I think I'm going to test poz... Scared, confused and don't know what to do.

[wood]

One other thing you should do, and it wont be comfortable or easy is tell the person who probably gave it to you. As long as he is the only one, you just have to suck it up and make the call. (Have a drink or two first) I know you said it was off craigslist in a prior thread, so hopefully you have a number, if you dont do a quick search and see if he is posting recently. You never know, he may have lied, but he may have actually thought he is neg, and may be spreading it to more people, and IMO I would want to stop that.

[pozpig]

I did the planned parenthood route when I initially tested. Big mistake to be honest. They're consultation to discuss my results (they wouldn't notify my in any manner than in person) was as I recall, brief, with little information. They only thing they did do was to give me a packet of brochures and other papers with local service information and pretty much said "good luck". Hopefully you're experience is better.

As has been mentioned, there are LOTS of services available, especially if your in a large city, or nearby which it sounds like. Basically the choice now is what you choose to do. The services and knowledge to treat are there, and most likely free or low cost. The choice you choose to make now will greatly effect how your body and HIV live together. Getting treatment is ideal and will give you the best odds to live a healthy and normal life (aside from a couple pills perhaps). The other choice, well, don't think I need to explain that.

I agree with HWS and try to go to someone who specializes with HIV. a GP can help with day to day health monitoring, or when something isn't quite right, but the specialist will help tailor your meds for whats right for you. To be honest, I only see my specialist since from a health standpoint I'm pretty good, and only the HIV needs watching (we're getting bored with the non-detectable tests though. LOL). Don't shy away from anything that calls itself a clinic though. Many times the word clinic illicits an image of something dirty, where treatment is minimal. Not so since many of the free/non-profit facilities can offer outstanding treatment but call themselves a clinic since they do offer free services.

I would also, as I stated before, try to contact the local HIV/AIDS support services in your area. They have a current listing of all HIV doctors and can point you in the right direction to find someone who either accepts your insurance, or has a program that you may qualify for, or even both! The good news is, the services and treatments are available, it just sometimes takes a little footwork to find the right combination for you.

[wood]

I did the planned parenthood route when I initially tested. Big mistake to be honest. They're consultation to discuss my results (they wouldn't notify my in any manner than in person) was as I recall, brief, with little information. They only thing they did do was to give me a packet of brochures and other papers with local service information and pretty much said "good luck". Hopefully you're experience is better.

yeah plannedparenthood is really mostly geared towards woman. Go somewhere else.

Also I really like www.thebody.org as an online resource. They have tons of good information for treatment as well as being newly diagnosed.

[TigerMilner]

One other thing you should do, and it wont be comfortable or easy is tell the person who probably gave it to you. As long as he is the only one, you just have to suck it up and make the call. (Have a drink or two first) I know you said it was off craigslist in a prior thread, so hopefully you have a number, if you dont do a quick search and see if he is posting recently. You never know, he may have lied, but he may have actually thought he is neg, and may be spreading it to more people, and IMO I would want to stop that.

I have to respectfully disagree with the above advice. Forget the guy who infected you. We take risks when we choose to have raw sex and that is the breaks. It sucks, but there is nothing you can do to change it. And stopping him or obsessing about him will only make you sicker. You are as responsible for your situation as he is. You have to reach a point of acceptance, and I know it is hard. But dwelling on him or who or what he is up is none of your business and it is the worst thing you can do for your own serenity. You are not in control of him or whoever he infects next. Just take care of your self. Focus on that.

[btm2bbred]

Poptronic, at least now you know you are HIV+. You can deal with that. Knowledge is power. The other posters on this thread have made excellent suggestions regarding clinics and other HIV+ services available to you. And, while the price of your meds is still a bit uncertain, (thanks to our incomprehensibly complex drug payment system), I'm sure you can do the legwork to find a better lower cost solution.

Gather as much current information as you can as to treatment options. You are motivated to start taking meds asap which is all to the good.

I'm a little concerned that you don't have many gay friends. The only suggestion I would make is that you try and find a local support group in northern NJ that has guys around your age group in it. It does help to talk openly with others coping with the same problems as you.

I think your starting this thread has been therapeutic for you as so many guys have shared their experiences with you.

Since the mid-90's, this disease has become a treatable, chronic condition. With the right attitude, proper meds and regular check ups, there is no reason why you can't have a long healthy life, and continue to enjoy sex with other men once your VL is undetectable. Keep us posted on your progress.

[wood]

I have to respectfully disagree with the above advice. Forget the guy who infected you. We take risks when we choose to have raw sex and that is the breaks. It sucks, but there is nothing you can do to change it. And stopping him or obsessing about him will only make you sicker. You are as responsible for your situation as he is. You have to reach a point of acceptance, and I know it is hard. But dwelling on him or who or what he is up is none of your business and it is the worst thing you can do for your own serenity. You are not in control of him or whoever he infects next. Just take care of your self. Focus on that.

when I used to do counseling one of the biggest complaints/fears/regrets of guys was not confronting the person who had infected them. There was two ways people dealt with this. They brooded over it for years, or they confronted the person about it quickly. While this isn't for everyone, that was my experience.

[bbv4u]

Immediatly get to a good infectious disease doc an have him start you on truvada. Theres another drug to go along with it. Its had remarkable success in preventing infection. If you dont have insurance see your doctor. In michigan if you dont have insurance the state covers it. Contact me if you need help. Do this asap.

[hungry_hole]

when I used to do counseling one of the biggest complaints/fears/regrets of guys was not confronting the person who had infected them. There was two ways people dealt with this. They brooded over it for years, or they confronted the person about it quickly. While this isn't for everyone, that was my experience.

I have to agree with TigerMilner that Poptronic has to forget of trying to figure out how he pozed and move on and worry about himself and his health. hollywoodslut may be right when it involves two men who know each other a lot, either boyfriend of ongoing fuck buddy. But not when it's a hook-up on Craigslist and it's not even clear how the infection occurred. Was it by Poptronic, who is versatile, fucking a hole loaded with poz cum? Or through getting fucked?

Eventually Poptronic will have to decide what to do with his sexual needs and decide whether to continue barebacking and with whom. Difficult decisions.

[VersatileBreeder]

bbv4u, what you are talking about sounds like PEP. That is only effective if taken within 72 hours after exposure, not 6 weeks, so sadly, it is too late for me.

Immediatly get to a good infectious disease doc an have him start you on truvada. Theres another drug to go along with it. Its had remarkable success in preventing infection. If you dont have insurance see your doctor. In michigan if you dont have insurance the state covers it. Contact me if you need help. Do this asap.

[rawTOP]

RawTop, thank you. And yeah, you got that right, I can't stand the thought of this virus running wild in my system. So I am gonna hit it hard and as fast as possible. I don't want to have my immune system start to fall apart before deciding medication.

Your immune system won't start falling apart. There are decades of data on this and as long as you go on ARVs before you drop below 300 t-cells, then you'll be fine. Typically that point doesn't come for at least 2 years. From what I hear that's the standard treatment plan in Europe - to wait a while before going on meds. It's the Americans who hit hard early and there's some evidence that helps, but the advantage of starting early vs starting around 300-350 is relatively small. Both groups typically live a long time, etc.

Paying for the medication at first looks like it would be a lot of money but the deductible is the biggest hit ($1,500), though after that it should be fine ($70 copay for a month of Atripla or Truvada, and I know those are the expensive ones). In September, I am going to be starting a new job that has phenomenal health insurance, along with a prescription reimbursement plan that reimburses out of pocket costs. If I'm correct, you cannot be denied health insurance in the US for pre-existing conditions, right?

As soon as you find an HIV doc and get a prescription, contact the manufacturer before you fill the script. They'll cover your co-pays. I'm not sure about your deductible - you'll need to ask about that.

[bustanutinyourgut]

Actually, mounting evidence suggests that if you test positive and are committed to staying on meds YOU SHOULD START MEDS IMMEDIATELY.

The evidence suggests that the sooner you start, even at CD4 count of 500, not the old 350, the longer you will live. The "old" recommendations were more based on superstition than on solid medical evidence - people didn't want to start everyone on meds due to the side effects (much better with newer meds) and the fear that people would develop resistant strains which didn't turn out to be much of a problem for those who CONSISTENTLY TAKE MEDS.

If you are gonna fuck around and skip doses every few days, even once a week, etc do yourself and anyone you sleep with a favor and don't take meds half-assed and develop a resistant strain.

Good luck. People who start on meds early in their infection and stay undetectable are estimated to live as long, or nearly as long, as the uninfected. If you take no meds, most will be dead in 10 years from the date of infection.

You are much less likely to spread the virus to others if undetectable on meds, as well.

You'll be fine. Get care, listen to your doctor (find one you like/trust/specializes in HIV) and TAKE YOUR GODDAMN MEDS KID.

Edited January 22, 2014 by bustanutinyourgut

[rawTOP]

The "old" recommendations were more based on superstition than on solid medical evidence

That is simply not true. I'm tempted to give you an infraction.

People who start on meds early in their infection and stay undetectable are estimated to live as long, or nearly as long, as the uninfected. If you take no meds, most will be dead in 10 years from the date of infection.

Those are not the only two choices. Going on meds "when needed" (before t-cells <300) is the other widely accepted option that many people have done well with.

[bustanutinyourgut]

Let me clarify. Anyone certainly has more than two choices, and needs to make a decision for himself. Those who wait to go on meds may "have done well" , obviously much better than if they never took them, but they can do better and live longer if they start meds earlier. Here's why:

When we are born, we have a compliment or set of immune cells that recognize all different kinds of antigens or invaders. We only have that set- including many that recognize HIV, HEP, bacteria, etc. Now these cells we are born with can replicate and make more of themselves over time - but only a set (not sure how many) number of times. The immune system can get "burned out" and loose the ability to recognize certain antigens - not just HIV as cells die off.

You see, it technically not HIV that kills people, its opportunistic infections and cancer, cardiovascular/kidney disease that does them in. Infections include pneumonia, meningitis, bacteria in the blood (blood poisoning/sepsis), etc. If HIV is left unchecked, it will eventually decimate the immune system's ability to fight even the easiest infection - i.e PCP/PJP when counts are below 50. This is why all HIV men should talk to their doctors and make sure thier PNUEMONIA AND MENINGITIS ANS WELL AS HEPATITIS VACCINES ARE UP TO DATE!

The immune system also finds and destroys cancer cells. People with lower CD4 counts 350-499, even with undetectable viral loads, are more likely to die of cancer or other causes. You see active HIV infection causes inflammation that results in higher rates of cardiovascular disease, stroke, etc. The immune cells HIV kills might have stopped a cancer from forming, but they cant do that if they are dead. Higher rates of smoking in HIV+ men also contribute to these risks. Some HIV meds mess up cholesterol but we are not sure how much that affects things - probably at least somewhat.

A recent study of over 3000 HIV positive people with CD4 350-499 were 77% more likely to die than their non-HIV counterparts. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT 77% ARE GOING TO DIE - just that for every 100 HIV negative people that die, 177 with HIV will die during the same time. Once

CD4 got above 500, the study authors did not find extra mortality from HIV in those with undetectable loads. This does snot mean that there is no benefit in these folks with counts above 500 (as I would bet cash they do benefit), just that the study might not have had enough people in it to detect a difference.

We only get one immune system. HIV destroys it slowly over time. Once its gone, its gone. Starting treatment definitely improves outcomes and fewer and fewer people are dying of AIDS which is great. That does not mean that HIV is not causing more deaths. As I said before, cancer, heart attacks, etc also kill people with HIV.

Its kinda like smoking - not everyone who smokes will get cancer. But those who do smoke are more likely to get cancer. Those heavy smokers are more likely to get cancer than light smokers. But light smokers still have a higher chance of getting cancer than non-smokers.

Not all people who smoke will get lung cancer (about 20% will) but they can also get lung problems, heart attacks, etc.

So to answer your question although some guys who start meds later (light smokers) do OK, not all do. Statistically, they are likely to live shorter lives. Now while only 20% of smokers get cancer, etc, damn near 100% of HIV+ guys will die if untreated. So my smoking analogy is not the best, but hopefully you get my point.

If someone is newly infected and wants to live as long as possible, he should start meds immediately (assuming he will take them as directed).

Waiting is an option, and many do it this way because they are afraid of side effects, are diagnosed years after their infection, or their docs think that is OK (it was generally though by docs to be OK until very recently but most are changing their tunes with the new data coming out). They will not live as long as had they started earlier, on average. By many years.

You see when guys start meds their absolute CD4 go up, but this is just the complement of cells they do have multiplying- those cells that already died from HIV cannot reproduce. This is why we look at CD4/8 ratios. Absolute counts can be misleading.

Only 25% of HIV + men in the US have undetectable viral loads and 1 in 5 are unaware of their infection. This is sad as no doubt many will die unnecessarily.

Just want to give the best info possible.

Oh , and RawTop, please don't censor me, but I would happy for you to dump a hot load in my butt as punishment. :-)

Edited January 22, 2014 by bustanutinyourgut

[bustanutinyourgut]

Sorry - one more thing. This information is relatively new. For those who go to doctors that keep up on the latest info, this will come as no surprise. Some doctors who might be a bit behind on their reading may not practice in this way. There are still a few holdouts (those docs who know about the data but still choose to tell patients it is OK to wait). I am not saying that someone is wrong or right, but if I were you, I would go to someone who is as up to date on HIV as possible - or at least one who will start you on meds now.

I have several doctor friends and they are all in agreement - early initiation of therapy will allow you to live as long as possible.

Its up to you if you want to act on that info. It sucks that money is the reason some dont start meds. There are programs in each state/Ryan White etc or local HIV agencies that can help.

HIV is not a death sentence, and if you are detected early, start meds, and stay undetectable, you will probably outlive your doctor!

Good luck!

Edited January 22, 2014 by rawTOP

[VersatileBreeder]

Just to update, I went for my follow-up at Planned Parenthood this morning. I had to wait over an hour in the waiting room beyond the appointment time they set for me, but whatever. They sat me down in the office and laid everything out for me. It was all paperwork that needed to be signed and filled out.

You guys who commented about Planned Parenthood were totally right. The case worker (though a very nice woman) had no knowledge about resources where I can find any kind of assistance for meds if I should need it. All she knew was how to process the paperwork and give me a stack of papers with my lab results and referral doctors in the area. I think Planned Parenthood is really only good to go to if you're getting tested for HIV (and the result is negative) and other STI's that they can treat you for there. Of course, their other services for women are probably OK too. But HIV positive support? Not so much.

Today is basically where the diagnosis got real for me. I mean, I knew what it was and it wasn't a shock or devastating sitting in that office, but today is when it started feeling REAL. That I am part of the system now, the HIV system. And there's no going back or changing that. But I'm not going to get down about it or start feeling depressed. I am going to hit it head on and move on with my life.

The only worries that I have at this point are:

1) Of course, the most paramount worry- my health. And of course that the treatment will be effective and that I won't be the "special" case that doesn't respond to treatment.

2) That I will be able to afford the meds or at least be able to find some kind of assistance program to make them affordable.

3) Keeping this a secret from my family/friends. They cannot know. I and they will be devastated if they find out.

4) The fact that I was on PEP from another encounter 5-6 months ago, worried that that treatment could interfere with further treatments going forward. Is that a valid worry?

5) Playing with guys going forward. Worried about the possibility of re-infection.

Any advice on those worries guys?