Is this really what I want?

[bigdick4you]

After being a pig for last couple of years since break up of my LTR and after few intense short relationships, it's time for me to reflect if fucking around is the path I want to follow...after break up from my LTR, I thought I just wanted to have casual sex.... No more strings attached....after about a year, I started to miss being in a relationship....having a bf.... Basically doing stuff bf do....going out,having fun and making plans together...I have a lot of acquaintances and few good friends to who I can open up to. My last relationship was very intense.... Although it lasted only a year and it was mostly long distance(I live in Europe and he lives in US) there was like an unusual bond between us. Till this day I still care a lot for him.... We just don't seem to be able to make it work...I thought my ideal relationship , would be an open one...and although I find it hot to c my bf being used by other top.... There is still a certain jealousy from my part. Maybe because I feel kind of insecure about the whole thing. As I work for airline, I'm able to travel quite easily all over the world...which is great. I can also live in other parts of the world.... Which makes it difficult to figure out, where it is I want to live....at the moment living in Berlin. Great city to have casual sex.... Not so great to find that special one probably.... I also work a lot....so don't spend much time here to meet new people. Last few years, all of my bf have been Americans..... Really like them and identify myself with them and the country...over Xmas I was working .... And saw several colleagues travel with their bf and spouses.... I felt like.... I so want that! But I probably can't have it both.... A LTR and being a pig.

[subbytch]

Sometimes you want a salad and sometimes you want chocolate cake. Let yourself have them.

[pozpig]

Having been a pig for much of my life, and as a result, lacking the stability of a partner I can only give my own experience. Sure the casual sex is good, even spectacular at times. Unfortunately I can really see your point in having that special someone to be able to come home to (even if just occasionally). I find myself asking the same question and although I've given up on the idea of having both a long time ago, I recently met up with a hookup who was visiting for the holidays which somewhat changed my mind on the idea. I think what it comes down to is finding someone who is willing to accept your desire to be a pig, and even better embraces the idea and encourages you. I would love to find someone who encourages me to continue being the pig I am, and is still able to see me as the person I am, rather than the piece of ass that just got bred.

[bottommk]

Wow, reading this thread reminds how lucky this slut pig really is!!! i've been in a 20 year relationship with my very vanilla bf, yet it was he who said "you're kinky, you're frustrated, we need to open up the relationship!" i still have small issues with jealousy, etc - even though i play with others WAY more than he does - & he doesn't "like" my kink or slut piggishness. We've agreed i only get fucked w/condoms, butt other than that i am free to be as kinky as i'd like. Maybe part of our success is that we got together before either of us knew how kinky i was & we tried out all of our kinks together to see what we each liked & didn't like. Because we had 5 - 7 years of relationship under our belt when we opened things (my holes!) up we already had our trust & communication skills well established. We've always been polar opposites in almost every sense, so our relationship has never been typical, butt damn do we make it work well, if i must say so myself! All i can say guys is don't lose hope, keep looking, demand & BE honest & up front, exercise integrity always & you never know where life will take you so relax & enjoy the ride, riding &/or being ridden! ;-P

[bigdick4you]

Sometimes you want a salad and sometimes you want chocolate cake. Let yourself have them.

That's easier said than done....most guys won't put up being in LTR if u fuck around...I think u need to have incredible trust in the other...I don't have trouble with my bf fucking others.... But I would have trouble with him engaging with one of his FB in going out and having a social agenda besides the sex.... Don't get me wrong....it's great having casual sex.... But when u go home to empty house and wake up alone in bed it hits u....I also get tired pretty quickly with my FB if I don't develop feelings early on....it's complicated.... But I know it's possible...

[subbytch]

In no way would I presume that it's easy. It does take work. It has to be something that both you and you BF want to work at.

Also, just as I think it's a mistake to think you can get all of your sexual needs met by one person, it's also a mistake to think you can get all of your deep emotional needs met by one person. Most of us just aren't wired that way.

Maybe it's okay to have feelings for some FB's. They don't have to be the same as what you have for your BF... but they can be in the same neighborhood, to use another metaphor. And you and your BF can also set some guidelines around having fun with others, rules like both of you have to wake up next to each other each morning.

Remember, it's not an either / or binary situation. Talking about it is one of those steps you can take to try to get the most out of all of your relationships.

Unless you like them gagged. (Use grunts in that case.)

[evilqueerpig]

What you seem to need is an open relationship with a man who is your piggy equal. For such a relationship to work, it's important to separate sex from love.

[bigdick4you]

In no way would I presume that it's easy. It does take work. It has to be something that both you and you BF want to work at.

Also, just as I think it's a mistake to think you can get all of your sexual needs met by one person, it's also a mistake to think you can get all of your deep emotional needs met by one person. Most of us just aren't

Maybe it's okay to have feelings for some FB's. They don't have to be the same as what you have for your BF... but they can be in the same neighborhood, to use another metaphor. And you and your BF can also set some guidelines around having fun with others, rules like both of you have to wake up next to each other each morning.

Remember, it's not an either / or binary situation. Talking about it is one of those steps you can take to try to get the most out of all of your relationships.

Unless you like them gagged. (Use grunts in that case.)

Of course u can't get all ur sexual needs met by just one person.... That's why most people fuck around...I can fuck around and only be in love with my bf. for me the other guys r just holes to fuck.... I know it sounds horrible.... But that's just the way I am. I talked a lot with my bf about setting up rules....but he wouldn't be very set on rules which made me even more insecure...

[barehole4use]

i agree with what is written above, a cock is a cock & a hole is a hole, i fuck around a hell of a lot & when i pass bugs around after guys have fucked me i don't feel any remorse what so ever.

[Pig Bottom]

If you find a good man that you love try to make it work, Especially before you become old and it gets harder to find someone.

[barefootbob]

I would love a ltr, I would be true and loyal to him yet at the same time if he wanted to hook up with other guys I wouldn't hold it against him

[bigdick4you]

If you find a good man that you love try to make it work, Especially before you become old and it gets harder to find someone.

That's easier said than done....that's something we can't control....I'm very giving and pretty easy going...but somehow there is always something....maybe I should go more with the flow....

[mjapie1]

Big, you have raised a very interesting issue which I have spent much time considering recently. Maybe it is just the time of year, New Year, a time to reflect, new resolutions etc.

When my last relationship ended over 18 months ago I really missed the sex and intimacy. We had a very sexual relationship allbe it monogomous, which was by choice but also because there wasn't really place for anyone else - and that was fine. Looking back it was wonderful to have a friend and mate to do things with, go to exhibitions, a movie, cook a meal together, get drunk togehter go away for a weekend, visiting friends etc.

Once I accepted that the relationship was over I tried to replce the sex - up to a point. At first I really enjoyed the sexual freedom but just couldn't get used to using rubbers. So I've had some great "sexually liberating" experiences but once I had played in a club for a few hours I was leaving with what felt like a large emotional vaccuum in my mind.

I've tried doing the local "scene" again but as I am not good looking, and not a young as I used to be I need to really make the effort engage with people and get people to engage with me. The "scene" is extremely shallow and it is apparent that guys are holding out for that possible next guy who may just be better looking, richer, younger, have a bigger cock etc...

I even tried speed dating. What a bunch of losers! Most of the guys I met were just too precious about themselves and I got fed up being measured against their set "wish list".

Anyway, to get back to the thread. I've had "open relationships" and surprisingly (or not) it was the other party (who wanted the open relationship) that became too jealous and insecure and then either opted for monogamy or ended the relationship.

I also know a number of couples who have beem together for over 15 years and now have open relationships and they all agree that when a relationship becomes "open" some of the magic is lost, and I can't help but agree with them. The solution appears to be security and communication to overcome this apparent loss of "magic" so you both still feel fulfilled in the relationship.

This said it is a challenge to have a relationship with someone who is always on the hunt for someting else...

I did make the decision early on that I was not going to let singledom get me down. My pleasure does not depend on anyone elses' permission. Eg. I joined a scuba diving club and have just been on a skiing holiday on my own. None of my friends wanted to come along so I went alone. Sure, people stare at you when you are having dinner in a restaurant on your own but I'll be dammned if I lose out on my holiday because of the percieved attitudes of others. Ultimately it is their problem, not mine.

I'm not sure I have answer yet but surely you have be yourself and then just let things happen.

J

[open_hole_24_7 Lion]

Sorry I cheated for years. Lucky for me my husband understood me better than did I. It was my inability to simply accept my self warts & all. Funny when I decided to chase. I finally did accept that I did not have a monogamous bone in my body & never would. & became comfortable with myself. I know full well I am a twisted pervert & I like me this way. My point is in order for a relationship to really work one needs to be more than anything honest especially with ones self. If not you are guaranteed to lie since you have no clue of what is truth for you.

[dckdan]

Open relationships aren't for everyone. That said, it has worked for me and my spouse. But we first had to overcome our insecurities in our relationship (which is the source of jealousy), and this took years. Now we each have FB's, and we each know each other's FBs, and we each really want the other one to have a good fuck. And most of all we are there for each other; we are each other's top priority. In other words, one of the conditions for an open relationship to work is to set your priorities right. So for example, if just when you are about to fuck a hot stud your spouse suddenly starts throwing up, or he just came home after a terrible day at work, or whatever, the spouse is your top priority, period.