probably best that you move on and stop prolonging the inevitable. In future relationships, if you and your new partner decide to make it an open one, make sure to take the time to discuss the rules/terms that you both can agree to. Bottom line: open communication and having a meeting of the minds prior to opening up your relationship is the only way to avoid misunderstandings later. Agree to rules that both of you can live with. But, there can't be too many rules (IMHO). After all, if it's truly "open," too many restrictions defeats the definition of "open" and all you end up doing is starting out with two strikes against you, and you're ensuring drama is part of the train wreck waiting to happen. Good luck!
Snarkybitch Posted March 22, 2013 Report Posted March 22, 2013 It sounds to me like the two of you had differing needs for your relationship, and it's probably better for you two to go your separate ways. I mean, to me it doesn't seem like he was asking something unreasonable, but if it's not what you want to agree to, it may be best to end the relationship.
Guest Matias47 Posted March 22, 2013 Report Posted March 22, 2013 Neither one of you is unreasonable. You and he just aren't cut out for one another. He needs to find someone who wants to be controlled. You need to find someone who is happy with an autonomous partner. I respectfully disagree. I think the other guy is completely out of line. It's best you guys go your separate ways.
TigerMilner Posted March 22, 2013 Report Posted March 22, 2013 I had a long distance relationship for over four years. He was in many ways, a dream come true. Rich, handsome, and a top. He had been married and divorced and lived a very closeted life. His life with me was a bubble. I never told him I had plenty of action while he was away and I assumed since he didn't ask that he was not expecting anything from me in that area. I didn't lie, but I didn't feel the need to bring it up. I could be traveling the world with a very wealthy man who was hot and was incredibly good to me in many ways, except that when he actually asked me to marry him, I accidentally revealed my 25 year old hung mexican fuck buddy that I have had all along. He was crushed. He actually asked me to leave and I didn't hear from him for three days. That was the same conversation that I had to reveal that I was now HIV positive. Man that was a bad scene. I haven't heard from him but once since. I guess I blew it.
TattPig Posted March 23, 2013 Report Posted March 23, 2013 Long-distance relationship=no relationship. Come on, is there REALLY no one locally to be in a relationship with? If you're worried about this, then either you or he needs to grow a pair, pick up, and move to the other's location. Or...admit that this is not really a relationship--just 2 people who won't commit. Yes, he's out of line and a control freak, because this is not a relationship that either one of you has any real commitment to.
Guest JizzDumpWI Posted March 23, 2013 Report Posted March 23, 2013 Have been in open long distance relationship for almost a year now... It has had it's ups and downs to say the least....lately he insists on wanting to know exactly when I sleep with someone.... I told him I found this somewhat strange and that I would never lie to him about it but I found it unnecessary to tell him whenever I slept with someone.... Anyway I went on my own on vacation as he was busy recently.... I stayed at this gay resort.... He asked me if I had sex with anyone at the resort and I told him the truth:that I hadn't had sex with anyone at the resort but that I had met few guys outside the resort.... He told me straight away that I had lied to him and that it was over for him as I would always lie to him by hiding the truth and we had been over this already.... What do u guys think.... Am I being deceitful here or is he just too much.... Please give me ur opinion.... He told you it is over for him.... Take it as a gift. Once a guy get to a point of saying "it's over" believe it and move on. Any of us can speculate his motives; but at end it just doesn't matter. He said his piece. If he reaches out to you, be nice, but don't engage. If he doesn't reach out to you; it shouldn't matter. Time to move on yourself....
bigdick4you Posted March 23, 2013 Author Report Posted March 23, 2013 Long-distance relationship=no relationship.Come on, is there REALLY no one locally to be in a relationship with? If you're worried about this, then either you or he needs to grow a pair, pick up, and move to the other's location. Or...admit that this is not really a relationship--just 2 people who won't commit. Yes, he's out of line and a control freak, because this is not a relationship that either one of you has any real commitment to. I wish it would be that simple.... I don't choose with who I fall in love....I remember when he first came to my hotel room and I looked in those puppy eyes..... Something just clicked! I felt attracted to him straight away.... And sex was amazing and he was really sweet.... He told me he was student and lived at home.... We tried to live together in London but that place is just too outrageously expensive and he couldn't work there straight away....then we tried Chicago but it was too cold for us....truth is.... His parents r in poor health and he kind of takes care of them....I did the sensible thing and offered to move to his desert city so he could be close to his parents when he needed.... But he didn't want me to as he hates where he lives and wants to move away.... But he can't due to his parents poor health....but crazy thing is.... I miss him like crazy! Not sure what to do.... But I'm crazy enough to just take the plunge and move to that desert city and say deal with it! This Is where I live.... Move in if u want! After all I'm Mediterranean .... And we r romantics....
Moderators drscorpio Posted March 23, 2013 Moderators Report Posted March 23, 2013 You can't choose who you fall in love with, but you CAN choose who you stay in love with. It sounds to me like you are in love with the idea of the relationship you want to have with this man. That idea includes his being reasonable enough to allow some accommodations during this time before you can physically be in the same place. He doesn't seem willing to allow that. Unless living in this desert city appeals to you in and of itself, I think it would be a mistake for you to move. If you can't enjoy the place for itself, then every time things get a little strained between you two you will resent him for your being there. Also he has said it's over. Don't force yourself on him unless he is willing to entertain the idea of your reconciling.
bigdick4you Posted March 23, 2013 Author Report Posted March 23, 2013 You can't choose who you fall in love with, but you CAN choose who you stay in love with. It sounds to me like you are in love with the idea of the relationship you want to have with this man. That idea includes his being reasonable enough to allow some accommodations during this time before you can physically be in the same place. He doesn't seem willing to allow that. Unless living in this desert city appeals to you in and of itself, I think it would be a mistake for you to move. If you can't enjoy the place for itself, then every time things get a little strained between you two you will resent him for your being there. Also he has said it's over. Don't force yourself on him unless he is willing to entertain the idea of your reconciling. U could be right.... I like where he lives actually and I would def. not resent him for it....he wants to meet me in may after he said its all over..... He just drives me crazy sometimes with his then this than that.... I know he cares for me.... But am I willing to live with then yes.... Than no....friends of mine say I'm crazy to still be with him.... But truth is I care a lot for him but I'm hurting myself in the process.... Like when I say I miss him.... He does not respond..... When he says it's all over.... Then few days later he wants to meet one month later....
arsebangingballs Posted March 23, 2013 Report Posted March 23, 2013 Yes is out of line. I'd reckon this guy has been plotting to find a way to dump you. (That's the change of rules mid game!) And you are made to look like the bad guy, at least in his own head, if not also in his mates minds too. Gather your dignity and let it go, you sound like a decent bloke, he sounds like he has no integrity. Hope you find someone who can appreciate honesty and respond in kind. And don't move to his city, maintain your current social network. Good mates are lifesavers,
pipesmokin'manfucker Posted March 23, 2013 Report Posted March 23, 2013 IMO love IS a choice and we are able to choose who we fall in "love" with. The situation you describe appears to be completely devoid of authentic love. In fact, it sounds downright abusive. I hope you figure out a way to move on from this man. As long as you do not choose to un-love this guy, you will continue to hurt because in effect, you're hitting youself over the head with the hammer of this venemous relationship. I know: easier said than done...been there, done that.
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